#motherissues - Hello Poetry

Why not be blamed For something I did not do? A crime is not a crime Unless it has been committed But this my friends, It was an accident, And I am afraid I did not do it Why not be blamed For a victimless crime When it happened right before my eyes We take the time and time again And it starts to get real The happenings begin Why not be a motherless child In a world that makes that okay I am a victim of a crime A crime that can't be faked Why not leave Mother dearest When I need you most To work my way through this I'm starting to hear voices in my head Help me, mother, I just want this to end I am not crazy The voices haven't pushed me over the edge Find me, mother Even though I know you're dead

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Apr 9, 2020

Apr 9, 2020 at 12:33 AM UTC

blackispoetic

Why not?

Why not be blamed For something I did not do? A crime is not a crime Unless it has been committed But this my friends, It was an accident, And I am afraid I did not do it Why not be blamed For a victimless crime When it happened right before my eyes We take the time and time again And it starts to get real The happenings begin Why not be a motherless child In a world that makes that okay I am a victim of a crime A crime that can't be faked Why not leave Mother dearest When I need you most To work my way through this I'm starting to hear voices in my head Help me, mother, I just want this to end I am not crazy The voices haven't pushed me over the edge Find me, mother Even though I know you're dead

28

gray. she makes me feel gray. like when she never knows what to say. she tries to send love but it’s noticeably fake. like a cotton gray. a gray that’s barely gray it’s just white with a bit of shade. she unintentionally makes me feel like a silver blade. a tinge of gray and on the tip is her face. only here to relay that no matter what you do “you’ll never be my fave.” she just reminds you of an owl gray. yes, you get to watch her all day watching the droop of her face as soon as you turn her way and she ignores what you say. almost like you have to pay just to be heard because that’s all the craze. being heard as soon as I start to say anything that could potentially change change. I wish she noticed when I turned charcoal gray. the day my pain decided it would stay. the day my heart turned to ash gray and got blown away. she ripped my heart from my chest and set it aflame. then, she stood and watched as I went from a vivid color to a sea of gray. she stood by and watched me continue to break. as each tidal wave of pain wrecked havoc like a hurricane. it left me a dusty gray. those flakes she could easily see shake each time I would hyperventilate like an earthquake. she spied as I mutated into a gray I hated. she saw life put me in an oven and she turned it to bake. and those burnt little pieces? she smoked em away.

0

Apr 27, 2019

Apr 27, 2019 at 1:27 PM UTC

mD

4/9/19 gray o’ grays

gray. she makes me feel gray. like when she never knows what to say. she tries to send love but it’s noticeably fake. like a cotton gray. a gray that’s barely gray it’s just white with a bit of shade. she unintentionally makes me feel like a silver blade. a tinge of gray and on the tip is her face. only here to relay that no matter what you do “you’ll never be my fave.” she just reminds you of an owl gray. yes, you get to watch her all day watching the droop of her face as soon as you turn her way and she ignores what you say. almost like you have to pay just to be heard because that’s all the craze. being heard as soon as I start to say anything that could potentially change change. I wish she noticed when I turned charcoal gray. the day my pain decided it would stay. the day my heart turned to ash gray and got blown away. she ripped my heart from my chest and set it aflame. then, she stood and watched as I went from a vivid color to a sea of gray. she stood by and watched me continue to break. as each tidal wave of pain wrecked havoc like a hurricane. it left me a dusty gray. those flakes she could easily see shake each time I would hyperventilate like an earthquake. she spied as I mutated into a gray I hated. she saw life put me in an oven and she turned it to bake. and those burnt little pieces? she smoked em away.

