#narcolepsy
.
often i am retrodden after passing a lengthy sleep battle
day following day i wake in and out loftily bobbing
nodding into conversation and durring out
like a tiny failing electric fan
struggling to appear present and take part
then whirring into a congested cumulus
a colleague, (name slips me), sips her coffee
she dribbles her features into her colourful lap
her words become a slury chum of incoherence
(she may snap back if i have energy to retrieve her
she may upon a whim form another person altogether)
i have accumulated a D.S.C. (Depression Support Creature)
the opposing to what may seem
this fella supports my depressions feature being
and monitor's my decline
fleshed out to drain me
whilst acting as a detracting blurred vision
shaking in a drabby coat and baring its dumbed face
i'm turned inward on drooping wealth
and rot in the anxious conglomeration
a distracted reality from reality already conquered
flagged and declared ;
the phony thing that's real
Oct 22, 2024
Oct 22, 2024 at 10:31 PM UTC
You aren't here
You aren't anywhere.
All you ever do in life
Is blow clouds through the air,
Wasting away through strife.
You know your wife hates it.
You know your children do.
You know that all our money goes
To your selfish habits and you
As your addiction grows
I love you though...
I just wish you'd end this phase-
The one that's spending all our cash
And shortening your days until
You're turned into dust and ash.
You're an absent father
(MY absent father..)
Only here when you need to be
Then you're gone for the end of this verse
And most in between
Either spaced out, asleep, or hearsed.
Jul 5, 2021
Jul 5, 2021 at 2:44 PM UTC
A continuation of places I have fallen asleep
- at the movies
- my dermatologist appointment
- the dentist
- getting my nails done
- the back room of my work
- the car on short rides
- the car on long rides
- 5 minutes after waking up in my bed
- the couch at 7pm
- the couch at 7am
- the grass in the garden
- the beach
- a portable hammock laying on my side
- waiting for the doctors appointment
- on the train
- on the bus
Jan 15, 2021
Jan 15, 2021 at 3:36 AM UTC
You ask me how I am
“Tired”
I say
I slur
You preach your 3 hours of sleep
As though it is a feat
A competition in your mind
I know I have already won
Yet mine isn’t so victorious
I have felt years of heavy eyelids pulled down by black fingernails, the bruised under eyes and lust for more sleep
A weak bag of bones is all I am now
Collapsed at a laugh
Or a cry
My muscles show no strength
Neither do I
Jan 9, 2021
Jan 9, 2021 at 6:25 PM UTC
Like a sinful seduction, I slip off the edge of sleep,
my eyes are drawn to the darkest shadows of my room... kinetically searching...
I seem to penetrate them, my mind breathes life into them,
they begin to stir and morph into the preludes to my peculiar dreams,
bizarre at first until inevitably familiar,
as if I had lived them indefinite times in the past... and infinite times in the future... remembering... becoming... unfiltered and unaffected...
my subconscious is my truth, awakened by my dreams.
I long to remain lost in this ethereal bliss.
Sep 23, 2018
Sep 23, 2018 at 8:51 AM UTC
Soft pillow cases
Engulf my skull
like a magical
marshmallowy surprise
taking away
my sub-concious
every second
e
v
e
r
y
s
e
c
o
n
d
I'm still awake!
daydreaming of daydreams
wandering thoughts
inside-out
Jibbing jabber
Clattering matter
faster faster faster!!
f
i
n
d
i
n
g
zzzzzzzzzzz.........
Sep 7, 2018
Sep 7, 2018 at 5:00 PM UTC
One, two, three
What do you see?
I'll fall asleep
Eventually.......
Sep 7, 2018
Sep 7, 2018 at 12:46 AM UTC
“I am tired,”
I say
You ask if I was up late
Last night
And instead of telling you about
My hypocretin levels I nod
And laugh and say
“Something like that.”
“What, are you tired?”
