#patients
how does so much blue distance fit
in this one small room ?
patient expanding their realm
exploring a clinical landscape
glacial peace from within
Jul 30, 2025
Jul 30, 2025 at 3:21 PM UTC
You never forget the first time you scare a child with your white coat.
You never forget the first time you elicit CVA tenderness unexpectedly.
You never forget the first time you meet someone with ***
You never forget the first time you have a trauma call for a motor vehicle accident or a gunshot wound.
You never forget the first time you comfort a patient who is crying because they don’t want to be in the hospital.
You never forget the first time you witness a patient and her family hear the words “You have cancer”.
You never forget the first baby you help deliver (you also never forget the mom).
You never forget the first time a patient admits they’ve attempted suicide in the past.
You never forget your first patient.
Being a medical student is a humbling experience.
I hope I never forget that either.
Sep 5, 2020
Sep 5, 2020 at 10:24 PM UTC
The Receptionist's counter is too close to the forever waiting room.
The Nexts are trying their patient penances;
Some seem to read;
Others appear to listen to the television;
There's no dialogue,
Except for the Dr.'s assistant,
And, the Receptionist.
Any conversation would be idle, and not heard anyway.
They sit on pins, listening for their names.
Super Tuesday held no kryptonite for Super Joe, remarked the talking head.
The Dr. will see you in three years.
I fist pump and spin to leave,
Seeing a blur of corralled, bowed, preoccupied heads.
A frail face lifted up, and smiled for me.
Happy for me.
Truly the best medicine.
Mar 4, 2020
Mar 4, 2020 at 3:05 PM UTC
Nice to meet you
It’s not nice to meet you.
You’re just another one.
Another one what?
That’s ok, I’m just glad you came.
Another person to promise me things
Another person to let me down.
I didn’t want to.
I know you didn’t want to.
I’m sorry people have let you down.
I can’t promise I won’t. I’ll do my best.
You want to know my life story
I have to repeat it again.
When will this stop. I hate you.
No, you tell me what you want.
What do you need now?
You can hate me. But I don’t hate you.
I don’t want to take the pills.
They make my head foggy.
I need to sleep. I need food. I’m hungry.
Why don’t you hate me. Everyone else does.
Who is everyone?
I think you are very brave.
Why don’t you sleep then?
You are safe here.
Brave. How am I brave?
People are watching me.
I can’t sleep. Not safe.
Because you asked for help.
You are safe. I’m watching you yes.
To keep you safe. Here’s a sandwich.
Eat. Then sleep. Are you cold?
I don’t want to. You don’t get it.
I haven’t eaten for days. You are nice.
Not cold. But I haven’t showered for days.
Well shower. That’s your room.
I don’t get it. You are right
But I know you are exhausted.
Here are some clean clothes.
You are going to be ok. I promise
How do you know it’s going to be ok?
I am so tired. Will you watch me all night.
I’m scared.
I know you are. I’ll be here all night.
Lay down now. Tomorrow will be better.
It will get better. You will get better.
I don’t hate you.
The sand which was good.
If you say so, I hope so.
Goodnight.
Sleep well, goodnight.
Jan 13, 2020
Jan 13, 2020 at 8:56 AM UTC
Patient's Love ...
i do no looking for any thing ...
do no desiring anyone ...
i just seeking ...
for the light ...
the light from your eyes ..
which it my medicine and cure ...
just only you ...
whom i only need ...
because you are ...
my passion ...
my only love ...
since i knew the love ...
and i knew it only ...
from you and with you ...
sweetheart ...
i am the patient
patient of love ...
ill and so sick ...
yes i am
so sick to your love ...
and you are the only ..
who cure me ...
while no one can cure me ...
because i fell so crazy to you ...
would you give me my medicine ...
from your heart ...
would you babe ...
give me the love ...
through a kiss's love ...
please do ...
hazem al ...
Jul 27, 2019
Jul 27, 2019 at 1:21 PM UTC
Time is stagnant
I have tried
pushing all the buttons
It hasn't changed
for all my efforts -
this period tiresome
Gray skies
Not a drop of rain
Not a hint of the sun
This life is
too overwhelming
I'm ready for the next one
Mar 3, 2019
Mar 3, 2019 at 12:43 AM UTC
Yiska ran her finger
down the windowpane.
Outside snow drifted
in large flakes.
She lit a cigarette
and blew smoke
at the pane.
I moved beside her
and watched
the falling snow.
"I want to be out there
not stuck in here
in this madhouse"
she said.
She took my hand in hers
and squeezed it.
"You are the only
element of sanity
in this hole"
she added.
"We are both stuck here
with other broken minds"
I said.
She squeezed
my hand tighter.
A plump nurse
walked past
behind us
like a young hippo.
I saw her reflection
in the windowpane.
