#napowrimo2015
Where have you gone?
No light in your eyes and no voice in your words.
Everything is gone,
This isn't the one I thought I knew...
Apr 30, 2015
Apr 30, 2015 at 11:24 PM UTC
Dear ~~~
I just want to let you know,
Before I fall apart on you,
Or I fall for you--
I live in a shipwreck of my own design,
Am scared of what I am capable of,
And admire the frightening
Endless
Night sky.
I step cruelly on
My own emotions and those who
Twist my own words and
Use me as a door mat,
While twisting my knife deeper into my heart,
But my tears are invisible
And my screams are silent.
You need to look beyond my smiling,
Look into my eyes.
They only smile when you are here.
Apr 29, 2015
Apr 29, 2015 at 11:44 PM UTC
I'm missing you,
A warm presence,
The only time I dare to be myself.
And yet,
Better than I am
When I'm around you.
Did I walk away
Or was it you?
Apr 28, 2015
Apr 28, 2015 at 11:17 PM UTC
U
G
L
Y
Slides off my tongue,
The words I use to talk to you,
And the words I use to describe myself.
Apr 28, 2015
Apr 28, 2015 at 9:02 AM UTC
I gambled with fire,
Gave my mind away,
It turned my heart to dust,
And now it turned way.
Apr 27, 2015
Apr 27, 2015 at 8:16 AM UTC
Avoid answering
By asking unrelated questions.
It works every time,
Even when it wasn't wanted.
Apr 26, 2015
Apr 26, 2015 at 12:35 AM UTC
Like the last burst of a storm,
The last stroke of a brush,
The last detail added...
Apr 25, 2015
Apr 25, 2015 at 12:22 AM UTC
I
Gave
Up the fight.
Now
will you?
Would you call it cowardice
To kick someone who
is down and
surrendered?
Apr 23, 2015
Apr 23, 2015 at 11:04 PM UTC
Even you don't know my fears,
Sometimes I don't.
I try to hide them from myself,
But they just eat
Eat
EAT
On my insides,
Begging my attention,
Boiling in my acidic blood,
Screaming in my ears,
My mind,
I'm growing numb to my surroundings,
Dissolving into my own background,
Yet it still
Eats,
Burning holes in my heart,
The soles of my shoes
Wearing thin as I try to run from it
Only to return
Again.
Apr 22, 2015
Apr 22, 2015 at 11:32 PM UTC
Above the keyboard are hands,
Working hands, trying to create something beautiful.
They can feel out the words,
But they cannot hear or see.
Above those hands are arms,
That can hold,
But they cannot see either.
Looking at you,
You are not just something beautiful.
You are beautiful, inside, outside,
Even if you can't see,
Even if you can't hear,
Or touch
Or smell
Or taste,
Your heart can.
And create something beautiful.
Apr 21, 2015
Apr 21, 2015 at 6:37 PM UTC
If we were more like ourselves
How long could we keep up this act?
Dodging each other,
Only saying meaningless "Hellos"
And questions,
Never pausing to stop and actually
Think,
Feel,
Take the time to know someone,
Who they truly are,
Deep down,
And then
Pause.
So they know that they aren't the only one there.
Apr 21, 2015
Apr 21, 2015 at 12:57 AM UTC
I felt the impact of
Jumping into the unknown cavern of
Trust,
Not knowing how hard
And broken it would be.
Apr 19, 2015
Apr 19, 2015 at 12:34 AM UTC
If I were a word yesterday,
They would be about
"Pain"
or
"Lost."
Feeling "trapped" in a
World who knows how to "punish" the
"Weak."
I would see how I have gone "unseen" and
"Ignored" by the ones who "hate" me best.
But that was "yesterday."
If I were a word today,
It would simply be
"Happy."
Apr 17, 2015
Apr 17, 2015 at 12:36 AM UTC
If there are days that you feel that the power of my love
may be too much to handle, I apologize for the discomfort
it is bringing. For the heart my higher being so graciously
gave to me was meant to be experienced by you.
I was born to express my passion in the most intimate of
ways, and my presence is meant to be felt whether or not
we are in the same space. So it is expected that you embrace
my form of being.
If your spirit is not rattled by the depletion of my energy,
and if your mind is not frazzled by the idea of this love
no longer existing, you do not deserve to experience the
positive vibrations I am giving.
Apr 3, 2015
Apr 3, 2015 at 4:37 AM UTC
The truth is that I love you, and that
I always will. Helpless and hopeless
romantics dream of love like this. For
the longest of times, I dreamt of the
perfect lover. I wondered how much
sweeter life would be if I found myself
in the arms of the man I love. The longer
I waited and every mishap along the way
led me straight to you. I, now, yearn for
the passionate kisses you place upon my
lips. I live for your steady breaths that
give my restless soul peace. Hearts like
yours are the reasons why I remained a
believer. Your warmth never goes astray,
and your faith gives me strength. Although
each heart withholds the same amount of
adoration, theirs will never be like yours.
