#protecting
Some days I feel like a Facade. Not a real person going through the day but a wall that was built to be the separation of the two things.
I don’t know what this wall is protecting or what lies the Facade is even telling. It all feels like I am not a person of true substance, just something waiting to reveal itself.
Hopefully it’s good.
Jul 9, 2020
Jul 9, 2020 at 11:53 PM UTC
In a castle of sand
What are we breathing
What are we wasting
What are we protecting
Why did we build this castle
Why did I build this castle
I built it to leave it behind
I built it to love
I built it to live
Jun 23, 2020
Jun 23, 2020 at 6:36 PM UTC
The Dark place
It's so cold down here
The wind is blowing
I have no idea where to go
This roadway in endless.
It's getting darker
But I see some light
I wanna go into the light
But I can't, and I shouldn't.
I wish I knew where I was...
Hum..? Maybe I call it...
The Dark Place
I sit there all alone
Hoping for someone to come rescue me
Hoping that someone cares
Why should they.
How does someone with Depression live
How does someone express how they feel
Your asked so many question and you get put on the spot
You try to answer them, but later regret what you said.
It's getting darker
The lights going away
Maybe this is my way out
Out of live.
Out of pain
Out of feeling
Out of thinking
Out of breathing...
What if The Dark Place is where I wanna be
What if I wanna stay here
Yea everything's dark and gloomy.
But it's drama free.
I feel loved here
I feel understood here....
Do you ever feel like me?
Or am I just alone in a dream?
Should I stay? Should I go?
I don't know.
But I like The Dark Place.
I think I'ma stay.....
May 1, 2020
May 1, 2020 at 2:03 AM UTC
Some days I go from top speed to a dead halt in the same amount of time it takes to unlock a door or flip a light switch.
And when I'm standing still, it's hard not to feel like everything around me is crashing down and shattering. And it's loud. It's in my face. Etched onto my skin. Burned into my memory.
But somehow, I'm still here. After the thundering collision and the screeching of tires. I'm still here. In the middle of the crossroads. Still breathing. Still standing. Still here.
Because there are a few strings keeping me from crumbling. And here and there an iron rod that will not let me fall. Small truths and sentiments that shout louder and whisper sweeter than any of my thoughts ever could:
"someone cares" "you matter to me"
"don't walk alone" "careful" "would you like a hand?" "how was your day?" "you're smart too" "I like your face"
It brings me back. Back to that crossroads: my past behind me. A vast future ahead. Calling, beckoning the same way you do with that smile on your lips, your hand outstretched. And even in my clumsy fingers I will grasp it.
And follow.
From 0 to 5, to 10. To 20. To 30. To 40.
Slowly propelled forward yet again, out of the darkness my mind pulls up and around my shoulders like a shroud. Out of the ******* currents that pull me down. Out of the shadows where my bones grow cold.
Into the light and glow of countless stars. Each perfect, each warm. Each far away and watching from their perch upon your shoulders, your arms, your cheeks. Each inviting in the way a warm bed calls on rainy days.
Let me follow. Let me fall. Let me sink into your embrace and tell you how afraid I was today. Let me bare my soul, and make me strong. So that one day. If you should hear the collision and smell the smoke, I will be there to lift you out of the wreckage and hold you to my chest. The way you do now.
That one day I won't need saving from myself. But love fearlessly instead.
Feb 22, 2020
Feb 22, 2020 at 7:06 AM UTC
“It hurt. It hurt even more because you were close to me. It hurt because I cared about what you thought and said. You mattered to me, and that created a soft spot for you. But you left me. You betrayed me. You lied with the empty words. And you pushed me every time I came close with an act of care.
Now you say I am cold and emotionally distant. But that’s what I had to do to avoid being crippled by the emotional and mental wounds and scars, for I had enough. I am not a fool anymore; I know how this goes. Because every time I open up, all it does is hurt. So now every time you hurt me, the less I cry. Every time you leave me, the quicker these tears dry. And every time you walk out, the less I love you. Because every time it happens, the less you matter to me. So I am not going to let you close to me, even though you mean the most to me and I mean the most to you; in case you leave me in the dirt. Because the truth is baby, I am just protecting my innocence, heart, mind and soul now.”
