#patricediaz
the poem below is a poem i had made about 2 years ago and i found it in my e-mail.
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black and blue
i felt bruised
a little red
i think i bled
i had a bag
no, not a classy one
they were heavy
and they made me feel dull
but through that horrid time
i felt alive
more than i have ever been
more than i ever dreamed
Sep 8, 2017
Sep 8, 2017 at 11:27 PM UTC
drench me in warm colors
as that is how i'd like to be
ever glowing under the sunlight
ever glowing into the night
drench me in hues of red
hues of yellow, hues of orange
i'd like to be one with the earth
always sunny, always bright
even after a thunderstorm
warm manages to shine through
how happy it makes my heart
how happy it makes my soul
drench me in warm tones
i want every inch of me to feel that way
drench me in warm colors
make me feel from another day
Aug 4, 2017
Aug 4, 2017 at 11:54 AM UTC
I had a light in me
It shone so bright that people could see what was inside
I talked about things that I loved religiously
And I clearly knew what I wanted to do
I did not give two *****
About what anyone thought of my work
Until I found myself wanting recognition
I asked people to tell me what was good and what was bad
I saw no wrong in that
Neither did they
Until I realized that I craved for compliments
I craved the praise
It was not for bad intentions
I wanted to get better
I wanted to be heard
I wanted the world to know me
But slowly, I became obsessed
I started relying on people
I relied on them to tell me my work is good
While I no longer believed in myself
The more they told me it was not good enough;
That I was not good enough
My light started to dim
And discouragement was staring me right in the face
I spent so long minding what everyone else thought of me
That I forgot the reason I was doing what I was doing
I listened to what everybody wanted me to do
I pushed aside the things that I wanted to do for myself
Mar 17, 2017
Mar 17, 2017 at 11:23 AM UTC
"As far as I can see
The world is moving fast
And my heavy heart cannot comprehend it
It cannot keep up
I look around seeing different expressions on the faces of people
Some of them are like me
Some of them aren't
Some of them know me
Some of them do not
And to be completely and utterly forthright
They are better off without me
I have centered my emotions around myself
Forgetting that there are people who understand
People who care
But I am no longer right in my mind
Once soft and once so kind
Filled with patience and love
Now with no tolerance and hatred
I long to leave this place
I no longer have much to give
I long to leave
I long to
I long
I."
Apr 8, 2016
Apr 8, 2016 at 10:04 AM UTC
I sit in my room
Pondering about the things needed to be done
Thinking "this and that"
Always rushing for it all to be gone
I lie awake,
Still worried
That nothing is complete
Nothing is achieved
As my world fades into darkness
And my mind drifts of to wonderland
I see myself sitting in front of a small table
A typewriter at hand
Peaceful as it is,
I see another image
It is me walking around
A scenery at bay
Light emerges
And soon I am back in reality
But that's what bothers me
The word "reality"
---------------------
I am not living in reality. This here is my imagination. The things that my mind and heart have both equally concocted so that I may finally reach my so called "Wonderland".
My reality
Sep 8, 2015
Sep 8, 2015 at 10:38 AM UTC
One thundery night,
When the sounds of beads filled my ears,
I discern a moment of peace
One that reminded me of being in the arms of Morpheus
I sat on what seemed like a sea of cotton;
I heard the cries of the faint violet skies,
All the more when it screamed,
And no longer did I feel my spirit lift
Contemplating on what the problem might be
I recognize the cries of plea
One that I knew of
One of thee
I sat in silence, once again
Perceiving all that I could feel
The cries came after a blaze of light
But all the more of what was inside
The thunderstorm was familiar;
It was someone that I knew
Sitting here, once again, in peace
Seeing that it was parallel to me
Jul 25, 2015
Jul 25, 2015 at 7:55 AM UTC
My mind:
The negater
Telling me to smile;
Telling me I'm not worth anything
My soul
Filled with light...
And then darkness
It's overwhelming
My heart
Once full of love
Now full of hate
So disappointing
My being
Once whole,
Now in pieces
Save me from my grief
May 22, 2015
May 22, 2015 at 9:05 AM UTC
A sea of waves
At the dead of night
Shining under the moonlight
I am nothing but brave
To see such wonder at this time
Burning through darkness
Erasing sadness
Giving me back what was originally mine
May 18, 2015
May 18, 2015 at 9:31 AM UTC
You're walking up to somebody
Thinking, "oh, it's time to make a new friend"
And once you utter your first hello, everything kind of just falls into place
You made a new friend
Years past and you notice more and more
The way your friend dresses
The way they speak
They way they can be passionate
Another few years and you notice something else
You see that they have been avoiding you
Like you were some sort of plague and they would die if they come near
You wondered to yourself, "Why is my friend a stranger to me?"
