#pauline
I know of a girl
With small hands
That write small letters,
But with a mind so wide
Like her arms opened
For a comforting embrace.
Few spoken words at first
That ring with cautious clarity
Then grows in depth and length.
Tiny capillaries that connect
To the biggest heart I've heard
Whose louder beats echo
From where she stays.
Little feet which will carry her
To a larger place some day.
Her name may mean "small,"
But she's so much more
than most of all.
Nov 12, 2018
Nov 12, 2018 at 12:17 AM UTC
There in the belly of the city
Way down there where it's dark and gritty
Lives a very complexe man
There in his Window he stands
Watching the atrocities that parade down his street
He's seen the dealer's and the junkies meet
The homeless that set at their feet
The thugs that prey on the weak
Children abused, made to be meek
It plays out every day of the week
He's seen it all
He's watched humanity fall
It's hard for him to digest
On this life's problems his mind rest
He knows there's not much that he can do
He watches and writes it all down, he's one of the few
Sent to bear witness to the inhumanity of man
To make us think of where in this life we stand
Yes he is a poet
He's watched it all and wrote it
He has a big heart
Which makes it hard to play his part
Of watcher in the tower
As those below cower
But his calling, well that he is sure of
To watch the dying of love
To watch the darkness closing in
To watch all of man's sin
To sound the alarm
Of humanity going wrong
He stands at his Window and cries out
But no one pays attention to his shouts
So he soaks the page with ink and tears
Hoping that at last somebody hears
©Pauline Russell
Apr 24, 2018
Apr 24, 2018 at 8:18 PM UTC
It's hard living in a world where no one cares
While your smothered and shallowed by despair
Sitting here wondering why I was born into this place
Not wanting to be part of this sad human race
Where money is the great and powerful Oz
It doesn't matter what's the cause
I look and see their hearts have grown cold and calloused
Everything is so off balanced
There is no more unconditional love
No loving help from up above
We have been abandoned
The trumpets have sounded
Humanity has been stripped of it's compassion
Empathy is in short ration
Gone are the ways of old
To these values we no longer hold
Now it's I'll do for you, if you can do for me
That's not the way it's supposed to be
But everyone's eyes have been closed
Their souls have become thorny and cold
We are no longer judged on our thoughts and actions
But by how much money we have for the coming attractions
For if we don't have enough to pay
We become part of the play
We are condemned to be the *****
They feed to the machines of war
©Pauline Russell
Apr 23, 2018
Apr 23, 2018 at 11:48 AM UTC
There was a bird that grew up caged
It didn't know it should be enraged
It had seen other birds fly
Thought to it's self "they are going to die"
For from what it had lived and witnessed
It thought they must have a sickness
To make them fly
Way up there in the sky
In it's cage it was quite content
Never knowing what for, it's wings where ment
So it thought the other birds where more than bent
Are you like that little bird
Thinking that flying is quiet absurd
Are you locked in a cage of your own design
Content to live your life so confined
Take a closer look and open up your mind
© Pauline Russell
Apr 15, 2018
Apr 15, 2018 at 8:35 PM UTC
I can feel the monsters skull trying to break out
I can feel the snout slowly growing stout
I can hear the growls deep and fearful start
A crack of all the bones, a moving of the parts
Writhing in pain falling to the ground
No longer can a human form be found
Why are you braced to run
Don't you want to have some fun
After all you called it out from me
When you made my emotions bleed
You was so very **** obstinate
Now turn and face the consequence
He licks his lips, he can taste your lies
He stares intently into your eyes
There is nothing he can't find
Nothing can you hide
Looking you over
He takes a big sniff of your odor
He takes your face in his claws
To him you must plea, he makes the call
Are you worthy of me at all
For my Monster won't rip, won't tear
He'll simply make you miss what use to be there.
