#pains
when i think of it all,
i just want to throw up.
that young girl so innocent,
you forced her to grow up
then you never showed up,
when she needed you most.
to think that she loved
what was only a ghost -
a ghost of the boy
you should have been.
but you wanted to win.
left her bleeding in sin.
oh the girl i could have been..
4.28.23
Mar 3
Mar 3, 2026 at 9:59 PM UTC
Hey! The voice still echoes
The voice of a being who evaporate,
A voice that evaporated into a future I can no longer share.
The scars aren't healed, but the memories?
Etched into my heart like a local tribal marks.
Do I miss her ? No! The game is over
A game that ended before we started,
Yet this voice won't free me from the *******
Maybe my heart still feels the sparkle to your gaslights.
I tore the book of you and I, but I still feel ecstatic when our memories pops up.
I was never a follower, I was lover.
A reckless one!!
Jan 18
Jan 18, 2026 at 6:14 PM UTC
You're not as young
as you used to be,
stooped over
with weak, and bad knees,
your lower back is aching,
there are pains everywhere,
arthritis, aching joints, but
Life has Been Fair,
You can't move like you used to
You are starting to slow down,
You take your time now,
Carefully moving yourself around
You're fatigued, breathy and tired,
You are out of breath indeed,
You can't do it like you used to,
Settling down is what you really need.
Your bones are cracking,
Your get up us gone
People's move ahead of you
As you are slowly pushing along
Be careful what you do, and
Please take your time, because,
You're no spring chicken,
Your youth has left you Behind!!!
B.R.
Date: 11/18/2025
Nov 18, 2025
Nov 18, 2025 at 1:58 PM UTC
they see your light
luminescent and burning with pale shades of pink and orange
they love to bask in its warm glow
but they could never sustain it so far
silly girl, always mistaking her own reflection as another's glow
when will you ever learn?
perhaps when your whole world is dim enough
and all the mirrors have fogged up
you will trace that sliver of light
on your own fingertips
in the iris of your eyes
painful, but necessary for you to finally realise
you are what you seek in everything.
Apr 21, 2025
Apr 21, 2025 at 4:56 AM UTC
This one,
crying,
while the static
repeats
from
the tv screen.
Repetition
again,
my mourning.
My fist whacks it
with my fist,
And then she
was visualized
again,
One last time.
Diamond green eyes,
still wired with fireworks
and a laugh and smile
That relaxes
and pleases,
me again.....
Apr 1, 2025
Apr 1, 2025 at 3:40 PM UTC
Because theses dreams open the door; I have a firmly closed mind,
shut against the idea of leaving them behind. I’ve seen some desperately trying to walk their own path of destiny – to find that every path circles back to where you began.
Empathy strips the heart bare, for mercy to allow us to feel the pain of
others. In truth, we could all share the same pain, even those we
consider foes; especially them – for they too reflect a fragment of our
own struggles, but only in the currency of hatred; much like paying
a fraction of rent. Evil is built by the very castles we showcase in the
realm of the Devil’s kingdom.
While knowing what it feels like to be healed, it’s first by admitting
your own afflictions— darkness only breeds darkness, just as light
nurtures light; dignity is through the journey of self-discovery. "
Know your worth," the tale unfolds, and thus, the lives we lead shape
the pivotal choice: do we persist in our quest to uplift others, or do we
seek solace in our own suffering, turning a blind eye to the anguish
that binds us all?
Jan 1, 2025
Jan 1, 2025 at 1:23 PM UTC
Dust and Tattoos
I.
I thought I’d carry myself whole,
from Budapest’s bright embrace
to the dusty arms of home—
lessons etched as tattoos,
whippings turned wisdom,
the shine of surrender
making me anew.
But dusty roads have a way
of stealing your breath,
of burying who you were becoming.
Smoky windows blur the light inside,
and the life I learned to live
is suffocated beneath the weight.
Dust settles in my lungs,
on my skin,
and I am buried within myself.
II.
Oh sweet home, oh sorrowful walls,
your cracks hold my history,
your air is thick with stone-throwers.
A mother who never looks my way,
a sister carved from favoritism’s stone,
a brother who screams his poison,
a family that taught me how to ache.
No corner safe. No love unbarbed.
Each breath is a wound
and every wound is a lesson in survival.
I survive.
Not live.
Survive.
III.
Then, there is Kay.
Kay, with his better house in town,
Kay, with his borrowed peace.
Five years marked in love and betrayal,
a love that wears masks,
a peace that feels fragile,
a solace that cracks
when I’m not near his arms.
I detach to protect myself.
Switch my soul off.
Learn to find my peace in distance.
Even with him, I know:
the dusty town still calls me back,
its fingers curling at my ankles.
The cycle repeats.
IV.
But this time, there is hope.
This time, I whisper to myself:
maybe one day, the cycle will break.
Maybe one day, I’ll stand in a house
where no one has thrown stones,
where the walls hold only my voice,
where survival isn’t the rhythm of my days.
One day,
I’ll rise brighter than before,
tattooed lessons shining on healed skin.