You think and you think
You wonder, and you ponder over the things that have happened
You look back throughout the past years that you've known each other
But you still can't figure it out
So you ask your friend and you go
"Hey, why have you been avoiding me?"
And that's when you figure it out
They didn't have to speak for you to figure it out
The way their eyes talked gave it all away
And only then did you realize what you have been throughout the years
All the laughter shared
Was really all the pain they felt
You had found out that they felt like they were that needle in a hay stack
The needle that people had started to give up looking for
The impossibility of it all seemed so useless to you
That's how they felt.... useless
If there's one thing that you can learn
It is to make someone feel he warmth of the sun in their hearts
Let them feel like they are the fragrance that the flower gives off
Let them feel
Don't make them feel less than what they're really worth
Less than what you're worth
Because they are worth something
We all are
So now, the next time you cross paths with that familiar face
Give them a smile and say
"Hey! You look beautiful today"
You'll see the difference in the way their eyes glow from how it did when you asked them why they had avoided you in the first place
You'll see the warmth of the sun glow right through their chest
You'll smell the fragrance of the flowers
And only then will you realize
What they're worth was all this time
Jan 14, 2015
Jan 14, 2015 at 8:53 AM UTC
etched onto her skin
injected into her veins
she thought she had love
she tried to embrace it in vain
long gone was the innocent child
and very much, to her delight
she fantasized about life
she fantasized about love
she grew up
faster than she thought
and to her disappointment
it wasn't what she expected it to be
etched to her skin
injected into her veins
she lost sight of love
and everything good that came
Jan 8, 2015
Jan 8, 2015 at 9:06 AM UTC
They told me not to play with fire
Told me that it was dangerous;
A mistake to make if I decided upon it
I told them not to worry
I watched the flame grow
Dancing around to the music
Flickering to the sound
The sound of its heartbeat
One day, the fire grew larger
This time, it no longer danced or flickered
It only destroyed
Bringing everything and everyone down
They told me not to play with fire
They told me it would only lead to danger
I never listened
I should have listened.
Dec 20, 2014
Dec 20, 2014 at 11:12 PM UTC
Skin as white as snow
Her heart, ice cold
Everyone looked at her in fear
She decided that she couldn’t stay here
Like the wind,
She fled
In the blizzard,
She disappeared
Everything she saw;
Everything she touched
Froze in its place
Glowed as she stayed
Each creation, different each time
Not one in itself was the same
All her creations were just like her:
A snowflake: just as unique.
Dec 8, 2014
Dec 8, 2014 at 10:13 AM UTC
You told me, told me that
This was never the answer
This was never a choice
It wasn't a choice
But when the dark comes to life
And you're nowhere to be seen
The world stops for a moment
And my heart skips a beat
Just one motion
The blood will drip
The tears will fall
You'd say that I'd want to do it more
The thoughts run through my mind
Wonder makes its way to my brain
But there's that one feeling
That helps to take away the pain
Just one motion
The blood will drip
The tears will fall
You'd say that I'd want to do it more
But that constant feeling
One that I am thankful for
Discourages me
It discourages me
Just one motion
The blood will drip
The tears will fall
You'd say that I'd want to do it more
But that emotion
Helps me through it all
That emotion
Makes me put it down
It makes me put it down.
Dec 6, 2014
Dec 6, 2014 at 8:38 AM UTC
a photograph of you
i took it in my hands
the crinkle of your eyes
your crooked smile
every line;
every aspect of you
i deemed for them to be --
absolutely perfect
your orbs shone
you heart showed
how?
it was the way you laughed
you are perfect to me
Nov 18, 2014
Nov 18, 2014 at 10:54 AM UTC
I stuck it down my throat
I wanted to feel good about myself
But I didn't
I just felt worse
I thought that resulting to these things..
I thought it would work
But it didn't
It just made me feel worse
everything makes me feel worse
i don't know what to do
help
help
he---
Nov 17, 2014
Nov 17, 2014 at 3:53 AM UTC
"Where am I?"
