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#roommate
(a story in senryu stanzas) I get migraines. - lucky me - glare can set me off within seconds. I always have a pair of dark, polarized shades with me - it’s a quirk. When I was fourteen, we lived in Shenzhen, China very near Macau. Macau, China, the “Las Vegas” of Asia, is the home of glare. The Ritz-Carlton, has a glittering galaxy of bright chandeliers. Those chandeliers move, their silhouettes change shape - just stab me with a spork. Did I mention the Mirrors? Every wall served to magnify the light. “You look awful,” my mom said - our two week booking became ten minutes. “I just need sunnies, those would work,” then I gasped “I’ll look glamorous!” We changed hotels, but what a small world - my roommate Leong grew up there. We could have passed in the yè shì as teenagers and now we're roommates. . . sunnies = sunglasses (UK slang) yè shì = night market (simplified Chinese)
0
Mar 1, 2024
Mar 1, 2024 at 8:55 PM UTC
the home of glare
It’s the Thursday morning before valentine’s day. Lisa and I are scrambling to get out of our suite. We share an Organic Biochemistry class and we’re running a hot minute late. As we pulled on our shoes Lisa asked me, “Do you have fun Valentine's weekend plans?” The question, since I have a BF, contained a suggestion of impending sexiness. We grabbed our bags and were soon out of the dorm. “I do NOT have fun.. WELL??.. well,” I said hesitating - was this the time to let my secret out? “Well?” Lisa follows up excitedly. We’re out in the quad now, an uncovered rectangle of grass and walkways. It’s 37° and cloudy. It’s going to drizzle all day. We maneuver around the slower movers, bookbags on our shoulders and coffees in hand. “You’ve familiar with, umm, Twib?” I asked. “Twib! I’VE heard of them,” Lisa, chuckles, “they do some singing and plucking of strings, I believe.” Yeah, yeah. They’ve gone underground, and um, their crush is tomorrow night” “Oh, Wow,” she said, somewhat shocked, “Twib has crush?” “They have crush,” I confirm. “How did I not know this?” Lisa asks the universe, “EVERYTHING has crush!” she laughs. “Everything has crush this year,” I agreed.“ We get to the bus stop right as the shuttle arrives - it’s perfect timing - and we board. “I think “Crush” is a really cute name, better than “Spring Fling, for a dance name,” Lisa said. “Anyway,” I softly announce, leaning into her even though we’re close and sharing a seat, “I’ve got three invites, so I’m taking Peter, of course, and YOU,” Lisa laughs, “OK” “And,” I add suspensefully - this was the surprise - “YOUR secret crush,” I add grinning and bouncing with excitement. Lisa freezes, turns pale and looks at me like I’m crazy. “What?” she says hoarsely. “Tom,” I said hesitantly, “Peter invited Tom..” Now Lisa has a wide-eyed look and her cheeks have turned a flamingo pink color. “He doesn’t KNOW he’s your crush,” I add quickly, reassuringly, putting my free hand on hers. That seems to calm her, “You didn’t SAY anything,” she asked, scrutinizing me for any sign of deception. “No, I swear, I said, making the sacred “x” sign over my heart, “We’d never. It was just a fun, surprise idea.” Suddenly the shuttle seemed hot and uncomfortable, I took off my scarf. We shared the last 10 minutes of the ride bickering. After we got off, we made our bickering way to class. As we settled in (we sit together) I offered, “We can cancel, I can cancel, it was a stupid idea - I’m sorry.” “No,” Lisa sighed, “I don’t always adjust well to surprises.. OK.. let’s do it!” “What was all THAT (bickering) about then??” I asked. “Oh, that was just fun,” she smiled, “I was making you sweat. Ok, What’s the theme? What are you wearing? Where’s it going to be held?” Lisa finally started asking critical questions. “It’ll be at Luther (college) and the theme is biomes,” I said. “Biomes?” Lisa asked. “Biomes - like grasslands and tundra,” I explained.   “Ohh, ok, sure” Lisa chuckled. “And I got a dress from Princess Polly. Sorry Fast Fashion,” I joked. “Hey, you know,” Lisa agreed, “When biomes call.”   “You got it,” I nodded, “and I’m excited because I got a dress for you too!” “For ME?” Lisa exclaimed, “aww.”   “I know what you like,” I claimed.  “You do,” she admitted. “It was a surprise and time was short, you’ll love it,” I declared, as the TA took the podium. “It’ll be a go-hard night.” I whisper. “You should all have a PSet and paper to hand in,” the TA announces, as class begins.
