#resign
There is not one
Which I have not rewarded,
One I have not punished.
From Cyrus To Moses
And each of their children,
That is their nations.
From Rome to Germany
And their siblings,
That is their family.
You stand with your tribe
And you stand against the species.
Feb 13, 2025
Feb 13, 2025 at 11:21 AM UTC
I'll resign, I will
no longer bear and downplay --
what keeps happening!
Dec 26, 2022
Dec 26, 2022 at 2:31 AM UTC
If only you knew
What I really thought of you
My knight in shining armor
But now you just devour
It is like you eat my soul
******* the life as we go
Maybe you don’t realize
That you have left me paralyzed
Not by love, or infatuation
But by a soul disruption
Leaving me numb and blue
Suffocating, If only you knew
Do you see what you are doing?
Do you know where we are going?
Because I screamed it out nice and loud
I stand alone, but I’m going to find my crowd
Because you refused to let our souls live
We will wither away, nothing to give
I AM TELLING YOU I AM DYING
Do you hear me screaming?
I tried, but soon they’ll say “she died
Suffocated by a soulless life
So sad, she should have tried
Could have been so much more
Than a ‘perfect wife’" .. that's for sure
Do you see me now?
HERE I AM, I bow
Not in submission, NO
But to signal a dramatic completion
Of a play that is too long for the screens
A sad, sad play full of numb and blank scenes
You see, I am ending it now
so we can take our bow
You may choose to stand on stage for the end of time
But I will build my own Moulin Rouge with a bright sign
I will live life, and enjoy my ride
Goodbye goodbye, I officially resign
Feb 25, 2019
Feb 25, 2019 at 4:48 PM UTC
I stand up, look with the eyes in the mirror
****** and red
Show my palm to hold the glass but i wipe
My tears instead
I know I might cry again, the cause I cannot
Erase you from my head
Maybe I go, I go and sleep, sync with my bed
Instead I hope you hope…. I do not have you at all
With wishes that the moments should have been dead
Then I will be banging my head, hate will rule over
Eat in me deep
feelings shall heap & the nightmares will be begging
For life… but no,
Nothing of this part of my bliss will ever change
Nothing will ever go
You will just be someone I would know
but death…. gently decorated lying in the coffin, waiting to be buried
Praying, wishing if I was staying up to see the flower grow off me
And let you pluck it off to give away to the one who replaced me
in you but are you freaking kidding me?
Because I will wait till someone tells you, ‘Get off me, you’re irritating me’,
And send the news to my fellow dead one’s you can now rest in peace
It was one of the days, she says, she wants to speak with you,
‘look at this kid, he wants to be someone like you’
Green land, holding hands, I’ve been dreaming
about bands of colors in slow motion of the portion of it.
I wish to remember a part of my emotion. I check the album turn up the pages and recall the moments in a negative version.
I shout out and screamed
I was told to closeout a deem or maybe hold to be
what I’m not supposed to be
I loved you, adored you, the same I wanted for me
but though I knew life is not how it promises
then I forget I ever lived in the premises
where you were the nemesis all I did was anything to make you feel home
not just bricks and layers If we really know what living is
I am trying to unload, trying to whisper and speak to whatever, whoever I’m not,
now because I’m lost, it has cost me more than I can imagine maybe one day I can
maybe one day I can ignore you begging when you completely lost me
I picture, picture of smiles in hundred different files when I was talking about you holding me then
now one of us is smiling, piling up memories, checking in and out then
I see him, walk past me in a disguise; I know what he tries, never look me in the eyes.
Dec 24, 2018
Dec 24, 2018 at 11:59 AM UTC
Heart broken full of anger and rage
All those moments that were wrong
Words resound like demonic screams
A fool you think you are; rage
Time passes news is cut off
Tears fall for those moments of one
The day you got caught in the rain
The time you sheltered in their arms
Pain somewhere in the chest
You’re breathing but so dead
Nights are the worst without them
You do stupid stuff to forget and move on
You’re losing yourself in all the wrong
You’re both in separate black holes
Hope fast fading away as legs get heavy
You’ve burnt all the bridges
Resign and sink into this doldrums
History stays but mostly as stories
Trying to open your heard it’s locked tight
Nothing moves you beyond a smile
Rage, sadness and resignation
These I know well
What is next I wish I knew
Someone please do tell
Nov 8, 2018
Nov 8, 2018 at 4:49 PM UTC
I look in the mirror and I'm talking to myself
about how I can not let anyone touch my heart.
