#ms
Al quedarnos a solas, en un apacible susurro me confía su espera. Y mientras le converso, veo como descubre en mis ojos a su hermana, a su madre, a su tía abuela, a otras que nos aguardan… Y entonces reclama señalando hacia arriba en irreverente gesto de cercanía... alzando sus hombros y serena con mueca reflexiva de paciente resignación busca de nuevo mi mirada y declara la entrega de su voluntad.
Me levanto para suspirar y llego al borde del piso de madera, la claridad me deslumbra y casi puedo escuchar cuando corríamos jugando; entre señores y señoras ataviadas para la ocasión en el suntuoso jardín y en el salón lujado con espejos de ocre. Pero eso sí, al llegar a las gradas, moderábamos el paso para no tentar a las madres a un llamado de atención.
Éramos un montón, entre hermanos, primos y primos terceros, con el respeto inculcado a todos por igual, todos crecimos aquí en la seguridad que procuraron para nosotros. Hoy estamos dispersos mientras las raíces blandas van atendiendo al llamamiento. Crecimos con muchas madres, con muchas tías, con muchas abuelas, con muchas tías abuelas mancomunadas.
Vuelvo y tomo la mano de mi Tíabuela, su mirada de matices tan claros, como los de su madre, como los de su otra hermana, como los de mi madre… como los mi de hermana. Me parece que los ojos así no lloran, como el mar saben reprimirse. Mientras yo parezco un río… ese que soy fluyendo cada día, corriendo sin encontrar remanso. Ella procura contenerme sosteniendo mi mano con una presión que indica que aún está aquí…
—¿Y qué hago…?
…me calmo y recuerdo… solo debo sentir… solo disfrutarla, … … … solo disfrutar el instante y escuchar como si fuera hoy a todos nosotros corriendo en el jardín, en el salón y bajando el ritmo al subir las gradas …
De nuevo conseguí detener un instante el torrente y con el pensamiento logré contarle como fue cuando mantuve las manos de mi Abuela –sí , de su hermana, la que tenía los ojos como los míos-. Con intención transmití el ánimo, recordando lo suave y espontáneo de aquel día. Imaginé estar en un santuario lleno de paz para no distorsionar su trascendencia… y que sin resistencia fluyera, nada más.
Sin miedo, pero despacio, como cuando subíamos las gradas y llegábamos a la cálida madera y encontrábamos la mesa oportunamente servida, con las madres y los padres, y las tías, y los tíos, y los abuelos, ylas abuelas, y los tíos abuelos y las tías abuelas bajo esa luz eterna, tal como fue siempre.
7d ago
May 27, 2026 at 4:22 PM UTC
I wonder what size your hand is
If mine could fit in yours
I wonder how tall you are
If you can call me shorty
I wonder if you like touch
If I can fit in your arms
Mar 18
Mar 18, 2026 at 9:16 PM UTC
Soon, my mother will die-
her soul disappearing like dust,
her body rotting away like rust.
Though death might be wanted-
her mind is unwell, broken,
MS you've cracked her shield.
Her body is trapped from your hands,
leaving her crazed and sad and a shell-
the woman she was reduced by your tells.
Sometimes I wonder if being alive for her-
is what some would think of the hells.
Oct 29, 2025
Oct 29, 2025 at 6:53 PM UTC
I may be here, you may be there
Distant and miles and miles away,
Between land and between seas
Days always pass without you by my side,
I may see you seldom
I may see you never
But my heart still beats for you forever,
I may not be vocal for what I feel,
I may not be showy in acts for real,
But deep inside I love you,
In my own special way I do. Always.
Feb 16, 2021
Feb 16, 2021 at 10:48 PM UTC
Entombed in plastic and million dollar magnets a marvel of medical magic mines my mind for defects little pearlescent pearls of impending numbness and degeneration generated by rogue proteins surging through my spine an overwhelming force indiscriminately seeking targets shooting first and never asking
questions
Oct 22, 2020
Oct 22, 2020 at 7:23 AM UTC
Awake. feeling chest pain. Is it my valve? It's nearly a quarter century old. How long do these things last? Titanium, strong, will outlive me, but what about the flesh it's anchored to? Pain is an indicator. What's wrong?
I tick like a clock as it opens and closes, hearing each time it skips a beat. Doctors said it looked real good, but eight months ago, not now.
I have two diseases with the same initials. Shouldn't there be a rule against that? Multiple Sclerosis and Marfan Syndrome. What an awkward pair.
Overlapping symptoms complicating treatment. You think they'd give me a two for one discount?
