#poetsofig
I always took love as a prison.
Bars you don’t see,
rules you don’t question,
time you serve
without knowing the sentence.
I just didn’t think
I’d be in it alone.
Door’s open.
That’s the mad part.
No guard.
No lock.
No one stopping me leaving.
Still here.
Same spot.
Same thoughts pacing back and forth
like they’ve got nowhere else to go.
That’s how it works, ain't it?
Not chains,
just habits.
You get used to it.
Get used to the echo of your own voice
being the only thing answering back.
Get used to filling in silence
like it’s your job.
Get used to thinking
if something’s missing,
it must be you.
I’ve sat with that long enough
for it to sound normal.
Like...
Maybe I’m just… extra weight.
Not in a loud way.
Not something anyone says outright.
Just that feeling
you read between everything.
Late replies.
Short answers.
Energy that don’t quite match yours.
You clock it.
Start adjusting.
Say less.
Expect less.
Take up less space.
Like you’re trying to fit into something
that was never built with you in mind.
And when it still don’t sit right,
you blame yourself.
Of course you do.
Easier than admitting
some things just don’t line up.
But the thought creeps in anyway.
Quiet.
Maybe it’d be easier
if you weren’t here like this.
Not gone,
just… removed from the equation.
Like taking your name out of a group chat
that don’t really include you.
Everything carries on.
Cleaner.
Simpler.
That’s how it tries to sell it.
Not dramatic.
Just practical.
And I’ve sat with that too,
long enough to feel it settle,
long enough to almost agree.
That’s the dangerous bit.
How reasonable it can sound
when you’re tired.
But then I look around,
same room,
same air,
same version of me
that’s still here despite it.
And I realise,
this “prison” ain’t love.
It’s what I built around it.
All the overthinking,
the second-guessing,
the way I turn silence
into something personal.
Walls I kept reinforcing
thinking they were protecting me.
They weren’t.
Just kept me in.
And yeah,
it still feels like I’m doing time some days.
Still catch myself pacing.
Still hear those thoughts
trying to sound like facts.
But the door’s open.
Has been.
I just never trusted
that I was allowed to walk out.
Thought I had to earn it.
Thought I had to be lighter,
easier,
less of whatever I think I am.
But maybe,
maybe it was never about that.
Maybe I’m not a burden.
Maybe I just stayed too long
in places that made me feel like one.
That’s harder to admit.
But it’s closer to truth.
So I’m still here.
Not fixed.
Not free like that.
Just… aware now.
And that’s enough
to take one step closer
to the door.
May 2
May 2, 2026 at 6:27 AM UTC
It wasn't a bad day.
That’s the problem.
Nothing went wrong,
nothing went right either.
Just… one of those days
that stack on top of each other
until you stop telling them apart.
I got home,
same routine,
same silence waiting for me
like it always does.
Keys down.
Shoes off.
No one asking how it went.
No one to answer anyway.
I sit there for a bit
not doing anything,
just letting the room exist around me.
And it hits again.
Not loud.
Not dramatic.
Just that same thought
slipping in like it belongs,
what difference does it make if I’m here?
No reaction at first.
Just let it sit.
Because I’ve heard it before.
Different days.
Same voice.
And I start looking around,
nothing’s changed.
Same walls.
Same air.
Same version of me
that don’t quite land anywhere properly.
Like I exist…
but not in a way that shifts anything.
People say they care.
I hear it.
I do.
But it don’t always feel like it reaches me.
Like it stops just short
and I’m left filling in the rest myself.
And I try,
I try to make sense of it,
to not take things personally,
to not turn every silence
into something it might not be,
but I still do.
And that’s tiring.
The kind of tired
that don’t show on your face,
just sits behind everything.
Makes simple things feel heavy.
Makes you question
if you’re the common problem
in situations that keep repeating.
I’ve sat with that thought long enough
for it to feel familiar.
Like maybe I am just… difficult to hold onto.
Maybe I don’t land right with people.
Maybe there’s something about me
that makes things fade.
And once that starts
your head don’t help.
It builds on it.
Stacks it up.
Turns a feeling
into something that sounds like fact.
And I sit there
with all of it in my head
and nowhere for it to go.
No distraction.
No noise.
Just me
and everything
I haven’t
worked out yet.
And for a second,
I don’t know what else to do with it.
Not fix it.
Not understand it.
Just… carry it.
And I realise,
I’ve been carrying it on my own
for longer than I admit.
That’s what gets to me.
Not even the sadness
just how quiet it all is.
How normal it feels
to sit in it
and not say anything.
And I don’t have some big answer.
No clean way to wrap it up.
Just this moment
where I’m sat here
with everything feeling heavier than it should,
and the only thing I can think to do is…
say something
I haven’t said properly in a while -
Saint Jude.
Patron of difficult cases,
of things almost despaired of, pray for me.
I am so hopeless and alone.
Please pray for me that God come to me in my hour of need,
and I receive consolation in all my tribulations and sufferings.
And that, I may bless God with
the elect for all eternity.
Amen.