For you have gone and have not looked back yourself,
you threw my gentle heart into the bin. Tore it apart.
I wanted to shout: Love, do not leave me here alone!
Don't hurt me and leave traces of blood in my heart!
It doesn't matter that I once loved you, now you're a stone.
I resign. Maybe I wasn't a good candidate. I wasn't smart.
I was waiting for you for a lifetime, but was all in vain, for both,
in time you showed me your true face, by the way you kiss.
For I don't give away my spirit to whom makes an oath,
but to the one who'll give me a hand down in the abyss.
I looked in the mirror and all I saw was an error in two,
unanswered questions in different colours of a war.
If it's a monologue or dialogue, I'm not staying in the queue,
anyways, I don't believe in the beautiful Aphrodite anymore.
Nov 3, 2018
Nov 3, 2018 at 7:03 AM UTC
When something has finally reached or passed its "use by" date
it resigns itself to whatever is in store for it according to its fate.
_______________________
Nov 19, 2017
Nov 19, 2017 at 11:49 PM UTC
*A support you were
Always to me
Took all the pressure
Out of rocky edges
And never told anyone
How it was to be!
Not understanding you
Was a blunder of all
I wish I could undo it
Once & for all!
Keep no hard feelings
As I'm already being punished
from being away from you!
So much away
that it makes me feel
going to an empty nest
Every other day.
I wish I could
make you understand
that how you meant to me
With all the irritations
and leg-pulling
You made me cry
You made me laugh
To the brim!
I wish I could do
something for you
To return back
all the treasures
you gave to me!
Be in touch people say
But in this era
Touch is only at screens!
Time passes by
And every wound heals,
But to an extent
An empty space in the heart
Is never reciprocated!
-13 July, 2017*
Jul 15, 2017
Jul 15, 2017 at 3:51 AM UTC
The dust once settled,
needs to be shaken again,
which was trapped and bottled,
has to fly out to douse the flame
A long time passed, few friends I have earned
in this work of black and white, few shades I have burned
I lost my pace in the layout of this maze
got knocked out, now just the sky I can gaze
I am no stone, but I know to roll
I can play more, but I choose to fold
I have new horizons to reach
the rocky roads are always there to teach.
The dust wont deter me now with pain,
for I know, I will rise up again.
Jan 18, 2016
Jan 18, 2016 at 5:02 AM UTC
Have you ever held so much of something that causes the things you wish not to see in those you love?
Have you ever held a pain that isn't even yours in some cases?
have you ever held on to it so that it doesn't slip and take out such a beautiful tragedy of those you love?
That if you slipped and allowed just an ounce of this pure and refined substance to hit the open air that it would be instantly absorbed into the psyche and physical bodies of all those around you , thus causing them to convulse in agony and gut wrenching pain?
Have you ever felt this could be even close to how you have felt before?
As if once they get the tiniest taste of their own creations and manipulations results, they would fall, so far and hard they would not see the way out of such dire deeds and sad and abusive ways and pains of the causes and causation's, the outcomes of the thrusted busted, go away's, leave me be's, the I don't care about you's, you are a fool's, you are stupid, stop annoying me's, oh here watch this one, they will break , so laugh as loud at them as you can's? can you see what I am saying? in short all the truly horrible things we all , including me, myself and I, do, when we hurt, are confused, or some how, loose our way in this confounded maze we seem to find ourselves lost in.
