#racing
To slide back in the mix—
I need one good hit,
a tip sheet from Bacchus.
a horse that smells
like fire and bourbon,
early lick in its veins,
more heart than
Joe Louis,
more grit than
LaMotta in a smoke-filled ring,
more power than Marciano.
I need the odds
blinking my way from the tote board,
eight to one or better,
and the racing gods
to glance down
through the Hollywood Park clouds
and wink.
Just six furlongs,
one round of thunder,
and then—
I’m back.
Back in the roar
of the track,
the clatter of hooves
and the smell of dirt,
degenerates and dwarves,
painted-up ******
hot dogs, spilled beer,
pick-up lines flying,
and the blazing neon,
neon lights bleeding
like a saxophone solo
out of a tavern door.
One twisted blessing,
one break,
one flash of luck,
snatched from the ******* gutters,
and I’m alive—back in it,
in the crowd, in the chaos and clamor,
in the smell of sweat and mustard,
with a scrape of discarded lottery tickets
and pennies from a Vons parking lot
that don’t belong to anyone
but me,
the taste of victory,
sweet and bitter,
on the roof of my mouth.
The track buzzes underfoot,
the horses’ hooves still ringing,
my dad’s gruff voice
and my little brother’s laugh
etched in the caverns of my mind,
and for one small, perfect home stretch,
I’m back in the game.
The private symphony of Providence
flowing through my veins,
every nerve pulsing, vivid,
and every shadow… grinning…
like it knows… the at-the-wire surge.
Jan 5
Jan 5, 2026 at 9:01 AM UTC
So, there was this rainbow
over the north end
of the meadow, as I so happened
to look that way, and think
to say I saw it this way,
a thing of beauty
for its own sake,
that happened not
to say a thing.
===========
Wisdom knowledge understood,
things essentially
random as raindrops,
making mortals reared
on soft awe expletives
hesitate
to say…
for some goodness sakes, hope
is any day's substance, hope
with no new sign since the Pleistocene
=========
Judge a race begun
with a rainbow over my valley,
our
valley, but more mine, for my part
as you slept in peace, I watched it fade.
I won a prize I'll not mention,
I began by being where I was today.
My advantage, my position
on the whirling world,
today.
Sep 22, 2025
Sep 22, 2025 at 11:24 AM UTC
fingernails to rock
crawling up this mountain,
sweat fills the air, my cheeks
flushed, embarrassed of how
much effort it takes me to
deal with this burden but it's
okay, as long as I make it
one more day. I will have won
the race against myself.
Aug 11, 2025
Aug 11, 2025 at 12:08 PM UTC
Within days
to lose your eyesight
fear boils from inside
darkness complete
never mind to drive away
racing cars impossible
retinas now stars in the sky
now that I am the passenger
in my own car, along for the ride
I observe
now I truly see
Apr 2, 2025
Apr 2, 2025 at 1:53 AM UTC
over snow fields
chimney smoke versus clouds
racing shadows
Feb 21, 2025
Feb 21, 2025 at 7:18 PM UTC
Take a seat, you look tired
Did you hear what she said she liked our smile, she admired
Don’t trust them remember what happened last time
Please shut the **** up I’m trying to think of a rhyme
You are trying to heal yourself, you think you can do that
Don’t tell me to look back at the **** chat
You weren’t good enough for them, you think your good for the new group
It’s not going to happen, it’s not going to loop
Oh please your so ******* stupid, you care too much about people
Shut the **** up please, you and OCD are evil
We bring you back to reality, make you see things you don’t see
I’m not getting high again, I’m not getting the Peace-Tea
You don’t need a therapist, just keep being numb
You made me ashamed of where I came from
