#phantompain
I miss the days when we were together.
Are those days truly forgettable?
No, I'll remember them forever.
Losing you was regrettable.
But why did we even sever?
I thought our bond was unbreakable.
I believed you'd leave me never.
So why did you go? It's unbearable.
Jan 6
Jan 6, 2026 at 10:10 AM UTC
What a strong grip that you've managed to keep so long
How does it still feel in this moment?
Realize now that the grip was too strong
It's gone too numb to feel if it still constricts
Emboldened by the lies that cross the threshold of those lips
You get what I give and I give you what I deserved
You reap what I sow, but I know what you think I don't
Believe me, you know you've deceived me
You seem baffled as I start to roam away from your reach
Wondering where went the chain you've anchored
What of the lessons you've attempted to teach
To keep me guilted, controlled and manipulated
So you can seek all you want from the others you've lied to
You take what I give but I get what you deserved
I've reaped what you sow and you know that I don't
Believe you, I know you've deceived me
So come clean to me
Bare all your guilt
Set me free
You've already abandoned me
Still you don't resist
To continue so disrespectfully
You keep your secrets disappearing
So what is it that you still want from me?
So come clean to me (come clean, come clean)
Bare all your guilt (what you hide from me)
Set me free (your cage no longer fits)
You've already abandoned me
So why should I stay by you?
©July 2024 Neal Emanuelson
Jul 2, 2024
Jul 2, 2024 at 6:40 PM UTC
Here I am bleeding again
Taken aback by mortal fear.
Staring at faith
Staged by hope--
Pouring rain on visceral cage–
The sound of deep
Calling to deep.
Repressed feelings buried by Time.
Epitaph reads on the forgotten Grave:
"Here lies the child now grown.
His hopes and dreams
Dashed to pieces.
This is where the child died."
I often hear the Mystic Keeper
Calling from night
And tradition calling from Artificial light
As I run through scorched Barren
Fields of doubt,
Walking barefoot over these Coals
Crouching low
To hide my eyes
As I run
And as I hide
From what has already been revealed--
The tombstone says it all.
When I am out on the water
Lost in the Channel fog
I often see fleeting glimpses of
White cliffs of hope
Like the white cliffs of Dover
Shining on the edge of Melancholy Sea.
But they often turn out to be
Withered white
Seeds of religious platitudes.
And then there is the ready Reflection
Of the looking glass
That often tricks the Beholder.
For in it truth is not seen.
What is seen is graffiti of soul
Hiding the crumbling
Cracks of age–
The threshold where
Sanity meets its end.
Isolation has become
A shining steel blade
Cutting deep
Into the heart of hearts.
Nothing lives after amputation.
Depending on emotional Prosthetics--
Phantom pain
When nothing is There.
But in the midst of these Devastations
I am learning to take--
Howbeit reluctantly--
The hand of trust and grace;
Allowing
Hope to build
A fortress for dreams…
Set boundaries better
Than no control at all.
Feb 28, 2017
Feb 28, 2017 at 10:48 AM UTC
When I first admitted
To loving you
A seed was planted in my being
It grew with every rain of love
It somehow became a part of me
And when you left
My body ached
You are like
A phantom limb
My body cannot
Accept your absence
Some nights
I feel it all again
I relive the moment
I did not give consent for
Such great a amputation
Though I knew the risks
Of keeping a dying limb
You cut yourself off
And months later I'm stuck
With my phantom pain
They took me to psych
Told me I'd gone insane
But after the sunshine of our love
what's there to expect
But cold weather and rain?
Jun 10, 2015
Jun 10, 2015 at 3:48 PM UTC