Jul 24, 2019
Jul 24, 2019 at 10:45 AM UTC
She threw to many sharp stones.
So as her glass house tumbled down,
She would pick one of the shards of choir glass off the ground and use it
as a instrument.
Always playing the same violent violin piece across her dynamical skin.
Her mother always knew she had
a gift for music.
So when she heard the same solemn chorus pitching from the living room ceiling,
She darted to steal the show.
And become her daughters duet...her piano,
To hug her so tightly,
Singing and squeezing
Until her violin chords stopped bleeding.
Jun 15, 2018
Jun 15, 2018 at 2:44 PM UTC
A wondrous sky at dawn,
Protected from the frightful storm,
Sheltered within the gentle sea,
You rose in perfect authenticity.
A precious gift of pure and right,
You slowly peaked with warmth and light,
Love and beauty, like none before,
Purposefully rising, finding more.
You grew so fast from this humble beginning,
The World's most sacred, loved belonging.
The storms did come, with terror and fright,
The mothering horizon, holding you tight,
With all her imperfections, from another day,
Helpless to stop you, growing away-
Exposing yourself to the tall dark sky,
Damaged and polluted, with wailing cry.
Lovingly protected, by choppy waters,
Your faith and resilience cracks and falters.
We see your beauty, strength and light,
Fighting darkness, in the futile fight.
As you begin to leave, the sea's horizon,
We pray for our failures to be forgotten,
We pray that in, the tall dark sky,
You'll have a good wind, and peaceful flight.
We hope that you will weather the storm,
Mingle with stars, formed not torn,
Free with the birds, like a shooting star,
With our heavy hearts, with love from afar.
As you rise above, in midday glory-
Strong, we hope, lucky; just happy.
May 29, 2018
May 29, 2018 at 6:20 AM UTC
I gave you my heart when no one was looking.
The time taken to realize how mature we've become.
I fooled myself into believing substitutes are better than substance.
None of this was true.
Giving perspective to how I sought what I already have.
What I gave was vital.
Exchanging hands while no one looked.
A different insight to what we digested.
How well we perceive.
Learning to be patient while everything around moves.
I gave you my heart when no one was looking
Because it is something that is not easily obtained.
To show a side of me that no one else sees.
Over by the table while no one was looking because what's between us
should stay between us.
I waited until no one was looking as people do things out of spite.
Disguising my heart in a red solo cup.
Careful not to spill a single drop
handing you this cup.
How careful your lips were.
The assumption that forever has an interchangeable appearance.
It was never about what I could buy you.
The exciting places I could take you.
Sure these things come with time,
But the experience of experience itself.
Is what I obsessed with until the very moment.
The momentary happiness material things bring never lasts.
Just as the cup is disposable.
It's the contents that are most fragile.
Cleverly disguised due to our environment.
I felt at ease.
Giving this piece of me to you.
Not of fear.
Not of shame.
This warmth shared in personal awareness.
Your tastebuds the only witness to
What's kept between you and I.
The rest of the party carried on.
While no one was looking we created our own playlist.
Songs beginning with you and I.
Nothing digested ever stays put
Apr 1, 2018
Apr 1, 2018 at 4:14 PM UTC
Protector, I am.
Feeling the roar on my lips,
Fury and danger,
I am the shield.
Every sharp rip of skin,
Warm blood draining away.
Red mist,
Burning hole,
Rings of flame.
Screaming,
Screeching,
Wrenching apart.
Life will be taken
To protect my love.
The ones I love,
The few, only few,
Their hearts must beat.
A simple piece of flesh
Inside them all
That I would rip myself up
To protect.
Flashes, yelling,
Panicked cries.
No one can see
Through the smoke.
A twitch of the lip,
Smirking,
Grinning.
A burst of laughter,
Hysterically beautiful.
Come all and join me
As we serve out justice.
I come back at the rise of sun -
Hold out my red-coated arms.
This is how many died
So you can live on.
A twitch of the lip,
A smile once more.
Soft, softer.
For the ones I hold dear.