They laughed at you for your old skin color, didn’t they
Wish I could shut you up, wish there was a way
You used to talk to me every night when your heart was hurting
You make me ******* suicidal, stop flirting
Like how you did with death multiple times, once with the rope and now with the pills
They care about me okay, I know that **** I told them gave them chills
Why can’t you leave my head alone
Bought to **** you up and leave you red and blue, maybe break a bone
Oh please not this **** again, you ****** up my mind enough
Not just me but that girl also made it rough
I still have the scar from her, you guys ****** up my feelings
Yeah we did and you were almost hanging from the ceiling
The numb feeling is wearing off, almost cried in front of them
You think they give a **** your not a rare gem
You know our family cares about us, they don’t hate us
Oh please remember the last time you tried to talk to them and what did y’all discuss
Please they never dealt with anybody with my type of mind, it’s their first time
Nah if they could they would sell you, actually nah you ain’t worth a dime
You don’t believe any compliment we get, we have no vanity
Have you not looked at the mirror, your hideous, honestly what’s this insanity
Come on they seemed really nice, maybe they were into us though
We are going to get in the way and you already know
Take a seat, you look tired
Did you hear what she said she liked our smile, she admired
Don’t trust them remember what happened last time
Please shut the **** up, I’m trying to think of a rhyme
Jan 9, 2025
Jan 9, 2025 at 8:20 PM UTC
Hyper fixated
my mind keeps on racing
with entwined and abrasive
slights to my native ways and my nature
always finding a way to
sabotage and engrain a
sense of imminent danger
along with the worst ways to
mend and to gauge
making positive changes
on how I appear to myself in my brain
I'm hyper fixated
My mind keeps on racing...
Aug 1, 2024
Aug 1, 2024 at 7:19 AM UTC
when I am running on fumes
you fill me up.
igniting my engine to throttle a bit harder.
A bit faster.
you rev me up regardless the number of bumps,
regardless the amount of twist
and turn, in the road ahead.
my heart belongs to you.
propelling me towards the sunset.
the reason I speed down the street in this passionate flight.
Not afraid to jump any unsuspecting hill.
most might think that I am crazy, the way that I drive.
if they knew the reason why, they'd press the pedal down
as well.
when I am running on fumes, rev me up, rev me up.
Darling rev me up.
I am a well-oiled machine with a place to be.
whether towards the moon or the sun.
you're the gasoline that ignites the spark
that pushes me to go a little further.
Jul 9, 2024
Jul 9, 2024 at 11:42 PM UTC
racing bark and froth
tok - toy - tok
beating against the clock
the insistent derange against time
only enforces the medium
Mar 8, 2024
Mar 8, 2024 at 4:17 PM UTC
Little footsteps in this moon dust sand,
I chase my memories as they flee my grasp,
Racing the clouds to embrace the sun.
A heart, content, is left on your doorstep,
I hope, someday, the person you are meant to become will trace back the way I came and exchange the goodbyes we once hung
out to dry.
But until then, here in this momentary stillness
An opportune silence blooms into this heart of mine,
And it seems I've misplaced it in your moonlit palm
May 15, 2022
May 15, 2022 at 1:23 AM UTC
To get back
in the game,
I need one
good hit.
A horse with
early lick;
that has more
heart than
Joe Louis
and Jake
LaMotta
combined.
I need decent odds,
at least 8-1.
The racing
gods have to
smile on me
one more time.
At least for
6 furlongs,
and then baby,
I'm back in the
game.