A voice said
Little did I know
That voice was mine
"Where am I?"
It questioned
It was scared
My voice no longer knew
The voice I had
Once told me that everything was okay
It had told me that I
I was going to be okay
Now it asks
"Where am I?"
Because it no longer knows who I am
The voice is lost
It thinks
It thinks that I am another
One that is totally,
Incredibly new
And I am afraid
For I know
This voice inside my head
Knows exactly what it is asking
This voice is right.
Nov 16, 2014
Nov 16, 2014 at 8:24 AM UTC
And the stars refuse to shine
If you refuse to stay
Right beside them,
With all your beauty and light.
Nov 6, 2014
Nov 6, 2014 at 10:28 AM UTC
I remember counting the months --
while you sat in your room,
falling in love with someone else.
Nov 6, 2014
Nov 6, 2014 at 10:26 AM UTC
mend my soul
make me whole
bring out the darkness
from within me
unfreeze my heart
tell me it's real
tell me that i'm okay
tell me that it'll all be okay
Nov 6, 2014
Nov 6, 2014 at 10:25 AM UTC
i'm done with love
i'm done with feelings
i'm done with words
that never had meaning
i'm done with hatred
i'm done with feelings
i'm done with flames
that never seem to burn out
i'm done with sadness
i'm done with feelings
i'm done with tears
that never fade away
i'm done with a lot of things
i'm done with people;
how they bring others down
how they let things linger
but there is one thing i haven't given up on:
happiness
Oct 27, 2014
Oct 27, 2014 at 9:30 AM UTC
As I threw a rock in
The water crippled
Which only showed me
A blurred picture of myself
The blurred reflection
Reminded me
Of many things
Things that didn't want to be remembered
But it had to be done
I had to see
I needed to see
The person that I have become
Who I am now
Is not who I was yesterday
Or the month before
Or the year before
Right now, I am me
At the same time
Right now
I am not me
I need to find my way back
Oct 25, 2014
Oct 25, 2014 at 8:00 AM UTC
the sound of thunder
the thud of a heartbeat
the cry of the rain
the darkness of the clouds
it all seemed so familiar
the sun came up
he told me it was a new day
i groaned; i muttered
just please make it go away
dragging myself everywhere i go
there is nothing more than i want
nothing more
but to be wrapped around your arms
gently lying on soft feathers
letting the heavy bag rest
letting everything off my chest
letting it all go
Oct 21, 2014
Oct 21, 2014 at 9:54 AM UTC
The first night
You talked to me of sorrow
How he whispered to you
And how you drank every word
You told me it felt good
And that I shouldn't worry
But I did
You laughed at me; you told me it was nothing
The second night
You talked to me of pain
How he lingered on your skin
How you longed to let it happen again... and again
I saw the hurt in your eyes
But you were smiling
You told me I worry too much
And worry, I should not
The third night
You talked to me of death
How inviting he was to you
How you talked to him every night
I asked you
"What do you talk about?"
You answered me with a laugh
You told me it wasn't any of my business
The fourth night
I was alone
You had gone with all three:
Sorrow, pain, and death
I didn't know where you had gone
You cut our communication
No one knew
Where were you?
The fifth night
You were asleep
You looked so peaceful
Before they brought you down
Now it is I who talks
I talk of sorrow
I talk of pain
I talk of death
But not in the same way that you did
Oct 5, 2014
Oct 5, 2014 at 10:21 AM UTC
You are the air
Within my lungs
You are the blood
That makes my heart beat
You are the veins
That connects my very being
You are the ligaments
That cling on to every part of me
You are the sight
That my eyes give me
You are the laugh
That my mouth is able to produce
You are everything;
Every inch of my being
I hope,
Oh how I hope
That I am every inch
Of your being too
Sep 28, 2014
Sep 28, 2014 at 9:08 AM UTC
You were never one to talk;
To tell someone about dreams
You constantly threatened
Threatened yourself, I presume.
But it was mostly me.
I looked at you today
Eager to tell you about my plans
My whole self, lighting up to the idea
And then you kept quiet.
You didn't look at me.
They all left
They left the conversation
I wanted to stay;
To tell you more
But I figured, you were never one to talk to about dreams
Sep 27, 2014
Sep 27, 2014 at 10:20 AM UTC