#paulinerussell
It was a cart once made for shopping
Now lost and long forgoten
It was a cart once silver and shiny
Now old, disgusting and grimy
She found it there in an unused lot
It was exactly what she had sought
In it she placed her worldly belongings
Including her hopes, her dreams, and longings
She took it with her wherever she went
Hours organizing it where spent
Not one thing about that cart was inept
She knew every scrap of paper, and were it was kept
There was room for her clothes, she had very few
Far less than anyone knew
A spot for the table scraps she managed to find
Who knew you could live on less than a dime
But there in the middle you'll find two old tattered tins
Her most prized possessions where tucked safely within
One tin was for the past and things that are no more
With child like eyes, she'd peek in and explore
For both Joy and Sorrow are contained inside
Amongst the Polaroids of life, a lock of child's hair did reside
The other was for her hopes and dreams
They carried her on, when there seemed to be no means
Even when all the dreams eventually explode and collide
Hope will still be standing strong by her side
Her life as it is now, out here on the streets
Was unexpected, not planned......the memory repeats
A bright sunny day
Soaking up the sun's rays
Both out by their pool
Him sitting at the bar on a stool
But little boys sure do like to giggle
They squirm, and they wiggle
Her out stretched fingers grazed his shirt as he fell
Her screams of anguish no one could quail
As she held his limp body pleading for him to open his eyes
Screaming at the heavens..... WHY.... WHY.... WHY
Now on this block you can find her every day
Pushing that shopping cart as she limps and she sways
Come bare witness to the sad aftermath
One split second, changed a life's path
©Pauline Morris
Sep 10, 2020
Sep 10, 2020 at 5:18 PM UTC
Alone again, on the same furrowed land
Knees trembling to much to stand
I find my feet firmly planted in quicksand
I'm sinking yet AGAIN
There is no need to pretend
My situation is to much to comprehend
I'm tired of all the abuse
Forced into being a lonely recluse
I once again raise my flag of truce
This suffering is way to much to bear
So I let go, raise my hands into the air
To an uncaring entity, I offer my last prayer
I hear the last toll of the bell
As the tears in my eyes swell
Sinking into my own personal hell
I watch my life slowly dissipate
I listen to the last beat beneath my breastplate
I could no longer carry the weight
©Pauline Morris
Sep 10, 2020
Sep 10, 2020 at 5:14 PM UTC
Locked up tight in a lover's cage
Easy target for all his rage
Lies being continually fed
I love you was said
Caught in his web
Sweetly tainted words he continued to weave
How was I ever that ****** naive
Blindly continuing to believe
Moved far from home and friends, freedom firmly suppressed
Long sleepless nights and days of no rest
As his crazy obsessions slowly manifest
Walking on eggshells till the next rampage
Locked up tight in an iron cage
Easy prey for all his rage
Never really knowing why or when the next attack
One word taken wrong, my jaw he would jack
Kept constantly pregnant, so I couldn't fight back
I realize from the outside looking in it's hard to construe
People say leave, but they haven't the slightest clue
But here on the inside, he means every death threat that's spewed
They just don't know that type of griping fear
Of keeping your children safe and near
While trying to hide all the violence from their eyes and ears
What if I left, tried to break free
Would he **** me, like he promised with glee
Would the kids survive, there's no guarantee
I know if he raised them, they would surely be twisted
As adults would they follow in his steps, also be addicted
I fear their view of love would grow so sadistic
I was determined to get my kids out of his hellish cage alive
One day my opportunity did faithfully arrive
Leaving him to rot in his own putrid cell, while watching us thrive
NEVER AGAIN
Will I be locked up in a lover's cage
NEVER AGAIN
Will I be an easy target for rage
©Pauline Morris
Sep 10, 2020
Sep 10, 2020 at 5:10 PM UTC
The wind will blow, the chimes will dance
Be you in the throws of grief, or great romance
Our feelings, nothing but a victim of circumstance
©Pauline Russell
May 23, 2020
May 23, 2020 at 12:37 PM UTC
I see the tears welling up in his eyes
As he sets there, with a heavy sigh
These thoughts on his mind heavily weigh
Under his breath I could hear him say
"I'm getting so very forgetful"
"I'm looking so **** pitiful"
He turned 87 a week ago
His age is starting to show
He feels deaths grip closing in
His skin is paper thin
He's always cold even in the sweltering heat of summer
His hearing is almost gone, it's all just mummers
He talks of how his legs don't work so well any more
