#paralyzed
Do you remember what happened
Those nights in the past
left along the way
with passion gone missing
like a fire put to sleep
Embers in my heart and head
Reminiscing
And here I stand
Missing the magic
Left in fear
Paralyzed
Yesterday
Tomorrow
Sorrow
Years
I have to admit
I’m so sick
of trying to become
What I’m not
What have you done for yourself
Is it ever enough
Not even close
Not even close
Not even close
I don’t even care
It’s come full circle
Magic nights that disappear
Imploding with the fear of failure
Leave me paralyzed
Leave me
Paralyzed
And here I stand
Missing the magic
Left in fear
Paralyzed
Yesterday
Tomorrow
Sorrow
Years
Feb 20
Feb 20, 2026 at 7:40 AM UTC
Paralyzed with insecurity
she develops a deep sense of mystery
Hidden in a dark world she finds a purpose
To **** reality while trying to overdose on fantasy
She is a hidden pleasure
To a world that has tasted her bitter soul
Numb she is to anything that pushes her to grow
Paralyzed her are eyes
only seeing what pleases her flaws
Jun 12, 2021
Jun 12, 2021 at 4:00 PM UTC
“Your smile is so beautiful,” they say —
but little do they know,
half of my face is paralyzed.
one side, playing the great pretender
the other,
basking in my sadness,
trying to heal the ache —
one side smiles, the other weeps,
tears running down
my freshly made clothes —
now sagging in my tears.
Do I really deserve skin
if I’m not comfortable in it?
Do I deserve a mouth,
if I can’t sing a sad melody
out into the world,
with the window open,
painting a scene,
spilling my mind on pavement
for anyone that stops
and cares to listen.
everyone still laughing, still smiling;
they walk past my cracks,
blind to the dark picture
I’m trying to open their eyes to.
half frozen,
half dead,
reaching —
for empathy.
the air picks up,
pushes me back from the window;
it shuts, sudden, cold.
I am lost, cut out —
again.
with my body barely able to move,
I reach for poetry,
hoping I can still write
when my voice feels thin,
my fingers trembling, half-paralyzed —
hoping it can set me free.
Sep 24, 2025
Sep 24, 2025 at 7:23 PM UTC
"You're not a monster," she said from two and a half feet away, across the table. And as those four words exited her mouth, it was like I could see them coming for my absorption like a dagger I had to receive. They arched up in the shape of a rainbow, over her bowl of pad Thai, over 3 remaining coconut shrimp, past both Thai iced teas, dipping down over my panang and fell down inside of my ears.
I heard them.
Quicker than sound, my eyes dropped down, staring at my bowl instead of letting anyone see that I was about to cry. Where does all of that water come from so quickly anyways? It's like my body just decides to pull any water from any cell within. My own body takes from its own inside life to put on the outside so other life can see how I'm hurting inside. Those tears were stolen by a force I can't control to put my thoughts on display. It's twisted when you think about it that way.
Even if I were a monster, I would still be worthy of love and protection. Just recently I was at the optometrist and described my ears like the creature from goonies, and to adjust my glasses accordingly, please. She quickly reminded me that my uneven ears were normal and beautiful. Not just with words, with her hands touching my ears. She could probably smell the anxiety I exude, and chose to change the mood.
That was her choice.
Everyone has that choice. I know I'm a broken human, I'm as broken as the sunflowers in the picture. They don't look broken but two weeks after I took that photograph, they were all dug up and thrown away by the people that own that land. I just have to hope that some of their seeds fell during that removal so that they have an unexpectedly marvelous rebirth. I hope.
I know I'm not a monster, I've lived a life of service to others. Even my enemies don't have much meat inside the beef they have for me, it's mostly just my personality... which is light enough to crumble into a powder and be blown away by the wind. I've given away everything that I am. I've given love to people who didn't ask for it, I've given my best love to strangers, my longest and strongest love to family.
I'm not a monster. I just have a configuration that is unpopular.
Aug 3, 2025
Aug 3, 2025 at 10:05 PM UTC
The smell of fresh oranges
Hit my nose
I look down
You pick and pull at the peel
The underside of your fingernails
Have residue
As you poked and stabbed
At the pure fruit
But don’t worry
You’ll be able to wash your hands
From the sweet juice
Yet the smell will always linger, somewhere
You see me starring from above
My face of utter disgust
As blood drips down my thighs
And I lay paralyzed.
