#mode
I’ve let myself live on almosts and maybes, on quiet alarms I’ve trained myself to ignore; my body knocks soft, then softer, then silence… Till I couldn’t hear hunger knocking anymore.
Survival stitched armor out of my rib cage taught me that needing was something to hide… That emptiness meant I was doing it “right,” so I swallowed the signals that lived deep inside.
It isn’t quite fear and it isn’t just anger, it’s a ghost of a feeling that lingers too long like standing in sunlight, but feeling no warmth… Like knowing the lyrics, but losing the song.
I shrink all my wants into something manageable; filed them away in a drawer marked “later,” but “later” kept stretching to somewhere unreachable. And I became both the jailer and the traitor.
Now hunger feels foreign, like someone else’s language… a word on my tongue, I can’t quite translate. It flickers and fades like a half remembered dream… arriving too quiet or always too late.
And I don’t know what to call this becoming… This careful unraveling dressed up as control… This war with a body that begged me for mercy while I kept mistaking its cries for a role.
But somewhere beneath all the silence, I practice, a pulse still insists I am more than this ache… A rhythm, a drum beat, a soft reclamation: “you’re allowed to be fed, you’re allowed to take.” ♥️
Mar 27
Mar 27, 2026 at 9:35 AM UTC
You become immune to it.
Being in survival mode.
Being defensive.
Doing things that ensure your body decays one day at a time.
You kind of get use to asking “how are you feeling?” When no one really sits down, looks you in the eye and asks.
You kind of get use to pouring into others so much that you have nothing left for yourself.
You get use to prioritising everyone but the person who carries all your weight,
who keeps you going, the person who you spend 24 hours with.
You get use to being second best in your own body. Silencing your emotions and calling yourself irrational.
You get use to feel insecure no matter how you style your hair, that good marks are just that and nothing to celebrate.
You get use to caring and feeling so much that you don’t know what it is you feel anymore and that to you is just okay.
If you’re not feeling anything then you should be fine.
You use to be so full of life.
what the hell happened to you?
You use to be so confident and now?
You’re just there barely caring enough to hear yourself out.
Oct 9, 2025
Oct 9, 2025 at 3:03 PM UTC
Watered out into this cold, cruel world
My parents are still trying to survive
Can I blame them for wanting not to?
I don't either.
Want to lose what I love.
Home.
What's the cost if what I love harms me?
Isolate again insearch for home.
Where my soul can finally rest.
My human can thrive without love's conditions.
My mind loses its grip.
Who I had to be is no more.
My heart numb.
Overwhelmed.
Trying not to care.
Making myself invisible.
Still yearning for deep relief.
I've tried creating a home in falsehood
Belonging to causes & thoughtforms.
Soul is now their prize, imprisoned.
These mental bars amplify the internal echo.
My ancestors' screams through every DNA strand.
You can't fully experience what you don't give yourself first.
Overflow all that energy they want from me from within.
Protect our essence.
Your wholeness is home.
Sep 24, 2025
Sep 24, 2025 at 4:35 PM UTC
the process… zoological zoa logos
living words, made of sentient letters,
let us imagine,
leave us time and space,
gravity and velocity,
we adapt ideal ideas, perfect plans,
recipes for peace past comprehension,
co-here co-opera ratiocination, balance
app raise worth… wait, not weight value,
app raise value of attention paid per precept
time tools take parallel Elohim zoas, eh,
Blakes Creator uses compass and calipers,
believed imaginary until one sees through
new lensing concepts
Sep 7, 2025
Sep 7, 2025 at 11:30 AM UTC
From labyrinth in Istanbul, my eye spied a familiar cord
Education
How can any education
Be a sufficient insurance
For a pathetic population
Keeps favoring ignorance
From <https://hellopoetry.com/>
Truth known makes free,
truth hid is not ignored,
it waits the fire the next time innocents
are sacrificed to lies. ... thanks, you gave me a spark,
as real as any angel a self anoints another, go
be a lying spirit in the mouth of the tyrant's prophets,
let all the wise
laugh at the possibility of one peacemaker's leaven,
leavening the entire lump, liked or not.
