#mindfullness
I don't want to write
Got nothing new to say
Everything's alright
I guess it's fine this way
And I don't want to speak
With silence I'm content
With being weird, and weak,
And loud, and save, and spend.
And I don't want to die...
For me, that's quite a first.
I'm not trying to hide
The feelings, grown and nursed.
And I'm feeling secure
Despite the world's ... up
I'm rinsing my face pure
I'm washing my soul pure
till all my nightmares stop
I still don't want to write
just wonder, feel and pray
it stays, because it's right...
I guess
I'm now
okay.
Jun 5, 2024
Jun 5, 2024 at 7:24 PM UTC
Turned off the gravity to lessen the weight of my shadows.
But did that ever work, or was the melt down what follows.
Trying to focus on anything other than me,
Maybe that made it easier when it was I who undid me.
You can live in a dispassionate, destructive state,
You can keep adding worries and doubts piling up your plate,
Darkness falls like an avalanche moving at an exponential rate,
Its not 1 into 2 but 1 into 3 then 3 into 9,
Then when every part of your persona is taken apart by its design.
Who is left and who am I?
What is left when the birds won't fly.
Who will care when the clock strikes 12,
When the day is over and your down on yourself.
When the world has had it's pound of flesh but still wants more.
The fatigue is suffocating expanding from my core,
It fills me up until it leaks like tar from my pores,
Muddles my mind twisting 1 thing into a 1000 thoughts.
Jan 13, 2023
Jan 13, 2023 at 4:14 PM UTC
Finally relaxing
on my high-rise roof
I notice you across the street on
your balcony seemingly aloof
listening to vintage Carly Simon,
“That’s the Way I’ve Always Heard it Should Be”
You stare my way and energetically waive
I hesitate, smile and then return the gesture
As if on cue you stand and press against the railing
Still smiling as my heart beats faster
"What's your name?" you playfully cry out
"Who wants to know?" is my surprising reply
~Who really am I?
Sudden flashbacks hijack my thinking
~Song lyrics dredging up buried memories…
Why is this happening? Why am I sinking?
~Triggered
I hear your beseeching, unintelligible shouts as I retreat
Painful memories open like an oubliette under my feet—
p
l
u
n
g
i
n
g
Lost and languishing in isolation's labyrinth
© 2020 by Mark Toney. All rights reserved.
#
Aug 8, 2020
Aug 8, 2020 at 12:53 AM UTC
All at once, the breeze cools my skin.
the air is sweet.
All at once, my heart is here, the line is thin and at my feet.
All at once, the rose is me
And I the rose.
All at once, this garden is old,
yet fresh to see.
All at once, no desires, just what is.
All at once the clouds the sea
The rain in this rose
The pollinating bee.
The sun that shines
Is free to see
Not just in the sky
but in the leaves
The earth that feeds
Every ounce of me.
All at once, all that can be
Not just outside,
Inside too
All at once and all that is
Is right here
Right now
All at once.
Jul 6, 2020
Jul 6, 2020 at 12:14 AM UTC
1.
In order to live gently
without causing harm
be like a snowflake, only softer.
2.
Be mindful of the grass you walk upon
and the sky you look up into -
it is the backbone of the earth,
the softest skin between her thighs.
Jun 16, 2020
Jun 16, 2020 at 11:48 AM UTC
You were created in this world
you ruptured yourself into the world
and caught on fire as you grew older
that crafted you into what you are
and what you will become.
Feb 3, 2020
Feb 3, 2020 at 8:23 PM UTC
I found a boardwalk in the woods
leading, seemingly, to nowhere,
In a timberland swamp I knew from much younger days;
Decaying and rotten,
Most likely long forgotten.
I wondered how long it had been there, abandoned to its fate:
Quietly mocked by the still standing timbers,
As yet spared the sawmills blade,
For its needless sacrifice, useless decay
As its strength is silently weathered away;
used
but unrequited,
wasted,
faded and unmade.
