#pastrelationship
Two years ago
I stole your baseball cap
You let me wear it
Said I looked nice
Now you have a new one
Not dark green
But black
Sin
Your hands where they shouldn’t be
My mind asking if it was right pushing thoughts away because
“That’s what boyfriends and girlfriends do”
But is it what God says is right
“He never said anything against touching each other”
But still
Tears flow
After waking up at night
Making sure you aren’t nearby
That you don’t see me break
Because **** it
It’d probably make you glad
If you knew you still haunt me
Your ghost tracing my body
Since when did I become an object?
Since when did curves and ***** matter?
It didn’t matter when you first fell for me
Why did it matter then?
Why do I still wake up screaming, crying from memories of what you did to me
I don’t feel like a kid anymore
I feel *****
Unclean
Inhuman
I don’t like your baseball cap
Feb 24
Feb 24, 2026 at 8:30 PM UTC
Where do you write something you want someone to read
but you don't want them to see?
Almost a year ago, I did some pretty messed up things
and no, it was not grown up of me
and yes, I still feel guilty (at least a part of me does)
and no, I still don't think I "needed" to
However, to think you have done nothing wrong
is an outright lie
Is belittling someone a sign of love?
Is masking someone's voice a sign of affection?
Is closing the doors on things I was not ready to leave behind
a sign of your attention?
And no, that wasn't the end of it
And yes, I'd rather let you read between the lines
because even writing this in memory of things
that once were,
is giving you way too much of my time
Nonetheless, I do not hate you as much as I thought I had
I just have one question,
where do _you_ believe it went wrong?
Could it have been the numerous times I warned you
that something is bound to go awry?
Maybe it was hidden between all the times
you were busy tweeting about how awful I was
while I begged for forgiveness from a problem
I did not create
I can only request one final thing,
take a moment for yourself to replay the words
that we once spoke to each other in your head
Analyze the seconds we spent together
Remember all the wasted parts of my life spent on
trying to earn your approval while you
continue to let everyone know
just how _awful_ I was to you
I dare you, after all of this is done, to come back and
accuse _me_ of being
"emotionally unavailable"
Fortunately for me, however,
I've come to terms with things that once kept me sinking
and I've found the things that keep me afloat
So for now, I bid this chapter of our lives
a soft, sincere and sweet goodbye
(P.S. You may have once had me
wrapped around your fingers, but if
I learned anything from you at all,
it's that I will always be stronger than
what I think I can't handle)
Jul 25, 2018
Jul 25, 2018 at 10:50 AM UTC
I am completely out of good ideas.
This isn't exactly what I'd call good company.
Being alone with you.
A worthwhile bad memory.
To know the future doesn't seem all that bad.
Under certain conditions.
Preconceived notions of cause and effect.
It's unpredictable.
Yet predictable to see exactly where we're going.
Being in love with you seems like a bad idea.
I learned that the hard way.
The touch of a hand on the small of your back.
Afterwards we could both agree.
This was a really bad idea.
Picking up where the other left off
May 10, 2018
May 10, 2018 at 11:38 PM UTC
I’m standing in the bedroom doorway-
watching you sit on the black chair:
drink in one hand- remote in the other.
Only question I can think of is;
Who is this stranger on my couch?
You look just like him- even your frown.
You’re driving his car – using his stuff,
and taking his role as my man;
but you’re frighteningly unknown to me.
My man, showered me with kisses-
his corny jokes rolled until the night,
our connection was undeniable,
but your heart is so very distant,
your intimacy has desiccated and died;
I can barely get 2 words from you,
so you must be an intruder!
Where’s the man I fell heavily for?
The man that had joy in his eyes
Or maybe it is me that has changed!
Either way I’m fighting for the real “us” again.
Apr 17, 2016
Apr 17, 2016 at 7:26 PM UTC
(Years) * (girl + boy)= Friendship
(Crush)(crush)(friendship)= Lovers
(Lovers + commitment) / Monogamy = A relationship
(Relationship – trust) * (mendaciousness) = Fallible liaison
(Fallible liaison) * (# of years) / My heart = Wasted time and regret
But math nor relationships were EVER your strong suit.
Apr 10, 2016
Apr 10, 2016 at 7:59 PM UTC