#misgendering
I'm in this coffeeshop, see?
I'm supposed to be writing the story of my life
Because that's what I want my life to be
I want my life to be the story of my life
Written and rewritten and spoken and applause
Reaching people who want to know or
Think they know or need to know or
Just like jokes and tears
Because that's the story of my life
But I'm not.
I'm staring at her.
I'm peering over my mac
Staring at her
Peering at her mac
She seems nice
She sits with friends or coworkers or both
Eyes on the screen
Fingers absently twitching
Mugs of coffee cooling
And I want to walk up to her and say
Excuse me, but why
I was standing at that table a minute ago
There was a man there
And we were talking
About art and toasters and pencils and creation
Of art about toasters using pencils and it was
Engaging and exciting
Creativity discussed giving me the impetus
To go back to my mac and
Write more about the story of my life
But you came through
Between me and him
With your mac and your coffee
Excuse me sir
Was all you said
To the person with the coffee
And the lipstick
And the earrings
And blood red nails
And serviceable ****
In the leggings and boots and tunic in the blues and light hues
Of the modern woman
And I was so enthused
About pencils
And toasters
And art and
The story of my life
That it didn't hit me until I sat down
Excuse me
Sir.
Wow
The man gave you that table
Because he was one and you were many
Wandering through this coffeeshop, see?
And he left
He seemed nice
And you stayed
And instead of writing the story of my life
I tap tap tap and erase and tap
I peer at you over my mac
And want to ask you
WHY
What is it about me
That makes you think
I want
To be called
Sir?
But I don't
And that's the story of my life
Nov 22, 2025
Nov 22, 2025 at 1:00 PM UTC
i feel like i cant breathe
most of the time
maybe its the tight binder
on my ribs
maybe its the suffocating thoughts
that tell me im not good enough
maybe its all the stares
that i know are questioning my gender
i wish i could tell you it gets easier
every time someone calls me a girl
when im wearing all mens clothes, a binder, and short hair
but it doesnt
it gets worse
so much worse
no matter the effort i put in
how hard i try
to present as masculine as possible
at the point where i cant even
see anything feminine about myself anymore
im always seen as the thing
that will always break me down
sometimes i think
it would be easier to take it all back
say im a girl and dress like one
at least then
ill be seen as how im trying to
ill hide behind a mask
say im something that im not
because arent i doing that already?
saying im okay and that it doesnt matter
when someone calls me a girl?
putting on fake smile
and act like it doesnt feel
like someone took my spirit
and covered it
with the wrong color paint
i feel like i shouldnt be myself
most of the time
Mar 25, 2018
Mar 25, 2018 at 10:06 PM UTC