Plop. On to the publisher's desk, piles of wonder and ifity.
A fantasy realm,
counter trope, here the so-called victor-victim ratio,
is imperceptibly low,
we have a regulation: each day requires
its sufficiency of evil,
no harm done is intentionally not possible,
otherwise you get a dimension of flat metric orthogonal
constructive critics
assuming unassigned roles. Do you dance? Or only read along?
Behold how great a fire words may kindle in a satisfied mind.
Feb 14, 2021
Feb 14, 2021 at 5:27 PM UTC
What might we find if there were no lessons needing
learning,
no bait to not wait for ever to be
re
alized in the blink of an eye,
likka polish, a gloss
light flash active
pop
The shining being more subtile than any beast, eh?
You gnowad eyemean, o yew don'.
Once more, book of life with us in it, as words
and nada mas,
reconciled via bluetooth, keys to kingdoms
flow from my finger tips,
knocks are-were an swered swern sworn in a-mode, e-mode
zero-mode
ah, modern linguistics link us back the Burns and
wee beasties makom plans,
happy natal day misstress riddell
"'Tis done!" says Jove; so ends my story
Aug 13, 2020
Aug 13, 2020 at 5:54 PM UTC
One spring afternoon
I girl took some balloons to
A clearing in the forest
To frolick with the balloons
Was confronted
By a lady vampire
The light
And the dark.
Mar 19, 2019
Mar 19, 2019 at 6:54 PM UTC
Twitter's night
mode
provoke me for
night fall.
Twitter's sexy
bird-ladies
affect me
to do so.
Trees, clouds
know that
i am still
a boy
not man.
TO BE A MAN
WHY I NEED
TO ASK
partiality doing
sea and it's
diversified
surface.
Twitter's nightmode
sexify me.
I fuck to
beautiful ladies
with twitter's night mode.
You can say
me mental or
internet-addicted.
Birds, wind
support me.
I am still
a boy not man
to be a
serious man.
Why i will
require to
ask
a rat and cat
which are busy
to save b each
other's life
by killing.
Cat is hungry.
Rat is in mode
to save it's life.
I fuck to
beautiful beauties.
Twitter's night-mode
provoke me
for night fall.
Jan 15, 2019
Jan 15, 2019 at 9:58 AM UTC
I sit silent
quiet but awake
saving energy
Prepared for interaction
scared of wasting power
I wait
Slowly cyclical
Sep 11, 2018
Sep 11, 2018 at 11:31 AM UTC
A barrel cast of porcelain I bear
A white-furred bull upon my waist reclines
The alabaster eggshell buried there
A hollow suffocated by design
I am, by ring, the oldest living tree
With form bereft of grace or limber charm
A prairie pale rolls forth atop my knees
Of silent waves composed into my arms
But ring and ring again supplants my will
As heat with yeast and dough will slowly swell
A tabby cat loved lazy, sweet and still
A sleeping pulse within a clownish shell
The valley miles above my buried chest
A place where, lying still, his head may rest
May 21, 2018
May 21, 2018 at 5:25 PM UTC
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Oct 10, 2016
Oct 10, 2016 at 3:08 AM UTC
*If my heart's the data,
Then you're the mode,
The one that occupies it most.*
Jul 17, 2015
Jul 17, 2015 at 6:52 AM UTC
1981
was much more fun
Synthesisers, leather studded caps
Wayfarers and lipstick for the chaps
Skinny microphones, dubious jerky dancing
Cheap promotion videos of singers romancing
Cfc propelled hair spray, hair gel and dandruff
Child like watching YouTube "I just can't get enough"
Oct 27, 2014
Oct 27, 2014 at 5:49 PM UTC