#restarting
My eyes are fixed and cold
My heart, an I told you so
I left the sickness in its bed
Cleared space inside my head
Finally
Gave the suffering an end
Just to begin again
I live in a house of truth
Empty except for the belief
Of what it can
and cannot do
The biggest mistake I've made
Thinking that I've known the truth
Now,
I will choose differently
Let you know
I know nothing
So we can believe in something
When we think we know
How could we grow but
Being able to believe
Is to be awake
inside a dream
And waking up and
Remembering its meaning
And being changed by the feeling
Nov 20, 2025
Nov 20, 2025 at 11:44 PM UTC
Classes started up again today. Soon, we’ll be gloriously stressed, and clocked-up on whatever. Our hearts will swell to the pre-med symphony - a frantic opus, composed in the key of no sleep.
In seminars for rising pre-med seniors, (What's needed to get that med-school slot!), it’s obvious that 60% of the students who started out with us, on this track, are gone - left for other majors.
“I wasn’t happy, it was too much,” they said.
I feel a pang when I hear that undergrads we’ve shared a trench with have switched their major to basket weaving (political science), TikTok (computer science) or Phys-Ed.
I envy those deserters, I pity those deserters, I envy.. Wait, aren’t deserters supposed to be, well, you know.
Meanwhile, the rest of us, the stubborn few, cling to the dream. It’s a waking dream, for caffeinated zombies, obsessive-compulsive workaholics and maladjusted wonks who neglect personal needs, relationships and in some cases personal hygiene (not me, of course) in favor of a goal.
Maybe there’s something wrong with us?
Mar 25, 2024
Mar 25, 2024 at 10:31 AM UTC
What choices would I change if I started from anew?
What lessons from my life to change to see another view?
Would I make the same mistakes or choose another way?
Would I speak out just as loud at the times I had my say?
How would I react to the things I've seen men do?
Could I hope to be braver and help those it was done to?
Would I choose to stand when I saw the need to fight?
Would I still see the same things I do now as being right?
Would I still choose to hurt those I caused pain to?
Knowing that the choice once made is impossible to undo.
I know I cannot go back and do it all over from the start,
but if I did it all again, I would live it with a bigger heart.
Oct 18, 2021
Oct 18, 2021 at 10:18 AM UTC
Forty yards from Haribo Heaven,
They took flight,
Mocking the clouds of traffic:
Faster and faster,
Faster and looser,
Faster and freer.
But then the Saxon ground
Came out in revolt,
Saying
Their covenant with gravity had been violated.
All sound was muted.
Heads struck at thirty-three yards;
Backs cracked the soil at thirty.
In his heart,
It was her finger that he felt,
Arching over the G string of her violin,
Like the neck of a flamingo.
He mused:
After the sound came back,
Would she play a gigue or a dirge
To accompany
This ignominious moment?
When her sullied, muddied, mossy eyes looked away from him,
To her, had he become a lesser man?
Faster and faster
Faster and looser.
Had she now glimpsed a father’s struggle
To piece together what he thought he knew?
Jan 20, 2021
Jan 20, 2021 at 3:29 PM UTC
Somedays, I’ll be dancing in my living room to The Cure,
and suddenly, my chest will collapse in on itself, a demolition of all the memories of the year I shared with you. I was the city putting out the notice, this old building with a weak foundation needed to come down.
And I cry.
And suddenly , I fee stupid, I’m crying alone with a glass of wine while Just Like Heaven is playing. It wasn’t even our song.
It’s time to rebuild.
The city is under development,
Alexa, replay Just Like Heaven by The Cure.
Aug 10, 2020
Aug 10, 2020 at 4:15 AM UTC
I can't remember what its like
To get to know someone.
Tricky to trust that
Guys gazing
tell truths.
Pretty words have never mattered.
I knew to ignore them,
But now I fear them.
Where did the process go?
Were there steps to this
that I simply forgot?
Or was I too free with all of me
And that's why I got hurt?
Jan 31, 2018
Jan 31, 2018 at 11:19 PM UTC
Broke my heart open to shed a new light,
Freedom seeks me,
But fright latched on,
Victim of a crime,
but charged like a prisoner.
Your love is cheap,
your love was fraud.
Deception was the objective.
Emptiness, sadness and desperation had long departed.
The mind had been lost,
the heart had been shattered,
Pieces had been forgotten.
Trampled on, like a stampede in a zoo
All kinds of creatures,
beautiful, fierce, and over seen.
Like lies, manipulation, and regrets...
Was it all for nothing?
Stronger than before,
but weaker by default.
In need of saving in this never ending tribulation,
Definition of seeking obstacles.
A soul's greatest desire,
but the heart's wont comply.
A friend, and a foe...
A walking paradox.
Aug 28, 2015
Aug 28, 2015 at 1:44 AM UTC