One day, I’ll step off these roads
and never look back.
V.
But for now,
the roads are dusty.
For now,
I go where the dust consumes.
For now,
I survive.
Country roads, you know what to do.
Lead me home—
but one day,
lead me away.
Dec 6, 2024
Dec 6, 2024 at 11:08 AM UTC
One was left reeling
The other went on with life
Two people words exchanged
On a Thursday at 2:00 pm
Feelings emotions intentions coming to light
One’s truth blindsiding the other’s truth
4 months of you and me
Trickled down to a 20 minute text exchange
That’s what I was worth to you.
Her reply unshaken disappointment
His reply an aloof “don’t be stranger … let’s be friends”
Silent tears mourning the idea of what could have been - she refused to let him see her break .
Him going about life - realizing he might not really want a clean break.
Me saying take care - walking away
You saying add me on social media - trying to keep me in your life
Words said can’t be unsaid
This is how the story of us ends.
Feb 19, 2024
Feb 19, 2024 at 8:14 PM UTC
I once loved a man,
Who made a bet on my worth,
A sick game he played,
To measure his own girth.
He wagered my virginity,
A trophy to be won,
His ego as fragile,
As glass in the sun.
I lost that bet,
And with it my innocence,
A love that was tainted,
By his selfish pretense.
He got me pregnant,
A life I never planned,
But he didn't want the burden,
And gave me an ultimatum to end.
I felt trapped and scared,
His words a heavy weight,
But I found the courage,
To choose my own fate.
I left him behind,
Never looking back,
An escape from the toxicity,
The strength I never knew I had.
My first love,
A painful lesson learned,
A reminder to never settle,
And that self-love is earned.
Apr 21, 2023
Apr 21, 2023 at 6:45 AM UTC
Start by wearing your heart on your sleeve.
You don't know any better yet,
up to this point the world has been good to you.
When your heart starts catching
on door knobs
and being battered against the black top,
you carefully tuck the gently scratched ***** in your pocket.
In your pocket,
out of sight
it's a little harder for the bruises to land.
Over time
the blood stain of time spent hidden
seeps through.
When the first blow lands
it knocks the wind from you.
You still don't lock your heart up.
You just move it back into your chest.
You don't sew yourself shut,
cracked ribs spread wide,
a tourniquet wrapped around one chamber,
the abused ***** still trying to beat
it's an erratic rhythm,
but it's a pulse.
It's not even shocking,
when daggers come from the front
or behind
and twist into the gnarled flesh.
Arterial spray,
broken pieces you've given away,
cover the walls.
Bones curl around
to try to protect you,
but you've never been able
to close yourself off completely.
The worst part is,
you sort of enjoy the pain.
For a moment,
the heart remembers
before the first bruises marred the skin,
before you built a cage to exist within.
Aug 3, 2022
Aug 3, 2022 at 11:50 PM UTC
She lived as she could
Like a human should
Love, trust, care
Was given, also received
Her strength like no other
My precious intense bolder
Your grace was unbounding
Your peace was almost sickening
Her living inspired
All that was near and far
Your food the greatest
Your love the best
Though she fell on death’s bed
She fought for life’s shed
The pain she could no longer withstand
She saw the hand stretched
For the sake of our love
She followed the one from heaven above
A many tears given
From the me that was left behind
My love. Missing you everyday
Has made me live in my yesterday
I will relinquish these feelings
To us, that is most appealing
So for now we will part
For us to meet in time at God’s path
Be forever remembered
In lightened embers
From all memories rendered
Thank you, for loving me
As I did you.
Jul 18, 2022
Jul 18, 2022 at 4:24 AM UTC
Have a care,
they said
if the wind changes you’ll stay like that
and I think I missed the breeze
that fixed me in place
in among the hurricane days,
but the aches and pains
don’t shift no more,
just there
to be muted
by whatever suits
and ties
Apr 5, 2022
Apr 5, 2022 at 4:57 AM UTC
The pain still linger
My feelings trapped
Can’t love any longer
Because my heart bled
Blood of my feelings
Feelings that brought trust
Trust of the past love
Love that never existed
Feb 19, 2022
Feb 19, 2022 at 8:42 AM UTC
The pain of being in pain and then you land into trouble
They slept on empty stomachs,and the next day,the son is arrested and locked up
He has been caught up in this,all in pursuit for a meal for himself and maybe some remainder to spare for home
The mother has no other source of income apart from doing small odd jobs on the village
The small wages she earns can hardly afford her all the basics
But despite that,she still has to take care of the family
And now she has to spare all of it to bail him out
And his siblings will have to skip the day's meals
The father left them,for he felt they were too much of a responsibility
And now the family situation is a calamity.
This other one drinks to numb her pain
The 'morning dose' kick-starts the day and she goes on through it
She sells her body to fend for the basics
Sometimes,she does it to just get a little something to quench her unquenchable yearning for the drink
But many a time, it's to fend for her 2 kids, whose fathers she's not aware of
Today,she just found out that she's *** positive
(10/9/2021)
Jan 22, 2022
Jan 22, 2022 at 3:18 PM UTC
The bags under my eyes
Can't support the weight
Of stress I carry everyday;
The bags in my eyes,
Can't carry the heaviness
Like my world is tumbling down;
When does my bridge fall down?