©Pauline Russell
Apr 13, 2018
Apr 13, 2018 at 5:33 AM UTC
I am no one
I'm but a pun
I am nothing
I'm but string
I am naught
I'm but rot
I am an outsider
I'm but a cypher
I am an introvert
I'm but dirt
Just a splatter
On this life's platter
©Pauline Russell
Apr 13, 2018
Apr 13, 2018 at 5:29 AM UTC
I went down to the sandy bay
Just to watch the water sway
I chased the tiny ***** at play
Sitting on the sand to enjoy the view
***** closing in, quickly withdrew
Dimonds twinkling on a field of blue
Sea gulls screeching a hello
Eloquently they ride the winds flow
As off to the sea they go
The small waves start to dance
Sun and water have such a romance
Everythings perfect at first glance
To speak of this is quite taboo
Even in paradise things are askew
There in the waters deep deep blue
In the darkness or brightest place
Monsters of all kinds still give chase
They inhabit every single space
There is no heroes, they've all died
There is no need to wail or cry
No comforting can be applied
There is no one left to intercede
Come and have a seat by me
We can witness the ocean bleed
We will sit and watch the scene unfold
As they greedily munch down soul after soul
Plainly now all can see, we never did have control
©Pauline Russell
Apr 12, 2018
Apr 12, 2018 at 7:02 PM UTC
A man of pain
A man of Cain
Entered my life
Like a two edged knife
Fist decorating with bruises
There is no release, he refuses
Sleep is denied, mind turns to mush
No escaping, till my breath is hushed
My death is there within his eyes
Air shut off, harshly denied
Hands wrapped around throat
Till mind shuts off, then floats
©Pauline Russell
Apr 12, 2018
Apr 12, 2018 at 7:14 AM UTC
Late last night within my dreams
Chasing the wind, it showed me scenes
How it carved the mountains steep
Made the canyons very deep
Showing me cities centuries old
Glittering in the sun layerd in gold
I watched as the wind carried the sands of time
Burying the cities up, it felt like a loss it felt like a crime
I chased the wind so very far, I had to know
How do you pick where and how hard to blow
"Child by now you should see
I am not in control of me
Like every force of nature, we harken to His voice
What I do is His choice
From the gale winds that tosses ships
Or tornados that through communities rip
I'm the cool kiss on a soldiers sweaty brow
At their feet I spread the sent of death so foul
I touch every single blade of grass
Flowers nod a greeting as I pass
I do my masters bidding without question
Every single thing is but a lesson"
"Brace my friend, Your Winds of change are about to be
You'll no longer have to go chase me
Begging the creator to let it be good just this once
To let you taste happiness and joy in abundance
Through way to many years I have watched you cried
It saddens me all your tears I have dried"
Though you will look but never see
You will always fell the essence that is me
I was your first breath of life, that first pain filled cry
I was there every step, every stumble along your journey, I promise to be your last sigh
©Pauline Russell
Apr 11, 2018
Apr 11, 2018 at 4:30 AM UTC
Onslot of drugs
Have left a hum
A constant buzz
A steady strum
Reverberating
Obliterating
Exhilarating
Exasperating
Saturating
and
Accelerating
the
Evaporating
Liberating
now
Incarcerating
©Pauline Russell
Apr 11, 2018
Apr 11, 2018 at 2:04 AM UTC
Today she gave her last **** her last care
Watch as she dangles and dances in air
Better watch closely, better watch fast
It will be over as quickly as a glance
©Pauline Russell
Apr 10, 2018
Apr 10, 2018 at 9:54 PM UTC
If only my loved ones knew how hard I've fought
If only they knew all the directions I've sought
Agony finally overcame me, now out on the rim
I hope they know my last thoughts are of them
©Pauline Russell
Apr 10, 2018
Apr 10, 2018 at 9:50 PM UTC
Refined by the fire
Of others sins and desires
Brash and bold
To hot to hold
Beaten with wrath
A ****** aftermath
Left with the weight
Of guilt and hate
Made to succumb
Reliving what was done
Every night in my dreams
It plays like a movie screen
Echoes of screams
Bounce off of moon beams
Thrashing in a sea of white
Over and over, the same fight
There's no leaving the past in the past
As every night it leaves me aghast
So take that advice