Apr 4, 2015
Apr 4, 2015 at 12:55 AM UTC
I looked for temporary satisfation when your love
was absent. I understand it may be selfish of me
but waiting for its return is like waiting for the last
autumn leaf to make way to the earth -- the beauty
of summer fades, and Mother Nature loses her youth
as the arms that reach the heavens slowly die.
Truthfully, one could not forget intimate kisses shared
in silence, and the voice that has resonated in the mind
as the sweetest lullaby. If only it was possible to find joy
within the pain. Although laughing at such misery could
ease a weary heart, the perfect love still has too strong of
a hold to let go of the affection it has received.
Apr 16, 2015
Apr 16, 2015 at 10:07 AM UTC
He told her he was the sky,
That he owned the stars,
And the sun, his eye.
She laughed,
Smiling at his ocean eyes,
And knew that he was truthful.
Now she looks up and sees the face
Of the one she first loved.
Apr 15, 2015
Apr 15, 2015 at 11:59 PM UTC
I pray that your soul finds the comfort it deserves, and
that your inner strength makes way to the surface. The
shackles from the pain you've experienced want to restrain
your growth, and you cannot let them get away with such
a thing. Within you lies the fight of a God-fearing warrior.
With such power, you were born to be a force to be
reckoned with. May you never be disheartened for better
days are approaching. The moment you break free from
the chains of negativity, your spirit will return to its
peaceful ways.
Apr 14, 2015
Apr 14, 2015 at 3:02 AM UTC
You don't know.
You can't understand my pain,
You simply can't.
Why?
You say I have the perfect life--
From the outside, I guess I do,
No.
You cannot understand how everyday of my life I am
Scolded because
Parents are stressed out with finance,
People,
Me--
Especially me.
You don't know the pain of watching your cute,
Sweet,
Little brother-- autistic--
Struggle through school with "friends" who act like fiends.
You have never heard the heartbreaking sound
When his anxiety grows and he cries out
In his own pain:
"Why? Why do I have autism? Why can't I do it?
I'm so dumb I'm so dumb
I'm
So
Dumb!"
And then Mom and Dad are over there,
Their own tired selves,
Trying unsuccessfully to comfort him.
You don't know the pain of an older sister,
Beautiful,
Talented,
Everything you feel you lack in,
Fall into the wrong crowd,
Now contemplating suicide.
You loved her the whole time,
Even through all her hate and addiction.
And you don't know the pain of family ignoring you,
Like they did me--
Like I didn't get enough at school,
Never being able to tell friends from fakes,
So biting my tongue and putting on a foolish, lying smile for just one more day--
One more day.
But there is no one to lie to--
There is none here left to ask questions,
Even the simple ones like
"How are you?"
Apr 14, 2015
Apr 14, 2015 at 12:08 AM UTC
It hurts.
Pain,
It's ice cold and devours.
Frigid hands grip,
Clinging to the edge of the cliff,
Not knowing how long they can hang on.
Hot tears burn their way down clammy cheeks and
Through the soul.
Knowing that falling was eminent to fall--
Why was it caused by
Trust--
Trying--
Now it comes to a short and sudden
End.
The silence-- Life now,
It ticks by,
Painstakingly
Slow,
But faster than the rest. I feel my grip slip...
Apr 12, 2015
Apr 12, 2015 at 11:17 PM UTC
Hate dripped down from his words,
His eyes,
They bore into the soul,
Painfully,
Frostbite to her heart.
Yet she also fought with daggers,
Her sharp tongue flashing the blades,
Cutting him and
Defending
Her chilly soul.
As things turned worse,
Physical weapons appeared,
And the child watched,
Their child watched as
The husband beat the wife
And the wife beat the husband.
The child dares not to make a noise,
Fearing punishment.
The child has already lost the ability to cry.
Apr 11, 2015
Apr 11, 2015 at 9:52 PM UTC
Always I try to lead,
But my feet drag like lead,
Coming to my knees to pray,
Don't always keep the hunters from their prey.
Everything is falling, yet I will be okay,
For I know that sometimes
God calms the child, not the storm.
Hours of my time--
I wish it was our time...
Just wait for me, the dead weight is
Killing me, dragging me
Lower than it ever has before.
Minutes tick by,
No one sees me as I bid goodbye,
Only a minute problem though.
Perhaps I am invisible,
Queer, or
Rude,
Someday I may be better,
Though I know no one can buy me.
Unlimited is what I am,
Value cannot be placed on any one's soul.
Wounds will heal,
Xanthous sunshine will brighten the world,
Yet again at peace,
Zealous in the celebration of life.
Apr 10, 2015
Apr 10, 2015 at 6:26 PM UTC