0
Mar 5, 2023
Mar 5, 2023 at 7:34 PM UTC
surprises
It’s the Thursday morning before valentine’s day. Lisa and I are scrambling to get out of our suite. We share an Organic Biochemistry class and we’re running a hot minute late. As we pulled on our shoes Lisa asked me, “Do you have fun Valentine's weekend plans?” The question, since I have a BF, contained a suggestion of impending sexiness. We grabbed our bags and were soon out of the dorm. “I do NOT have fun.. WELL??.. well,” I said hesitating - was this the time to let my secret out? “Well?” Lisa follows up excitedly. We’re out in the quad now, an uncovered rectangle of grass and walkways. It’s 37° and cloudy. It’s going to drizzle all day. We maneuver around the slower movers, bookbags on our shoulders and coffees in hand. “You’ve familiar with, umm, Twib?” I asked. “Twib! I’VE heard of them,” Lisa, chuckles, “they do some singing and plucking of strings, I believe.” Yeah, yeah. They’ve gone underground, and um, their crush is tomorrow night” “Oh, Wow,” she said, somewhat shocked, “Twib has crush?” “They have crush,” I confirm. “How did I not know this?” Lisa asks the universe, “EVERYTHING has crush!” she laughs. “Everything has crush this year,” I agreed.“ We get to the bus stop right as the shuttle arrives - it’s perfect timing - and we board. “I think “Crush” is a really cute name, better than “Spring Fling, for a dance name,” Lisa said. “Anyway,” I softly announce, leaning into her even though we’re close and sharing a seat, “I’ve got three invites, so I’m taking Peter, of course, and YOU,” Lisa laughs, “OK” “And,” I add suspensefully - this was the surprise - “YOUR secret crush,” I add grinning and bouncing with excitement. Lisa freezes, turns pale and looks at me like I’m crazy. “What?” she says hoarsely. “Tom,” I said hesitantly, “Peter invited Tom..” Now Lisa has a wide-eyed look and her cheeks have turned a flamingo pink color. “He doesn’t KNOW he’s your crush,” I add quickly, reassuringly, putting my free hand on hers. That seems to calm her, “You didn’t SAY anything,” she asked, scrutinizing me for any sign of deception. “No, I swear, I said, making the sacred “x” sign over my heart, “We’d never. It was just a fun, surprise idea.” Suddenly the shuttle seemed hot and uncomfortable, I took off my scarf. We shared the last 10 minutes of the ride bickering. After we got off, we made our bickering way to class. As we settled in (we sit together) I offered, “We can cancel, I can cancel, it was a stupid idea - I’m sorry.” “No,” Lisa sighed, “I don’t always adjust well to surprises.. OK.. let’s do it!” “What was all THAT (bickering) about then??” I asked. “Oh, that was just fun,” she smiled, “I was making you sweat. Ok, What’s the theme? What are you wearing? Where’s it going to be held?” Lisa finally started asking critical questions. “It’ll be at Luther (college) and the theme is biomes,” I said. “Biomes?” Lisa asked. “Biomes - like grasslands and tundra,” I explained.   “Ohh, ok, sure” Lisa chuckled. “And I got a dress from Princess Polly. Sorry Fast Fashion,” I joked. “Hey, you know,” Lisa agreed, “When biomes call.”   “You got it,” I nodded, “and I’m excited because I got a dress for you too!” “For ME?” Lisa exclaimed, “aww.”   “I know what you like,” I claimed.  “You do,” she admitted. “It was a surprise and time was short, you’ll love it,” I declared, as the TA took the podium. “It’ll be a go-hard night.” I whisper. “You should all have a PSet and paper to hand in,” the TA announces, as class begins.
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39
Remember the times you caught me crying? used to make up excuses when you won't stop prying. I had no courage to tell you; how many times I've doubted you. Cause you meant more to me; than any of my insecurities. I was miserable, wasn't I? used to vent out my feelings, didn't lie. I loved him beyond limits, you knew; the girls were fully aware too. Maybe our bond wasn't strong, or else I could've forgiven you. Maybe the world didn't know, how much I really tried to. You had your reasons, he was sad and depressed, and you chose to go address; leaving me in distress. You called me your best friend, then why did you hide it? I was right there, a meter away from your bed. You called me your best friend, then how could you **** him? in the same places, you knew I loved him. You called me your best friend, then how could you not know? how deep a scar, your actions will carve. Our bond was like a holy thread, anything it could sustain, cutting it once and tying a knot, won't make it pure again. Sister or sinister, I am not sure anymore. Friend or fiend, perhaps you were both. I wish I could lend a hand, but it's harder for me to stand. Roots that run so deep; I had to fall to my knees. You have many best friends, so what if you lose one friend? You made a choice and walked that path, no good will come from seeking the past. Look ahead, with no regret; for I consider you, my kindest crook.
0
Jun 13, 2022
Jun 13, 2022 at 11:31 AM UTC
best friend?
My suitemate Sunny is from Nebraska. She’s 5’9,” and has cinnamon brown hair that’s half messy-bob, just long enough that she can twist it up with a pearl-studded comb, and half mohawk. She has the long, slanky elegance of someone who’s spent most of her 18 years outdoors. She’s a cowgirl. There’s a well-worn sage-nova cowgirl hat hanging on her dorm wall and she has her own horse - a red-roan quarter-horse named Valentine - at home, of course. Her best friend growing up was a Sioux girl named Wachiwi who shared her love of barrel racing and lived on a nearby reservation. Wachiwi was the first person Sunny came out to, at 10. Sunny was 13 when she came out to her family. “I like girls,” Sunny declared defiantly, out of the blue, one night after dinner, “not boys.” Her younger brother had snickered, her older brother rolled his head and said, “Oh, lord.” Her two little sisters seemed unconcerned. Her dad, after a moment’s thought, responded by asking her if she had taken the kitchen scraps out to the chickens yet. Sunny grew up on a ranch and there was a rigid structure to her days. She would get up early and do ranch chores (muck out horse stalls, feed the chickens, gather eggs and set out hay) then study - but her first love was World of Warcraft. Sunny was homeschooled and her stories of how that was accomplished are epic. For instance, they had three satellite internet services which she would have to switch between, throughout the day, like a gambler hoping to get lucky and every other Saturday they drove three hours to exchange books at the library. Whatever they did though, it worked. She’s unholy smart - like someone made a deal with the devil smart. Sunny describes Nebraska as “basic, cliche and poor.” “Wow,” Leong says, “you really paint a picture.” “We all inhabited different worlds,” Sunny says, shruggingly, “Lisa’s from skyscraper clouds, Anais a palace, Leong a dystopian communist hellscape..” “I wouldn’t say a palace,” I demur. “WHAT,” Leong screeches, throwing popcorn at Sunny. “Stop!” Sunny says, raising both hands to ward-off further snack assaults. “I just mean, if you were to go live in Nebraska - you’d have to go in on those terms - expecting something basic, unimaginative and poor, periodt. “I couldn’t wait to excape.” she says, definitively, “I was thirsty.” Everything about Sunny is deliberate, she looks you in the eye. Like a madwoman let out of the attic, she takes perverse joy in being fiercely blunt, raw and outspoken. She has a drive that can’t be mollified - she’s making her life over and you better not get in her way. The girl cracks me up - I could stand to be more like her. Sunny’s joining my world this June for most of summer vacation. “Maybe you could show me Nebraska one day.” I say. “Maybe.. someday..” she says trailing off with a far off look, “but I wouldn’t do that to you, you’d go CrAzY in three days.” “I’ll own that,” I say, wiping away fake tears. .
