#outofbody
I don’t know how to write.
I have no finesse, I don’t understand the rules
I’m pretty sure I used that comma wrong.
I never amounted to anything.
I don’t know… no I know my being too self aware put me here.
There’s something about walking a line that keeps you balanced but I tipped to far over to one side.
My mind is going.
I can feel it.
I’m not sure if I detached too hard or if my mind is just really giving up.
My mind feels silent and noisy all at once.
I know I’m confused but I don’t want to take the time to figure it out.
Am I an imposter? Is any of this real?
Why do I feel like I am floating but not in a good way.
Is there even a good way to float.
I feel high even when I am not.
I have so much to say but no voice.
Even if I had something to say is it important.
Is it the sickness I now carry?
Is it eating away at my brain?
My motor function skills are loose and unsure.
I used to be so confident and steady fast in these things.
Is this man made or has it always been around:
Am I over diagnosed?
Is it this or is it that?
Is it still too taboo to talk about?
Does my anxiety and fibro make you uncomfortable?
That’s funny because it REALLY makes me uncomfortable.
Depression is real.
Anxiety is real.
It’s all real.
Can’t be explained only experienced.
Maybe you don’t like it.
Maybe it’s too negative.
Well it’s my life.
It’s my reality.
I’m not sorry if it interrupts your day just block me.
Where is my brain.
It’s almost gone.
Feb 27, 2025
Feb 27, 2025 at 9:53 PM UTC
What's visibly here is not my soul
My soul is not here as a whole
Feeling as if I was in the 2nd dimension
Or in the 6th dimension
Forever shouting
Forever panicking
Forever crying
Breathing becomes erratic
I'm not being dramatic
I can't find myself!
Burying my face in my hands
Peeling the skin off my face with my hands
Feeling my nerves stinging and tingling
Body is trying to make me stop but all I'm doing is self-punishing
Body is trying to refrain from the limits I'm pushing
Shouting at myself “Who am I?! Where am I?!"
Lights around me dimly lit
Seeing a light in the corner and rushing into it
I keep finding myself all over the place
I feel like a zombie out of place
I feel like a duck that can't keep afloat
Or a unsteady boat
When I get that feeling when everything is a lie
When nothing that makes sense meets my eye
As if I were in Alice in Wonderland
As if everyone were creations made of rubber bands
I don't even know if you're fake or real
I don't even know how to feel over this ordeal
I can't get my soul to fit in the role
I'm placing it on
As if it's trying to act as a permanent con
Endless suffering
Endless buffering
Endless switching
Endless glitching
If I were a cop
I would put the problem to a immediate stop
So I can meet the real you
And I can meet the real me too
Dec 22, 2024
Dec 22, 2024 at 10:11 PM UTC
I live in this world and out of my body.
When I speak the words slip from me as if being carried away by the wind.
I look in the mirror and I don't truly know what I see.
It's me, but it's also not me. It's all the people who came before me too.
Will there be many after me? Will they look like me, talk like me, or think like me?
Reality is something I think about often.
If I'm alive then surely it must all be real,
right?
Apr 20, 2022
Apr 20, 2022 at 6:00 PM UTC
I am disconnected
from my entire self
like these fingerprints
I’ve known my whole life
somehow aren’t mine.
Out of body experiences
and feeling like
I’m on the outside looking in
has become the norm.
I’ve wiggled my way
into these stories
this background
but I don’t belong here.
Someone is going to notice
call me out
for being an imposter
in my own life.
I’ve existed for decades
feeling like I’m living
in someone else’s skin.
May 28, 2019
May 28, 2019 at 10:22 PM UTC
I've thought of suicide before
breathing my final days; Mi Amor
Holding onto life at its core
to be better than I was before
I've thought about the impact devastation and the react
Those that would come in contact
them thinking thoughts about me
My lifeless body..." yep, there's me"
The visually impaired who didn't see another way
Now others that stare in the same direction
Share the same contacts
Voices of opinions
because everyone's entitled
like the start of an adventure
the deceased cannot change the title
Some still in denial
And others have already crossed the sea,
And life will go on regardless of me.
Oct 11, 2018
Oct 11, 2018 at 3:04 PM UTC
There are conversations in which my mental frame leaves the
parameters of my body.
No longer can I fathom the concept of ‘being in love’
I witness dates
and
feel as an apprentice of such a trade might
an inadequacy to replicate the models of those before me
Gone are my indefinite moments of sanity
Childhood is laced in linens of silk
Soft-spoken words
and
Finely crafted spontaneity lacking responsibility
Ceaseless are the times in which I must conceal the thoughts I abhor
Depravity seems to chain my soul
which leads to
a Resolution in pixelation
due to
a visual handicap which has left my eye blind to choosing right
My friends make me happy
but as a glass transforms back-&-forth between half-empty &
half-full
one glance across our wooden dinner is all it takes
for
My thoughts to liquidate into bars of gold
Telling myself I must exchange their conversation for my motivation
heavy on the mind
light keystrokes
Once i reawaken at 1 A.M. from my conscious-coma
i ask myself
What good is it?
To be thoughtful
Yet have no action
What good is it?