Steps, footsteps,
Backing away from me.
Fear, terror,
Disappointment, I see.
Glory shatters,
Tears tumble.
What have I done?
Why are you scared?
I DID ALL THIS TO PROTECT YOU!
YOU ARE ALIVE,
AREN’T YOU GRATEFUL?!
NO DON’T GO,
Don’t leave me!
I love you! All of you!
I a m n o t h i n g w i t h o u t y o u
Mar 21, 2018
Mar 21, 2018 at 12:36 PM UTC
In a place by the lake stood a tall willow tree
It's roots stretching down far beyond where I could see
At first glance I admire its elegant beauty
But there's more than meets the eye, I learned fool-heartedly
Its melancholy dance in the cool summer breeze
Mesmerizes my senses and is enough to please
Then the reflection in the lake made it all too clear
The willow is my love but there's no need to fear
Behind her dark eyes is a cloudy sky
A girl living in fear who's dying to cry
I can see you hiding behind that brave face
Exhausted from a journey you thought was going no place
The tears I see fall are like rain from the sky
Or the branches of the willow that keep this place dry
The leaves that drape down are protecting you so
Concealing the emotions that you don't want to show
The path you traveled is something you thought you'd never surpass
Like walking down a road of rusty nails and broken glass
Like a broken heart, your feet have been torn
Yet you go on beaten and continue to mourn
But the road you walk knows another poor soul
I've been down it too, and I've paid my toll
And the secrets you kept hidden from plain sight
Are now exposed to me in the mystic moonlight
And when you weep like the willow, please know this to be true
I'll love you forever, even when the skies ahead aren't blue
-AJT
Nov 14, 2017
Nov 14, 2017 at 11:55 PM UTC
She, herself was the labyrinth the minotaur protected. As through her heart lead a passage to heaven
Jan 25, 2017
Jan 25, 2017 at 2:25 PM UTC
Dead in the center of her heart I found a minotaur.
Of all things a frigging minotaur.
I stood puzzled as we locked eyes.
When I stumbled upon him he was sleep with today's newspaper drenched across his lap.
He bounced up in full guard.
Me being me I asked him for simple directions.
Telling him that I thought I was lost.
I planned on seeing heart shapes maybe a butterfly or two.
A big bunny shape thing or two but you, just wow.
He grinned slightly and said yeah that's the first time I've heard that one.
One step further, I added.
I take it from the amount of drool on the side of your lip you've been sleep for quite a while.
Now I don't mean to intrude on your guarding the labyrinth thing but,
How about you let me *** a smoke and we'll talk about it at the nearest dinner.
After all who can be mad over breakfast
Nov 26, 2016
Nov 26, 2016 at 5:56 AM UTC
My blood began to boil. I could feel my skin growing hot as it speed through my veins. My lips pressed into a thin line as my hands tightened into fists as he cursed my family so.
Darkness took my vision as I brought my fist to his jaw. The snap of it sent my blood flaming faster. A sly grin slide onto my lips. This was what I was brought up to do.
Aug 25, 2016
Aug 25, 2016 at 5:10 PM UTC
I wrapped you up
In my black ink
Leathery bat wings
Wings that once
Saw me soaring
Exploring everything
Every hope and dream
I let you ****** each feather
Close and fluttering
Crow colored I covered
Your heart with words
Soft, deep, and soothing
Profound and informative
Descriptive and imaginative
So, if you need them
I will clip these wings
And you can have your turn to fly
Nov 22, 2015
Nov 22, 2015 at 5:49 PM UTC
'You're frowning,' she said.
'It can't be that bad.'
He switched thoughts, creating
plausible lies, hiding,
protecting regrets.
Things done, never undone
left to sink in the silt
of the best forgotten
growing into islands of debt.
Sep 18, 2015
Sep 18, 2015 at 10:50 AM UTC
My love for you was holy
and like a new dawn pure.
Like a green leaf on the vine,
promising to grow secure.
My love for you was instilled
by God to carry you
on the hands of His providence
certain and strong and sure.
Nov 22, 2014
Nov 22, 2014 at 6:28 PM UTC