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#pros
It is as if a wave of tranquility passed over me this morning. Still numb. However, the strenuous longing to feel has dissipated. The wounds have be temporarily cauterized. No empty pain lingers in the darkness like a phantom menace. I felt nothing before, But I knew I was in pain. Now the nothingness consumes any lingering obscure thoughts. I am the hollow man; Such a fragile shell I carry on burden bones. But tis a pleasant day indeed. Thunder storms barrage the sky in open warfare and ominous tear drops soak the battlefield. For once I am not the fool weeping alone; The world takes my place, my pain, my suffering, and I revel in the warmth of it's tears as any good sadist does.
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Jun 8, 2021
Jun 8, 2021 at 4:16 PM UTC
Journal Entry 6/8/2021; 16:00
The past two days were recklessly engorged with alcohol. Intoxication has become habitual. Each weekend, drowning one's self in an illusion of joy and folly; The jester entertaining not Kings nor Queens, but the **** the weak, to deceive the empty crowd in my mind that I matter to someone. But matter is fleeting and we, myself and the abyss, understand the plight of today; waking up to nothing-- the empty abyss for which I am well acquainted with. Simply put, I am revisiting my old home from a not so distant past. The only difference between then and now is the relentless bottoms of empty glasses and a false sense of security and composure.
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Jun 7, 2021
Jun 7, 2021 at 1:38 PM UTC
Journal Entry 6/7/2021; 13:18
there's this pattern that I keep on going circles at for everything I gained I lost something in return but I guess I just never understand which losses were worth losing and which gains were worth acquiring
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Nov 5, 2019
Nov 5, 2019 at 3:27 AM UTC
gains and losses
What’s wrong with me? When it came to dealing with others, I never saw myself in a negative way. But now, all I notice is my pessimistic nature. Do the cons always outweigh the pros? No, of course not, but lately I remember more bad things than good.
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Oct 4, 2018
Oct 4, 2018 at 11:32 PM UTC
Pessimist
~ ♡ ~ It's pleasure ~ ♡ ~ It's  pain ~ ♡ ~ It's  joy ~ ♡ ~ It's disquiet ~ ♡ ~ It's an antidote ~ ♡ ~ It's poison ~ ♡ ~ It's soundness ~ ♡ ~ It's madness ~ ♡ ~ It's a blessing ~ ♡ ~ It's a curse ~ ♡ ~ It's a haven ~ ♡ ~ It's a battle ~ ♡ ~ But above all, Real love, true love is sacrifice ~ ♡ ~
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Aug 8, 2018
Aug 8, 2018 at 12:55 PM UTC
Love
There's instant soup Instant milk Blogs full'a goop Bugs in your blink Instant coffee Instagram Love like toffee Stuck in your spam Instant high Instant fluff Wherever you look There's bang for your buck God forbid Delete it all Switch it off Feel the mad withdrawal And go back to the land Grow your own Get a cow or a goat Forget your phone Finish the weeding Chat with a rose Stand in a summer shower Smell the smells in your nose Listen to the night Owls, foxes, wrens Watch the slow boiling Smoke dancing in little rings
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Oct 11, 2017
Oct 11, 2017 at 6:36 AM UTC
Instant
the ******* up brigade the ******* up brigade are pros in the trade the ******* up brigade the ******* up brigade enjoy the goodly ******* up lade the ******* up brigade the ******* up brigade possess lips of a fawning shade the ******* up brigade the ******* up brigade recite this rhyme so fine in grade the ******* up brigade the ******* up brigade do flatter with the nicest wade the ******* up brigade the ******* up brigade it is now time for an outro fade
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Dec 28, 2016
Dec 28, 2016 at 9:41 PM UTC
The ******* Up Brigade (Monorhyme)
I find it scary to love someone like this. You give everything you have your love, time & attention. Hoping that they will do & feel the same way like you do. Missing them every single time, making sure that they're happy & remain contented with you, & your love. Doing everything that you could to make sure that they wouldn't leave you, alone. At the same time, giving them space & freedom that they want & deserve. To make sure they won't feel locked, stuck & chained with you. Loving someone so deeply, pure, sincere & innocent is not an easy task. This might sound narcissistic, but I admire myself & those who has done it? It is scary, yes. No assurances that all of it wouldn't be wasted. Maybe that's the beauty of love Making smart & logical people; dumb, fearless & illogical. Driving human beings, insane & risking it all, for the name of love.
