#realisations
Sitting restlessly still
Idly passing time
All these circles I've walked
All these days cycling by
To keep a front of peace
I've constructed all these lies
And if I reach out
To touch a wall
It'd shatter
Who am I lying to
Telling myself
I'm frozen to the core
Each weak breath I breathe, although not warm
Holds the life left within me
Escaping my mouth
The misty vapour condensing
Tracks down the frozen walls and
Drawing my gaze
Freezing once more
And if I touch these frozen droplets
That lie on these walls surrounding me
They'd melt and freeze again
Too used to this cycle of
Lifting walls around me again
Walking in circles
I see where I've lied
What I've chosen as home
And
What I've chosen as life
I've lied to myself
And my eyes continuously search for that which
I deny myself
And the temperature of these walls I understand the most
And the temperature of these walls are what hold me close
Hold me together
All other ways and choices of life lost on me
And I realise
I realise all these lies that I latch onto
Held tightly in my hands
What my arteries and veins pulse for
Upholding a universe under my skin
The desires etched into every strand of DNA
Fading from within
Desiring a warmth out of reach
A warmth never felt
Sep 24, 2023
Sep 24, 2023 at 10:18 AM UTC
There's always a depth to familiarity
That has the mind at it's
Beck and call
Just a scent and the mind is
Overwhelmed with history
*Spinning
Spinning* spinning
Release
A rush of emotions spill
In consistency with the nerve synapses
Connecting
Nostalgic or regretful,
Content or melancholy;
Always a constant reminder
Of the difference you can
Never return to.
Mar 14, 2020
Mar 14, 2020 at 5:55 AM UTC
We love each other broken,
and maybe that’s our curse.
I catch my reflection in glassy shards of you,
scattered across countless hotel room floors.
Mirrors,
relentless reminders
of the things we love
and can’t stand.
Everything and nothing.
Together and alone.
Here and there.
I can’t be in this body;
Exit stage left when bloodied soles
remind me of my inability to make you whole.
Imminent failure lingers over me;
a wet blanket putting out a fire
that was never meant for fighting.
Jul 5, 2019
Jul 5, 2019 at 6:49 AM UTC
My heart beats aren’t instrumental .
They’re painful .
And there’s no rhythm to remedy
the wreck that I am .
Every lub-dub is an alarm clock
waking me up to my reality.
A reminder that I’m still
broken .
That I’m still inhaling what kills me .
Nov 13, 2018
Nov 13, 2018 at 3:51 PM UTC
I hope they know that I was writing.
I hope they know that poetry was the reason why I could fight it.
At night with my broken heart trying to fix all the pieces that have broken apart.
So do we call this art?
Or is this just the start? Of finding all the answers left from the people who have left their mark? Will we ever know? Will they ever show? The love they once had for us which taught us about growth.
I highly doubt so.
Emotions on low, that every single person I've met asks me why I don't glow. I guess this is the part where I start to explain, how I am still alive and how I manage to stay sane.
"you learn to numb the pain" caused by people, circumstances and something's you can't mention in vain.
If pain takes me away, I want you to proudly say that you knew somewhere that I was writing and I'll be okay.
Aug 9, 2018
Aug 9, 2018 at 7:18 PM UTC
And one day
I realised that
Sometimes one needs to reach
the threshold of hurt
to make the mind divert
towards better opportunities....
Apr 8, 2018
Apr 8, 2018 at 5:42 AM UTC
Realisations of common knowledge lurk around us like shadows in the darkness.
Don’t close your eyes. Don’t turn around. Don’t turn a corner too quickly. It’s just the wind. It’s not the same car. It’s too big of a city to find you.
Dear authorities, what are you doing to help?
People from generations before mine have raised their children to be hateful. They have taught them that if they don’t feel like respecting people, they shouldn’t and won’t. I’m sure you’ve guessed this next one, but they’ve let their children get away with a smack here and a smack there to those who don’t obey their every demand – and even to those who do. But I am not the only one. I am not the only unlucky punching bag to experience the hatred of someone much older, more mature, wiser and certainly, not just a kid. Is that it? Is that why you let him go? I was four when it started and fifteen when it ended. To you, that’s a child. Children don’t know much, do they.
Dear authorities, that’s where you’re wrong.
I was four when it started and if you think it stopped at fifteen when my abuser walked out, think again. It never fully stops, not yet. I am nearly twenty years old and I still flinch if someone holds out their hand for a handshake or raises their voice just a notch because they’re a little out of earshot and I needed them to repeat.
Dear authorities, I can’t live because you won’t let me.
