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#narcoticsanonymous
I did it. All of it. I'm guilty of it. I did it to forget. I did it to become vacant. I did it to make the constant neurosis, my own personal insanity justified. I did it. All of it. I did it because it seemed to be the only thing that could create the smallest ability in myself to smile. I did it because it was easier, I did it because it was the only "happy pill" that worked. I did it to feel comfort, which quickly became survival. I did it. All of it. I'm guilty. I did it regardless of what I had to do to be able. I did it impulsively, desperately, selfishly. I did it to silence, or at least muffle those voices that only I could hear. I did it to separate my soul from my body. I did it in bathroom stalls, ally ways, in broken down and abandoned houses, in public. I did it with people who did it too. I did it isolated from the world and everyone in it. I did it to slow me down, to speed me up, to function, to change the way I was without it. I did it away from home so I could avoid the exact feelings I didn't want to feel that i saw in the ones I should have loved. I did it. All of it. I curled up on the floor, begging whatever may have been listening to rid me of this evil exploding out of my center. I filled my heart with a theoretical Novocaine that I'd concocted myself. I pushed them all away. I was alone. Yes, I did it. All of it. I'm completely guilty of it. Now when I speak, I hear no response.
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Mar 29, 2014
Mar 29, 2014 at 4:24 PM UTC
lillian-e-shoemaker
My Part in this.
I did it. All of it. I'm guilty of it. I did it to forget. I did it to become vacant. I did it to make the constant neurosis, my own personal insanity justified. I did it. All of it. I did it because it seemed to be the only thing that could create the smallest ability in myself to smile. I did it because it was easier, I did it because it was the only "happy pill" that worked. I did it to feel comfort, which quickly became survival. I did it. All of it. I'm guilty. I did it regardless of what I had to do to be able. I did it impulsively, desperately, selfishly. I did it to silence, or at least muffle those voices that only I could hear. I did it to separate my soul from my body. I did it in bathroom stalls, ally ways, in broken down and abandoned houses, in public. I did it with people who did it too. I did it isolated from the world and everyone in it. I did it to slow me down, to speed me up, to function, to change the way I was without it. I did it away from home so I could avoid the exact feelings I didn't want to feel that i saw in the ones I should have loved. I did it. All of it. I curled up on the floor, begging whatever may have been listening to rid me of this evil exploding out of my center. I filled my heart with a theoretical Novocaine that I'd concocted myself. I pushed them all away. I was alone. Yes, I did it. All of it. I'm completely guilty of it. Now when I speak, I hear no response.
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