0
May 6, 2022
May 6, 2022 at 9:11 PM UTC
Sunny
My suitemate Sunny is from Nebraska. She’s 5’9,” and has cinnamon brown hair that’s half messy-bob, just long enough that she can twist it up with a pearl-studded comb, and half mohawk. She has the long, slanky elegance of someone who’s spent most of her 18 years outdoors. She’s a cowgirl. There’s a well-worn sage-nova cowgirl hat hanging on her dorm wall and she has her own horse - a red-roan quarter-horse named Valentine - at home, of course. Her best friend growing up was a Sioux girl named Wachiwi who shared her love of barrel racing and lived on a nearby reservation. Wachiwi was the first person Sunny came out to, at 10. Sunny was 13 when she came out to her family. “I like girls,” Sunny declared defiantly, out of the blue, one night after dinner, “not boys.” Her younger brother had snickered, her older brother rolled his head and said, “Oh, lord.” Her two little sisters seemed unconcerned. Her dad, after a moment’s thought, responded by asking her if she had taken the kitchen scraps out to the chickens yet. Sunny grew up on a ranch and there was a rigid structure to her days. She would get up early and do ranch chores (muck out horse stalls, feed the chickens, gather eggs and set out hay) then study - but her first love was World of Warcraft. Sunny was homeschooled and her stories of how that was accomplished are epic. For instance, they had three satellite internet services which she would have to switch between, throughout the day, like a gambler hoping to get lucky and every other Saturday they drove three hours to exchange books at the library. Whatever they did though, it worked. She’s unholy smart - like someone made a deal with the devil smart. Sunny describes Nebraska as “basic, cliche and poor.” “Wow,” Leong says, “you really paint a picture.” “We all inhabited different worlds,” Sunny says, shruggingly, “Lisa’s from skyscraper clouds, Anais a palace, Leong a dystopian communist hellscape..” “I wouldn’t say a palace,” I demur. “WHAT,” Leong screeches, throwing popcorn at Sunny. “Stop!” Sunny says, raising both hands to ward-off further snack assaults. “I just mean, if you were to go live in Nebraska - you’d have to go in on those terms - expecting something basic, unimaginative and poor, periodt. “I couldn’t wait to excape.” she says, definitively, “I was thirsty.” Everything about Sunny is deliberate, she looks you in the eye. Like a madwoman let out of the attic, she takes perverse joy in being fiercely blunt, raw and outspoken. She has a drive that can’t be mollified - she’s making her life over and you better not get in her way. The girl cracks me up - I could stand to be more like her. Sunny’s joining my world this June for most of summer vacation. “Maybe you could show me Nebraska one day.” I say. “Maybe.. someday..” she says trailing off with a far off look, “but I wouldn’t do that to you, you’d go CrAzY in three days.” “I’ll own that,” I say, wiping away fake tears. .
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16
Lisa comes into my room and flops on the bed. The day had been uncompromisingly gray, windy and cold. The night sky was a snowy, blowing darkness, an absolute void that absorbed the campus lights and reflected nothing back. “I’m missing Spring Break,” Lisa she says. “It doesn’t even seem like Spring Break happened,” I say. “Most Yalies went to Puerto Rico this year, I think, from my sampling.” “RIGHT?” Lisa said, “EVERYONE says that - we’re in sync. But I enjoyed Paris,” Lisa continued, “I liked your family - no - I LOVED your family,” she amends. “THAT’s a strong take,” I say, chuckling. “I watched basketball with your uncle (Rémi) and cousins and helped your grandma cook,” she explains, “I felt like a part of your family.” “Aww,” I say, “You ARE part of my family now - you’re TRAPPED,” and we laughed. They invented spring break because after several months, the student mind starts to notice a harsh reality - how much their dorm room resembles a cinder-block jail cell - and starts to wonder how a lifetime of study and stress over grades has gotten them no further in life than the average felon. We’re at lunch. Lisa says, “Ok, what’s new with you?” Keep in mind we see each other ten times a day. “Well,” I say, I’ve decided that “The Beatles are for spring.” Lisa laughs. “Stop!” I demand, “I’m going deep. Today’s song is Julia,” I say, “It’s John Lennon’s song to his mom who was run over by a car when he was a child.”  “I love that song,” Lisa says. “Ok, what about you?” I ask. “My song right now is “Move like a Boss,” Lisa says, “When I’m walking across campus, with my air pods on - I’m intense, don’t get in my way - I’m dangerous, I’ll Will Smith you - I scare me.” “Good to Know,” I say, wishing I’d gotten a lemon brownie. Then I add, “I’ve got this presentation on Monday that I haven’t even had time to look at yet. If I don’t get on it by this weekend it’ll be a nuclear-level disaster. I started on it yesterday and the Internet went down for 20 minutes. It was stressful - of course, you don’t know how long the outage is going to be when you’re IN it - and I had THINGS to do - is that convoluted? ” “No,” Lisa says, nodding in agreement, “losing the Interweb’s traumatic.”
