#prenancy
Firdous was what I wanted to name a daughter I hoped to bear,
After marrying the most perfect man and making myself the most perfect wife,
In a nice house with walls that springs delight and
With many specialized rooms only waiting for the memories I hoped for us to make.
Only to find myself in the lavatory within the office,
With a pregnancy test that glows happy with positive,
And I should be happy,
I know I should be -for I may finally be able to bear my precious Firdous,
Oh precious precious Firdous.
But with what husband?
With what house? with what walls of Delight?
And with which rooms to fill with her laughter and tears and....
What do I do? Dear lord what do I do?
Do I ****** my chance of this happiness?
Do I ****** the bliss of the future I dream of?
Or do I disappoint my mother- the one who bore me?
Do I choose to bring my precious in a world I'm yet to figure?
And I'm yet to find my place in?
Should I curse my baby with the burden of having no father?
Should I curse myself with the burden of a child that could suffer?
Because of having a mother that failed to provide efficiently?
What do I do dear lord?
Should I condem myself to hell or should I condem my beautiful baby-
unborn and unnamed,
to the hells of this world as an illegitimate with miserable likes of a mother like me.
-fir.m ♡
Sep 9, 2021
Sep 9, 2021 at 9:46 PM UTC
I don’t know if being pregnant
Was on my mind
Or the fear of being left behind
Unable to rewind,
Back to the time
In which I was able to make good decisions
To think with great precision
To look beyond a short sighted vision.
Taking a risk,
Over someone who doesn’t care for you
Lack of resolve to take care of you
A person who doesn’t care for Love
And I simply paying the price
For disobeying the king above
Because I did wrong instead of doing right
His final straw has been cut,
And unfortunately I am out of luck
****
Yes I am what you call, f****ed
Oct 22, 2018
Oct 22, 2018 at 11:17 AM UTC