Apr 15, 2025
Apr 15, 2025 at 5:05 PM UTC
Do you know what it’s like
To be caged by your brain
A place supposed to be free
To be who you are
Graced with heaven or hell
To be changed by so little
Torment yourself wholly
To be what is right
It doesn't stop at your mind
To be in rambling circles
Losing your breath
To be at the mercy of fear
Shaking ever so carefully
To be seen merely as cold
Digging into Earth you call skin
To be laced with liquid iron
Mar 25, 2025
Mar 25, 2025 at 10:33 AM UTC
Flowers bloom
The sun shines bright
The outside seems alright
But you're there
All bottled up inside
Storms don't last
But yours felt like
Clouds of dust following you
All year round
All you wanted was to shine
But all you see is their squinting eyes
So you stayed behind
Waiting for the crowd to be kind
So you wished
If there was another universe
Where your feet wasn't chained to the ground
You started your first day
Thinking of new beginning
But you stayed inside your head
And ended up running
"Maybe I couldn't"
Strangers and friends
Didn't differ that much
Gone faster than the wind
They wouldn't look back
Dec 4, 2022
Dec 4, 2022 at 9:58 PM UTC
got into a car accident with fear.
it paralyzed me from the heart down.
i only go through the motions, i can barely feel.
it took control and now i can’t help but,
being scared to approach anything around.
for fear of paralyzing someone from the heart,
all the way down.
Jan 27, 2021
Jan 27, 2021 at 11:58 PM UTC
why is it that these
emotions
give no warning;
feeling of nothingness
and
meaningless
envelop my every
cell
what does anything
matter
nothing means nothing
my breath has no
weight
Aug 23, 2020
Aug 23, 2020 at 4:03 PM UTC
Do you remember the very first time you touched me?
It was dark that night, I was so scared because what happened next was really hard to believe.
Do you remember that I tried to move?
I was uncomfortable in my own bed -
That didn’t stop you, of course you felt you had something to prove.
Do you remember lifting my hair?
Probably feeling excited to find my sleeping eyes -
My body all over was paralyzed.
Do you remember all my terrified screams?
Probably not, I’m pretty sure that only I could hear -
Really hoping to wake up from this frightening, evil dream.
Do you remember how we had known each other forever?
You were my best friends older brother!!!
But I’ll remember that when I was 11, how you were so greedy and just like the ******* others!!!
And you’ll just remember how we were always hidden under the covers...
Dec 5, 2019
Dec 5, 2019 at 2:48 PM UTC
Im paralyzed
frozen
lost
...Gone
I dont know who i am
How i feel
Why im like this
What to do
Where to go...
Where am i?
My light has run out
Im stuck in the dark
Paralyzed with fear
What am i
Am i even still alive
Im lost
It hurts
im scared
im broken
i cant
i cant
i cant
im nothing
i need it
im lost
im scared
please
please
save me
Oct 30, 2019
Oct 30, 2019 at 2:39 PM UTC
(Dedicated to my Father, who was totally paralyzed
for 7 years before he died.)
I awake in the early morning darkness
Frozen, motionless, immobilized.
My eyes straining to see into the black void
Looking for any sign of my keepers
Listening for any kind of movement
Phantom images dart around me slowly at first,
Then multiple images spring from every direction
My heart racing, my breathing rapid and shallow,
Byproducts of fear and imagination
Running amok in the dark
My eyes focus on tiny lights incessantly blinking,
Reassuring my heart as the phantoms vanish
My ears register the intermittent beeps
And steady, determined droning
Of contraptions that populate my space,
Their sole purpose to prevent the outcome I crave
My nose catches whiffs of iodoform odor,
Penetrating, pungent, overpowering my sense of smell.
A cruel replacement for what once was
A weekly parade of fragrant flowers
That excited what few senses remain
The brightly colored blossoms
The sweet, fragrant smells
The delightful sizes and shapes
But the beautiful flowers have withered,
As concern for my plight has waned
I watch as the determined, dynamic sun
Deliberately dilutes the darkness,
Revealing the magical birth of a new day.
Is that delightful birdsong I hear?
The beeping and droning are maddening,
But I know there’s birdsong outside my window
I can’t wait until the moment arrives!
As if on cue my keeper appears
Busily going about her assigned tasks
My eyes following her every move
“And how are you doing today?” she asks,
Staring at me as if I could answer.
But I lie frozen, motionless, immobilized
In my mind I replay my daily reply:
"My existence is a never-ending cycle of
Penetrating. . . pungent. . . whiffs
Beep. . . blink. . . drone. . . beep
Blink. . . drone. . . beep, . . . blink
Drone. . . beep. . . blink. . . drone
Penetrating. . . pungent. . . whiffs
Dawn. . . daylight. . . twilight. . . night
Daylight. . . twilight. . . night. . . dawn
Twilight. . . night. . . dawn. . . daylight
Night. . . dawn. . . daylight. . .twilight
Penetrating. . . pungent. . . whiffs
Each boring minute an hour.
