#ptv
People always say
"Music keeps me sane."
But I don't get the random urge to kick those rocks when my phone is dead getting off the bus at 6pm,
The cry to selfharm is not only called through my mind
but when I'm listening to the screaming of friendly monsters
I run to the blade quicker.
Music keeps me insane.
Nov 4, 2015
Nov 4, 2015 at 10:25 PM UTC
you said you'd pull the thread
from my skin till my bones
felt embarrassed by all the attention
well they do
and
just a warning,
you're about to pull
the last thread
that's holding me together.
Oct 27, 2014
Oct 27, 2014 at 12:30 PM UTC
in my mind
all i really
wanted
was mind enough
to say no...
and yet
as i had knelt...
and as i had pleaded..
all i could ask for
was ignorance
and all i could say
was thank you
for all the venom---
still
it
feels just
a little bit sad
i couldn't
ask for more...
more drops
by
drops
wishing
wanting
waiting
washing down
falling
even deeper
ever faster
intoxicating
sating myself more and more in this
scrumptouos feast of more and more
and with every single mouthful
i take in
my appetite begs for more and more
yes
i am a wolf.
the lowest of the low
in a tripartite soul.
and i can't help
but fill myself up
no matter how much
i weigh myself down.
i just want more.
more of bullets
for every single word you say
more of icicles
for every single awkward touch
more of daggers
*for every single glare you look me
down with*
more of poison
*for every single lie you make me swallow
forcefully down my own throat saying
that you've always been true*
more of you...
*for every single night i waste
away lying wide awake lying
to myself about not regretting
every sound i taught, trained
my tongue to incarcerate until
you were no longer there to listen*
more of flames.
*the feeling i get whenever you
quench my burning aching hunger.*
more of flames
*that blazing glimmer i become
when everyone looks at all my
scars with disappointment.*
i want more of flames.
and i just want to burn it all down
along with you.
and then
i'd happily engulf myself
engorge myself
on all our
shared
pain
and
misery
knowing that no one will ever
knowingly share anything else with me...
let me bask
at least one last supper
in the blissful toxin
of our cannibalism
and one last time
we'll cast a miracle and
burn
in the gluttony
of our lustful intersuffering
drowning drunk
from the deathly fermentation
of our own flowing blood
knowing
we'll never again
have to wake up
with a killer of a hangover tomorrow.
Mar 7, 2019
Mar 7, 2019 at 6:43 AM UTC
And you're too tired to talk to me
Jan 26, 2019
Jan 26, 2019 at 3:27 AM UTC
I'd rather see the world
Through a broken glass
Fragmented
Like I'm an insect
I'd rather see you
Looking through my bangs
You're blurry now
Like I'm dying
I'd rather see myself
Well
I'd rather not see myself
At all
Aug 7, 2019
Aug 7, 2019 at 1:59 PM UTC
What does it mean
To still be here, living with trees
Tapping at the windows
It's almost like they're asking
What we think we're doing
Waking up on air mattresses
Drinking instant coffee while
Outside, birds will fall
In this twisted dream
A toxic slew of memories
Remember the back of the class
Listening to seventeen covers
Of "Kissing in Cars" and
Going through every last
Tear stained inch of you
Remember the grass beneath my feet
Before you ever knew about me
The school shootings, the rain
Kids crying in the parking lot
Phoning parents, trying not to be afraid
You're the only person I've ever seen
At midnight in an overcrowded kitchen
Leaned against a counter
Like you know where you belong
That night, I saw stars behind your eyes
I don't want to grow up anymore
Feb 5, 2020
Feb 5, 2020 at 4:20 PM UTC
Drawing flowers
Foxglove and
Red stained hearts
Bleeding out
On the pavement
Sending kisses
Over the phone
Texting like
Wildflowers
Popping up
In the darkness
Of my mind
Jul 24, 2019
Jul 24, 2019 at 12:31 PM UTC