#motorway
Night sky, trees above
silent watering places --
on the motorway.
Dec 2, 2022
Dec 2, 2022 at 1:37 AM UTC
I once stood in the middle of a motorway at 3am
just for fun,
I told myself, just for fun -
But I don't think it was, now I'm okay
I still sway, dream of far away but I get my exams done,
so I don't let my mother down again
so I don't hide inside from remaining friends.
I keep myself planted, smile slanted, half frown -
and I don't make a sound until I mean to,
until I breeze through,
until I need to,
this is the studied truth of the newly grounded.
I'm not into rushing things these days,
I mean I still do but less so in less ways
and my mind's all curly wurly and I have resting ***** face
and skin like a coffin -
I still can't get up early, still feel displaced
a little too often -
but this is my city now and I don't want to leave or get out,
because this time I am okay
and I'm dealing
and my anxiety still leaves me reeling
but I'm not panicking as much or screaming
and my pillows are the only ones who don't believe me.
Still,
everything is temporary, in constant flux
fresh cut grass and students in class
sunsets and sunrises
church bells and waist sizes
metal and petrol and monster trucks,
and it's all beautiful,
that's the most important thing you'll ever find out -
it's better to shine bright without background doubt
than to disappear into the darkness,
the dark mess,
I mean, I still want to run and shout but now
it's more writing my thoughts down and actually seeing the day
and not 3am standing in a motorway
telling myself, just for fun.
This is not the barrel of a gun, hard and cold
it's not the answer it's not made of gold
it's not a solution, it's the end of it all
and I don't know if we rot or acsend,
but it wasn't just for fun,
it was leaving the motor running,
it was something I was running away from -
Life,
it isn't easy, it's not like saying 'it's okay'
when it's not yourself you're telling
and when it's you, it can't be told or shown
you have to push hardest when you're alone
because finally, once clear of fear's icy gripping hands
I came to understand
that life is beautiful, even when it's sad,
it's the best thing I never knew I had,
so I started living,
just for fun.
I'm not done, you see?
I'm not done.
Feb 18, 2017
Feb 18, 2017 at 11:52 AM UTC
Bumper to bumper.
Stormy rain.
Strong gusts of wind.
Bridge closed again.
Anti clock wise delays.
Bored of radio.
Stuck in the traffic.
Light blinks...
Fuel low....
Oh no!
Feb 8, 2016
Feb 8, 2016 at 1:11 PM UTC
The rolling waves of the motorway,
Stretching on to the horizon,
Yet still clawing at my mind.
You perpetuate my insanity,
Fueling the destruction of my flesh.
Yet when you are absent,
Rest will not come with silence.
Dec 16, 2015
Dec 16, 2015 at 10:44 AM UTC
What will haunt me until my dying day
is electricity pylons on motorway verges
for mile after elongated mile
and crash barricades, ebbing and flowing
with nauseating regularity and the
inexplicable sadness of the north circular
because believe me, purgatory is real
and its the central reservation of the A406
a haunted island where time is suspended
where days are ruined, dreams shattered
and lives ended
Dec 8, 2014
Dec 8, 2014 at 6:54 PM UTC