#restricting
Walking away meant
I was letting go.
It meant I was submitting to her will.
Her words curled up to fill my stomach because
food wasn't allowed.
Jun 6, 2018
Jun 6, 2018 at 2:33 PM UTC
I remember the first time..
It crept in,
so quiet
so gentle.
Like how the sky goes black.
But this time it's like a
tsunami, a flash flood
a freefall.
I'm standing on a roof
and suddenly I'm flying through the air
the ground below rising up to meet me
as my brain assures me
"Just this once is okay."
"You'll be just fine."
Sep 23, 2016
Sep 23, 2016 at 1:52 AM UTC
A gap between her thighs
And hips that protrude
Counting each rib, as if there's something left to prove
Relying on caffeine, alcohol and more
Losing out on life, passing every open door
Crying in the dark, alone next to the scale
It reminds you of your worth and how you always fail
Counting everyday, worried all the time
Can I hit a goal, will I meet the deadline
Wishing you were different, praying to be small
And finally when you get there, your problems will be solved
Nov 2, 2015
Nov 2, 2015 at 9:26 PM UTC
If you could see past my eyes
Into my disquieted brain
You'd think I was obsessed
Or at least a little insane
You would shake your finger at my thoughts
As I chase ribcages while caging myself
Into a world of bones and rot
I can calculate calories into a formula for happiness
Like I measure my merit with a measuring tape
And I know that "looks aren't everything"
But it looks to me like they are
Because society suggests that you "be yourself"
While screaming the importance of beauty and wealth
And we all know that ugly doesn't make it
Into the movies
Just like fat doesn't make it into the magazines
If I could look into the mirror without seeing
Distortions
Then maybe I could convince myself to eat bigger
Portions
But as the story goes, as the song is sung
Another girl loses to the battle of one
I'm at war with myself, and it's making me sick
Sick in the head; sick in the heart
I sicken myself as I'm falling apart
I hate this hollow pursuit for a hollow life
And yet I secretly starve myself
In an attempt to get it right
You might be somewhat confused
As to why I undergo this kind of beating
Yes, hunger is painful
But so is eating
May 31, 2015
May 31, 2015 at 10:12 PM UTC