#paperbruises
Eyes meet and eyebrows twitch
Your eyes glitter with lust
My teeth bite slightly too hard on my own lip
Watching your tongue swirl around your fingers
I barely remember to breathe
**** I want to make you feel good
Jun 9, 2018
Jun 9, 2018 at 12:16 PM UTC
Your thighs taste like my lipstick and your sin
Remnants of your perfume still clings to you
You knew **** well that I’d be lost in you tonight
Jun 9, 2018
Jun 9, 2018 at 12:15 PM UTC
Your fingers lightly play with the loose hairs on the nape of my neck
I want to smile because it feels nice
Instead I flinch because although your hands are soft
I feel his rough hands wrapping around my throat
Your lips press lightly against mine
I want to kiss you back because I adore you
Instead my mouth clamps shut because although you taste divine
I smell his hot breath smothering my face
Your voice tells me you love me
I want to say it back because I love you too
Instead the words catch in my throat because although those words are true
I hear his voice telling me I don’t deserve you
Jun 9, 2018
Jun 9, 2018 at 12:14 PM UTC
It’d break your heart to know
That sometimes when you kiss me
I can taste his faint shadow
Jun 9, 2018
Jun 9, 2018 at 12:13 PM UTC
Tied to a bed
Face pushed into the pillow
Silent because screaming made it worse
Smack clouded my mind
***** orange bed sheets covered in blood
Saliva trickling down my face
Staring blankly at the wall
Laughing behind me
Many men mocked as they watched
Took turns to desecrate me
After I’d collapse into the mattress
And hope i would live no more
Whilst I passed out from the drugs and the pain
So now even as my love sleeps beside me
Who keeps me safe and treats me well
We lay in a bed so comfortable and warm
I still stare blankly at the wall and hope I will live no more
Jun 9, 2018
Jun 9, 2018 at 12:12 PM UTC
Water is frivolous, it only soaks the reminder into my skin;
I will never be clean of these burdens.
Because to do so, I’d have to scrape the flesh from my bones
And soak my skin in thick bleach
Or fry my mind in acid
Just so I could extinguish the power that ignites them.
Sin dances across my body, leaving fading scars in its wake;
A secondary trauma becomes true.
Maybe he didn’t **** me up enough, since I’ve done more damage to myself
I can’t blame him for the reason when I pulled the trigger
And pressed the blade into my skin.
He may have been the reaction, but I was the catalyst.
Jun 9, 2018
Jun 9, 2018 at 12:12 PM UTC
Retro, techno, pillball machine
Arcade, tetro, can taste gasoline
Panic, fury, not feeling alive
Danger, shaking, crush my hard drive
Spiders, robots, made of metal alike
Drug craze, wide eyes, a state so dreamlike
**** me, help me, nothing feels real
Humans, technology, all made of steel
Seizures, sweating, the air starts to crack
Delusions, psychosis, the eyes of a maniac
Arcades, run signs, lights flashing in the night
Distortions, sensations, my mind a parasite
Arachnids, cages, holding me in place
Computers, glitching, my eyes their interface
Trauma, reality, sight in opaline
Retro, techno, pinball machine.
Apr 4, 2018
Apr 4, 2018 at 7:56 AM UTC
You can taste the blood on my tongue
But I can’t feel the pain
I’m tied by elastic bands to a reality so dire that I can’t face it.
My soul rises out of my chest and a world of demons appears in my vision
Snapped suddenly back I see your worried eyes searching my face
And I briefly wish that the elastic would choke me
Apr 4, 2018
Apr 4, 2018 at 7:55 AM UTC
Poison ivy next to a poisoned tree,
Poisoned friendships, poisoned by me
A broken promise, a buried seed
A safe place, a good friend, lots of love guaranteed
A liar, a cancer, advice all gone bad
****** up love, I’m toxic, the remnants of my dad
A death wish, a threat and a promise in one breath
I’ll save you, I’ll help you, I could be the cause of your death
A hero, a darling and conquer of the broken
I’m ****** up and I break things at least it’s no longer left unspoken.
Apr 4, 2018
Apr 4, 2018 at 7:55 AM UTC
How can I love myself
When the voices in my head tell me I don’t deserve it?