Jun 16, 2019
Jun 16, 2019 at 3:58 AM UTC
Sometimes
All the time
You have to let a storm be a storm
As if you could stop it anyway
Jun 5, 2019
Jun 5, 2019 at 12:17 PM UTC
Beautiful, sweeping, seeping mist
Don't weep for me your gentle tears
But kiss the trees as only you can
Before their youthful leaves turn Gold
To be plucked or pulled down by the wind
Bewitch the spell till summer comes
And turn the Falls' head with drizzlin'
As you clasp bare limbs in paleing hands
Would you kiss the trees as only you can?
Oct 4, 2018
Oct 4, 2018 at 8:18 PM UTC
The joining
of your soul to mine
You feel it
My heartbeat
Through your lips
My breath
Swirls
Like painting light
Across your body
Fingertips
Tracing bliss
Of knowing
You are mine
Of mixing
Blessing
With desire
Of sacred acts
Older than memory
Of feeling
Your soul
Blend and curl
Under your skin
Letting me in
Meet me
In the place
we both know
is Home
Where I
Belong to you
With names
I cannot remember
My aching heart
Longs to surrender
To everything
Without fear
Meet me here
Aug 17, 2018
Aug 17, 2018 at 3:34 AM UTC
Am I supposed to
Beg you to be happy
in a cage
It feels like we
always have to be
this soup of love
trust
contentment
lust
fear and shame
It makes me tired
I would rather be tired than be without
That thought puts steel in my back
calm in my heart
Anything is better than
nothing
Fear of loss is better than loss itself
But I would like a day
a week
a month
a year without fear
But then that's not life
Life
I am grateful for you
Even when you chase me down
like a hare before hounds
Even when no tree is dense enough
No place safe
quiet enough
At least I am breathing
It has to be enough
Aug 17, 2018
Aug 17, 2018 at 2:43 AM UTC
Was it worth my life
Those few moments of pure real happiness
Yes
But the reason there was a risk
Seems so stupid to me
Why couldn't you just have
Used your imagination
But you couldn't
And so it is
So it was
Worth it
But I wish it had been different
I wish so much
I want a long and
Healthy life
Full of moments of pure
Happiness
With you
But I am scared now
Aug 9, 2018
Aug 9, 2018 at 2:45 PM UTC
You are both the candle
burning in the back of my mind
gently illuminating my every thought
your soft glow always guiding me home
and the roaring bonfire
whose heat and light
are a beacon for miles around
drawing me irrevocably to you
your pulse and energy
burn with a primal force
that makes my blood sing
and flames me to life
Aug 9, 2018
Aug 9, 2018 at 2:41 PM UTC
My whole self offered up.
Raw.
Like a sacrifice on an ancient stone altar.
The oldest and most pure ritual in the world,
of one human soul putting itself completely in the hands of another.
Surrender.
You take me as I am.
As I was.
As I will be.
You have made me yours and I will stop at nothing to bring you peace, happiness, contentment...
anything you ever desire.
This is my purpose.
The answer to all of my whys.
The quiet place that was always...
Home.
Aug 9, 2018
Aug 9, 2018 at 2:38 PM UTC
I felt in my bones
accepted and seen
I felt picked up
Cherished
Loved
"You are mine."
Not a question
Not a comand
A statement of fact
A release of such pent up fear and frustration
My body shook with it
And I was one with the Earth
One with Him
And all was
Finally
Finally
Right
Aug 9, 2018
Aug 9, 2018 at 2:32 PM UTC
Whats the hype
Whats the truth
I've heard alsorts
I just want to know the score
The bottom line
Why can't science be more clear
Come on stem cells let us know your secrets
With out all the percentages and ifs and buts
a timescale would help
Is your magic for now or the next generation
I wait in hope With my subscription to science
Feb 18, 2017
Feb 18, 2017 at 6:58 AM UTC
Feeling selfish
For resting
Councillor says
Your selfish for not resting
Delagate
Dump
Do another day
Don't bother
4 kids to mother
Pain makes you nasty
Irritable emotional
irrational
Horrible
Meds make you *****
Clumsy dangerous to drive
Rest is all I have
too be my best
Thinking the 4 Ds
Is how I role
Banish these feelings of guilt
I rest
To be my best .
