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#negativeselftalk
What is true surrender? How to stop fighting? I only know the why. My heart is aching Because I try and try and try ... Constantly starving myself From love Permanently thinking That I am not enough "Oh my poor self" This is self-pity "Why can't I be as Beautiful or pretty?" "This is so selfish You're superficial" This is the judging voice Sounds like an official "Making yourself dependent On looks. On other's opinions, On not your own truths" "Of course, you know best" -that's the submissive one. Digging deeper a knife Into one's own throat. "Whatever it takes I will express myself" -this is the fighter, Not giving up. "We need to stop, This is too much" The fearful voice Afraid of touch, "Uh you're so pathetic" That's the ********* Self-hurt multiplies When it arrives. "Let's do this again!" The optimistic tone, And there's the naive one "I'm in, yes, yes, yes!" "You can't be serious" The everlasting anger Trying to diminish Whatever one thinks And disappointment Arises and lingers In the air, One is thrown into mist. "I am so lost. I cannot see" That's overwhelm Coming over me. This is where all the voices at once Scream at me, talk to me, Not one by one. And overbearing with the emotion One starts to drown in the dark and deep ocean, Foggy the vision, nasty the mind, One deeply lost, blurry and blind. "Now are we satisfied?" That's the expectation, To make something outstanding Out of every creation. "Nah, could be better" The perfectionist, Trying to please... Forgetting ease. "My chest is burning" Hypochondria churning, Maybe the pressure is Simply too much. "You're so incapable!" The inner critic, Makes one feel hateful Towards oneself. "Wow, that's a lot" Finally self-compassion, Emerging slowly, Comes into action. "Burning" - exhaustion, The energy released And the heat in the body- Increased. "Is this awareness? What's my next step?" Carefully wondering, Still full of regret, This is distrust, Losing patience fast... Helplessness howls, Fear kicks in deeper, "I think I can't breath," Anxiety croaks. "When will it end?" I ask and reply: "It will not end, Until I die."
0
Jan 6, 2025
Jan 6, 2025 at 11:44 AM UTC
silvervi
Surrendering to a thousand voices
What is true surrender? How to stop fighting? I only know the why. My heart is aching Because I try and try and try ... Constantly starving myself From love Permanently thinking That I am not enough "Oh my poor self" This is self-pity "Why can't I be as Beautiful or pretty?" "This is so selfish You're superficial" This is the judging voice Sounds like an official "Making yourself dependent On looks. On other's opinions, On not your own truths" "Of course, you know best" -that's the submissive one. Digging deeper a knife Into one's own throat. "Whatever it takes I will express myself" -this is the fighter, Not giving up. "We need to stop, This is too much" The fearful voice Afraid of touch, "Uh you're so pathetic" That's the ********* Self-hurt multiplies When it arrives. "Let's do this again!" The optimistic tone, And there's the naive one "I'm in, yes, yes, yes!" "You can't be serious" The everlasting anger Trying to diminish Whatever one thinks And disappointment Arises and lingers In the air, One is thrown into mist. "I am so lost. I cannot see" That's overwhelm Coming over me. This is where all the voices at once Scream at me, talk to me, Not one by one. And overbearing with the emotion One starts to drown in the dark and deep ocean, Foggy the vision, nasty the mind, One deeply lost, blurry and blind. "Now are we satisfied?" That's the expectation, To make something outstanding Out of every creation. "Nah, could be better" The perfectionist, Trying to please... Forgetting ease. "My chest is burning" Hypochondria churning, Maybe the pressure is Simply too much. "You're so incapable!" The inner critic, Makes one feel hateful Towards oneself. "Wow, that's a lot" Finally self-compassion, Emerging slowly, Comes into action. "Burning" - exhaustion, The energy released And the heat in the body- Increased. "Is this awareness? What's my next step?" Carefully wondering, Still full of regret, This is distrust, Losing patience fast... Helplessness howls, Fear kicks in deeper, "I think I can't breath," Anxiety croaks. "When will it end?" I ask and reply: "It will not end, Until I die."
Continue reading...
95
There's nothing like it. Bowing my head; the tears sliding over my cheeks, dripping down into my lap. I let my chest fill up. I let my eyes fill up. I let my head fill up. Memories. Torments. Loneliness. These things take me over, flooding my mind with the mistakes I've made; the awful person I've become. Cheater Liar Deceiver. I beat myself, daily, for the things I've done for the things I do. I cannot stop, I am driven to fail those I love most. I'm so good, I can lie to anyone; pulling the wool over their eyes, belief built on faith, trust and denial. I am this heartless creature, selfish to the core. The lies I tell, no one questions, not even me.
0
Jul 18, 2014
Jul 18, 2014 at 2:52 AM UTC
alice-7
Today's Beating
There's nothing like it. Bowing my head; the tears sliding over my cheeks, dripping down into my lap. I let my chest fill up. I let my eyes fill up. I let my head fill up. Memories. Torments. Loneliness. These things take me over, flooding my mind with the mistakes I've made; the awful person I've become. Cheater Liar Deceiver. I beat myself, daily, for the things I've done for the things I do. I cannot stop, I am driven to fail those I love most. I'm so good, I can lie to anyone; pulling the wool over their eyes, belief built on faith, trust and denial. I am this heartless creature, selfish to the core. The lies I tell, no one questions, not even me.
Continue reading...
43