#outofcontrol
The soul is tormented,
with the body crucified
The trauma unfolded
With the pain unified
The turmoil repeats
And skies start to blur
But the eyes still deceive
The visions seek wonder
Now the pain continues in an unending loop
Along with the demons marching
All invading in storming troops
Altogether with the arrows arching
The memory remains engraved
Piercing like a dagger
The scars being paved
For the skin to bleed forever
Now the mind is being severed
While being carved and tainted
The soul is far too tortured
With the crimsons intricated
Now demons have breeched borders
And nothing is ever the same
The mirror is giving orders
To this obedient prey
The turmoil shall end
But the wraith shall conquer
And the rage shall mend
Me Into a wild feral monster _Tsuki no ume~
Oct 17, 2025
Oct 17, 2025 at 8:52 PM UTC
To disappoint me was your goal
Disappointment is your goal ? Isn’t it ?
As a father i believed in my son,
As a professor i believed in my student,
But as a man you disappointed me
This is overdramatic, eight
I want to tell you
How much i love you
But i cannot reach you anymore
I’m crying out for help
Just *** and fun we said,
Of course just fun and ***
Everything was under control
My hands held my
Light
Obsession
Vulnerability
Envy
I look in your deep brownie eyes,
I read in your mind like I always do
Just to see what you don’t want to say
Pick some words; expressions on your face;
Your smile I can tell that we both know
How this situations is out of control
May 12, 2025
May 12, 2025 at 7:27 PM UTC
Stop! PLEASE stop saying "don't."
"Don't give up."
"Don't be afraid to ask for help."
"Don't be sad."
"Don't keep it bottled up inside."
I could go on and on.
"Don't be scared."
God, I hate that one the most.
Like, why the hell shouldn't I be scared?
Look at everything that's happening.
Look, I know you mean well,
But when you say that word,
It feels like you're trying to control me.
And I already feel
So
Out
Of
Control.
I know you want to help.
And it means a lot to know you'll be there if I need help.
But I need to do this on my own.
Jul 22, 2020
Jul 22, 2020 at 9:01 PM UTC
Am sorry that’s not what I meant,
It’s just the auto-correct,
This new technology thinks it’s ahead,
Replacing the words that come from my head,
with words like "You are my best yet"
When what I meant to say was "meeting you I regret"
And that last text I sent, telling you how I felt,
That too was auto-correct,
See, there was a time when your words made my heart melt,
And the butterflies that rose from my belly up to my neck,
I sometimes needed to tie them down with a belt,
All this words you say you never meant.
Every time you sent that I love you text,
Now I know it just auto-correct
This new tech is quick to make us forget,
And replaces words like I regret,
With stupid texts like “come hold me”
Leaving us with broken hearts we now hold up like trophies,
The rest of the world may never know just how much I hurt,
Because I found a filter that will auto-correct
This frown on my face and turn it right side up,
And every time I take a picture,
This auto correct will add color and remove the hurt,
Making sure no one will never know what really lives inside,
"this whirl we call home, spinning out of control.”
Aug 21, 2019
Aug 21, 2019 at 6:34 PM UTC
In the crazy busyness of the day
where electric sounds suffuse,
even a little chat is often a freeway
of words and noise.
And in the midst, he tells me
“Just be yourself.”
There I am
in the small space of silence
being undone
with nothing to say
while I wonder
what self.
A friend tells me they’re getting a divorce.
The doctor says the tests are positive.
I watch: the surge of floods taking homes and lives
or images of smoke and debris right after a bombing.
After a real serious play or movie.
In the waiting room after I hear she is going to die.
In those lonely tiny spaces
of darkness
I cannot speak.
In those aftermath moments
I am silenced.
How do I react
to being out of control
or make these things normal
or fit them into my routine ways of being me?
Silence asserts itself
like a wild animal
I cannot tame.
At these intervals
of being powerless
I hope I do not miss the chance
to humbly bow
in silence
and embrace my humanity
and smallness
in the cosmos
where it is utterly trivial
to just be my self.