My coach asks
He thinks he is
Trying to motivate me
But he does not know
That my very existence is
Bone crushingly exhausting
And yes,
I am tired
But I wouldn’t expect him
To understand
So I say nothing
When I say I have narcolepsy
And you say
“Must be nice, being able
To fall asleep anywhere,”
I have never related
To Ted Bundy more in
My entire life
You suggest I stop
Drinking coffee
I suggest you stop breathing
Teachers talk about the
Impact of sleep on
Mental health and
I think
Maybe that’s why
I’m always depressed
My doctor suggests I stop
Drinking coffee too
I am a little worried now
I google
“Caffeine related heart attacks
In teens”
My findings are not enough to
Convince me and besides,
A hospital visit
Is just an opportune moment
For a nap
Jun 13, 2018
Jun 13, 2018 at 11:12 AM UTC
My dreams whisper sweet things
And surreptitiously speak to me
My waking words are rote and empty
-spilling with hypocrisy
Yet their comforting embrace
Simply bring smiles to my face
Filling my mind while I'm asleep
They send messages lined with silver That vanish when I wake
To bring about a dull and listless form Who is shaping my last mistake
You see I wake in a storm
Simultaneously feeling constrained
To my bed
I can't get up while there's no filter
For the rush of noises in my head
If there's a difference between
What you know and what you believe Then why is it not as easy
To imagine my reprieve
Why can I only experience a vivid life
While I sleep
Then once again wake up
To this Fear Doubt and Anger
Choking me
Invoking me by pushing buttons
Of their endless promises
To for certain be found in youth
While my vision is livid sinning
Contemplating and pinpointing
Who too close is uncouth
You sit there and feed my veins
An explanation to your lies
With all the compromised
Washed up water
Memorized methods
Coping mechanisms
While it's your heart that remains
Aloof
Then sit there in desperation
Reiterating as if you know
The deep introspective answer
When any fool can see your wisdom
Is wrought in the vanity
Of a talented dancer
If you lost the truth of sanity
Would you retrieve it for ten cents
Or would you search inside
Before hiding from the confines
Of a necessary moment
I'd rather die or sacrifice my life
Before cowering from what's hidden
The message so raw
That counts your flaws
Like there was some proof
In what is missing
But ultimately I guess
It comes down to the small decision
The chip on my shoulder
That became a boulder
When I reached out
For my inner vision.
So while I feel so disparate and alone
In the trenches losing my senses
Will I be the hero or be the villain
Will I let the poison make me it's toy
Or take the penicillin
*Some days my life feels as heavy
As that last breath left over
From how loudly I shout
But I guess a general synopsis to you
Of how I sometimes feel inside
Is a decent first step to waking up
While I'm down and out*
Jul 3, 2017
Jul 3, 2017 at 4:53 AM UTC
Narcolepsy
Your muscles collapse, palms sweat, darkness drowns your body with a sleep attack. Hallucinations break in and leave your mind numb, while awake at 3 am wondering why? The next morning you think it's going to be better but your wrong. It's an ongoing suffering pain and misery in a darkness that no one can ever imagine unless they have your "disease"
Nov 1, 2016
Nov 1, 2016 at 11:16 PM UTC
A beautiful butterfly beams by in the brisk bright morning hours.
The alliteration of the first line is enough to make you swoon.
Beauty comes in many forms as such as an amazing altogether auspicious line of aggressive, aggrandizing well written word play
But just think of the amount of well written expression that was possible with any of those starter lines.
Instead you are full of nagging narcolepsy that nags at your knees.
Falling below even the fewest standards
Jun 27, 2016
Jun 27, 2016 at 7:38 PM UTC
Schrodinger's potential is kinetic.
A life unknowing fault versus genetic.
May 12, 2015
May 12, 2015 at 11:57 AM UTC
It appears as though shadows are not of concern,
To they who shed light upon every return.
I am certain the sun cannot fathom night falling,
And really, why would he care?
For the curtain that's calling long after you're done,
To be gone, I don't believe is unfair.
It appears as though shadows are not of concern,
To they who shed light upon every return.
May 10, 2015
May 10, 2015 at 2:39 PM UTC
I found out there was fire lingering beneath this skin,
but it isn't of desire and I don't want to begin
accepting death because a pressure expects breath because of flesh.
I need a cure that isn't time for expiration of the fresh.
For incessant insecure impressions,
For obscure convalescent depression.
For when the most unsure become expected to procure
From those defaulted most demure, the idolatry sense of pure(ity)
[Pure] (it evil answer idol along and so sure)
purity villains were right all along and so sure
maybe for eternity despite killing wrong I'm insecure.
'twas thought was sure
Now wrought hot fur-(y)
(Fur)[y motion] from the prime upon itself,
[Emotion]
To where the very notion of good health,
fuels firey devotion to destroy myself.
I found out there was fire lingering beneath this skin,
but it isn't of desire and I don't want to begin
accepting death because a pressure expects breath because of flesh.
I need a cure that isn't time for expiration of the fresh.
I'm where the very notion of good health,
fuels firey devotion to destroy myself.
Apr 25, 2015
Apr 25, 2015 at 4:55 PM UTC
Emptied; by past astounded
Dreamt disasters unfounded.
But you. To bear.
