#progressing
are you doing,
or are you overthinking?
are you progressing,
or are you moving?
are you living,
or are you worrying?
do some.
progress more.
live.
Sep 16, 2019
Sep 16, 2019 at 6:11 PM UTC
Racing through life
On tracks like train cars.
But we move too fast
To appreciate the now,
Now.
Mar 26, 2019
Mar 26, 2019 at 11:59 AM UTC
Some people think a home is your original country where you first scratched your knees and where you first built sandcastles or where you first threw snowballs. Some think it's where your parents have travelled to or where they have owned their first house or perhaps where one’s younger siblings went to school. Home to me, however, is a wild concept. It's not here where I have stayed for a while but it’s not there either. It's not where I first made snow angels but it's not where I first star gazed either. It's not my nationality or my Canadian passport. To me, Home is a weird concept. Weird because although I have visited so many places and I have lived amidst so many cultures, my heart is still not at peace- instead, it keeps sinking lower and feeling more and more heavy - and my thoughts they are as fast as they have ever been.
In the deepest corners of my mind, I vaguely remember one night climbing slowly out of bed in a strange city for the first time. Slipping out of the pyjamas and into the ripped jeans. Getting out of the messy bun and letting my hair cover my face and protect my ears. I remember escaping the large shirt and grasping a larger one. And finally putting on the Timbs and the same old shiny velvet coat.
I remember opening the door ever so slowly and slipping out but breathing only after I was across the street. Walking towards nowhere and with no place in mind. I remember attempting to find Times Square. Attempting to figure out the way. Standing in a large crowd that swallowed me while I stood struck by the lack of order and the lack of structure in the way they moved.
And that was the first time that I have ever stopped trying to find myself in the crowd and that was also the first time I haven't gotten lost trying to find myself.
I remember vaguely what happened that night. I remember the rose I got and the Chihuahua that followed for two blocks. I remember coming back after watching the sunrise. I remember slipping back into the same PJs and out of the shiny velvet coat. But what I remember the most is how in tune I felt.
The warm slow thoughts I had that merged with clouded lines between the present and the subconscious. I remember the peaceful state I was in.
And now a couple years later on another weekday and during another 3 AM over thinking session, I feel the same weary feeling that I had since the day I had to move away from that amazing city. One that allowed my imagination to run wild and my thoughts to feel ever so small and my existence ever so little.
So here is a message.
A message from the 17-year-old me.
Darling, you're at home when you realize and acknowledge that life is beyond you yet your own life is all about you. It is when you accept that moving forward is leaving so much behind. It is when you realize that it is okay to wake up one day and give up on who you are and decide to walk into the bathroom, grab the scissors, and change your Rapunzel-length hair to a Mom Bob and go from skirts and dresses to baggy hoodies and live your teens next to plushies and to forever, forever, and forever prefer books and mugs over people and company.
My 14-year-old self you have grown a lot and my future 18-year-old self you will grow more. Smile and work towards your happiness and in doing so you will indeed feel in tune, you will indeed feel complete and you will indeed feel happy and above all, you will feel accomplished.
And so, my favourite lesson of this one trial lifetime is that I shall build the foundation of my wellbeing and of my own happiness on me and me only - for there is no one, no one, in this world that deserves to hold that honour but me.
Fitting into the bigger puzzle means fitting my own pieces together.
Feb 18, 2019
Feb 18, 2019 at 1:05 AM UTC
~for she who knows whom I mean~
do not beg to differ
just do
she is progressing true,
but the process is foretold
three generations of tracks
the line is map drawn
she and the generations before
and the generations to follow are
a work in process
the process is forever foretold
the genes are in control***
do you ken the difference?
do you ken the compliment?
and the complement...clear
Sep 22, 2018
Sep 22, 2018 at 2:50 PM UTC
Every time I look up,
The clouds will block my sight.
Every time I raise my arms,
Shackles hold me tight.
They keep me to the ground,
With a fierce and gruesome might.
And as I glance at my surroundings,
I know this isn’t right.
They say that hope will help you,
Save you from drowning in the sea.
But still the arms will wrap me up,
Laugh as they listen to my plea.
I’ll have freedom in my palm,
Then trip and drop the key.
And as I try to escape myself,
I know no one’s saving me.
As I sit at the desk I’m writing,
With the blood from my own veins.
My hands will remain shackled,
Still weighed down by the chains.
But I’m fighting, and I’m trying,
Whistles blowing from the trains.
I’m not screaming, I’m not crying,
Run away from all the pains.
While sitting in the corner,
Lifting up my aching hand,
I think about the people,
Standing outside, as they planned.
This is my new place now,
Suppose this my home land,
I can still see liberty,
But I’m sinking in the sand,
Stuck inside my own mind,
They’ll never understand.
May 12, 2018
May 12, 2018 at 8:05 PM UTC
Day passes on to night,
Night passes on to day,
Every second that passes
Witnesses my heart's decay.
My heart lost in its previous agony
Sheds tears of sedation,
Numbing its own passions,
To forget its almost amputation.
My heart has suffered many losses,
So my brain continually consoles it,
My soul now conflicted,
As to how they should together truly fit.
My heart and mind have lost their balance,
Lost their ability to function and thrive,
Together as a partnership,
Under the observance of my soul's derive.
Feb 26, 2016
Feb 26, 2016 at 4:14 AM UTC