Oh, you like Budwiser? Corner Gas, the T.V. show? Do I smell steak? Potatoes baked on the BBQ? You need a plumber? Handyman? Oh look, you’re wearing red. Do you think I appreciate being reminded by the stupidest things, that my abuser is out there? Why is that? Could it possibly be because nobody has bothered giving the man any possible discipline?
Dear authorities, I’m tired of being told, “it’ll be okay, it’s not that bad.”
People after people have continuously told me to go talk to someone. I’ve seen multiple counsellors, doctors, talked to teachers, specialists, friends and family. But what are you doing to help? I moved away from my mother and siblings, in fear. Fear, because every time we moved anywhere the lawyer told us we had to give our address to the abuser. We could not deny him access to us, we could not cut off communication with him. I had to leave, as an attempt to protect myself and hide in a big city with lots of people and hopefully I could blend in.
Dear authorities, you have failed me.
Stop telling me things will be okay, when he is out there and things only seem to matter when a death occurs.
Dear authorities,
Dear authorities…
Dear me, you’re not dead so authorities don’t care.
Apr 3, 2017
Apr 3, 2017 at 4:00 PM UTC
Coffee stains on my pillow case
remind me of lonely nights
The books stacked against my walls
are reminders of a lonely life
Papers all over my desk of words left
unsaid
Sheets still straightened as I never go
to bed
The only friends I have are the ones
in my head
Yet the photo frames have other
things said
Despite all the memories that's
clouded by what once had been
It's time to turn a chapter of what is to
be seen
Thoughts all over the place and I
don't know where to start
But sooner or later with these things I
must part
Jun 24, 2016
Jun 24, 2016 at 11:24 AM UTC
08 July 2010
The dark azure sky trembled from afar
The rain seems to fall leavin' a scar
Why now? When loves dead 'n' gone
What else would make things done?
It pains me much. What should I do?
To make this feeling stop 'n' go
One day, the blames on me
For I never waited and see
Feelings, unless we **** these
We can't go on, life's never at ease
I'll say goodbye even for a while
Just for a while, without your smile
No need of bittersweet words to excuse
Whether I understood or not, or I'm confused
I win or lose that all will be my luck
And we cant bring those used-to-haves back
There's no reason for me to stay
For you wanted to dream and run away
Cos I feel, I'm cold as frost in the stars
Someday, love will leave cold 'n' blue scars
Sep 18, 2015
Sep 18, 2015 at 3:20 PM UTC
Sometimes I write things and then look back at them and think...
Was that really me?
Jun 25, 2015
Jun 25, 2015 at 4:51 AM UTC
The bluest eyes I've ever seen
Are just now lying next to me
The one with whom my future lies
Or would, if not due to the distance
The most in love I've ever been
With the one who's lying next to me
I wonder about the reasons why
I failed to realise this sooner
My happiness is the irish boy who's next to me
The one to whom I have to say goodbye
Again, for the millionth time
Only this time I know he's what I want
What I need;
To be his girl, and only his
He lies asleep right next to me
I whisper "I love you"s I'm too afraid to say
Cause what's the point? He knows
I'm sure he knows
The way I'm lost into his eyes, any fool can see
The way I shiver from his touch
The only one I'll ever want
He's perfect, if only he would know
If only he could see
The amazing person that he is
And not deny it when I tell him so
If only he could know
Just how much I want to say "yes", leave it all behind and be with him
Instead of on my own so many miles away
The miles that made us strangers for 2 years
Until we weren't anymore, we fell right back to where we were
The smiles and winks and cigarettes
And late talks and cheeky looks and happy sighs
And music in the background while we lie
Into each other, once again
I'll be back, sure enough
You'll greet me again with open arms
But when? For how long?
This goodbye will **** me
The way the others never did
But I'll be back, and I'll go through this torment once again
Because you're worth it. You're the only person that is worth it.
Dublin's now my home, my home is where you are
It's crystal clear
As clear as anything has been
I'm his lucky strike,
He's my lucky (crushed) penny.
Just how much he changed my life, he'll never know
"I found my treasure in you", he sings
I did, I did
Jun 3, 2015
Jun 3, 2015 at 9:21 PM UTC
One day you'll realise ,
I'm not the one who's vindictive,
They're my thoughts which are igniting.
One day you'll realise,
My short replies didn't mean that I had nothing to say,
I was just scared of my thoughts being judged.
One day you'll realise,
I wasn't really shy,
I was just afraid of opening up.
One day you'll realise,
All those mean messages which I had sent you,
I was double hurt while writing it..and I could have been more mean but, I loved you.
One day you'll realise,
I am rarest of the stars,
And by the time, I'll be gone.
Mar 13, 2015
Mar 13, 2015 at 6:55 AM UTC