Each hateful hour a day.
Each wretched day a year.
Each torturous year a lifetime.
Ad nauseum. . .ad infinitum. . .ad mortem?"
Offering no response to my unspoken thoughts,
My keeper dutifully takes my vital signs,
Temperature, pulse, respiration, blood pressure,
Records the results, then walks to the window
My favorite time of day has arrived!
“We must open the window to freshen up your room.”
As the window opens my spirit soars, and my ears capture
The lovely birdsong, as well as other living sounds,
Along with a veritable potpourri of smells.
I can only imagine what is happening outside,
And I do imagine it as best I can
I close my eyes and try to make out each note,
Visualizing the source of each incredible sound,
Be it bird, animal, human, or otherwise
Who they are, what they look like,
What they’re doing, what they’re thinking,
The blinking, beeping, droning is finally drowned out!
With every breath, I savor each smell
And, with eyes closed, as I visualize
What’s happening in my mind’s eye,
A wonderful peace envelops me. . . comforts me
But, alas, this day will be crueler than most
Another keeper, a newer keeper, enters my room
“Oh, she’s fallen asleep” he whispers,
He closes the window, shuts the shades,
Then quietly leaves, shutting the door
I SCREAM A LOUD, LONG, PRIMAL SCREAM!
... in my mind
As I lie frozen, motionless, immobilized—
Paralyzed
Oct 25, 2019
Oct 25, 2019 at 3:55 PM UTC
if you have ever had a panic attack,
the gasping
racing heart
tingling limbs
and crashing mind,
then surely
you know what it is to die.
Oct 11, 2019
Oct 11, 2019 at 9:09 PM UTC
Those bad days come
The days were getting out of bed shouldn’t be an option
Were looking at everyone can’t be a choice
But you have to smile for the camera
Everyone is looking at you
While you see that moment
That moment of being on a bus with a friend
A friend that took your friendliness for flirting
A friend that decided to play fight with you
But play fighting turned into something more
Into something you wished it didn’t
He kissed you
You didn’t want or intend for that to happen
You didn’t know what to do
You’re paralyzed
As you tell him no, he tries play fighting again
You reject that too
But in the end, he bites your arm
And now you are stuck with the feeling of teeth on you
The feeling that you still have the bruise
A bruise that you had to hide from your family members
A bruise that symbolized
“You are broken”
You get stuck wearing anything but a normal shirt
No one questions it...but yourself
You can feel the pain
You can see yourself crying all over again
You can feel the hug that your teacher gave you when they found out
That teacher helped you more than anyone
That teacher took care of you in your time of need
That teacher was your parent because you couldn’t show them your bruise
You can feel the nothingness that came out of that experience
You can hear the whispers
The whispers of blame toward you
The whispers of “they asked for it”
No you didn’t ask for it
All you asked for was a friend
A friend to sit next to
A friend to stay close to, so you wouldn’t get lost
But in the end you got more lost
If anything, you got lost and betrayed
Within minutes before and after that first kiss
But you still feel that bruise, even after it’s gone
You feel where their teeth sunk in on your skin
That part of your skin remembers every nerve being in pain
Your muscles remembering tensing up right when it happened
That friend marked you
For what, because you were friendly
Because you gave them attention they hardly got
Who’s to say,
All you know is that you had a bruise and a bad memory on that bus
A memory that haunts you till this day
A memory you wished would just disappear
Just like the bruise
That friend got in trouble
With a slap on the wrist
And everyone on their side
You are the one at fault
You started the whole thing
But you are the one with the wounds
You were too friendly, everyone said
How could that have mattered
When you are now bruised on the inside
Where their teeth were
Sep 12, 2019
Sep 12, 2019 at 11:55 AM UTC
i'm paralyzed
my eyes hurt and i can't stop
the voices inside my head
tell me
which sense does the cure have
when i was comfortable
in my insanity
Aug 5, 2019
Aug 5, 2019 at 10:56 AM UTC
the
disease
has
progressed
and left
me
paralyzed,
lovesick
and
stuck
in
your
world
with
no
escape.