Is it enough to allow them to taste the fruit of their leaves of the trees they planted on our mother womb as our father feeds them lovingly, knowing these seeds are wrong?
is it enough? would describing it be enough to cause the pin to be realized if only an imaginary trend of a friends busting the illusion for a crafted grafted second, in hopes to say, stop and look, we are all dieing if we continue this way...... but so many of us, carry these pains like a badge of **** honor, like we are singlehandedly saving the very souls of those whom we don't even know, at times, that is... when the pain and isolation isn't too much to bare, and we don't end up lashing out and creating sorry *** little seeds of trees we then drop along our mothers womb as father lovingly tends to mothers needs, as if we are johnny apple seed in the garden of plenty and abundance all like where is my coffee!!!!????? like i have been a time or two?
Would it be enough for me to change, much less you? maybe, seems we are all stuck on a revolving Russian roulette of, "you first jack, then we will see if my *** antiees up all in..." for we all seem to be in this oh so, silly Mexican stand off as illustrated by Marshall Mathers in the "Middle Finger" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHi-IjsilSw
Cause this silly little thing, is ME, and it is You, yet, am I holding you correctly, by saying ***** it, its me and not you? or is this **** thing on backwards and in roman numerals? cause situation is all jacked up, from the floor up if we fail to see that , I and others who are pain eaters, or, what ever you choose to call us, for we are all full, just look about you, and see all the love is flowing but some of the most daring and beautiful ones are slowy fading, falling, wasting away cause we are too **** pridful to say, **** this not today, I will not hold your **** this is your **** you take and feel it, I am rather in the clear and am shorting myself the love I truly need to breath, but, I am such a freak and a lover of you all, that I ****** this crap back up denying you the ability to even grab your **** from me, and I horde it hide it and die in it faithfully, for I said I would and my word means everything. but, Now I find so many begging me to release it, let it be, let it go and even if fools fall the **** over dead from the shock of the shame and pain they have graced us all with but we have not had to bare, do go dropping like flies, then that is okay, as I stand shocked, appalled and ****** off, cause we are to save them all **** it. yeah... says who, son? is all I hear any more. says who son? who said they could make it to such a place of pleasure, leisure, construct, invention, visionary, oh, my how we are to truly shine , shine, be and play? who told you this anyway? and I stand silent, speechless, and rather dumbfounded in my lack of afraid. for they are right. **** it,, they are right, again.. for to be able to truly and finaly bew able to grasp, grokk, totally and truly rock this truth of movement and this transmogrification of station and situtations where we oh so are to truly play and live like life truly exists, we must let go and let bare the being that was, is, and wont be there. yet here i am, still stuck in a silence of judgement pending, standing in a hall, holding up the line cause I refuse to let go of this which is holding me from the true garden and my possible real soul mate, whom ever they maybe, all because I am so affraid of feeling the lose of even the hated, and hatful of thee, ?.. and why? why are so many of those bauetigul people like me, doing this very thing? so many of us became sin eaters simply out of need, and we eat the sins of others, and eneded up, sinning ourselves, simply to deal with the burdon of the pain... what , in the world were we thinking? , well, we were thinking, what a shame, and we were thinking, why do we not know how to help or deal with all this over whelming pain, why atre we burdoned so? and why must , i let go of the only think I have ever known, eating this sin, that became my identity and my reason to be, and now you ask, me to strip myself of me, of this child laid bare for all the world to see, as I fall apart, is that what it is you wish to see? for this is what will happen when I no longer bare the sin of you and you and you, for mine have been forgiven from what I understand for laying no blame upon no man for the sin I consumed of man, and I am not alone in this endeavour or relieaf, that is if I can muster the foolish courage to let it go, and watch as you all, fall, fall, fall, of your own pains, but I say this, as I have said before, as child I said it and thousands of times in my life, you do not have to fall so far, just except what ypou have caused and bare it and do the equal and truly triple the opposite and love, see, for me to take such a chance, such a leap of faith and risk, my falling by my creations of feeling watching you fall from your own pains, in turn causing me to fall the same, , but I say, you do not, for if as I said I do this, and risk, then you do the same and love again, as you did before you remembered how to hurt..... before you learned how to hurt inside, before you realized, you