The act of getting up is such a chore
He has taken to cussing like a sailor
But reads the bible, getting ready to meet his creator
"Growing old in not for the weak or faint of heart
This growing old **** is hard"
©Pauline Morris
Sep 15, 2019
Sep 15, 2019 at 1:47 PM UTC
Like a fish without water, a bird without a sky
Standing on the shores of deception, wondering why
With my head in the clouds, flying so high
Drowning in reality lie after lie
Now I was smart enough to know a shark is a shark and a snake is a snake
That some people really are nothing more than fake
Despite the warnings, the signs, and the voices that raged
Willingly I flew in, to be locked up and caged
I just wanted so badly to believe in the notes of that song
I wanted to be protected, to be loved and to belong
When friendship and love is the weapon of choice
It's not only the heart but the whole being it destroys
©Pauline Morris
Jun 3, 2019
Jun 3, 2019 at 5:17 PM UTC
Close to death
A finale breath
Reaper's touch
A finale hush
Pain dissipates
In loved one's eyes reinstates
Mar 27, 2019
Mar 27, 2019 at 12:28 PM UTC
The rain it pitter patters
Against my window splatters
And the only thing that really matters
Is your not here with me
It's like the sky could see
And started crying so soft and slowly
©Pauline Russell
Feb 24, 2019
Feb 24, 2019 at 1:05 PM UTC
The walking dead in the land of the living
Soulless eyes and hearts unforgiving
They seek to destroy
******* out your joy
Shatter your skull
Make your mind dull
Rip out your heart
That's just the start
Dead set eyes
You'll never relize
Till it's to late
Your heart they ate
Breathing remains
Nothing else the same
Now hollow of feeling
Soul was sent reeling
Some don't know
Out of them life flowed
We're all missing parts
Mostly the heart
Also gray matter
Obscenities spatter
Growing in number
Pillage and plunder
All must be fed
Living in the land of the dead..
©Pauline Morris
Feb 2, 2019
Feb 2, 2019 at 10:08 PM UTC
I never was warned
Now I'm stuck on the horns
I'm burning in the fire
Stuck in the mire
Each choice will pierce
This decision is fierce
This situation is dire
My brain is going haywire
It's about to expire
What an awful quagmire
The universe against me is conspiring
With all it guns locked and loaded, it's firing
It's aiming straight at my heart, my head
I swear it wants me dead
Such an enigma
On the horns of a dilemma
©Pauline Russell
Jan 21, 2019
Jan 21, 2019 at 10:09 PM UTC
One loose Pebble could send me plummeting
And I feel an earthquake coming
Jan 20, 2019
Jan 20, 2019 at 7:41 PM UTC
Besides the screams and panic
Besides people becoming manic
Was the most haunting of sounds, ever to be heard
Surreal and hysterically absurd
As loved ones try to leave nothing unsaid
Was the continuously ringing cellphones of the dead
©Pauline Russell
Jan 20, 2019
Jan 20, 2019 at 6:52 PM UTC
She left on that Desert highway
Running at top speed
She didn't stop for days
She wanted to end the bleed
Took a few left turns
She found herself lost
She had watched it all burn
Her soul had paid the cost
Her wildness enthralling
As in darkness she was drown
Storms of memories falling
Screaming silence the sound
Do not try to follow
Disappearing into herself, leaving only a blur
She'd taken all she could swallow
With this life she never did concur
©Pauline Russell
Jan 20, 2019
Jan 20, 2019 at 6:30 PM UTC
Oxymoron
Good judgment comes from experience, experience from bad decisions
This whole ******* life is a contradiction
It's an oxymoron at every turn
Every decision only gets you burned
If in old age you manage to arrive
That's when life's lessons are realized
The young are bound in the futility of it all
Never seeing the cliff before they fall
Not wise enough to know
God clipped our wings before the throw
He turned everything upside down
When he placed us on this hellish ground
We all were marked
You can't see the light unless your in the dark
You don't appreciate the sun's rays
Till you've stood in the storm for days
Without pain you wouldn't relish the pleasure
Without work, there would be no leisure
What is good, if taken to much only leads to bad
Giving love away leaves you with more than you had
The act of forgiveness is not for the one that hurt you
But heals your soul before its through
So do the best you can in life
Even when it equals strife
For this world will keep you spinning
For the score card is plain, death is winning
But don't you worry, I'm sure that's an oxymoron too
When deaths door we pass through
Real living, then will we ensue
In death there will be no rest
This life is but a test
For the oxymoron weaves it's way through it all
Even when death, at your door calls
©Pauline Russell
May 31, 2018
May 31, 2018 at 8:48 AM UTC
Last night I cried myself to sleep
Counting tears instead of sheep
I need a shepherd to guide my feet