0
Apr 2, 2022
Apr 2, 2022 at 7:11 AM UTC
back in the saddle
Lisa comes into my room and flops on the bed. The day had been uncompromisingly gray, windy and cold. The night sky was a snowy, blowing darkness, an absolute void that absorbed the campus lights and reflected nothing back. “I’m missing Spring Break,” Lisa she says. “It doesn’t even seem like Spring Break happened,” I say. “Most Yalies went to Puerto Rico this year, I think, from my sampling.” “RIGHT?” Lisa said, “EVERYONE says that - we’re in sync. But I enjoyed Paris,” Lisa continued, “I liked your family - no - I LOVED your family,” she amends. “THAT’s a strong take,” I say, chuckling. “I watched basketball with your uncle (Rémi) and cousins and helped your grandma cook,” she explains, “I felt like a part of your family.” “Aww,” I say, “You ARE part of my family now - you’re TRAPPED,” and we laughed. They invented spring break because after several months, the student mind starts to notice a harsh reality - how much their dorm room resembles a cinder-block jail cell - and starts to wonder how a lifetime of study and stress over grades has gotten them no further in life than the average felon. We’re at lunch. Lisa says, “Ok, what’s new with you?” Keep in mind we see each other ten times a day. “Well,” I say, I’ve decided that “The Beatles are for spring.” Lisa laughs. “Stop!” I demand, “I’m going deep. Today’s song is Julia,” I say, “It’s John Lennon’s song to his mom who was run over by a car when he was a child.”  “I love that song,” Lisa says. “Ok, what about you?” I ask. “My song right now is “Move like a Boss,” Lisa says, “When I’m walking across campus, with my air pods on - I’m intense, don’t get in my way - I’m dangerous, I’ll Will Smith you - I scare me.” “Good to Know,” I say, wishing I’d gotten a lemon brownie. Then I add, “I’ve got this presentation on Monday that I haven’t even had time to look at yet. If I don’t get on it by this weekend it’ll be a nuclear-level disaster. I started on it yesterday and the Internet went down for 20 minutes. It was stressful - of course, you don’t know how long the outage is going to be when you’re IN it - and I had THINGS to do - is that convoluted? ” “No,” Lisa says, nodding in agreement, “losing the Interweb’s traumatic.”
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14
We were in the cafeteria, having just sat down with our trays. The place, which looks like a modern, medium sized ski lodge, was almost empty. I’m registering more and more faces these days. Most are transient acquaintances from the dorm or classes. There were nods. My little group was my roommate, Leong, myself and a girl named Lucy from our chemistry class. Lucy can solve a chemical equation faster than either of us - she calls herself an idiot savant. Lucy’s one of those overwrought girls who don’t believe food is necessary for survival and who stare anxiously at blueberries. Lucy’s tray has a spoon, a napkin and one small, plain yogurt on it. I got salmon, a bit of Pad Thai, a slice of pizza and some desert. You could feed a family of four from my tray. I always sit with my back to windows - it’s a glare avoidance thing. Right after my first bite I saw Jordie. The world narrowed to Jordie. He was emerging from the serving area and seemed to enter the room like an actor coming center stage. He was dressed for soccer, complete with knee-high socks, shoes with cleats that clacked like a tap-dancer and little shorts - it was 39°f outside. “Jordie,” Leong said, in a whisper that held the enthusiasm a cop would use to declare “GUN!” I couldn’t register an answer, I was transfixed. Then Leong did something I’ll never forget - she raised her arm in a peremptory wave, signaling Jordie over to our table. I turned to her in stark horror, but just as my lips started to form the words *** he was upon us. “Morning!” He says, as he slides in directly across from me and begins organizing his lunch. I look down at my plate, concentrating on my noodles like a bomb disposal tech, defusing a nuclear suitcase bomb. “Beautiful day.” he says, looking out on the bright, crisp morning in back of us. Leong starts a conversation with him about soccer. It’s clear that she’s been talking to him but I’m not really listening. I’m watching him. Watching him fixedly, surreptitiously in my peripheral vision. Watching him eat, talk and breathe - he breathes just like a regular person only better. Then Leong and Lucy start moving, gathering everything up to leave. I realize I haven’t actually eaten anything much - a bite of Pad Thai maybe. I stand as well, looking down, wrapping my slice of pizza in two napkins and stuffing it, an apple, a blonde-cinnamon-roll, an orange and three chocolate walnut cookies into my bookbag. Jordie looks up from his tray. I have such a crush on this guy. It’s heady and embarrassing. His gaze makes me feel like I have awkward, grasshopper limbs. He smiles unreservedly and it hits, like a force multiplier, I’m sure I flushed crimson. I’m surprised how strongly I can respond to his just looking and smiling at me. As we leave the cafeteria, walking towards the residence, I turn on Leong, “What was THAT?!” I ask, beginning to work myself up into something. “I’ve been friendly with him - we have English class” Leong patiently explains, “I wanted you to meet him and get a chance to talk,” and after a moment of silence she adds, “and you never said anything!” I shivered - the wind was freezing - only an idiot would play soccer out in this cold. I don’t care if my crush is embarrassingly obvious to my friends. It’s pleasantly, invisible to others - I think. I want to relish the pining - the lusting - it’s delicious. There are times you don’t want to talk to the guy - you just want to keep crushing. You don’t want to learn things about the man - the red flags - and you always learn EVERYTHING, like what their major is or that they’re a man’s man. In the learning, they slip from that lofty echelon of dream-lovers - you lose the hot, playlist feeling - the cheesy, corny, giddy, love SICK. Maybe that’s where love’s real thrill is - in our imaginations. So give me the mystery - for now.