Nov 20, 2016
Nov 20, 2016 at 11:26 AM UTC
MS
Multiple Scleriosis
Aka Miserable Self
"Listen to your body"
Says MS nurse
Your mind keeps going
Burning sensations intermittent
Stabing and shooting in arms and legs
Crawling in your head
Numbness in your ***
Forget fullness
Wobbling stumberling
Fear
Pregablin *****
Dampening your fuesed nerves
Limping dragging
"rest"
Says MS nurse
Mind keeps going
Days are half days
Taken up by sleep
Fear
Weakness
Dropping
Numbness
"pace yourself "
says MS nurse
Mind keeps going
job half done
Delegate
Let go
"Use your alternative technology "
Says MS nurse
Mind keeps going
Stick
Mixer
Steamer
Robotic vacuum cleaner
Hose
Wheelchair
Automatic car
It's challenging Managing Self
Be kinder to yourself
Kindness rules
Nov 12, 2016
Nov 12, 2016 at 6:38 AM UTC
I am Ms not Mrs
And will forever be
I really can't abide it
Why is it you can not see
It's an insult to my status
A reminder of the past
And one I have moved on from
Finally at last
So get it right people
I simply will not be
A Mrs anymore
It really isn't me!!!!!!
(C) Pixievic
Mar 11, 2016
Mar 11, 2016 at 7:20 AM UTC
The joint in your hand quaked
Under the pressure of your diagnosis,
Its flame slipping into the air,
While your last puff trickled into left lung.
At first you smoked for depression.
Now it was a cry to God,
A beg for mercy from lifeless feet,
A trip down a flight or two of stairs,
A fall in the shower.
I didn't know how you would walk again without your toes
Knees
Hips.
But I learned your condition is a silent killer -
it started with the smallest flakes of skin,
As Satan lit an accurate match to singe your nerves.
You told me you had MS
And I didn't know why your breaths became frantic,
Or your tears screaming.
"Mean spirited",
"Mouthy sister",
Was what I told my friends.
God was playing jump rope with his spinal cord.
Multiple sclerosis didn't roll off my tongue so quickly,
first attempts were stutters at best -
I had to grow up first.
And while I was lying about your health
You were in agony over your grandmother,
Dead for five years on a stained hospital sheet.
In the end she begged for death,
And we have years to go.
Jan 24, 2016
Jan 24, 2016 at 11:11 PM UTC
I’m not going crazy.
I’m not being lazy.
Please don’t be a grouch
If I want to lie on the couch
And do nothing much today.
Believe me when I say
It’s not what you think
It’s not from drugs or drink.
It’s not a neurosis
It’s Multiple Sclerosis.
I may seem to stagger
I can no longer swagger.
So, understand this please
I can’t command my knees.
I’m fighting back day and night
And I won’t give up the fight.
What looks like one thing
Can be a much worse thing.
It’s not a neurosis
It’s Multiple Sclerosis.
Life is so full of challenges.
The list of what the damage is
Sometimes seems to outweigh
The cost of living life today.
But, I will not ever surrender.
I must be my best defender
As nobody pays my body bill.
I fight despair and always will.
It’s not a neurosis
It’s Multiple Sclerosis.
Oct 24, 2015
Oct 24, 2015 at 7:41 PM UTC
Ms. Cho is so, so sorry
for the unintended worry
and the dreadful social uproar
she created
when she rated
her airline’s services as poor.
But any self-respecting South Korean
would understand the shame
when the macadamias came
not in a china dish
for this salty snack delish
was placed calmly on her tray
the cabin crew would say
resplendent in their jackets
“The nuts are served in packets
vacuum-sealed to keep them fresh.”
Hyun-ah proud and haughty
wagged her fingers, called them naughty
and summoned forth the Chief of all the crew
demanding that he tell her if he knew
if the in-flight rules were being followed
or was it in anarchy they wallowed.
He stumbled and he stuttered
swallowed, then muttered
he’d never thought this matter
was the least bit earth shattering.
“Nuts in a bag, are you insane?
You must be taken off this plane”
True to her word the flight turned round.
Until they landed not a sound
was heard within the cabin of that plane.
He was dropped back at JFK
and after some delay
they made their way again heading east.
But arriving eleven minutes late
Ms Cho had definitely sealed her fate
Notwithstanding Daddy’s power
as the airlines CEO
relations turned quite sour
his daughter forced to go
She lost each and every perk
that accompanied her work
her executive pay
all lost – such is the way.
So, finally in sum
Beware of a Cho tantrum
when you see that charming face
remember she’s a nut case
who in shrill and angry voice
made a devastating choice.
Never change an airline schedule
Never let your plane be late
Never waste expensive jet fuel
Or suffer Ms. Cho’s fate
Jan 27, 2015
Jan 27, 2015 at 7:53 AM UTC
shouts of fear, of discomfort, of continuous abuse
feeling gone, I can't.....
Jan 11, 2015
Jan 11, 2015 at 3:46 PM UTC