#nohelp
Your left knee is arthritic,
Your spine is warping too
Your reactions aren’t so quick
And you’re often in the loo,
But we cannot help you
Your time is simply due.
It’s normal for your age.
Your skin’s become quite dry
As well as your nether parts
Your outfit isn’t fly
And you’re far more prone to farts
But it’s been written in the cards
It’s been sung by many bards
It’s normal for your age.
You tell me it’s an illness
And you want it treated fast
I’m afraid it’s your willfulness
You weren’t designed to last
The diagnosis is that your youth is in the past
We won’t treat your condition; the die’s already cast.
It’s normal for your age.
Oct 9, 2020
Oct 9, 2020 at 11:46 PM UTC
If there one thing driving me insane
Is that I still have the pain
Of my anger inside me
Anger that you can see
Why couldn't you give, to hear my plead
That I am in fear and in need
That this anger could overtake my mind
Who knows what you'd find
If you told me not to do that now
Or to find ways to figure out how
To quell my inner child's rage
But you skipped that page
and went right for my heart
Then wondered why I ripped you apart
You sought not to help with what remains
You forever sought personal gain
Let that sink in to your soul
You cared not to help a part, of someone that gave
themselves whole
Sep 19, 2017
Sep 19, 2017 at 7:54 PM UTC
I did it alone…
When I got my first heart break last November of 2014, I went through it alone….
At home.
I fell to my knees in the shower crying my eyes out going through a break up & at the same time I felt as if I was shot in the heart by a gun, my heart didnt shatter, it just bled out empty as if there was a bullet hole.
I tried to fix it with a bandage, hoping it can cover up that bullet hole.
It did but it just made my heart feel so heavy that I needed to get blood out.
But I decided to bleed a different way out…
Razors slided across my skin,
Not my wrist, but on my thighs.
I didnt want anyone worrying at home because I didnt want to keep them alert that I was depressed and was really hurting having them see my cuts and think I was suicidal.
Im not suicidal, I just wanted to different way to get rid of the pain without taking off the bandage off my heart that was keeping my heart alive.
I walked during the day feeling dead inside and feeling the burning on my thighs.
Walking around with a fake smile to show I was “fine”
I sure fooled everyone
Late nights are the worst though
when everyone is asleep & im in the dark getting my emotions built up and my heart feeling heavy again….
Tears down my cheeks, trying to catch my breath.
So many memories flashing through my head.
They won’t stop, they never will.
I lose a lot of sleep at night but get sleep during the day if I can.
Sometimes I just wanted to sleep FOREVER because I was going through it alone….
At Home…
Sure iv had friends text me & some took me out when I asked them to help me get out of the house, but I still went through it Alone….
At Home.
1 YEAR LATER
Im still going through it alone…
At home..
BUT doing better.
Im still depressed but less than before.
Razor blades are no longer slicing my skin,
my scars & cuts have faded.
Some still visible while others are gone.
I still cover myself because I don’t wanna get questioned about them.
I usually distract myself with music, drawing & texting my friends.
The sleeping routine has become a habit…
A MONTH LATER on the night of my 20th birthday I hung with my friends making me happy and forgetting about the past. When I went home my small family planned a birthday party with just us 5, before the party started they let me sleep a few hours. Those were my last ZZZs I caught during the day because the day after my birthday I woke up early on my own & was awake all day feeling good :) and since my 20th birthday… NO more overthinking or being unable to sleep and staying awake during the day feeling good :) I DID IT ALONE im not 100% out of my depression BUT im almost out :) I GOT THIS! -J.Pantoja
Aug 10, 2016
Aug 10, 2016 at 8:06 PM UTC
With bullet like words I'll let it rain
So everyone can taste my pain
Let them crumble under my strain
Someone needs to ring the bell
I already fell
All my life I've tasted the flames of hell
Hit after hit, bout after bout
No ones there to help me out
With deafened ears they hear my shouts
I've ran out of options, ran out of luck
Now I'm being ****** in, I'm stuck
Will no one brave the quicksand and pull me up
Look at the mess they made
Not helping a friend that could've been saved
I hope they never come to my grave
Mar 15, 2016
Mar 15, 2016 at 12:14 PM UTC
She just runs around all day.
At night she can't sleep.
I watch her as she stops to weep.
She's feeling overwhelmed but keeps to herself.
Bottling it all up on the top shelf.
So I just watch her unravel.
As she travels.
Through this grey, ugly life.
I wish that I could help with the strife.
But she just passes me by.
Dec 1, 2015
Dec 1, 2015 at 5:58 PM UTC
There came a time when i finally realized.
there's no point in living this life.
I can't be who i need to be.
I cannot see what i hoped to see.
I try try and try again.
A vicious cycle to never end.
Endless hurt, endless pain and grief.
Don't you see what i mean.
I failed countless times.
Many more than would fit in this rhyme.
My point is i'm done.
I can't sleep and there's no peace.
This broken world doesn't really need me.
I wish i could just, give it up.
But, some won't let me, insisting my time's not up.
So i will sit here just awaiting.
The day when you are stating.
That I, have failed.
Jun 26, 2015
Jun 26, 2015 at 4:14 AM UTC
i seem to always
get the worst when
Christmas is right around
the corner
who knows why
but something about this time of year,
makes me so upset
so angry
so out of control
that i don't know what to do
i can get all the help in the world but
nothing helps
the way i need it to.
Dec 16, 2014
Dec 16, 2014 at 12:44 PM UTC