0
Feb 17, 2022
Feb 17, 2022 at 5:55 AM UTC
Lunch crush
We were in the cafeteria, having just sat down with our trays. The place, which looks like a modern, medium sized ski lodge, was almost empty. I’m registering more and more faces these days. Most are transient acquaintances from the dorm or classes. There were nods. My little group was my roommate, Leong, myself and a girl named Lucy from our chemistry class. Lucy can solve a chemical equation faster than either of us - she calls herself an idiot savant. Lucy’s one of those overwrought girls who don’t believe food is necessary for survival and who stare anxiously at blueberries. Lucy’s tray has a spoon, a napkin and one small, plain yogurt on it. I got salmon, a bit of Pad Thai, a slice of pizza and some desert. You could feed a family of four from my tray. I always sit with my back to windows - it’s a glare avoidance thing. Right after my first bite I saw Jordie. The world narrowed to Jordie. He was emerging from the serving area and seemed to enter the room like an actor coming center stage. He was dressed for soccer, complete with knee-high socks, shoes with cleats that clacked like a tap-dancer and little shorts - it was 39°f outside. “Jordie,” Leong said, in a whisper that held the enthusiasm a cop would use to declare “GUN!” I couldn’t register an answer, I was transfixed. Then Leong did something I’ll never forget - she raised her arm in a peremptory wave, signaling Jordie over to our table. I turned to her in stark horror, but just as my lips started to form the words *** he was upon us. “Morning!” He says, as he slides in directly across from me and begins organizing his lunch. I look down at my plate, concentrating on my noodles like a bomb disposal tech, defusing a nuclear suitcase bomb. “Beautiful day.” he says, looking out on the bright, crisp morning in back of us. Leong starts a conversation with him about soccer. It’s clear that she’s been talking to him but I’m not really listening. I’m watching him. Watching him fixedly, surreptitiously in my peripheral vision. Watching him eat, talk and breathe - he breathes just like a regular person only better. Then Leong and Lucy start moving, gathering everything up to leave. I realize I haven’t actually eaten anything much - a bite of Pad Thai maybe. I stand as well, looking down, wrapping my slice of pizza in two napkins and stuffing it, an apple, a blonde-cinnamon-roll, an orange and three chocolate walnut cookies into my bookbag. Jordie looks up from his tray. I have such a crush on this guy. It’s heady and embarrassing. His gaze makes me feel like I have awkward, grasshopper limbs. He smiles unreservedly and it hits, like a force multiplier, I’m sure I flushed crimson. I’m surprised how strongly I can respond to his just looking and smiling at me. As we leave the cafeteria, walking towards the residence, I turn on Leong, “What was THAT?!” I ask, beginning to work myself up into something. “I’ve been friendly with him - we have English class” Leong patiently explains, “I wanted you to meet him and get a chance to talk,” and after a moment of silence she adds, “and you never said anything!” I shivered - the wind was freezing - only an idiot would play soccer out in this cold. I don’t care if my crush is embarrassingly obvious to my friends. It’s pleasantly, invisible to others - I think. I want to relish the pining - the lusting - it’s delicious. There are times you don’t want to talk to the guy - you just want to keep crushing. You don’t want to learn things about the man - the red flags - and you always learn EVERYTHING, like what their major is or that they’re a man’s man. In the learning, they slip from that lofty echelon of dream-lovers - you lose the hot, playlist feeling - the cheesy, corny, giddy, love SICK. Maybe that’s where love’s real thrill is - in our imaginations. So give me the mystery - for now.
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17
Sunny and her love-object have broken up. It was a selfie-inflicted wound - a slapdash pic taken, that like a puzzle, revealed more than intended. We try to be thoughtful and considerate but we’ve only recently escaped from captivity. Perfectly nice people are capable of unfaithful deeds. Isn’t that what so much of great literature is about? Our lives are written in disappearing ink, and it’s not as if all kisses are meaningful. We stretch for happiness or for fleeting pleasure - we’re not married and only vaguely committed. What would tempt you - what could you actually resist at 18? Or now - but maybe you’re a saint.
0
Feb 16, 2022
Feb 16, 2022 at 7:31 AM UTC
broken objects
Leong squirms up to me at breakfast, in the cafeteria. “May I ask..,” she said, looking around like a secret agent getting ready to make a dead-drop, “what contraceptives do you use?” I thought this an odd question from someone who just broke up with her long-time boyfriend but, hey, I’m an open book. “Isolation and despair,” I replied, which got me an eye roll. “You’re never serious!” She admonishes me.
0
Feb 7, 2022
Feb 7, 2022 at 9:48 AM UTC
the question
i have never had to share not a room not a bathroom not clothes i have never had to share and now i cannot share my heart
0
Aug 24, 2021
Aug 24, 2021 at 4:29 PM UTC
an empty roommate
Giant Golden Petals Breathing in The sun Tall and Sturdy Stem Dancing in The wind Wide Green Leaves Drinking up The rain Long Powerful Roots Digging through The Earth Biggest, Brightest Sunflower Giving light to The world
0
Dec 20, 2020
Dec 20, 2020 at 9:36 PM UTC
Just The Way You Are
We decided to build a house Made from glass dreams and ceilings of too high expectations Laughter and secrets coated the walls And dance parties lasted all night long. But a storm came With insecure winds and alcoholic rain, And shattered the glass house. I desperately collected the broken pieces Slicing my hands and cutting my heart Making my skin burn as I tried to mend the broken parts. Worn out bandages and glue well past the expiration date Were never going to fix this pile of glass Though I never stopped trying Til I noticed you had rocks in your hand With no intention of ever putting them down. So I let go of the glass That forever marked my skin And I walked away from the mess you made Remembering to never Build a house made of glass Ever again.