Aug 6, 2021
Aug 6, 2021 at 5:19 PM UTC
Yeah yeah I see it now
Your cold embrace
And sweat on the brow
Sure sure it might have been
The sleepless night
Full of wicked sin
Blah blah was your last line
Into a wasteland
And here’s my sign
May 21, 2021
May 21, 2021 at 6:34 PM UTC
A BLACK DEVILS TONGUE ROLLS OUT BEFORE ME
HISSING, LICKING, FLAMING & SPITTING
I'M ON THE RUN FROM THE DEMON INSIDE ME
GRINDING WINDING CHURNING AND BURNING
A SCREAMING BULLET TEARS FROM HELLS OWN KEEP
THUNDER QUAKES OF LAUGHTER FROM THE BELLY OF THE BEAST
A BLACK DEVILS TONGUE ROLLS OUT BEFORE ME
HISSING, LICKING, FLAMING & SPITTING
I'M ON THE RUN FROM THE EVIL INSIDE ME
GRINDING WINDING CHURNING AND BURNING
A STREAK OF LIGHTNING BOLT BLISTERING THE EARTH
TREMBLING AND SHAKING LOOSE OF HELLS OWN HEARTH
MUSCULAR SKELETAL CONTORTING
BODY BRACED IS FORCING
SPITTIN SPARKS GRINDIN' WHEELS
KICKIN' FAST AT THE DEVIL'S HEELS
FLIRTING WITH PSYCHOSIS
THIS MADNESS TAKES 'A' HOLD
I'M DRIPPIN' SWEAT
GRIPPIN A SPINNIN' WHEEL
GRINDIN' SPARKS AT THE DEVIL'S HEELS
I'M DRIPPIN' WET
MINDS BLEEDING
THIS MADNESS TAKES A HOLD
I'M GRIPPIN' HARD
ON A SPINNIN' WHEEL
KNUCKLES WHITE ICY COLD
I'M GRIPPIN' WET
MINDS BLEEDING
THIS MADNESS TAKES MY SOUL
I'M DRIPPIN' SWEAT
GRIPPIN' A SPINNIN' WHEEL
SPITTIN' SPARKS
ON THE DEVIL'S HEELS
I'M DRIPPIN' SWEAT
MINDS BLEEDING
THIS MADNESS TAKES A HOLD
I'M DRIPPIN' SWEAT
GRIPPIN' A SPINNIN' WHEEL
WAITIN' FOR THE DEATH KNELL PEEL
A BLACK DEVILS TONGUE ROLLS OUT BEFORE ME
HISSING, LICKING, FLAMING & SPITTING
I'M ON THE RUN FROM THE DEMON INSIDE ME
GRINDING WINDING CHURNING AND BURNING
A SCREAMING BULLET TEARS FROM HELLS OWN KEEP
THUNDER QUAKES OF LAUGHTER FROM THE BELLY OF THE BEAST
A BLACK DEVILS TONGUE ROLLS OUT BEFORE ME
HISSING, LICKING, FLAMING & SPITTING
I'M ON THE RUN FROM THE EVIL INSIDE ME
GRINDING WINDING CHURNING AND BURNING
THIS RUPTURED CHASM ERUPTS SPLINTERING THE HEAP
WILDFIRE SPITTING FROM INFERNAL DEEP
MUSCULAR SKELETAL CONTORTING
BODY BRACED IS FORCING
SPITTIN SPARKS GRINDIN' WHEELS
KICKIN' FAST AT THE DEVIL'S HEELS
FLIRTING WITH PSYCHOSIS
THIS MADNESS TAKES 'A' HOLD
I'M DRIPPIN' SWEAT
GRIPPIN A SPINNIN' WHEEL
GRINDIN' SPARKS AT THE DEVIL'S HEELS
I'M DRIPPIN' WET
MINDS BLEEDING
THIS MADNESS TAKES A HOLD
I'M GRIPPIN' HARD
ON A SPINNIN' WHEEL
KNUCKLES WHITE ICY COLD
I'M GRIPPIN' WET
MINDS BLEEDING
THIS MADNESS TAKES MY SOUL
I'M DRIPPIN' SWEAT
GRIPPIN' A SPINNIN' WHEEL
SPITTIN' SPARKS
ON THE DEVIL'S HEELS
I'M DRIPPIN' SWEAT
MINDS BLEEDING
THIS MADNESS TAKES A HOLD
I'M DRIPPIN' SWEAT
GRIPPIN' A SPINNIN' WHEEL
WAITIN' FOR THE DEATH KNELL PEEL
THESE DARK WINGS
SPREAD OVER MY HORIZON
REIGN IN EVIL
REIGN IN FREEDOM
REIGN IN HELL
THESE RIVERS RUN WITH BLOOD
FLOWING TO THE FLOOD
THESE RIVERS RUN WITH BLOOD
FLOWING TO THE FLOOD
FROM THE GNASHING TEETH OF THE JAWS OF HELL
RASPING GASPING SEETHING AND BREATHING
MOVING FASTER THAN THE TOLL OF THAT FATEFUL BELL
WREAK CRAKE SHREIKS AND SHAKES THE HEATH
WINDIN' DOWN THAT STEEP SLIDE
SLIPPERY SLOPE
LANDSCAPE
RACING
THROUGH
MY
MIND
WINDIN' DOWN THAT SLIPPERY SLOPE
LANDSLIDE
RACING
THROUGH
MY
MIND
WINDIN' DOWN THAT STEEP SIDE
SLIPPERY SLOPE
BLACK TRACKS
RACING
THROUGH
MY
MIND
Apr 24, 2021
Apr 24, 2021 at 8:19 AM UTC
Faltering plans
An indecisive mind,
Consistency in itself is an art
An explosive start!