Bury myself in you.
Instead keeping my ground
To bed sleeping is bound
Unspoken tones across
a planet, how profound
Awoken stones no moss
we plan it, rolling now around
In eachother we drown
within deep resounding
Finding you surround me
Serenity has found me.
And i let love confound me.
And you. To bear.
I bury me in you.
Mar 10, 2015
Mar 10, 2015 at 4:53 PM UTC
They tolerate it because it's completely voluntary and there's nothing riding on their presence around me.
Consolidated becomes the repeated solitary hiding, far gone pleasantries by loneliness compounding.
Mar 9, 2015
Mar 9, 2015 at 7:14 PM UTC
A plot we fought in every room
Distraught devouring the bloom
Forgot the seed inside the womb
We ought to make this house a tomb
Mar 6, 2015
Mar 6, 2015 at 3:30 AM UTC
I'm just
I can't feel my lips
on my face
so still
i cant move them
on their own
i can't tell if they are parted
i can't tell if they exist
i can't feel my hips or
my feet, or my lefs
i can't move them
i can't feel them
i want to break
i want all of the confusion, the disconnectedness
i can cry
but i can't escape this
and i can't can't escape this
there is no break
a million scattered shattered steps
stood stunning
chameleon flattered
I can't move.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6n_z-FdEkw&feature;=youtu.be
^unlisted
Feb 28, 2015
Feb 28, 2015 at 11:59 AM UTC
I'm so ******* dizzy from remaining in one place
while the world thrashes around me and collapses into space
it's a wonder just how breathless i am left when the whole race
i ran immobile unsure whether to flee from the life ever-giving chase
Feb 3, 2015
Feb 3, 2015 at 7:46 PM UTC
We're free
To do, to say, to be
Whatever makes you proud of me
I can oblige, I don’t agree
I can't see eye to eye, you see
I'd lie to try evade that sigh
Assumed reply consumed by why
I had no say conceived the sky
Each passing day perceived too high
Trespassing lay bereaved to die
Til watered ground believed too dry
The forest falls; no use to cry
You never asked to be born to any life
Your say, it mattered none
If ever tasked to bring morning with a knife
Poor day, pit-pattered sun
Wore spray, spit-spattered gun
Swore stay, sit-shattered spun
Floor display wit tattered won
Door away fitted undone
***** will say bitter begun
A score to play hit her home run
Too poor to pay **** owing one
A roar made sore ripcords I tore
Demanding, MORE!
Standing, what for?
No landing, or
Backhanding, or
Still stand ignore
Can't stand no more
Jan 26, 2015
Jan 26, 2015 at 3:58 PM UTC
Narcoleptic storyteller living the dream; it's a ******* nightmare.
Dark eclectic gory hell or giving up steam; watered luck is right there.
Appear today; drawn tomorrow
I could tell which words you borrow
Inconvenienced shades of gray
Eighty shades of sorrow weigh
today, which way to say,
I will stay here when you stray hear
they may play fear, bray they pay dear
Ever listen on to bold tomorrows.
Jan 20, 2015
Jan 20, 2015 at 5:01 AM UTC
it's nice to know it's not for naught
there's value in what can't be bought
where my plans convene with thought
i invest different kind of plot
honeycomb are to the bees
as madness is to mysteries
and are polite priorities
nectar of insecurities?
the recounted sheep are bleating/(bleeding)
cry of wolf to deaf misleading
as i bray again repeating
every note so self-defeating
thrown about the limbs of trees
chaos with-in-discrepancies
that which we melt just to freeze
wring tangles such as these
my journey is while they sleep
shepherdess lost counted sheep
the edge, again, to fall or leap
for flight first failure grade so steep
My white whale wild in the seas
This ship no sail, nor north agrees
Ever-spurning taste of tease
I am ahabs intricacies
to illusion am i ******
eternally roaming the land
through burning thirst for empathy
-i'm plagued with insecurity
in an old biblical story
mortal glimpsed our father's glory
From that instant's blinding light
was driven mad took his own sight
if i could measure and define
truth and where it draws the line
which cliff faces only mine
encases truly, i am fine
chronic illness violently
supressing luminocity
onlookers hang silently
as ash consume ferocity
speed builds on tracks in my train
I know this is too fast, again
upon myself, 'you dare complain,
without reference to real pain?'
all avert their eyes, refrain
saying nothing is my bane
am i alone and insane?
this focus that i can't explain?
creating reason for my pain
purpose for and by diseased brain
Jan 20, 2015
Jan 20, 2015 at 1:00 AM UTC