Aug 30, 2018
Aug 30, 2018 at 9:36 AM UTC
Colours mixing with each other
there is a new colour born
a new shade
taking the new shape
blinding the landscape
spiralling out of control
not in hold
spilling its content
without intent
ripping over
and under
unclear
emptying till it disappears
it is gone now.
Jul 6, 2018
Jul 6, 2018 at 6:00 AM UTC
All this dread and regret is getting out of hand
It’s staining my skin
Seeping through my hair
Contaminating the walls,
The floors,
Everything i touch
They go hand in hand, you know...
I dread things i shouldn’t give a second thought to,
And regret my choices later on--
I don’t know why
It’s so **** hard
It’s a vicious cycle
And it’s out of control
My mind just won’t let me do things
That i really ought to do
Because i know i’m only going to **** it up later
I know
I know
I can’t do it
So when it’s time to pay my dues
I prove myself right
And sink further into the
Suffocating cloud
Of regret.
Oct 11, 2017
Oct 11, 2017 at 10:35 PM UTC
Please, let me go
I am out of air
I can't breathe
May 1, 2017
May 1, 2017 at 3:21 PM UTC
Night charges in and Fear tiptoes after
They slither across the floor
And as they crawl into bed with me, I can hear their maniacal laughter.
In my sabotaged subconscious there is no lock on the door,
An open party where the demons dance
And in explicit, intricate agony I attempt to scream “No more! NO MORE!”
The zombies infest, fester, and invade as their decayed, falling-off feet begin to prance
My mouth is gagged and the chains tighten, as horror plays before my eyes
This is no ordinary tragedy – not one soul has a chance
Trust is meaningless and dangerous, the loyal ones are spies
Logic is thrown out – there is neither a beginning nor an end
Time turns and churns, double-crossers criss-cross – lies, lies, LIES!
My power is ripped away, shred by tiny shred
Everything is spiraling out of my control
I silently scream and struggle as Fear forcefully pins me to the bed
I swim through the sea towards consciousness, but He won’t let me go.
Eyes fly open as Fear ties me up with taught ropes, His beautiful disaster
The unbreakable fibers are woven from smoky shadows, and time crawls on far too slow
My heart beats – faster, faster, FASTER!
But the helpless heroine is no more
The shadows slink away and stick to their corners, for Daylight is my master.
Jul 8, 2015
Jul 8, 2015 at 1:10 AM UTC
You will go to sleep early to talk to your pillow.-Isaac Brock
The thoughts in my head were spinning around. It's all in doubt, it's all in doubt. - The Pacific Ocean
"Tell me why the stars are so bright?"
"They are made of gas which is constantly burning and the twinkling light is the result of that."
"You are simple"
"so what, I didn't listen to my teachers very well. you were the one who asked a simple question anyway"
"But was it?"
"I'm pretty sure it was, and how come you don't know?"
"I wanted to hear you tell me. Are you done with your video games now? I want to go outside"
"The game is almost over. Where would you like to go?"
"You always say it's almost over and yet it keeps going on and on. I don't know where to go, we should just go do something outside.
"Like what? I haven't been outside lately and there isn't much to do when you don't have money"
"It's not like we need to pay to go outside. You seem so reluctant to leave the house, who are you again?"
"How come you don't remember? My name is Bashful. What happened to you Jealousy?"
"I'm not entirely sure, something must have hit me on the head. We have to go now Bashful!"
"Why? It's not like there is anything that interesting outside."
"You have to come Bashful or I won't know how to act."
"Remember going outside always ends with disappointment."
"It won't be like that this time Bashful. We will find something fulfilling this time I swear."
"No Jealousy I don't want to go back outside. Id rather stay here in front of my screen."
"You know I'm not surprised much, after that last experience I can tell you don't want to show your face again."
"haha whatever Jealousy, just leave me alone."
"You are going to live with that disappointment forever Bashful if you don't let it go. I'm going to see if Envy wants to go and tell me when you change your mind. ok?"
"Will do."
"Wake, wake up you."
"What, whats happening?"
"Nothing at all you see that's why you gotta get up."
"But jealousy I was just so comfortable laying here, and the dreams were just about to start."
"You need to stop sleeping so much Envy, you will end up holed up in your room like Fear."
"Hmm, whatever you say. So what exactly did you want from me?"