Followed by;
Fumbling fingers and idiotic ideas.
What next?
Do we pitstop like Hamilton?
We were in pole position.
Reassert, focus and keep on track.
We are the drivers of our own Destiny...
Apr 3, 2021
Apr 3, 2021 at 6:45 PM UTC
Racing thoughts do me no good
Why they wait for when I lay
I never understood,
Darkened hours when all I want
Is to drift in skies with unfocused eyes
From twisted hells to jubilant highs
All forgot, the following day
Mar 19, 2021
Mar 19, 2021 at 4:06 AM UTC
the smoke in my lungs,
tears in my eyes,
he is the break in my heart
I am suffocating;
Time.
he squeezes,
he grips,
demands, limits,
leaves no survivors;
Time.
Mar 14, 2021
Mar 14, 2021 at 11:16 PM UTC
I was feeling
down
depressed
and dark.
I put
some
rocks in my
cup
to uplift my
spirits,
to climb
out of the hole.
I want to
run on
the clouds
and
touch the sun;
go 180 around
the third turn.
Feel nothing but
the wind;
go out like
Earnhardt Sr.
in
a blaze of
glory.
Last lap
last run.
Jan 30, 2021
Jan 30, 2021 at 3:05 PM UTC
I hate you and your new car.
I hope every time you go to the gas station, it's three dollars per gallon. I hope you make so many enemies that there's a line to sugar your gas tank, I hope your engine knocks and your head gasket blows and your timing belt snaps and your rims warp and your tires pop every time you pass my street. I could still beat you in a race, even with your ugly sport package and plasti-dipped grill, I could still beat you in a race because I am angrier than you. I am angrier than you, and I always will be.
I hate you,
And I hate your new car.
Jan 14, 2021
Jan 14, 2021 at 10:39 AM UTC
Why can’t I go to sleep?
When I do it just repeats.
“I don’t care if you don’t like this beat
It’s what I think, it’s me, it’s me,”
She said to herself in her bed.
I’m fighting against myself
The battle turned into a war,
And I’m not afraid, I’m just worried
Worried about being a warrior.
I fight all day, my soul is tired
But I don’t let myself rest when the time is best or when it expires
The night falls but my heartbeat rises,
Racing thoughts run circles in my head.
My head, my bed.
My brain is inside of my head.
My head is part of me.
Aren’t we all just a brain in a cage?
Tonight the cage is electric,
Nothing soothes the rage or stops the sizzling pain.
I’m numb to the zap of the cold, hard metal.
I want to lay in a field of sage,
Lay me among the wildflowers.
I’ve never seen blue sky or blinding light,
At least not in the night.
The moon shines, but not enough for me!
This perfect creation isn’t bright enough for me!
At least not in the night...
I will lay my head when all this passes
I’ll wander off to sleep
And the next time I come to bed,
It will just repeat.
Sep 16, 2020
Sep 16, 2020 at 12:40 AM UTC
Thoughts racing,
trying to fill another page of this book with my story,
sewing in new sheets of paper to build some space.