0
Nov 10, 2020
Nov 10, 2020 at 2:36 AM UTC
Glass House
Once I had an undesirable roommate I was in college at the time I was assigned to a girl not so great She did things I considered crimes I thought if I don’t get some relief I will lose what is left of my mind My stay at this college will be brief How can I leave my troubles behind I walked down the hall of my dorm Feeling very sad and forlorn Then suddenly I had a brainstorm That would heal all the hurt I had born Quickly I slipped into another room I met a girl I had long admired Holding my breath, did I dare presume She was working quietly and seemed inspired I didn’t know if she knew who I was If she would even listen to my request I told her the problem that had caused My world to be so greatly upset She seemed not a bit surprised at all For in a dorm rumors fly like the wind She smiled at me and my southern drawl Would you like to join me and move right in Her words were like a balm to my soul I quickly moved my possessions in before My old roommate could return and stroll In to make a drama scene that I abhor That was my college freshman year I remember many friends and good times But the best decision I made was clear Moving in with Jean Shuey was prime She was smart and always a lady so fine Five years older with some gray in her hair I was an extrovert and spoke my mind Together we made the ideal pair All that year she gave me much pleasure Studying and talking late into the night I always thought of her as my treasure Without her I would have been in a plight Time has its way of rushing on After college we lost contact I saw her a few times over days gone But I failed to call or keep track Today I decided to contact her again Soon I found her address and phone I wondered if her would still be my friend Or would rather just be left alone We talked for hours of good times and bad So much to catch up on after thirty years We both had lost our dear mom and dad But we said good-bye without any tears We planned to email each other often And meet at a restaurant for a meal I hope we never again let years soften Our love and admiration, time will not steal
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Oct 9, 2020
Oct 9, 2020 at 11:25 PM UTC
The Ideal Roommate
Once I had an undesirable roommate I was in college at the time I was assigned to a girl not so great She did things I considered crimes I thought if I don’t get some relief I will lose what is left of my mind My stay at this college will be brief How can I leave my troubles behind I walked down the hall of my dorm Feeling very sad and forlorn Then suddenly I had a brainstorm That would heal all the hurt I had born Quickly I slipped into another room I met a girl I had long admired Holding my breath, did I dare presume She was working quietly and seemed inspired I didn’t know if she knew who I was If she would even listen to my request I told her the problem that had caused My world to be so greatly upset She seemed not a bit surprised at all For in a dorm rumors fly like the wind She smiled at me and my southern drawl Would you like to join me and move right in Her words were like a balm to my soul I quickly moved my possessions in before My old roommate could return and stroll In to make a drama scene that I abhor That was my college freshman year I remember many friends and good times But the best decision I made was clear Moving in with Jean Shuey was prime She was smart and always a lady so fine Five years older with some gray in her hair I was an extrovert and spoke my mind Together we made the ideal pair All that year she gave me much pleasure Studying and talking late into the night I always thought of her as my treasure Without her I would have been in a plight Time has its way of rushing on After college we lost contact I saw her a few times over days gone But I failed to call or keep track Today I decided to contact her again Soon I found her address and phone I wondered if her would still be my friend Or would rather just be left alone We talked for hours of good times and bad So much to catch up on after thirty years We both had lost our dear mom and dad But we said good-bye without any tears We planned to email each other often And meet at a restaurant for a meal I hope we never again let years soften Our love and admiration, time will not steal
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I’m 19 years old I’m ambidextrous I hate bell peppers in my food I still don’t have a driver’s license And for as long as I can remember I’ve had a fascination with hugs, Ginger Ale, and other people’s names I believe there are only two people in the world: Those who like spoken word And liars I’m not religious My faith in God died before I could even figure out who He was But in June 2019 I saw my nephew’s face for the first time and thanked whoever created humans that day I go to a pretty standard college Where thankfully my disabilities are taken seriously And I don’t cry so much anymore I know the best way to lawfully cheat to make your essays longer Hint: the font size But I don’t know the last names of any of the ladies who serve me food every day I’m the transgender son of a man who still doesn’t want to believe it and would rather I be non-binary The son of a woman who finds happiness in putting her children’s hopes and dreams down I’m only 5’5”…on a really good day But being built like a haiku in a poetry book is a lesson in finding ways to be seen as the tallest in the room I don’t know what it means to be a man And for a while, I thought dressing like a ******* could tell me I’m still learning to unlearn the self-hatred inside me Reminded every day that the ******* I have on my chest can be seen as male body parts if I had the humor to see it: ******* can be my misplaced ******** I know that we all carry an addiction to property in our blood I know that love cannot be owned in any way shape or form Somedays, I am still the fourteen-year-old on the ground with my wrists pinned, being told to “shut the **** up” every time I see someone who looks like Him I only watch two shows now but I know deep-down, iCarly and WOWP will always be the best **** Nickelodeon or Disney created I know that the best actual company is not Disney or Pixar but DREAMWORKS Because I like owning the fact that I am a male Yzma from The Emperor’s New Groove I like being the first person in my life to go to a human rights march and actually WANT to be there I was the tree that fell when no one else was looking and dared to make a sound I am the Thanksgiving buffet that depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder tried to take apart piece by piece I am living proof that those ************* didn’t know what they were getting themselves into I am both survivor and boy Every night, the sky opens its mouth and swallows the sun in a single gulp just to make room for the room What a terrifying but amazing way to see our lives To be so full of so much light but always hungry for more