Lost out here on this mountain steep
With every memory I just stumble
Trying to climb over my life's rubble
Inside my eyelids is a projection screen
Showing me things I've lived and seen
Every bad decision I've ever made
All of life's punches, vividly displayed
For young and broken it was true love I craved
Making easy prey for human monsters to enslave
In my youth I was taught the rules
Of how to be the victim of those human ghouls
I'm bleeding out, but none can see
From the head is where I bleed
Memories continually running full throttle
Like lightning caught and sealed in a bottle
Desperately scrambling up the mountain's face
Trying so hard to find my place
In this world, where I'll never belong
Never allowed to sing my song
This little bird will never cheep
For my spirits broke, I'm way to weak
The pain and agony to myself I'll keep
Till my eyes close to that ultimate sleep
©Pauline Russell
May 30, 2018
May 30, 2018 at 1:32 AM UTC
Tears like rain, on her cheeks is found
They are always there, falling down
The sorrow is etched in lines on her face
Still she carries herself with beauty and grace
She's always there when someone is in need
Happy to help with every deed
Yet there she sits all alone
Not even a place to call her own
There's no hero for her to call
She feels like a little rag doll
Kicked to the side
A downward slide
cobwebs of memories are forming in her mind
Twisted and contorted she is now misaligned
She's coming undone, seams ripping apart
If only someone would give her their heart
©Pauline Russell
Nov 29, 2017
Nov 29, 2017 at 5:53 AM UTC
Red Rover, Red Rover
Is long ago over
As submachine guns are now slung over our children's shoulder
Hide and Go Seek
Is not for the meek
Now it's played by survivors or victims, the out look is bleak
London Bridge is Falling Down
Wouldn't actually hit the ground
But in today's reality there is probability to be found
War was played with cards
Now human life is of little regard
Open up your eyes, for war is now in our backyards
©Pauline Russell
Nov 27, 2017
Nov 27, 2017 at 12:02 PM UTC
When I look in your eyes
I see the agony of a thousand goodbyes
The tears in your cries
I see the sadness of the wise
When I look in your eyes
I see the depth of love, it's no surprise
I see the twinkling of a thousand stars in the skies
I can see the moon rise
When I look in your eyes
I see the seasons turn, Autumn comes, summer dies
I see the death of year's, our slow demise
I agonize
When I look in your eyes
I sadly realize
One day we must part, there'll be no tears, no goodbyes
I'll just look into your eyes
©Pauline Russell
Nov 22, 2017
Nov 22, 2017 at 3:32 PM UTC
Give me my warm pajamas, my heart has been covered with snow
There are only lonely nights, no one to hold
Give me my warm pajamas, there's no one to hold
My bones are weary and so very cold
Give me my warm pajamas, my bones are cold
My heart is frozen over and growing old
Give me my warm pajamas,my heart is growing old
Winter has came, summer's been sold
Give me my warm pajamas, summer's been sold
With the hand of cards I've been dealt, I just want to fold
Give me my warm pajamas, I need to fold
In this world, I never fit it's mold
Give me my warm pajamas, I'll never fit the mold
By my past, my future has been foretold
My warm pajamas won't be why they find my body cold
©Pauline Russell
Nov 20, 2017
Nov 20, 2017 at 9:39 PM UTC
I'm hidden, shivering behind this curtain of rain
Seeing live through shades of pain
I'm so tired of listening to the sound of my tears
They've been falling for way to many years
In this life of mine, it never rains it only pours
In my head, the scarred battle ground of wars'
Of a million thoughts and memories
Trying desperately Pharmaceutical remedies
Only to discover there is no cure for my disease
Forced again and again to my knees
I use to pray to a distant faceless God
Religion preaching of His grand facade
But He too must be flawed
For I stand daily in front of His firing squad
Mental health continually erodes
Desperately waiting for a lull, as He reloads
Coal black darkness paints my life's canvas
As I watch yesterday's loss become today's madness
Wishing I could feel the firm hard dirt at the end of this hole
I fear it's bottomless, just like my soul
©Pauline Russell
Nov 6, 2017
Nov 6, 2017 at 9:00 AM UTC
Depression so deep
Only escape is sleep
Sleep conceals
All I feel
It steals away
Every day
Everythings gone wrong
Depression marches on
The dead keep dying
The birds quit flying
Sun no longer shining
Darkness keeps defying
Anguish always raining
Voices quietly crying
Mentally declining
Madness is smiling
Depression so deep
It's determined to keep
It all locked up tight
I'm shackled, can't fight
I'll never know, the why
So I close my eyes
Whisper a cry
Then wait to die
©Pauline Russell
Oct 25, 2017
Oct 25, 2017 at 11:15 AM UTC