May 2
May 2, 2026 at 4:13 PM UTC
Your arms, cute legs, and nice smile –
Maybe I’m too late to feel this far, to feel a void,
or is it to _fill a void_— I try to avoid, that hits too close.
But peel away all the labels from your face, living
A little longer in my thoughts before a short-notice;
I’ll be the first to notice the role you played in my life.
Your skin like a KitKat; so for a sweet time,
I’ll break you off a piece of my heart— _that’s a bar._
But some days I’m wrapped up in emotional bars,
These hands outstretched, but arms too short
To hold every direction your thoughts wander to.
But won't you wonder too, how my legs are too thin
To outrun all the quiet decades that shaped you—
But hey, at least I still carry a nice smile.
Sounds so dreadful, visiting for a short time,
Catching those fallen stars in your wet eyes —
Wearing shorts in winter, so our knees can knock,
Two souls knocking too— knees weak; I have seven
Reasons to want you right now, though it’s really
Been a week, since I last seen your cute smile —
_And wish I could keep it for a lifetime._
Dec 3, 2025
Dec 3, 2025 at 4:20 AM UTC
The most substantial burden women have ever endured was not the weight of motherhood, nor the physical toll of childbirth, nor the exhaustive list of responsibilities, including appointments, bills, meals, and future plans, that they often undertook alone.
The most substantial burden women have ever endured was the weight of a man's ego.
Fragile as glass, yet razor-sharp, it constantly required polishing, yet was incapable of shining independently.
A man who made promises he failed to keep, who spoke of sacrifice but never made any, who relied on women to do the work while he took the credit.
A man who needed constant reminders, coaching, and guidance, yet claimed to have accomplished everything on his own.
And when women sought truth, held up the mirror, and dared to say, 'You are not who you pretend to be,' his world crumbled.
Not because it was untrue, but because he was exposed.
And that was the real transgression.
For men can deceive, fail, and break promises with impunity, yet a woman who speaks the truth is vilified.
She is cruel, vicious, and ungrateful for all that he almost did.
And still, she carries the weight of everything: the household, children, meals, laundry, bills, plans, his future, failures, and lies.
While he claims it is hard for him, asks if she cannot simply be nice, and reminds her that he works hard for her.
But what does a man work for if his home is merely a place for a woman to serve, to build his life while sacrificing her own?
And what could women achieve if they never had to bear the weight of a man?
Feb 10, 2025
Feb 10, 2025 at 8:20 PM UTC
Everything, is fine,
it is. Fine,
If I have that again, it will, make me sick
It will always get stuck in my throat,
I would choke. Sick,
that I don't need, Don't eat.
leave it out? Totally.
Someone might see,
know, help, me? Getting worse.
Help myself. Normality,
keeping things usual. Work.
Pull myself together? get over it, don't be silly:
That's not helpful,
don’t say anything.
What's happening? I've never passed out before.
You in my head will you explain
What to do, yes you; I'm losing,
help me?
see things I'm missing. Ignore.
Remember being sick ? I don't want that, leave,
I Need food to keep the same.
Not. Change.
Food others have makes me feel unwell. Don't eat.
I. Tremble, consider, stare, UNABLE TO EAT MEALS,
Eat: with everyone, sit, quiet, be slow,
as much as possible, I will leave.
At least I tried. To observing eyes. I did well?
Touch leave, take leave tremble, later, maybe. No.
Don't want to, yet: need to think,
what I'm going to have? where I'm going to eat?
you can tell me, yes, no.? Safe food list, alters,
becomes not safe. It has changed, different cold.
Leave it. If it's not the same, colour, shape, smell,
not safe, Wait. It's on the list. Avoid it, the date is old,
milkshake
best.
In therapy, I speak, I listen, you unravel.
Best?
help me? keep to timetable? Its achievable.
What has really happened.?
Avoid? Try? Listen. Try, try
Is it fine?, me trying, still worried, concerned.
Not what you thought
(ARFID) Michael C Crowder September 2018
Jan 5, 2019
Jan 5, 2019 at 11:14 AM UTC
He came over...
We spoke...
One of the few
Blasts from my past
Red wine
Poured out in a glass
In substitution
Of how I poured
My heart out
To potential
Which did not last...
At last...
We spoke.
And what I thought
For a split second
Could be some kind of
Re-ignition to my fine
Cashmere woods scented
Candle wax...
Instead became an unsteady flame
Over a firmly molded
Candle frame
Of a woman...
Who has had enough.
We spoke...
About what he saw as a memory
I saw as trauma
And there was no more tears
To be cried
Over his baby mama drama
And that his words
Fell on deaf ears
When he said he can lend an ear
Because a promise is that to a fool
And a fool...
I no longer bared...
I am in love...
And although that love
Had not come alive
And although that love
Is what I will seek
Till the day I die...
And that love is the only love
Worth years of tear drops
From my eyes...
I am in love...
We spoke...
I never meant to end up so cold
I never meant to make your ego
Feel like a joke
I didn’t even mean
To invite you to my home...
But at last...