Jul 3, 2019
Jul 3, 2019 at 8:28 PM UTC
these, why seasons are
so many
why (we) changing
way too often
stepping out in sandals
enter freezing blizzards
wearing scarf and mittens
get burned by melting hot
about to smell the scent of lillies
breath in troubled dust
rushing out to driest desert
my naked knees soak through mud
being seasoned seasoner
seems not help enough
forseeing unseen-able
ends up rough
these, our seasons
reckless in motion
thus locking us
in motionless loops
thank mindseasons
only
mindgardens
blossom
Jun 29, 2019
Jun 29, 2019 at 1:40 AM UTC
I’m moving through glue
Of life without you
In an adhesive zoo
Giving avian flu
So I can’t move
In this groove
Where I lose
To my muse
At your beck and call
My engine stalled
So I walk this hall
Free-for-all
Walking home
Is walking alone
Destination unknown
I’m a walking drone
I find a new car
But cannot go far
Once the oily tar
Creates prison bars
Cars have slammed
Causing traffic jams
Like the trap of man
Living hand in hand
Double barrel lies
Have me paralyzed
Scared to try
A stare at eyes
Satan’s will
Has my body still
Anxiety filled
Looking for a pill
The enemy
Is sending me
Messaging
Threatening
The once unbridled
Now sit idle
Using their title
To stop others’ vitals
This quicksand
Kicks the ******
Sickest man
So he can’t stand
Tires flattened
In sheets of satin
They start to fatten
Into General Patton
On a treadmill
Death hill
Where pests ****
My best skills
No detour
On this meat skewer
Where the elite lure
Those who are bluer
To be their bruiser
I find no leeway
On the freeway
Where speed craze
Gets greed praise
So the meek stay
In concede lanes
The gun toting
Fascist voting
Authority doting
Have me floating
When I should be boating
I challenge the world to a fight
And lose to my first opponent
Pathetically crying all night
I thought heart was a stronger component
I can’t stand minds
Of land mines
That span my
Whole **** life
The things I know
Create traffic cones
So I have nowhere to go
But low
I defy the slide
Stuck in the divide
I don’t want to glide
But commit suicide
The liars grinning
At my tires spinning
Increase their sinning
Once they know they’re winning
Dragons fly
In the sky
Passing by
My passive life
They look down on me
Their talons I flee
But fire they breathe
Scorching me deep
I once had you
Now I have them
I’m stuck in glue
That is their phlegm
Jan 18, 2019
Jan 18, 2019 at 2:19 AM UTC
Happiness in my life
rare things coming by
Clouds above the sky
come to me don’t be shy
Singing birds up on the trees
fairies making you believe in dreams
Imaginary friend fix my soul
give me true love before i fall
Dark nights into the forest
believe in me i am a fallen
An angel for some, a devil for others
paradise and hell fighting for true lovers
A tornado of true feelings
roses bloom inside me while I’m breathing
Oct 29, 2018
Oct 29, 2018 at 10:38 AM UTC
there's too many happenings lately;
it almost feels like
a floodgate breaking due to unseen circumstances,
the water gushing out, roaring, filling the silence with its cries.
it's as if everything feels like
an overwhelming amount of an odd concoction
of what seems to be problems,
diluted only by what i can assume is my sanity.
it's as if i'm drowning, my legs pulled deeper and deeper
underwater, everything and nothing all at once,
trying to fill my lungs until I choke;
there's too much of the world that i cannot simply take in.
and yet, look at me;
the feeling of drowning, the feeling of hopelessness
paralyzes me, fear drilling itself into my mind,
as it advances far into numerous possibilities i can only describe as overthinking.
Oct 14, 2018
Oct 14, 2018 at 11:42 AM UTC
I am standing in a field
I am watching everything I love
And everything I desire
Circle around me.
It is raining
You are standing in front of me
I am reaching for you but I cannot move
I am calling for you but I cannot speak
I am looking at you but you are looking past me
Your eyes are glazed over
Your fingers are fidgeting
The edges of your mouth are quivering
And you are looking past me,
At her.
The memories of us ache through my bones
I am falling
I am drowning
I am spinning
I am standing in a field
I am watching everything I love and desire crumble before me
And I cannot move.
Oct 2, 2018
Oct 2, 2018 at 11:24 PM UTC
My dreams are alive
I am awake
Exhausted
Eyelids weighted
Body limp
It falls asleep
Aware
My mind is awake
screaming
choking
drowning
Panic
My heart sinks
My chest is tight
My breath is shallow
Paralyzed
Focus
"Wake up"
"Wake up"
"Please wake up"
Momentum
I launch my body forward
And force my eyelids open
I gasp for air
I am awake
Jun 12, 2018
Jun 12, 2018 at 2:06 AM UTC
We tried so hard to escape.
I guess my heart got caught on the barbed wire.
I sat on the fence and watched you leave, watched you leave me behind.
My fingers locked in the chain link, my body paralyzed by the spotlights.
I’ll always be locked up in you.
May 8, 2018
May 8, 2018 at 11:28 AM UTC