you said I'm gonna **** you
I heard I love you
you said you're hot
I understand you're beautiful
you slapped my ***
I felt a caress
you said it’s over
I opened my eyes
you said get away from me
I felt cold

blind

panic rises again
I'm an ******* and I know that.
truth
was never one of my strengths
not even 
towards myself.

I yearn for cernity
but I don't really trust it
for I am too afraid 
of pain I'd have to face.
The pain that I'm causing everybody else by that is simply another truth I won't accept

a beer would be nice
maybe five would be better
I regret this

intensely