Space between me and the page saying
The End.
Turning the pages, looking back at some from many years ago.
I read about a little girl, happily exploring the world.
She doesn't know about pain or despair.
Just look at her glowing eyes.
Progressing in the story, a few years later.
I watch a little girl, crying, covered by the blanket.
She doesn't want others to see, 'cause they'll just laugh anyway.
In her home, she has no room.
The whole house is filled with her father yelling.
The whole house is filled with her mother crying.
The only place for her sorrow is deep inside herself.
Just look at her puffy eyes.
Skipping a few chapters, years of searching and hoping.
I hear a little girl, laughing loud.
Nobody heard her screams when she needed them.
At least, when she's being loud, they notice her.
Being lost and out of control she hurts others.
When they scold her, they look at her.
Just look at her pleading eyes.
Going through pages of her trying to understand what she's done.
I hear a little girl swearing she'll never hurt anybody else.
She'd rather hurt herself to cope with the severe cold of this world.
So she builds a wall to keep everyone out,
to trap the wrath inside.
But she forgot the fear was already there.
Just look at her empty eyes.
Flipping the pages to read the ones from a few weeks ago.
I see a little girl drowning in tears and self doubt.
Apparently the wall she built long time ago is still standing strong.
A lot of 'Wanted' posters are hung on it from both sides,
but neither can reach through.
Just look at her anxious eyes.
I'm sitting here crying,
hoping my tears will wash away the letters on these pages.
But they won't.
So I'll keep on sewing pages.
Hoping one day I'll read the one about a girl who's come home.
About a girl who tore down the wall,
about a girl who built a place in a house to live in.
Until then I hope to have enough strength to put
space between me and the page saying
The End.
Sep 4, 2020
Sep 4, 2020 at 9:28 AM UTC
one, two, three, breathe
one, two, three, breathe out
it's all in my head
that's what i keep reciting to myself
it's all in my head
but if it's all in my head
why is my heart pounding so loud?
it feels like it might just fall out
Jun 11, 2020
Jun 11, 2020 at 12:29 AM UTC
Thoughts racing
Frustration attacks
Fearing what I do
Have I done things wrong
Falling to my knees
I grip my head
Pressing with all my might
To try and stop it from destroying me
Over analyzing
Over thinking
Emotions going out of control
As I rock back and forth
Is everything I do so wrong
I can’t see how it’s not anymore
The pain my head inflicts
Driving me insane
Where is the peace of mind
Where is the harmony that I hear so much about
Where is the love for myself
Why must I be so broken
I start to scream
Trying to drown out the voices
Blasting music so loud
It can cause someone to go deaf
Yet I still hear the thoughts
Nagging my every move
Telling me all these lies
With so much negativity
Things like
You’ll never amount to anything
You aren’t worth anyone’s time
You annoy everyone you talk to
You don’t deserve happiness
You deserve this pain you’re in
You don’t have a right to feel special
You will never be enough
They all hate you
They find you repulsive
They don’t care about you
Why do you think they would ever love you
All these things
Everyday
All day
Breaking me apart bit by bit
Pushing me further and further
Into this pit of despair
Driving me to think
Maybe I’m better off alone
Maybe I’m better off away from everyone
Maybe I just annoy everyone I talk to
Maybe I am intruding on the people I care about
Maybe I’m not worth the air I breath
Am I even worthy of being loved
So many negative thoughts
Drowning out my own voice
Sending me into a state of disarray
Crying myself to sleep
Huddled in a corner
Fearing to even be seen
By those I call my family
Why am I so broken
Why must my head do this to me
What is happening to me
Do I even deserve to exist
Jun 9, 2020
Jun 9, 2020 at 5:07 PM UTC
his fingers fidgeted with the stars
comets flying like racing cars
when he glanced above, all he hoped
to sing a lullaby to the one
he loves the most
Apr 27, 2020
Apr 27, 2020 at 11:59 AM UTC