"Remember that night
in the ECT room ?"
she said.
"Yes and the night nurse
found you
while I hid under
the recovery bed."
She smiled.
The hippo nurse
came up to us
and said
"Have you had
your medication
yet Yiska?"
Yiska turned
to face the nurse.
"Yes the skinny nurse
gave it to me"
Yiska said.
The nurse walked away
up the locked ward.
"Did she?"
I said.
"She did
but I threw them
down the toilet"
she said
and released
my hand.
I lit a cigarette
and stared out
at the snow
and our promised land.
May 10, 2018
May 10, 2018 at 5:25 PM UTC
The Scottish woman
moaned about the medication
being late and the Asian woman
rocked back and forth
on the armchair
with a bone looking grip
looped in her hair.
You were standing with me
by the large window
gazing out
at the trees and fields
covered in snow.
You touched my hand
with yours
and I sensed
the roughness
of the bandage
around your wrist
where you had cut it
and few days before
and the tubby nurse
found you
sitting on the floor
watching the blood
flow out
and the nurse
screamed at you
something she wasn't
meant to do.
"Wish I was out there"
you said
"lying there
like some lone soldier
deep in snow
waiting for death
and what a way to go."
Apr 21, 2018
Apr 21, 2018 at 3:32 PM UTC
She stood by the window
looking out
at the snow
it was falling
in slow large flakes.
He was on the sofa smoking
studying her figure.
A nurse rushed past
arms holding towels.
The radio was on
playing a Beatles' song.
Her wrist stung
where the stitches
pulled against skin.
The Scottish woman
was moaning
about the weather.
Another nurse walked past
eyeing him sitting there smoking
with his intense stare.
The Indian woman
walked to a fro
across the ward
muttering either
curse or prayer.
He walked over
to the window
where she stood
watching the snow
falling slow
Their hands touched.
Skin on skin.
Her bandaged wrist
touched his bandaged wrist.
They studied the snow
but didn't kiss.
Apr 6, 2018
Apr 6, 2018 at 3:32 PM UTC
He tried to hang himself
in the toilets
on the locked ward.
She heard and saw
the nurses rushing to a fro
like headless chickens.
She sat on the sofa
smoking.
She'd spoken to him
that morning
before breakfast.
They had watched
the snow falling.
The quacks
won't be pleased.
He'll be watched
more carefully
after that.
She'd not tried that:
hanging wasn't her thing.
Slit wrists or overdose
was more in her line.
The Indian woman
sat over the way
rocking back and forth.
All sorts.
Nurses passed by;
the plump nurse
like a young hippo
rushed past.
She'd talk to him
once he was about again.
The snow had stopped.
Now she supposed
would come the rain.
Mar 4, 2018
Mar 4, 2018 at 4:47 PM UTC
The nurses half walked
half dragged the screaming woman
along the passageway
of the locked ward.
He watched them,
a cacophony of screams
and shouts and banging
of doors, then silence;
that was more disturbing
that silence, and picturing
the patient on the bed
strapped down,
the rubber mouth piece
between teeth, the injection
to oblivion, the electrodes
applied each side of the skull,
the electric shock applied,
the body in motion
as the current rides.
He knows the score
he's been there before,
knows the strapping down,
the rubber piece between teeth,
the injection and the buzz
along the nerves, *******
consciousness out of each pore
and momentarily it seems
you are no more.
Sep 5, 2017
Sep 5, 2017 at 3:44 PM UTC
Early dawn light
seeped into the lounge
of the locked ward.
Benny was sitting there
in a chair
smoking.
I entered
and sat beside him.
Morning Yiska
he said
releasing a flow
of smoke
cigarette?
I nodded
and he lit it for me.
The night nurse
was in her
small office
writing her report.
How'd you sleep?
I asked.
Not good
he said
can't get thoughts
out of my head.
Me neither
I said.
We sat in silence
for awhile.
Sunlight
grew brighter
lighting up
the lounge.
I like this
first morning peace
he said
before the others wake
and come.
Just us
I said.
He turned
and looked at me.
I moved
close to him
and kissed
soft kiss
lips on lips
then parted
sat in a stillness.
I wanted you
last night
I said
lying in bed alone
the other women
snoring or whispering
in their sleep.
I would have come
if I could
if there was a place
for us to be
he said.
The night nurse came
and looked in
the lounge
early birds
she said
after a worm?
she joked.
You could say that
I said
thinking of Benny
wanting him
to make love to me
in my bed.
May 9, 2017
May 9, 2017 at 6:45 AM UTC
"We are the witnesses to how alike all men bleed."
Man our easel, we stretch clean canvas over scarlet brushstrokes,
We work stitchings like guitar strings,
find a melody in the mending,
hide scars like bass, in clean skin,
and hide the pain from each ending.
Their lungs sing.