0
Mar 2, 2020
Mar 2, 2020 at 6:44 PM UTC
Let's See If You Want To Be My Friend
I’m 19 years old I’m ambidextrous I hate bell peppers in my food I still don’t have a driver’s license And for as long as I can remember I’ve had a fascination with hugs, Ginger Ale, and other people’s names I believe there are only two people in the world: Those who like spoken word And liars I’m not religious My faith in God died before I could even figure out who He was But in June 2019 I saw my nephew’s face for the first time and thanked whoever created humans that day I go to a pretty standard college Where thankfully my disabilities are taken seriously And I don’t cry so much anymore I know the best way to lawfully cheat to make your essays longer Hint: the font size But I don’t know the last names of any of the ladies who serve me food every day I’m the transgender son of a man who still doesn’t want to believe it and would rather I be non-binary The son of a woman who finds happiness in putting her children’s hopes and dreams down I’m only 5’5”…on a really good day But being built like a haiku in a poetry book is a lesson in finding ways to be seen as the tallest in the room I don’t know what it means to be a man And for a while, I thought dressing like a ******* could tell me I’m still learning to unlearn the self-hatred inside me Reminded every day that the ******* I have on my chest can be seen as male body parts if I had the humor to see it: ******* can be my misplaced ******** I know that we all carry an addiction to property in our blood I know that love cannot be owned in any way shape or form Somedays, I am still the fourteen-year-old on the ground with my wrists pinned, being told to “shut the **** up” every time I see someone who looks like Him I only watch two shows now but I know deep-down, iCarly and WOWP will always be the best **** Nickelodeon or Disney created I know that the best actual company is not Disney or Pixar but DREAMWORKS Because I like owning the fact that I am a male Yzma from The Emperor’s New Groove I like being the first person in my life to go to a human rights march and actually WANT to be there I was the tree that fell when no one else was looking and dared to make a sound I am the Thanksgiving buffet that depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder tried to take apart piece by piece I am living proof that those ************* didn’t know what they were getting themselves into I am both survivor and boy Every night, the sky opens its mouth and swallows the sun in a single gulp just to make room for the room What a terrifying but amazing way to see our lives To be so full of so much light but always hungry for more
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Sitting on her dorm room bed Three feet from the floor Not quite happy But not quite sad She wants to feel the ache in her bones The hatred she has for herself She wants that to come back she doesn’t want to feel ok Cause she’s not Trying to make that decision To walkout in the middle of the night While her room mate sleeps And to never come back She’s ok right now But she wants that sadness The depression to fill her bones She wishes she could pull the metaphorical trigger And not live Oh how she aches To just want to not be ok anymore Because when you’re not ok You feel alive Or at least she does It’s terrible beast She hates when she’s ok but hates when she’s sad She just wishes she could not exist That would be her ultimate goal She types this in the dark as her roommate drifts off to sleep I know cause that girl is me
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Sep 9, 2019
Sep 9, 2019 at 10:32 PM UTC
Dorm Room
I live with a perpetual companion An unremitting voice in my head An amensalistic association  This parasite and I are wed Not by choice are we inseparable God knows I've tried to break free It's constant conditionings of the past  That binds this enemy to me   A chameleon that drains my color  Armed with a tongue spitting and sharp  She dominates my conversations  From morning till noon till dark   Upon the urge to be true to myself  To break free from this mimicking mime  She ridicules, rants and berates me Until I loose all sense of time    If I grant the power she incessantly seeks And obey her exacerbating needs A suicide of sorts slowly takes place Leaving an empty reflection of me   If I choose to not give her authority (Which only infuriates her more)  And I start to rewire the pathway she's on No longer will she bang at my door!   But the question that's left remaining  Will I be okay left on my own? a companion like she, omitted from me, Will undoubtedly prove I'm alone.
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Mar 14, 2019
Mar 14, 2019 at 11:53 AM UTC
The Obnoxious Roommate
i'm sorry. the leftover pizza hidden in the back of the fridge, just looked so tasty. - the smell of pepperoni still lingers on my shirt.
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Mar 6, 2019
Mar 6, 2019 at 7:16 PM UTC
to my roommate:
I did not expect to lose you. It seems this ending was inevitable, perhaps even predictable. But those quandaries aside, losing you tears me up inside. We live under the same roof, yet are you still here? You say "hello" when I walk in the room, but are you my friend? I loved you like a brother, and told you so. Somehow in doing so I angered you. Suddenly I was wrong and in denial. "There is no way you love me that way." He said. He smirked and walked away into the next day. A lonely text flashed across my screen. "I think it's best if you and I were rarely seen." Tears welled up in my eyes. Losing my friend, roommate, and brother all in one night.
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Feb 9, 2019
Feb 9, 2019 at 5:06 AM UTC
Losing Him in One Night
deep purple mauve maybe in the month of may diving swimming blue navy blue turquoise grey teal and green earth green like mushroom dirt brown black as ash grey as it too gray grey gray grey soft not a whisper never yells either don't tell me what to do though or how to see i have eyes and my ears are alive and my cats stretch and my coffee is burnt and my roommate is gone and i am singing and i see the strings and hear the room and they are not yelling no one is yelling or whispering or hushing up or talked over because i am alone. why did you assume i am sad, then? i am not.