"I wanted to see if you wanted to go outside. So do ya?"
"You don't seem yourself today Jealousy, why exactly do you want to go outside?"
"I feel so restrained in this place, and I'm not sure what there really is to do here anymore."
"You could just relax ya know like Content. He's been sitting there all day reading books and he seems fine."
"Yes he seems fine ,but he rarely even talks anymore. That last incident was just to much for him. Its as if he isn't even present anymore."
"You think too much, but ya Ill go outside with ya it's not like I have anything better to do. Have you asked Bashful?"
"I did but he's still upset about the other."
"I see. He sure is getting sensitive these days."
Jealousy and Envy then leave the house
"This isn't like you Jealousy. You have never been up to leave without Bashful with you. What's up?"
"I'm not sure..."
"Well you should try to sort things out before leaving next time because you don't look well now."
"It's the heat I feel faded and stretched."
The two walk down to the road
"What is there really to do outside these days? All I see is passing cars and others in the distance."
"Umm well I know Stress and Confidence usually go to the nearby station.."
"That's where they work Jealousy don't you remember. You've had to go with them once or twice now."
"Maybe, but the thing is I have no recollection of it."
"Something must of happened to you too during that last time out. You can recall that something occurred, but do you remember what exactly happened?"
"An other created a disturbance... I can sense it in Bashful and the rest of us..."
"Yes that's true but you have no idea of how it happened."
"I don't ya.."
"I guess Ill have to tell ya then, but lets get out of this heat first."
Jealousy and Envy walk over to a grass covered area with trees. Then Envy and Jealousy light up a cigg and resume their conversation.
"The day before, Stress,Bashful, and Coward had just returned from work and they wanted to head into another town to drink with friends. The rest of us agreed and we were able to get a ride. We arrived and thus collided into physical form."
Envy then shares the memory with Jealousy
***"Who's ____"
"He's an artist she knows."
"Ohh ya, she told me about him last time I was hanging out with her. They seem to be getting along really well."
"Are you okay there___?"
"Ya I'm fine. I'm in the process of letting go. Are you ready to see if shes there? I want to get drunk."
"Let's go."
"Hey _____"
"How ya doing?"
"Fine. I brought my friend over too. Did you still want to hang out?"***
The Memory Dissipates
"So where are you now friend?"
"I'm in a different place than before"
"Where is that? I've never seen you so distant"
"I think it's a place that doesn't truly exist. An imaginary space that confines it's only prisoner, me."
"That place doesn't sound very fun if its just you entrapped. Don't you have any visitors?"
"Once in awhile I let people inside, but then the space becomes distorted and chaotic with constant pressure to release myself"
"So you are the warden too?"
"In a sense I am but in another I'm not fully in control of that place."
"Who is?"
"I'm not entirely sure yet. I see a dark figure trailing me sometimes and I think it's the thing that brought me there. Though when I look back it disappears."
"Don't fade away ok?"
"I'm not gone yet. My mortality always brings me back, but someday I want to stay there."
"Why do you want to leave so badly?"
"I hate being here."
Aug 5, 2014
Aug 5, 2014 at 4:46 PM UTC
Attack, pressed, cornered
Trapped with no where to go
Expecting, watching, judging
How can I speak when I'm out of breath
Disloyal, appalled, betrayal
Warm faces disguise cruelty
Rushing, gushing, maddening
A lump in my throat, tears threatening to flow
Misunderstanding, misdemeanor, misery
Have to fight the tears, give no satisfaction
Frozen, paralyzed, immobile
Quietly surrendered to the abyss
Crazed, insane, dementia
They can't get me now
Masked with their actions
No emotions shown
They've got me
But I too, have got them.
Jun 19, 2013
Jun 19, 2013 at 6:08 AM UTC
Sunday I started to feel as though my life was spiraling out of control.
I know now that it wasn't.
It was just life.
Life happens and it has a crazy way of making all of us feel crazy along with it.
I know that now.
Unfortunately, I know that this feeling will not last, and I am human, so I will forget what this feeling is and feel out of control all over again.
Such is life, but I am living and learning.
Jun 3, 2014
Jun 3, 2014 at 9:17 PM UTC