56

i wonder if think of me as i think of you Days and nights pass- silence. You are in my thoughts every second of every minute Looking at the time adding 5 hours Imagining at that moment what you are doing, who you are with. What are you seeing? What are you feeling? Knowing you are not thinking of me. Shaken i cannot be part of your world. Wanting to be one with you But you have always kept me separate. Churning stomach like the sea you are balancing on and breathing in How much i yearn to be with you But fate laughs at my wants And denies my needs And i am left hollow and alone in a hostile world that feels like Death. This was not my intent. My fears and the trauma always take hold The fear and anxiety i feel inside take away all sense of reason And i spiral down into the abyss of terror r That i am not, have not been enough. That someone else has your attention And once again the one thing i wanted to call just my own Was really not mine at all but sharing himself with another Who did not deserve. Who had no right. Out of touch with the only thing that anchors me in the world i am adrift in a violent sea of Emotion and pain While you laugh and your eyes bathe in the beauty that i love so much and want so much to be able to share with you Cruel. Even crueler who might be there in the place that should be mine Laughing and soaking it all up with you. When it should be me. But i am here. In this dead, hostile place where my days consist of just survive. Just survive. One foot in front of the other towards uncertainty. How can you be there, enjoying, playing, laughing, feeling love When you know how much i dream of being there with you. My stomach tightens, the tears flow down my cheeks, imagining you there doing and seeing all the things that woke me from my sleep and made me feel Alive. And not being able to share in that, too. And wondering if someone else gets to take my place and feel the feelings and see the things with you that should be MINE. Wondering who gets your attention and affection in all the silence that separate us. i feel alone and adrift. Drifting towards the abyss once again. Only you and your love and understanding has the power to heal me. Of that, i am certain. What would it take for you to extend your hand and take my vulnerable hand into yours and persevere with me through this difficulty rather than break from me throwing salt on the already stinging wound? Would you be able to for money? Would you be able to love and hold me through my hell and stay beside me during my fears if i had something other than my heart and soul to give in return? Because i will pay you. Since my heart and soul are not enough. What will it take? i need you. i need you to merge with me and help me through my fears. i miss your face, i miss your voice. i miss what little share of you i get. This void is like a death once again. A black hole. Belonging to no one, nothing. i am nothing if I can’t belong to you. There is nothing i want more than to be loved by you. i feel like a frantic, immobile child who needs mommy But mommy isn’t there And not knowing where mommy is or when she will come back While i cry and cry and scream for her to come Wanting her to scoop me up in her safe, warm arms and hold me tightly and soothe my fear of being alone and uncared for and unheard. In her arms, in her love, I once again exist! I am heard! I am safe! I mean something. That is how i feel. That is what i need. That is something i have never known in my life My mother didn’t, couldn’t, give me what i needed to feel safe And i need it so badly i can taste it in my tears. i miss you. i wish i were a part of you. i wish you needed me like i need you.

0

May 28, 2018

May 28, 2018 at 4:18 PM UTC

Nettersue

Castaway

i wonder if think of me as i think of you Days and nights pass- silence. You are in my thoughts every second of every minute Looking at the time adding 5 hours Imagining at that moment what you are doing, who you are with. What are you seeing? What are you feeling? Knowing you are not thinking of me. Shaken i cannot be part of your world. Wanting to be one with you But you have always kept me separate. Churning stomach like the sea you are balancing on and breathing in How much i yearn to be with you But fate laughs at my wants And denies my needs And i am left hollow and alone in a hostile world that feels like Death. This was not my intent. My fears and the trauma always take hold The fear and anxiety i feel inside take away all sense of reason And i spiral down into the abyss of terror r That i am not, have not been enough. That someone else has your attention And once again the one thing i wanted to call just my own Was really not mine at all but sharing himself with another Who did not deserve. Who had no right. Out of touch with the only thing that anchors me in the world i am adrift in a violent sea of Emotion and pain While you laugh and your eyes bathe in the beauty that i love so much and want so much to be able to share with you Cruel. Even crueler who might be there in the place that should be mine Laughing and soaking it all up with you. When it should be me. But i am here. In this dead, hostile place where my days consist of just survive. Just survive. One foot in front of the other towards uncertainty. How can you be there, enjoying, playing, laughing, feeling love When you know how much i dream of being there with you. My stomach tightens, the tears flow down my cheeks, imagining you there doing and seeing all the things that woke me from my sleep and made me feel Alive. And not being able to share in that, too. And wondering if someone else gets to take my place and feel the feelings and see the things with you that should be MINE. Wondering who gets your attention and affection in all the silence that separate us. i feel alone and adrift. Drifting towards the abyss once again. Only you and your love and understanding has the power to heal me. Of that, i am certain. What would it take for you to extend your hand and take my vulnerable hand into yours and persevere with me through this difficulty rather than break from me throwing salt on the already stinging wound? Would you be able to for money? Would you be able to love and hold me through my hell and stay beside me during my fears if i had something other than my heart and soul to give in return? Because i will pay you. Since my heart and soul are not enough. What will it take? i need you. i need you to merge with me and help me through my fears. i miss your face, i miss your voice. i miss what little share of you i get. This void is like a death once again. A black hole. Belonging to no one, nothing. i am nothing if I can’t belong to you. There is nothing i want more than to be loved by you. i feel like a frantic, immobile child who needs mommy But mommy isn’t there And not knowing where mommy is or when she will come back While i cry and cry and scream for her to come Wanting her to scoop me up in her safe, warm arms and hold me tightly and soothe my fear of being alone and uncared for and unheard. In her arms, in her love, I once again exist! I am heard! I am safe! I mean something. That is how i feel. That is what i need. That is something i have never known in my life My mother didn’t, couldn’t, give me what i needed to feel safe And i need it so badly i can taste it in my tears. i miss you. i wish i were a part of you. i wish you needed me like i need you.

71