A constant companion of self doubt that won’t quit
Telling me it hates me and that I should ******* die
A hundred thousand critics residing within my minds eye
You tell me that I’m strong
You say that I’m a hero for being able to survive
Yet my league of disparagers makes it easy to contrive
A million different reasons for me slit my wrist
If only the voices in my psyche and I could coexist
So how can you say I’m pretty
When my long term phantoms disagree
I’d cut my veins and swollen pills if I could only guarantee
That every voice, flicker and spirit would evacuate my soul
Because at least if I **** myself, then I’ll be in control
Apr 4, 2018
Apr 4, 2018 at 7:54 AM UTC
Everyone talks about passion as if they know her.
But passion is my closest friend.
Passion is the fire that burns behind her eyes, the cigarette perishing between her lips.
Passion is the way my mouth feels against her chest, the breathy moan as my fingers grab her hips
Everyone says she is intense, but all I can think is how much there’s left to learn
Because passion knows what it feels like to burn out.
She lights fires in dangerous places and has more scorch marks than she has friends
Shes so calm and gentle yet never condescends
Passion is convalescence, her voice heals more than it bites
She holds my hand in the day time and holds me tighter in the nights.
Passion is pulling her closer at 1am because she smells like hope.
And nobody talks about hope as if they know her.
Passion is manipulated, overlooked and exploited
Everyone talks about passion as if they know her.
But nobody talks about passion as if they deserve her.
Apr 4, 2018
Apr 4, 2018 at 7:53 AM UTC
If love is a galaxy
Then our friendship is a star
Your fingertips trace the constellations onto my shoulder
And send shivers down my spine.
Sparks fly like shooting stars
And supernovas flash within your eyes
Your tongue crashes against mine, a meteor against earth
Your body is cosmic,
Your body is cosmic and finally I understand
Why black holes are so damaging
And why people stargaze on cloudy nights
Apr 4, 2018
Apr 4, 2018 at 7:53 AM UTC
In the attic of my childhood home lives a box labelled pandora
Its worn out cardboards sealed with tape
And the dust forms a bad aura
For eight whole years it’s lay untouched
Only poked at from a distance
It’s grimy contents full of hate
Yet the reason for my existence
Apr 4, 2018
Apr 4, 2018 at 7:52 AM UTC
Your whole body lay trembling
Under the darkened skies
Briefly your eyes met mine
I wondered if I’d ever seen anything so beautiful
You smiled as a wave passed through you
Your fingertips dug into my shoulders
And your hips ****** beneath the touch of my hand
Constellations couldn’t compare to the stories your moans tell
Toes curl and thighs tense
My hand wraps around your throat
And your eyes roll back
“Be a good girl and *** for me”
Apr 4, 2018
Apr 4, 2018 at 7:52 AM UTC
Yesterday
I choked and cried as I brushed my teeth.
This morning I spat blood into the sink because I’d flossed my gums too hard
The taste made me nostalgic
As I scrubbed with disregard
For any pain or blood or damage
That my neurosis may just cause
I’d bathe in straight up acid
Just to put these thoughts on pause.
I washed my hands 147 times today
But bleached them only twice
My fingers are still burning
After that neurotic sacrifice
And I’d scour my wrists with steel wool
If it would only make me clean
Submerge my face in lava
And wash my hair with gasoline.
So I’ll write this down with hopefulness
As I sanitise my skin
That cleanliness will help me sleep
And feel less grimy from within.
I brushed my teeth until I bled today
Soaked my hands in hydrogen peroxide
Scrubbed my body with a Brillo pad
But I’m ******* never satisfied.
I still feel *****
I always feel *****
Apr 4, 2018
Apr 4, 2018 at 7:51 AM UTC
My body is a hand me down, my ***** second hand
I’ve never really owned my own mind, flesh or land
From birth I was an item, that his ring all passed around
By the time I was a toddler, I’d learned not to make a sound
Never the player, but a chess piece for him to use
Never his daughter, just an unwilling child to abuse
My body doesn’t belong to me, because he owned it all
Beaten, ***** and tortured before I could ******* crawl
The physical reminders, weigh heavy on my heart
So tempted to just end it all, at least then I could restart
So if I cut, burn or bite and leave marks upon my skin
Then my body is no longer his, and then I ******* win
My body is a hand me down, my ***** second hand
I really want to **** myself, I think he’d understand.
