#refill
I am tired
in a way sleep can’t touch
tired from loving
with open hands,
tired from pouring myself
into people who never notice
I’m running dry.
I want to love.
God, I do.
It’s the one thing about me
that has always felt true.
But I can’t keep giving
from a cup only I refill.
I can’t keep holding hearts
that never think
to hold mine back.
It’s exhausting
to be the warmth
in every cold room,
the steady voice
in everyone else’s storm,
while no one sees
how quietly I’m unraveling.
And I hate that numbness
looks peaceful from here—
like a place where
I don’t ache,
don’t hope,
don’t keep waiting
for someone to notice
I’m tired too.
I don’t want to go numb.
I don’t want to lose
the softness I was born with.
But there’s a strange comfort
in imagining a world
where I don’t feel everything,
where loving doesn’t hurt,
where giving doesn’t empty me.
I’m just lonely
in a way that comes from effort
from caring too hard
for too long
without being held in return.
And all I want
is to know what it feels like
to be poured into,
just once,
so I don’t have to keep choosing
between loving others
and saving myself
Dec 11, 2025
Dec 11, 2025 at 8:50 PM UTC
Everyone deserves to say
I should not have been treated that way
And feel free to refill that space
To be soft to what remains
Until they know they're safe
Or else nothing can change
Jul 22, 2025
Jul 22, 2025 at 10:10 AM UTC
I finally picked up my refill
And finally stopped running uphill.
I'd been out for days,
And was in a haze
That nothing could fix but my refill.
I finally refilled my meds, guys.
Last week I ran out of my supplies,
And I sunk like a brick
Into depression so thick
That it kept me from refilling my meds, guys.
At last I am back on my Adderall
And everything feels much more natural
I cleaned up the sink
And now I can think
About how good it is to have Adderall.
May 4, 2020
May 4, 2020 at 3:14 PM UTC
I’m so anxious I can’t sleep
I have to get up for work at 4 am
I’m a little light headed
and my stomach hurts
I have a numbing sensation running through my legs to my head
I’m scared
I just want to cry
and scream
and run
and sleep
all at the same time
I’m so ******* uncomfortable right now I am mad
I’m lonely
I don’t want to be alone right now
but I also don’t want to be bothered
My prescription ran out and this is what I get for not getting it filled in time
My anxiety makes me so forgetful and spontaneous
Feb 10, 2019
Feb 10, 2019 at 8:47 PM UTC
The people around disappear.
My voice makes its way home.
Finding comfort in your ear.
You resonate within my heart.
Stirring a soul that no longer knows fear.
In the end all that I knew before will no longer exist.
Everything chipped and shattered in a million pieces.
Sheer signs of destruction.
But still I drunk, knowing the full consequence.
The shaping of objects that no longer obstruct view.
The people all around completely unaware.
The existence of something awoken by a single thought.
Pulled in by the urge of a single whisper.
Spilled from the brim of hand to mind.
A sweet substance grown to stick as it cools.
The thought of being held, embraced in the flicker of light.
A moment worth being withheld a moment longer.
Not a moment to criticize nor. but a moment of introduction.
To take such gift and wish that this could last for more than a moment.
More than two.
To stir something so factious. So addictive.
At that moment I realized what I was missing
Oct 10, 2017
Oct 10, 2017 at 3:56 PM UTC
No I don't care
if I'm being selfish here,
but I need you to
stick by me.
No, I don't mean to steal your time
but from now on,
all your time is mine,
all your strength is mine.
I've dug a hole, just for you,
It's up to you to refill it
either with dirt, myself
or all the scars that once hurt.
Love,
Anti.
Oct 20, 2016
Oct 20, 2016 at 8:53 AM UTC
"I have to unlove you a little," the girl said as she put her pen down.
He replied: why would you ever?
"I have to save my love for you; I have to save it for future days."
He frowned. "It sounds like you're saying goodbye. As if one day your feelings for me will disappear because of having loved me too much this very moment."
She shook her head. "I don't think I'll ever stop loving you though, if I give you just small amounts of it everyday. But you, would you still be the same, even if I cut down on the amount I usually give per day?"
He understood where she was going. "As long as you give me love, even down to the tiniest drop of it, I'll still love you all the same. And when you run out of it and can give no more, that's when I'll refill you with all the love you have filled me up with after all this time."
"One can never really run out of love, can they? Give or take. It's still love."
"Love is love-- give or take, small or big; doesn't matter as long as it exists-- if it's you I'm loving."
Oct 5, 2016
Oct 5, 2016 at 6:40 AM UTC
Numb
nUMb
NUMB
The medicine is eating away parts of my brain
Slowly turning me into a rotting pile of bones
Artificially filling in all the cracks
Time for another pill
Pill after pill
1 pill
2 pill
Yellow pill
White pill
There goes my refill
Feb 9, 2016
Feb 9, 2016 at 7:07 PM UTC