An alto for death's row,
its sound makes your heart slow.
Let's see what you have inside,
with open eyes, your mother cried,
in toupe-walled rooms, we cut the cord,
no savage mark by a doctor's sword.
Just silence and sadness,
greyness and madness,
long halls and dancers,
small windows and glances.
Feb 24, 2017
Feb 24, 2017 at 4:51 AM UTC
You hated
the white walls
and large windows
showing the trees
and grounds
snow hidden
grey skies.
Other patients
behind you
on the locked ward
music from the radio
some love song.
Yiska stood beside you
you smelt her perfume
heavy dose.
Furore mentis
the Roman's called
our state of minds
confusion of mind
she said.
You turned
and gazed at her
too much going on
in my head
like the radar as gone
spinning out of control
you said.
You saw her
bandaged wrists
suicide attacks
of the previous day.
You ok today?
You said.
Less anxious
she replied
looking at her wrists
maybe I ought
to have tried
hang myself
as you tried
she added.
Same way
different door
you said.
You became silent
watching snow fall
heavy and slow.
Come for a walk
with me
she said
along the passage way
away from the mad
and deluded
and self harmers
(like us
you mused).
Sure
you said.
She took your hand
in hers
your wrist against
her bandaged one.
Where are you
two going?
a nurse asked you both.
For a walk
Yiska said.
The nurse studied you
no mischief then
she said
and walked off
her blue skirt
swishing from you.
What's she think
we'll go ****
or go hang ourselves?
Yiska said.
You walked along
the passageway
walked past
the ECT room
where you went
one evening to lie
on one of the recovery beds
but a nurse found her
(you were
out of sight)
and returned her
to her bed.
You dreamed of her
in your head
in your bed.
Dec 27, 2016
Dec 27, 2016 at 11:12 AM UTC
There was one door out and in of the locked ward and that is a double door and both doors are locked and unlocked when meals are brought in and taken out and members of staff arrive for duty or leave. There is a square window of thick glass in the door so anyone coming in can see into the ward before entering. You used to watch the doors being unlocked and then locked again to see how much time elapsed in the process and how long it would take you to escape in that short duration of being unlocked. Yiska told you you wouldn't get far before they got you back in the ward and locked it up again. You tried it one lunch time standing near the door your mind on edge your hand ready to push open the door and your feet to rush down the corridor. The nurse unlocked the door and brought the meals into the ward and in the short duration you pushed back the door and ran for it down the corridor chased by two males nurses one big guy and a shorter sprightly guy who rugby tackled you to the floor and held you there until his out of breath colleague came running up. Between them they hauled you back to the ward and locked the door behind them and stood you by the wall. The sprightly guy asked you what the heck you were doing. You said nothing but pulled the dressing gown about you and found that the slippers had fallen off in the run. The big nurse handled you the slippers carefully and walked off. The other nurse asked his question again but you looked past him at the door at the square window at the chance to escape gone and failed. The nurse walked off up the ward rattled that you had said nothing but stared past him or at the green patterned linoleum flooring. Yiska muttered her I told you sos and stood next to you. Are you ok? she said. Sure you said just had to try it bugged me daily seeing that one chance waiting for me to give it a go. You smelt her perfume as she got near you her arm linked through yours. You thought back to that time a few nights back when you and she got into the ECT room and climbed into one of the narrow recovery beds but before you could do anything you heard footsteps. You crept out of the bed just in time as the night nurse switched on the lights and asked Yiska what she was doing there. You hid under the bed out of sight until the nurse walked Yiska back to her bed in the female dormitory and you crept out and back to the toilets before the nurse came back to lock the door of the room. It was close too close for comfort but you almost made it almost but didn't. The big nurse came along and asked if you were all right and you nodded and he said don't try it again at least not in your pyjamas and he laughed and went off to the other room. Yiska poked out her tongue at his large departing back and kissed your cheek. I missed you the other night when that nurse took me back to the dormitory. I wondered if you got out all right. I was disappointed we didn't make it. You said you were too and held her near you feeling her waist and smelling the perfume getting stronger. You both walked back to the main lounge where dinners were being sorted and other patients were already sitting down waiting in anticipation for lunch and looking at the two nurses who were there. You sat next to Yiska and waited. You felt her knee touch yours pushing against yours. You looked at her and smiled. A dinner was placed in front of you and you stared at it before taking the plastic knife(in case someone steals a knife to cut their wrists or throat)and fork you began to pick at it now and then taking a bite then sipping from a plastic beaker of water. As you ate you thought of that evening you first came to the locked ward and within an hour you had attempted to hang yourself (with the dressing gown belt they forgot to remove) from the pipe of the toilet system and had almost completed it when some nurse passing by saw you and screamed SUICIDE and there was a hustle of bodies and someone cut the belt which was taut around your neck. You were taken out and put on the floor and held down while some nurse felt for a pulse and placed one of her small hands on your heart. You smiled as you recalled her leaning over you her ******* a few inches from your nose. Yiska ate little. She poked at it with the plastic fork like it was a specimen to be investigated and not eaten. Her face was blank. Her eyes just staring. I gazed at her sideways on. Her profile seemed sculptured. Suddenly she leaped up and with the plastic knife she jagged at her wrist frantically until blood dripped on the knife. A nurse grabbed the knife from Yiska's hand and another nurse held her arms back. You jumped out of your chair as Yiska kicked off kicking and clawing and spitting out abuse. The blood suddenly spurted out as Yiska bit at her wrist angrily and the bodies of Yiska and the nurse fell to the floor and other patients fled or screamed. You stood passively wondering what had made Yiska kick off and why she had tried to cut her wrist with a plastic knife not a great weapon for it. As they calmed her down the big nurse injected her with something and she stopped struggling and lay there still. Hard to explain what it is in you that makes you want to take your life like that and want to **** **** ****
Nov 25, 2016
Nov 25, 2016 at 3:37 PM UTC
Beyond that window
there's that world,
Yiska said,
she pointed
at the landscape,
snow was falling,
covering the tree tops
and the field,
where a tractor moved,
and gulls flew
down behind
as it moved on.
