#philosophic
I’ve seen too much from behind these lids.
I've learned that the dark is no place I can rest.
It shows me everything that hides, or is hid,
Inside every pulse within others foul heads.
I flinch at any kindness like it's going to bite.
For not every smile is given to me to stay.
I keep my room the brightest at night—
So, when I see me, I won't look away.
My body is here, I think. Maybe in part.
But rest is somewhere I left, unclaimed.
I built shrines of silence inside my heart,
Where I hid my echo and gave it a name.
When I am asked, why I never sleep,
A version of me steps in front just to lie.
Cause sleep is a place that's way too deep,
For someone who feels like they already died.
I’ve felt myself moving under my skin—
I'm an actor mouthing some borrowed truth.
I close up and break. The thoughts swarm in.
As I choke on even their quietest proof.
I stay wide awake thinking pain will pass.
It doesn't. It stayed here and laid in my bed.
My comfort is a window of shattered glass—
It never begs me to fix my fractured head.
I taught myself how to speak under pause,
And how not to feel, with blood and meds.
You know love exists? Then show me the clause,
Stating “nothing that lives, is punished when dead.”
I almost opened my heart once. And It burned.
Not with fire—just light I knew I shouldn’t touch.
You say your worth trust? Well see if it returns,
If you abandon it like faith and leave it untouched.
I wish I knew how not to leave my own trail.
But my presence cuts the air, and I can’t pretend.
I stitch it back together, each time I inhale,
My own conscious effort to draw my next breath.
These eyes must stay open. That’s the only rule.
So I count every crack in the wall and the door.
My heartbeats break open. My bloods in a pool.
Not so much now, but that used to mean more.
Might as well be the door, I will not unseal.
Or the me in the mirror would start turning away.
Cause to truly open up, would make it too real.
And nothing that's real in my life, ever stayed.
So never again, will I close my eyes.
Keep your strong skin. And I’ll keep the scars.
I swallowed a lock; in my chest it resides.
And never again, will I open my heart.
Jun 2, 2025
Jun 2, 2025 at 9:57 AM UTC
As i find the dream i fall
Into the night.
Unified
With what could lie
Beyond the eyesight, the unknown -
Barely seen yet clearly heard -
Makes me think throughout the night
What is time and what is I?
Questions rise and answers flow,
Awareness drifts in search for more,
Unraveling psychotic fight
Within the mind.
Unified
My neurons form a structure type
That supports a living mind -
A quantum flow over time.
No computer can describe
The consciousness,
And nor can I.
There's no way to look within,
Only to look outside,
But not inside another's mind.
We use our masks and find it fine -
We look inside each other's eyes.
An illusion of self
Makes it convenient to tell
Each mind apart by mask alone -
Embodiment of anecdote.
What's going on inside my head?
I am clearly not a self,
Not a being, nor a soul,
Not computation, just a flow.
Probabilities increase of finding
That which could decrease
The chances to conceptualize
Existence of space and time.
Is universe just a shard
Of something that once fell apart?
Can we find the clues and solve
The mysteries of our home?
As long as something must exist
All probabilities align
For me to somehow be alive
In this small window of spacetime,
For me to question my own mind
While being part of cosmic tide,
For me to seek the answers by
Looking outward and inside.
I will someday realize
What it is that makes me I.
Jul 29, 2020
Jul 29, 2020 at 5:29 PM UTC
' Life's signs
' and meanings
' perceived by
' all our senses
' and being's
' foci of attention,
' can divine
' from within
' and without.
' That's if our inner-eye
' isn't clouded by
' false-ego,
' self-conscious self,
' or doubt.
Jun 12, 2020
Jun 12, 2020 at 2:15 PM UTC
the Cardinal in full plumage
is a handsome bird
both male and female
but the adolescent Cardinal
not so much
it looks a splotchy ragged mess
its act not yet together
adult plumage will come of course
but acts don’t stay together
adulthood isn’t a plateau
of competence and handsome looks
that last until the breakdowns of old age
every year the grownups molt
have to change their feathers
rebuilt their looks and means of flight
people are like that too
without the features
and more staggered periods of change
less assurance that the new
attitudes friends and habits
will work that they’ll feel comfortable
within their skin
with or without features we
are all subject to the weather
poisoning of water the local pecking order
and then death
we all seem to flit around more than is needed
we all sing our joys and needs and warnings
we all proclaim our right to be here
no matter what our plumage
no matter how we sing
Dec 11, 2019
Dec 11, 2019 at 6:29 PM UTC
Lighthouse watcher
And stargazer
Share common lust
For distant wander
One place at time
For flesh and soul
Split one another
In dimensions
If their souls once get together
Will they still search for faraway?
Sep 24, 2019
Sep 24, 2019 at 3:17 PM UTC
I am a philosophic dreamer,
moving on fields of open mind.
I dance and steps vibrate
in patterns of sacred geometry.
I sing and music echoes
causing heart to expand with grace.
I breath deep and lungs fill
with air infused wisdom.
I love and the universe matches my essence
so miracles occur.
I dream and all fits into place
inside divine timing.
I am a philosophic dreamer,
blessed inside the celebration of life.
Jan 7, 2018
Jan 7, 2018 at 4:04 PM UTC
A Little Quiz
If you could sell a thing for lots,
Finance your yachts;
Would you boycott?
Boycott, if what you sold
Could finance wars,
Could bring worlds
To their burned-out knees,
Would you do business?
If you could earn a salary
By working in a factory
Producing weapon’s heads,
Guns, poison gas –
All granted by the local laws,
Would you do business?
A little quiz - a little Buddhist -
Prompted by
The sheer potentiality
Of personalities and crime TV
Regarded daily.
Hypothesize:
Your kids are hungry.
A Little Quiz 8.29.2017
War Book II; Our Times, Our Culture II;
Arlene Corwin
Aug 29, 2017
Aug 29, 2017 at 6:34 AM UTC
Did you know you can trick the brain; even if there is no trick. Simply by tricking it into thinking that it's been tricked.
"I can't believe you drank it"
spits out water
Jul 9, 2017
Jul 9, 2017 at 12:06 PM UTC