Mar 28, 2021
Mar 28, 2021 at 12:33 AM UTC
Ain't I myself hero?
Reflecting in my mirror
with a deep smile on my cracked lips
Remembering the pains I've survived.
Oh my darling me,
walked through black mud streets
in painful legs to school
In just flip flop slippers on,
Not a sock worn
Just visible scars
Left seen by eyes the way they are.
I've been called fat a million times
how many things I've got to fight,
the strangling thoughts of body shape
feeling ugly like a certain ape,
Today I laugh at such words
and when unpleasant words comes by
I laugh or smile through it all.
Mar 17, 2021
Mar 17, 2021 at 11:39 AM UTC
This was very unexpected,
The pain is a pain I've never felt,
There's nothing easy about losing a child,
The moment I found out,
I was drowning in tears,
I've wanted a child since I was young,
I don't question his doings,
I just take it as a lesson as well as a blessing,
God has something bigger in store for us,
This broke my heart deeper than you can imagine,
I felt like my heart was taken out my chest,
My heart stopped for a moment,
I'm trying my best to keep it together,
But truth be told it ain't easy,
The holy spirit is what's keeping me sane,
Without my faith I'll go insane,
Outside I look good but inside I'm in pain,
There's no one to blame,
Life will never be the same,
Me and my wife went through this together,
We will get through this together,
One day we will try again but not anytime soon,
My pain so deep you can't see it,
Keep my emotions inside,
God gives his toughest battles,
To his strongest soldiers,
So the battle hasn't began to begin,
It's far from over,
We are soliders so will fight to end,
Children are in our future.
Mar 15, 2021
Mar 15, 2021 at 7:25 PM UTC
True comfort lies in
Infancy or in
Mother's lap,
But
True peace lies
only in Death
And
I know that
Because
In death you
Are free from all
Pains and emotions,
Like I was in that
Comatose state
Mar 7, 2021
Mar 7, 2021 at 12:08 PM UTC
Before the Autumn reaps, don’t you believe that tree’s leaves would enjoy knowing the feeling of reaching and holding another’s branches? All the while these trees cannot conceive of such things.
I like to envision the brain of a dandelion as it tenderly caresses the faces of other dandelions. Before the wind sweeps away with their heads spreading each one’s likeness across distant lands. I bet they’d hold on to one another, these seeds, to the seeds of their lovers hoping to exist together upon the reaches of greener grass.
It’s not unlike me to marvel at what a miracle consciousness is. How lucky we are to share it despite all of its pains. All the while these dandelions might never see their own likenesses the way I can divine myself reflected back in my child’s smiling eyes. It’s such a blessing to conceive of such things. -six pm
Mar 5, 2021
Mar 5, 2021 at 10:25 AM UTC
I see you, seeing the real me; the woman who hides.
The woman who hides behind the pain of familial hurts
that refuse to fall off and die. I see you, seeing me, looking at me deeply with your heart. I see you looking into my eyes;
who are you really looking at? What are you looking for?
I have pain yes, I have hurts, yes. I have pains that you’ll never
want to know about.
But your eyes, your eyes are the window to my soul.
That night at the table I saw you, looking at the real me.
I saw the deepness inside of you, through your eyes.
I saw your devotion; you reached out to me and gave
me something I’ve never had before, real strength.
You say to me, “life is too short to be unhappy.”
Because of your strength, I am working on just that,
being happy. Because of the way you look into me, I am clearing out the sadness and clutter that has kept my life
in deep dis-repair.
I am working on not allowing any person; place or solitary
thing, to steal my joy, and to keep me down.
Because of the way you look into me, I am a work in progress.
Because of the way you look into my soul, I am working
on making changes that you see deep inside of a broken me.
When I look into your eyes, I see feelings; I see strength,
I see the power of what a really good man can actually do.
I see a drop of golden honey, that gets sweeter and
sweeter with each passing day.
When I look into your eyes, I see my future being put
together with grains of sand, that bind us together to
heal both our pasts. When you look into my eyes, I feel you inside of me. Your strength is helping me heal,
you are rebuilding my hurts; pains, and all of my
disappointments.
When you sit next to me and stare into my eyes;
my soul is being autographed by your character.
You give me a portion of your strength when your
eyes look through me and see my pain.
Your eyes see something in me that I ever knew
was there, because your eyes are the window
to my healing soul, I can work on healing myself,
and release my hidden pain and sadness.
Jan 29, 2021
Jan 29, 2021 at 10:01 PM UTC
Little boy
Pushes me
Mommy said that how boys say they like me
Year
By
Year
I keep this in mind
and everytime I end up crying
wounded bruised and used
Now im grown
and had affection shown to me
After all the bad boys
I gave him a chance
I showed him my heart
but it all came crashing down
Like waves of the ocean
But thank you mommy because you taught me how to float
Jan 25, 2021
Jan 25, 2021 at 9:27 AM UTC