That's like raw nerves under ice
Think about it thrice
For it is far from suffice
My war rages on
From dusk till dawn
©Pauline Russell
Apr 7, 2018
Apr 7, 2018 at 10:26 PM UTC
I thought you were a friend of mine
I thought you was a treasured find
Only when it came to fruition
Did I see the true situation
I was no more than a pawn
You just played me all along
I opened my home and heart to you
On my friendship you just chew
As you spitting out words of friendship and love
While holding that anvil out of sight, high above
Now I'm flattened once again
Loving people my greatest sin
This time I refuse to mend
This time I snapped, I didn't bend
For evil is what I receive from men
This time I refuse to have another friend
©Pauline Russell
Apr 5, 2018
Apr 5, 2018 at 2:16 PM UTC
The count down has begun, imploding inside
Memories run rampant, bump into, collide
Explosions hidden just behind the eyes
Self destruction lies just under skin and a grin, a worn-out guise
Most never caring, never looking any deeper, tell them your fine
On the outside making it all perfect, every thing looks aligned
Self destruction, grief, and sorrow combine
With tremendous anguish and pain I've been assigned
Desperately reaching for a caring hand to guide
Want of love and hugs are implied
But my cries are ignored and denied Anger shows it's hand, as I shove everything to the side
Why is it on my heart this torment that lingers, forever to stay
All the while these rapidly changing emotions I'm trying to slay
Pushing everyone and everything away
Loneliness settles in for the long harrowing stay
Only love will make the sorrow depart
Every fiber of my being pleads for that fresh start
It will only take one caring heart
To picking up pieces as I fall apart
©Pauline Russell
Mar 30, 2018
Mar 30, 2018 at 3:46 PM UTC
Please little pill
Help me not to feel
**** it where it starts
Right there in the heart
As sorrow gathers up and multiplies
Tears trickling, gone is my disguise
Please dear pill rush to my side
Let you chemicals be applied
Awww, feeling no pain
As the drugs tickles my brain
Maybe I'll live through today
But as for tomorrow who's to say
©Pauline Russell
Mar 30, 2018
Mar 30, 2018 at 3:23 PM UTC
If the sign on my door says "Don't come in, call 911"
Just turn around, walk or run
Knowing that my demons won
For many years I fought this war
I'm bone tired, down to my core
Gonna let my demons settle the score
I'm thinking only of your sanity
You don't need to see the depravity
Of the way I set my self free from gravity
You don't need to see the gore
So I'll just let you know, I am no more
As I place this sign upon my door
DON'T COME IN, CALL 911
©Pauline Russell
Mar 26, 2018
Mar 26, 2018 at 11:19 AM UTC
Mind, nothing more than a swollen abscess
With long forgotten memories, pressed down and repressed
With enough pressure, the accuser becomes the accused
As agony is seared in, and infused
Childhood stolen, of ignorance deprived
Innocence lies rotting where it was buried alive
©Pauline Russell
Mar 24, 2018
Mar 24, 2018 at 12:13 PM UTC
Walking continually in the rain of desperation
Drowning in the flood of my dire situation
Mired in my grief by the muddy suction
Shackled in barbed wire chains of my self destruction
Watching the Wind's of Change, bring life's next squall
Surrounding me, protecting me, is my wailing wall
As the Sand's of time unmercifully does it's eroding
Agonizing memories, the darkness keeps exposing
Thoughts start to spin, start to twist and contort
Demons there to greet me, in my mind they love to consort
Struggling with all my might, still doesn't help, I am stuck
Sinking, I'm getting enveloped by life's gooey muck
Slowly submerging in suicidal quicksand, seeking only peace
Depression sinks in it's sharp teeth, for death is release
©Pauline Russell
Mar 23, 2018
Mar 23, 2018 at 12:07 PM UTC
When it's my time to go
My spirt from my body will flow
It's off to the crematorium, I know
Don't hold on, just let me go
My ashes just let them flow
I'm no longer here, this you know
©Pauline Russell
Mar 23, 2018
Mar 23, 2018 at 12:05 PM UTC
Help me, help me
You have till the count of three
Help me, help me
It's more than just a plea
Help me, help me
Or my brains you might see
Help me, help me
One.. two.. three...