This world
is our world,
I said,
looking behind us
at the locked ward,
and patients sitting
or walking.
Yiska stood there
in her off pink
nightdress,
arms folded
across her breast,
a cigarette
between lips.
I stood next to her,
my nightgown
hanging loose.
This world
is our world,
she said.
I thought of the night
we had hidden
in the ETC room
on a narrow bed,
but the night nurse came
and found her
(I had hidden
from sight)
and moved her
back to her dormitory.
I returned
to the lounge
and sat staring
into the night sky
from the window,
taking in the stars
and the moon's
cool glow.
Oct 18, 2016
Oct 18, 2016 at 6:36 AM UTC
There's the day kid
whom they drop off
very weekday
to the locked ward
and he stands there
by the window
peering out
or he follows
Yiska about
sometimes standing
right in front of her
now and then
muttering obscenities
I sit on the sofa
in the main lounge
trying to ignore him
listening to the music
from the radio
Maggie May
by Rod Stewart
seems to be on
and Yiska says
get out of my face
you **** face
the kid just stands there
with that stupid grin
and no nurses
seems to notice
or care or whatever
and I get up
and push him
away from her
and he topples back
against the wall
and comes at me
and all of a sudden
nurses are there
in between us
holding him back
and me from
socking him to the jaw
what's going on?
a nurse says
some big overweight
male nurse
the kid keeps on
pestering me
and Benny was just
keeping him away
Yiska says
we cannot have violence
the big nurse says
then keep him
out of my face then
Yiska says
or I'll knee him
some place
and it won't be his face
the nurse takes
the kid off
to a different area
and sits him down
I go stand by Yiska
and we walk to
the brown sofa
well worn
but at least we
have peace and quiet
and not a down town
in house riot.
Jul 6, 2015
Jul 6, 2015 at 2:14 AM UTC
It takes a lot to be 100% truthful.
Whether you want to or not.
whether it is because a lie you caught yourself up in.
a honest mistake.
or a truth that has yet to be told.
all of which has a equal or separate reaction.
you either have to deal with the realities that come.
or release the caring you have for the person.
or apologize to the person that has been told this truth.
this is called...
forgiveness
Jun 10, 2015
Jun 10, 2015 at 7:43 PM UTC
The evening shall lay waste to the day
As it retreats over the horizon
The day shall counter strike its way
Up unto the morning
And i'll be waiting and watching as i do
For the end to the neverending feud
And the beginning of true solitude
Apr 11, 2015
Apr 11, 2015 at 12:35 AM UTC
Dawn is to dusk
How i may be with my love
I doth not wait for her
Dare i say i move on?
I maybe going nowhere
But she moves much too fast
I may think to quicken my tempo
Where she will only crash
Apr 10, 2015
Apr 10, 2015 at 11:56 PM UTC
I'm chained to this wall,
A belt round my neck,
Tongue tied, cannot call,
My heart's a ship wreck,
Sunken to the soul,
Where no light enters,
Just like this hell hole,
Where insanity centres,
Encaging patients,
Deemed untreatable,
Losing their patience,
With nurses incapable,
Of treating our minds,
The pain in our veins,
Or pain they can't find,
"Hopeless" they claim,
But in this darkness,
Fear is controlling,
Just like the madness,
Existing in the nursing,
And pain turns to death,
As rain turns to tears,
While they take their last breath,
For screams that last years
Jun 18, 2014
Jun 18, 2014 at 6:54 PM UTC