We spoke
No longer my Prince Charming
This princess was now
Anointed as Queen
And this Queen awaits a true King
And it takes more than a hug
And a kiss on the cheek
To make me weak
It takes more than
You telling me of my beauty
Which took me your absence to seek
... your assurance my darling...
I **** sure don’t need...
I am in love...
With a man
Whose actions
Speak louder than his words
Who pushed me
Through my darkness
Who struck chords of movement
Who got me to love...
And actually mean it...
Who saw my poems...
AND ACTUALLY READS IT....
We spoke...
And in that moment
I realized...
I don’t need a title...
I just need to exist.
Don’t say it...
Feel it...
We have spoken. .
Mar 7, 2019
Mar 7, 2019 at 2:42 PM UTC
I really don't know what to tell you.
I try to be the best human I can be, I
sometimes care too much, I care a lot
about many things;
and it makes me depressed..
I've been depressed ever
since I can remember,
and i'm just really sad most of the time..
and not being happy, is the most awful
thing I could do to myself..
So before I can love you,
I must first love the grey pieces of my
old, echoing soul.. and if you wait,
wait for the sun to replace the moon.
I will gift to you, the buried light inside
my dusted, shivering bones..
Sandoval
Feb 1, 2018
Feb 1, 2018 at 2:13 PM UTC
This road was wide
enough to let you run away,
and help you find your way.
But never long enough to bring
you back home, and
make you stay..
Sandoval
Nov 8, 2017
Nov 8, 2017 at 1:04 PM UTC
Without your voice,
calling my name. My
silent muse, I am
deaf to it all ..
Sandoval
Nov 7, 2017
Nov 7, 2017 at 10:49 AM UTC
About my love life ?
I read the same
book, over and over..
Having a shelf full of
them at my every
reach.. That should
tell you everything
you need to know
about the way I love..
Sandoval
Nov 6, 2017
Nov 6, 2017 at 10:32 AM UTC
Poor girl,
sometimes you love so
much, so fiercley,
and so madly, that
you forget
not everyone is half as
mental as you..
Sandoval
Nov 4, 2017
Nov 4, 2017 at 4:37 PM UTC
She was the
type of girl
who breathed in stars, and
spit out
constellations.
Sandoval
Oct 5, 2017
Oct 5, 2017 at 11:58 AM UTC
Before you,
there was no one.
And after you,
there will only be your
shadow..
Sandoval
Sep 21, 2017
Sep 21, 2017 at 4:44 PM UTC
We were roses,
washed ashore.
Floating in an
endless universe.
Full of magic,
full of hope.
Carrying our
decaying beauty,
everywhere
we go..
Sandoval
Sep 19, 2017
Sep 19, 2017 at 5:25 PM UTC
Time always
takes,
but never
gives.
And if you ask me,
what you were to me.
you were a watch on my
wrist.
Sandoval
Sep 18, 2017
Sep 18, 2017 at 7:34 PM UTC
I woke up
in the middle of the night.
Drowning in your absence,
suffocating in your silence..
It was late out,
skies cried and stars fell.
The day the universe finally
understood, what
your lips could
never tell.
Sandoval
Sep 10, 2017
Sep 10, 2017 at 2:18 PM UTC
I live inside the
moon,
for she is chained
to this earth.
And I am chained
to you.
Sandoval
Sep 10, 2017
Sep 10, 2017 at 2:08 PM UTC
Do not tell me,
that the moon
is yours to own.
Then run away when
the sun leaves the
earth.
Sandoval
Sep 9, 2017
Sep 9, 2017 at 3:07 PM UTC
Do not dim
your lights, then
ask me why
I love the dark
so much..
Sandoval
Aug 30, 2017
Aug 30, 2017 at 1:13 AM UTC
I do not care if you have
gone.
You took my heart with
you.
And what one does not
have,
can no longer break in
half.
Sandoval
Aug 27, 2017
Aug 27, 2017 at 9:11 PM UTC
Be happy with her.
Leave me alone to die,
with your broken song still inside of me.
Though its melody is now old,
and out of tune.
It still remains my favorite
sound.
Sandoval
Aug 23, 2017
Aug 23, 2017 at 2:22 AM UTC
You compared us,
to Paul Newman
and
Joanne Woodward.
But baby, you ran.
He stayed.
Tell me again,
how we're still the same..
Sandoval
Aug 21, 2017
Aug 21, 2017 at 6:25 AM UTC
In the
distant stars.
The light
of your eyes,
fought
on..
Sandoval
Aug 21, 2017
Aug 21, 2017 at 4:45 AM UTC
I listen to the sound
of the waves.
Looking for a clue,
an echo of your silence.
And I patiently
wait for you.
Like Amphitrite
waited for Poseidon.
Sandoval
Aug 21, 2017
Aug 21, 2017 at 4:03 AM UTC
He was a blank book.
With my ink of sonnets,
I gave him a story,
syllables full of stars.
I made him
readable, interesting, intriguing.
But, the last thing that ever crossed my mind,
was that sitting there,
on that shelf, I also made him
reachable.
Sandoval
Aug 20, 2017
Aug 20, 2017 at 4:37 AM UTC