To fantasize
Yet refuse your own inclination for renovation
What good is it?
To be dramatic
Yet have no one at your performance
I do understand what it means to ‘be’
Watching Tuesday suns burn in loops of ongoing weeks
- lacking peaks -
As I continue to lay under clothes line
Wrapped in a melody of melancholy
But I do not understand what it means to be ‘me’
My mind feels as a lemon candy might,
sour at first bite -
hollow on the inside, then gone
Without ever truly knowing what it tastes like.
Aug 3, 2018
Aug 3, 2018 at 9:03 PM UTC
temperatures stale
apparitions lingering
looking at oneself
Oct 8, 2016
Oct 8, 2016 at 12:24 PM UTC
The smoke has yet to lift.
Giving the horizon a eerie feel.
The whistle of death has long since passed.
Even the thunder that lashed out so hungrily.
Has been subdued with the souls scoured.
Numerous holes are sporadically placed among the rubble.
Some are filled.
Like the contents of a blender set to mince.
I peer into the stagnant pool that collected in the smoldering depths.
Not even the earth seemed to want them.
The urge to dive in overtakes my senses.
And the remnant cries are getting stronger.
With every breathe does my mind crystalize.
Frozen in the moments that distort this rigid oasis of despair.
The need to return beckons.
Yet integration is nearly complete.
These arms have become strangers.
Just like the rest of this surrogate being.
The storm is coming.
But I remain.
Watching.
As the familiar figure takes its leave.
Grinning with every step.
Jan 8, 2016
Jan 8, 2016 at 12:52 AM UTC
All day long I live out of body.
Just seeing flashes of a life worth living.
I see a woman I don't recognize.
But my gosh she's worth loving.
When I see you undress,
I could swear it's the first time.
When you kiss me goodbye that feeling in my chest,
knows you'll be right back.
The things we share are far beyond the physical.
We live together at the opposite end of superficial.
I spend my whole day searching for you with the scent you left on my collar.
Knowing you'll be back is never enough I need you now.
I thought I found you once.
But it was the wrong face right name.
Why does my life feel like someone elses game?
Will I ever find you when I bridge two planes.
I could exist on another plane entirely.
The way I look at you like your out of this world.
Sep 19, 2015
Sep 19, 2015 at 2:52 AM UTC
Have you ever been angry?
So angry you've scared yourself.
Because for a second you saw that face staring back from within.
An immense depth fast approaching.
So absent of light the only reason you caught a glimpse was those eyes.
Beaming back at you with illumination so frightening your core began to shudder and rumble.
Crumbled down and watched this beast claw its way out.
Over rock and mortar. Through coarse cage of steel.
Those cold eyes staring down - helplessly watching.
This beast was once kept sealed.
Who gave it this key to destruction.
This shapeless fluid in motion soulless tragedy.
Black velvet drape dipped in fiery energy.
Pure hate which had been compressed for eternity.
Now concentrated and intent on wreaking havoc.
I sent my armies. I sent them all.
Countless deaths and yet I sent more.
Quick slaughter - not the painless type.
This beast they could not stall.
Thrashes of bodies. Clawed and torn.
Festering flesh flying from fallen.
Axe, Sword and Mace soaked,
dripping in warm fresh blood-pounding hate.
Shatters of armor and unrecognizable corpses.
What do I do?
It seeks me as a vessel - to be worn.
I can feel the hate changing me.
Quickly now or I'll soon deform.
Mar 17, 2015
Mar 17, 2015 at 9:01 PM UTC
I walk through walls when I travel
To a midnight blood orange sky
Iridescent raindrops in soft motion
All discerned with my third eye
The astral world is tranquil
But not everything is as it seems
Creatures just heads are hiding
Inside articulated trees
Madly twirl to change the scenery
Watch as fish swim in venetian glass
Jump as high as painted mountain tops
Then rest on undulating grass
Weightless flights to brilliant Luna
Imagination guides the course
The realm of out of body
A thread embroidered to our source
Oct 17, 2014
Oct 17, 2014 at 10:29 PM UTC
Opening my heart,
opening my mind;
I inhaled
without regret
and watched
the world
unwind.
Comfortable
in my
non-proverbial
sling-shot,
I was catapulted
from this Earth,
out of my body
and into
Hyperspace:
a sight
of radiant
splendor.
Streams
of bright,
neon color
soaked through
my vision,
illuminating
the blanketed
brilliance
of
the experience.
This eternal
round-about
spun
in wide circles
around my being,
rapidly
gaining speed,
taking flight.
Time
broke apart;
it's pieces:
fractured,
severed
and split
into
the expanse
that lay
all around me.
The walls
glistened;
scintillating
with fervent
sparkle,
a shimmering
twinkle
of prismatic
grandeur.
Breathing deep,
I felt my spirit
begin to return.
With limbs
outstretched
I grasped for
the reality
I had
just barley
touched
with
****** fingertips.
Eyes opening
back to the
shadowbox
of this
existence,
a singular
tear
escaped.
Reappearing,
I wept.
Jun 8, 2014
Jun 8, 2014 at 2:28 PM UTC