Apr 4, 2018
Apr 4, 2018 at 7:51 AM UTC
My body is slow
My body is the soft breeze on a summers day
My body is the sound of a fireplace cracking when the cold winter bites
My hands are the roots of a tree
The crack of lightening thunders through my bones
My body is sick
My body is the after *** cigarette, so bitter on your sweet lips
My body is the smell of home after weeks without it
My eyes are the stars reflecting stories of gods
The tales resonate through me, I am Zeus
My body is fat
My body is the deep rumble of an old train engine
My body is the shouts of a street market in the Middle East
My voice is the crashing of waves over a forgotten ship
The salt rots the wood within my core
My body is ugly
My body is the rush of warmth after a hot tea
My body is the crunch of leaves under autumnal boots
My skin is the scorching sand on a foreign beach
The sun radiates on my pelt and burns into my flesh
My body is mine
You ruined it
But my body is mine
Apr 4, 2018
Apr 4, 2018 at 7:50 AM UTC
I’ll burn the constellations
Onto the lids before my eyes
So every time I fall asleep
I’ve got a clear view of the skies
I’ll plant a row of roses
In the lining of my heart
So every time I think of you
The petals spread apart
I’ll drop a heap of glitter
Upon my messy hair
So every time it’s storms outside
You’ll see it dancing in the air
I’ll build a church within my lungs
Let my air sit on a pew
So every time you hear me sigh
You’ll know I breathe for you
Apr 4, 2018
Apr 4, 2018 at 7:49 AM UTC
I do not fear the world ending
I don’t quiver at the thought of being engulfed by flames
I’m not afraid of drowning in a sea of blood
Or of my blood flowing freely into the ocean.
I never think of asteroids plummeting to earth
Or wonder what lies ahead for us after death.
I won’t think of angels or demons or gods alike
I do not fear the world ending
Because my world ended when he wrecked me.
Apr 4, 2018
Apr 4, 2018 at 7:49 AM UTC
She has the power to crumble mountains in her wake
And yet she brings flowers back to life with her delicate kiss.
Her body moves with grace through air that could rip the very skin from your bones
Whilst her fingers stay nimble, tangled so intricately within the pelt of the earth.
Waves crash within her eyes but her gaze casts oceans asunder
And she dances, dances in the flames that birthed this very existence
Dances through the trees that give life to those who are lucky.
And my god are we lucky to encounter her.
Apr 4, 2018
Apr 4, 2018 at 7:48 AM UTC
There are days I could scrub at my skin until I disappear
And there are days I find it difficult to even wash my hands
He really did ruin me
Apr 4, 2018
Apr 4, 2018 at 7:48 AM UTC
If I am like a book
Then he scribbled into the margins with ink
And so, I tore the pages out to get rid of him
But I never felt like me again
So I kept ripping and ripping into myself
And now I am just an empty shell
And I have nothing else to rip
But at least my cover is pretty
Apr 4, 2018
Apr 4, 2018 at 7:47 AM UTC
In my head I scream,
Struggling to hold onto myself
With recovery comes decay.
My soul is rotting,
Spreading infection around my vital organs.
My heart beats out of time
And my lungs struggle for oxygen.
Yet somehow my brain keeps whirring.
Forgotten memories play out on my eyelids,
Like a cinema showing the horrors of my past.
I sometimes wish they had never medicated the rotting of my brain,
Perhaps then I’d be happy.
Apr 4, 2018
Apr 4, 2018 at 7:46 AM UTC
Here lies the decrepit corpse of my fractured youth.
Here lies it’s gravestone, complete with Braille inscriptions of thick purple lines of regret.
Over the yonder lies an empty tomb, robbed of its memories from its creator.
Under it lies two coffins, the splintered wood allowing short painful breaths.
Here lies my barely fused together bones, my beautiful exterior ruined from within
And oh yes I agree, its such a great pity.
Apr 4, 2018
Apr 4, 2018 at 7:45 AM UTC
Time and time again I give up
I stop ignoring what happened
I relive the memories
Each time this happens
I feel a part of me begin to fade away
My soul is filled with holes from times like these
They can’t be seen and they never heal
The thing about PTSD
Is that it can’t be undone
It can’t be forgotten
We come in all shapes, sizes, colours
The thing about victims of ****** abuse is
We would be tremendous bird houses.
Apr 4, 2018
Apr 4, 2018 at 7:45 AM UTC