BANG
To late, to late
The gun I just ate
©Pauline Russell
Mar 23, 2018
Mar 23, 2018 at 11:59 AM UTC
How do I communicate.....A poet here words aren't thrown
Love never said.....Just simply, beautifully shown
Mar 21, 2018
Mar 21, 2018 at 6:53 PM UTC
You said "I don't know if you think you're just a burden to me or what"
The answer there is yes, that's exactly what I fear
I've been made to feel a burden since the day I was born
But at times I feel like I'm worth so much more
That I'm not just a burden
But maybe someone to be loved, maybe even cherished
But then I think, maybe I'm really nothing at all
Maybe the universe saw I wasn't fit
Maybe in life, I deserved all of it
You have a hard time showing any feelings
In that void you leave me in, sometimes it sends my thoughts reeling
Everything gets tumbled, my words become jumbled
My actions become erratic, so not humble
It's because I fear the worst, that's exactly what I am
A Burden
©Pauline Russell
Mar 21, 2018
Mar 21, 2018 at 7:43 AM UTC
Born on the darkest of nights
For the stars hid their eyes from the sight
Of an innocent soul born under the bad moon
With the universe this child would never be attuned
In lifes garden, only pain, misery, and sorrow could bloom
From the very beginning this child's life was doomed
The stars wept that night
For an atrocity that wasn't right
The rain that fell on that child's soul
Was meant to comfort and console
The star's sweet tears quieted the wish to die
That only minutes old has already darkening that child's eye
The child grew with a messed up childhood
Every night the step dad at the child's bedroom door stood
That curse of the bad moon
Made sure all happiness out of this life was pruned
The child grew up, found love, or so thought
Only later to realize she had been caught
The grown child was caged and beaten daily
It was the depth of Hell, it almost drove that poor soul crazy
The stars held witness
As the winds of change bent and twisted
Rushing that soul from one tragedy to another
Leaving the child shaking under the covers
The child cried out to that wicked moon
"This sorrowful life you gifted me to soon"
"I never got to taste the pleasure"
"Or lie for a time just in leisure"
"You took happiness, the greatest of all treasure"
Everyday the child struggled through
What else was there to do
But everyday brought new problems the child did it's best to solve them
But it was a constant onslaught
Being born under the bad moon's sign, only agony was brought
The only relieve was at night, when the star's tears fell
It called to the child's soul like a bell
On rainy nights you can find
The child's fragile body and mind
Stand out in the pitch dark rain
Letting all those starry tears wash away the pain
The strain
That resides in the heart, the brain
The star's and the child's tears mix
As off the child's fingertips it drips
In the harsh light of day
Watch this child sways
Watch as the delicate steel soul dances to every blow
Taking the lumps of every thing thrown
It's hard to believe how strong this child did grow
But it's bones are brittle
To crush this grown child would take but a little
This child will never out live the moon's tattoo
There is nothing about it to do
Pushing on
Giving the illusion of being strong
Over to many problems it stumbled
Until the child's soul crumbles
Then the soul will rejoin the universe
Then and only then, in happiness it will be submerged
So take heed when the next bad moon wanes on high
You can hear the stars weep and cry
Pray your child isn't born in that night
That your child will not have to fight for a life that's unlivable
Surrounded in all that is miserable
If you was born under that evil moon
If the star's for you cry too
Do the best you can do
Dance in the rain of tears
Through out all of your years
In the stars sweet rain
It can wash away the pain
Letting you feel the illusion of sane
©Pauline Russell
Mar 21, 2018
Mar 21, 2018 at 7:25 AM UTC