die each time the pain lives inside... for you were never a sin eater, but I can and am telling you how to digest your sins, so you don't fall, so far and possibly fail and well, bye.. you must bare you harm and except it as real and them manifest the loving and caring truth that nullifies the harm and corrosive acridness and become, alkaline a base , so base your love in truth and harmony, and resonate out of the hate and misery, for, I do understand what it is I must do, but it all truly, like I said a thousand times, depends on you, and yes there is a possibility that you could bring me to my death by focusing on never getting out, but lets not kid each other son, I will not be loosing, and why risk the guarantee of you never being with the life of us, only so you can attempt to bring me or others down? for it makes no sense, and is not of the flow and growing of life and is not abundant, so, swallow all the fear and doubt, that pain and acid that you spit out, and except it for it is the reality you created and we sin eaters swallowed and held so as to limit your harm, and many of us, did this from birth and never truly knew what we did wrong to end up with such a work load if you get my drift. but my soul is clear, on this, and wqell, I must start laying this down, and by doing so, I need not grace you with a sound or a jot or tittle, but the facts that you may or may not find life get a little different, but This is not for me to say, for it is simply close and time for me to let it all go and look for the truth as my ownn naked frozen child deep inside shivers , but, I know this, no matter the loss, no matter the cost, no matter the choices that will be chossen due to tempral placement and how limited the view is from where we are, that I will be okay, and most of my people are already across, in fact, I think I am one of the few still stupidly here, begging and causeing such a scene, but, I suppose they are right, "if you have not chossen your own ways, by now, then what makes you think anyone should wait for you to realize there is no tomorrow once we move forward.. and well, I hope to wake and each time I wake, love be closer and closer to me and this horror and this lies deciet and hate, be a none existant, reality, for me, or anyone else ready to make that change. and you still can, but, um, if time is running out on the elect, then um, maybe time is running out on you and me so, we better get this thing going, and make a stand , a choice, and eat out own **** and swaet out love and all things worth growing and knowing. for the information is a seed that is the key, if you know, then it is time to unload, that seed so it can be a tree, for spring has sprung and we are about to be leaving and blooming some **** fine leaves, and flower, ohh, so, unless you are the dead and decayed bark that we are about to shed, litterally, then it is time to become a blossom, and swallow your own deeds and devulge the information that setts so many others free, you will be saving lives, and the livfe you save might just freaking be your own. no I mean this jack. and, I love you, but I can not keep holding this, for most of it is not mine, and I soon hope to be resigned from the possition of rather high ranking in the sin eating department, "Jesus is number one there, and I am not in the tier, but you can beat me, so swallow you sin and push out the freedom and love, the truth that sets the rest of the tree free from this infestation cause we wont **** the tree, but we continue like this and the tree of life we wont see either, for we will fall away and away to never be again, make your choice, cause I have Purple Hearts to Bloom baby, and blue and white stripes on my flower, for I am a full purple blue moon, , hope to see you there, and if you hurt son, sorry, but it is time, so, take my advice and swallow and shed and do deeds that save lives and loves. Yes I know I am slow, ven my mother said so, in the scanned images, see, poems, though he is"slow?" yeah, thanks ma.. lol, smile, I hope I see here , she, finally free of all the harm done her and forgiven, for I forgave her long long ago, I love and respect my mother, for she gave me these bones of gold, and at 14 she did better than many, with such a prize package like me.
Candlebox-Far Behind
h ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4QL0L9fgbg
Jul 16, 2015
Jul 16, 2015 at 8:08 PM UTC
Rickety shoulders and rickety bones,
No longer is my resolve as stubborn as stone.
For the stifling heat and heart-drum-beats
Have drained it all out of me -
Not a single drop left to drink,
And my fate’s been written in ink.
Jul 15, 2015
Jul 15, 2015 at 8:39 AM UTC
Former goals long before gone,
broken dreams,
hidden in secret behind friends views,
a life in vain.
Doubtless efforts fruitless taken,
countless beatings endured,
still seeking path to milk and honey,
wondering if it hasn´t already resigned.
Value meaningless,
reduced to sheer nothingness,
clouded vision,
not able to recognize it´s worth.
Neither happiness nor sadness,
behind it´s emotionless face,
killing time with dusty distractions
and waiting for something to happen,
that relightens a fire
well known in former days.
Oct 3, 2014
Oct 3, 2014 at 2:34 AM UTC