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Mar 5, 2016
Mar 5, 2016 at 2:17 AM UTC
Pros and Cons of Love
I love Lightning when no claps of thunder trail it I love the pitter-patter of rain outside when I am dry inside I love you when feelings remain requited I love everything until I see each layer
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Jul 14, 2015
Jul 14, 2015 at 2:09 AM UTC
Untitled
She looked up to the towering evergreen and wondered if the paradoxical romance was yet to begin again. She hadn't given up, was it the rolling synapses that captured her heart or the lonely thoughts? And would she ever know? Was she meant to? Scouring her brain for the reckoning, imaging his cynical gaze meeting her own,that sudden illumination it dawned, and capturing smile that followed. Retrospective Love uncertain. Only one truth lingered: his brain was the one she craved another chance to explore. A sleepy afternoon to lead him down the rabbit hole once more. A Crow materialized in the branches of the lush tower above.Would it become a ******
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Jan 27, 2015
Jan 27, 2015 at 2:53 PM UTC
Leaf Litter
She wasn't so special. She wasn't even that pretty, and her hair was always a mess, she had tired eyes, also her knees were too skinny and her voice was too loud. She was always in her own world never paying attention to anything I had to say, always scribbling in that notebook of hers I never got a chance to read. She laughed pretty much about anything, and had an opinion about everything, seriously. Okay, she was that pretty. In fact, the world beautiful wouldn't bring her justice in her worst day. Her hair was a mess, that's for sure, it always fell over her face and I used to pull it back gently. And maybe she had tired eyes for staying up until the moon went to sleep waiting for my 'I'm home' text. I got to say I loved the skinniness of her knees, I remember thinking she was secure with me, that nothing wrong would ever happen to her. She was a loud person, which kind of came in handy whenever she had to stand up for herself, watching her speak up always made me proud. She was a daydreamer, always over analizing everything, picturing different scenarios and each possible outcome. She promised she would show me that notebook, I remember she mentioned once how every thought that crossed her mind she wrote, that always fascinated me. And her laugh, man, that I could never hate, I would have done anything to hear her laugh. She always told me how having an opinion about everything made her interesting, but I knew that already, for I found her fascinating since the moment I met her. She knew who she was and she knew what she wanted, I wish I had figured that out before. It's too late now.
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Jun 2, 2014
Jun 2, 2014 at 1:19 AM UTC
Or was she?
She wasn't so special. She wasn't even that pretty, and her hair was always a mess, she had tired eyes, also her knees were too skinny and her voice was too loud. She was always in her own world never paying attention to anything I had to say, always scribbling in that notebook of hers I never got a chance to read. She laughed pretty much about anything, and had an opinion about everything, seriously. Okay, she was that pretty. In fact, the world beautiful wouldn't bring her justice in her worst day. Her hair was a mess, that's for sure, it always fell over her face and I used to pull it back gently. And maybe she had tired eyes for staying up until the moon went to sleep waiting for my 'I'm home' text. I got to say I loved the skinniness of her knees, I remember thinking she was secure with me, that nothing wrong would ever happen to her. She was a loud person, which kind of came in handy whenever she had to stand up for herself, watching her speak up always made me proud. She was a daydreamer, always over analizing everything, picturing different scenarios and each possible outcome. She promised she would show me that notebook, I remember she mentioned once how every thought that crossed her mind she wrote, that always fascinated me. And her laugh, man, that I could never hate, I would have done anything to hear her laugh. She always told me how having an opinion about everything made her interesting, but I knew that already, for I found her fascinating since the moment I met her. She knew who she was and she knew what she wanted, I wish I had figured that out before. It's too late now.
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