0
Jan 24, 2019
Jan 24, 2019 at 1:51 PM UTC
I don't think I need a title for this one
I'm living in a tank filled with sharks A contained living space with creatures of blood My body suspended in the water dark, blue light filters in from somewhere far above I don't need to have my eyes open to know they are out there watching me Every once in a while one gets too close to me and my lifeless body it nudges its head against my floating limbs reminding me it's there Today a shark took a bite out of me my flesh ripped open and I am exposed What do I do? If I hit it back, surely it will consume me entirely and if I don't I will die slowly anyway You see, here in this tank there isn't escape The sharks don't leave they pack together and hunt me So I stay here my hair fanned out and body wieghtless floating and waiting for something to happen I wait for the creatures of the tank to leave me but I know they will only sink back into the shaddows watching and waiting for the next time they want to take a bite
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Apr 12, 2018
Apr 12, 2018 at 10:52 PM UTC
Shark
I don’t like it when people change That’s my problem All my best friends from home I have known all my life And when they change it’s gradual I growth with them We are intertwined But here, at college It is different and people change rapidly I don’t have time to keep up I don’t have time to analyze who they are anymore I can’t keep up with their changing moods and wants It’s exausting and that’s why I lost all my friends I couldn’t keep up so I got kicked to the side No pity please it’s a good thing They create chaos and facilitate dysfunction only visible to the outside I’m better now for this loss and I like myself better I no longer sit in the dark crying over the loss of their love I thrive with my new friendships of loving people with my own interests and aspirations and values Starting anew is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done But oh am I happy to be on the other side
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Apr 6, 2018
Apr 6, 2018 at 1:12 AM UTC
keep up or get left behind
Today i made a chair, But the legs are nowhere to be found. The cushion is if my favorite color, The size is just right. Between my body and the floor, Beneath me is the chair. The way it holds me so caring, Bold in shape. The angles have a modern twist, Beautiful and graceful. The chair was not my own, Beginning it was hers. The position was just right The placement was shared Today i lost a friend. Boys take friends, sometimes Boys make roommates move out Beyond the comfort of - our chair -
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Dec 11, 2017
Dec 11, 2017 at 12:33 AM UTC
Our Chair
As young children, we most desired toys. How precious they were, on every occasion that gave. We cherished our toys, for the joy they brought. Showing them off to others, so proud of what we had. But, eventually... we grew tired of them. Sometimes quickly, they became worn and old. Our interest elsewhere.. all the new toys out there. Nobody wants used toys, they're no good anymore. It has to be shiny and better, that's much more exciting. So we discard our old toys, after we've played them out. She is obsessed with toys, and I am her doll... but now I am old and worn, and playtime is over.
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Nov 2, 2017
Nov 2, 2017 at 9:41 PM UTC
Toys
He was never my classmate, Neither was he my schoolmate, As we have met on OkCupid, Which is where we got suited. He soon became my tablemate, Then got promoted to bedmate, Ranging from late-night nosh To some naughty oh-my-gosh. He was my almost-roommate, Now, a hopeful housemate, Since he would visit me daily And keep me company gaily. He was frequently my seatmate, As well as invaluable playmate, For we traveled places together And cloyingly wrestled each other. He has always been my helpmate, And is presently my best teammate, As he has cheered me up from afar, As we chat as if there is no au revoir. He will one day become my inmate, Plus my hard-working workmate, Since we will both have mini-me’s Forcing us to slog away on our knees. He is undoubtedly my soulmate, One who is to become my lifemate, For he is a romantic yet **** geek, A keeper with charms all too unique.
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Jun 20, 2016
Jun 20, 2016 at 10:00 AM UTC
He Is My “Mate”
He said Talking to you makes me feel like such an ******* and I replied with the fact that I'm not doing anything, maybe it's just you. If the shoe fits and it looks nice, I'm not telling you to take it off Cinderella. Don't you have to be somewhere at midnight? Not trying to be rude, I just don't have the will for this fight. Just please, please, let it go tonight. Am I doing the right thing? Somewhere down the lines got blurred, and I should go home, if I knew where one was, or for that matter anything. I run my vacuum late at night, I have no other time I know for others it's not a delight. I just don't see why it's not socially acceptable, to understand not all people have the same schedule. I guess I'm a hoodlum, just because I sleep all day and work all night. I'm just a dumb kid, and nothing I will ever do is right. Truth is I'm so **** tired, and too old for this. Don't ever let anyone guilt you for a single moment of bliss. Sometimes people want to be alone, and that's okay. but in a break up someones always gotta be painted to be the bad guy. You didn't do anything wrong, but you started it. You might as well end it. Who stabs someone only halfway? Pierce the heart, push that blade in all the way. Don't be shy now, there's no time to cry. You know they'll still bleed anyway. He said Talking to you makes me feel like such an ******* and I replied with the fact that I'm not doing anything, maybe it's just you. If the shoe fits and it looks nice, I'm not telling you to take it off Cinderella. Don't you have to be somewhere at midnight? Not trying to be rude, I just don't have the will for this fight. Just please, please, let it go tonight.
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May 6, 2016
May 6, 2016 at 7:24 PM UTC
Get this dirt out of my Fish Tank
He said Talking to you makes me feel like such an ******* and I replied with the fact that I'm not doing anything, maybe it's just you. If the shoe fits and it looks nice, I'm not telling you to take it off Cinderella. Don't you have to be somewhere at midnight? Not trying to be rude, I just don't have the will for this fight. Just please, please, let it go tonight. Am I doing the right thing? Somewhere down the lines got blurred, and I should go home, if I knew where one was, or for that matter anything. I run my vacuum late at night, I have no other time I know for others it's not a delight. I just don't see why it's not socially acceptable, to understand not all people have the same schedule. I guess I'm a hoodlum, just because I sleep all day and work all night. I'm just a dumb kid, and nothing I will ever do is right. Truth is I'm so **** tired, and too old for this. Don't ever let anyone guilt you for a single moment of bliss. Sometimes people want to be alone, and that's okay. but in a break up someones always gotta be painted to be the bad guy. You didn't do anything wrong, but you started it. You might as well end it. Who stabs someone only halfway? Pierce the heart, push that blade in all the way. Don't be shy now, there's no time to cry. You know they'll still bleed anyway. He said Talking to you makes me feel like such an ******* and I replied with the fact that I'm not doing anything, maybe it's just you. If the shoe fits and it looks nice, I'm not telling you to take it off Cinderella. Don't you have to be somewhere at midnight? Not trying to be rude, I just don't have the will for this fight. Just please, please, let it go tonight.
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