I followed along its decrepit path
as far as I could make,
and so laughed to myself as I thought aloud,
"Such is life's disarray."
Dec 4, 2019
Dec 4, 2019 at 6:39 PM UTC
Resurrection
When the seas, all seven, align and combine,
To form one tide, do you believe we have a selection, to
Reside, hide and remain alive?
Or is that our mind tryna confide,
In our own made lie, afraid to die?
If the angels rein down a path to heaven,
I wish to accept, find, listen and abide,
Until I arrive.
Once I’ve arrived at my final destination,
Only then will I quit the investigation,
Quit the pacing,
Where thoughts are constantly racing.
End of days where I communicate,
Debate and question every nation.
An owl of silent observation,
Mixed with a perfection I can imagination,
To relate,
To create,
And modulate,
An exhilarating answer to the allegation,
Fact or fiction,
Which is resurrection?
Such unbelievers, who claim afterlife is an illusion,
Unaware that they are too, just bait,
Heading straight,
Into the great,
Hands of fate.
The weight of the truth,
And proof,
In representation of resurrection,
Cannot be ignored, just like an antique china plate,
Or a mate,
Who’s at times, difficult to tolerate.
It’s inevitable,
So renumerate,
Your pure self, and reinstate,
Circumnavigate,
To the Golden Slate Gate.
Enter your new estate,
Where you are enchanted with the power of illumination.
Before you can await,
The glorious one who turns death into rebirth,
Giving your soul a chance to resurrect,
Recreate, and once again illuminate.
Natasha .K. Bailey
Aug 29, 2019
Aug 29, 2019 at 12:28 PM UTC
Why do spring and autumn look the same here?
Tears always taste saltier in April.
May flowers never come.
Why,
on the day I felt most afraid,
did the water in the creek stand still?
Doesn’t the water care about me?
Does this creek not weep for the dying trees around it?
For the fish whose corpses quietly float down on it’s floor?
This crow seems to know.
Alone, he squawks,
mauking my pain.
Maybe I’m the stranger,
The irrelevant dot in a map more complex than my cogged brain can understand.
Or maybe the world does dance all around me each day,
Choosing to ignore my thoughts and actions.
But it’s selfish to think like that, right?
Or perhaps that’s just me falling in love with myself.
Apr 15, 2019
Apr 15, 2019 at 9:37 AM UTC
Skills we don't teach:
How to articulate
disappointment
to someone you love,
at their weakest state.
In an empowering way;
positively.
Negating the overwhelming
negativity
you feel inside.
May 11, 2018
May 11, 2018 at 2:07 PM UTC
(At that time in life when you know you are ready, look into the mirror and say this. Repeat as necessary, only after you know you are ready to begin. If you say it once and you do not fully know, you will never know when you are saying it purely, with your heart and soul)
I know who I am because I know who I was; who I was was not.
Jul 9, 2017
Jul 9, 2017 at 11:59 AM UTC
Floating.
Sinking.
Gently resting on the surface of the water.
Gently falling into its depths.
Peaceful.
Timeless.
Held in its gentle embrace.
Surrounded by silence, stillness, darkness.
Not drowning, never drowning.
Becoming one...
One with the water.
One with the silence.
One with the stillness.
One... with the darkness.
Floating.
Sinking.
Free.
Jun 8, 2017
Jun 8, 2017 at 6:50 AM UTC
To our fears we could easily succumb
Or try our hardest them to overcome;
Choose to let them rule us and stagnate
Or use them to ourselves motivate.
For when we overcome our fears only
Can we be all we could possibly be.
Sep 24, 2016
Sep 24, 2016 at 3:45 PM UTC
There's a girl sitting on the bank.
Should she jump?
There's a bank of your mind;
The precipice, wherein lies the thoughts best unseen, rather not thought about.
The unthinkable.
There's an abyss here
adhering to the sculpture of tears I'd rather hide.
A fall of lost work unappreciated and vain.
This would be be the last you would hear of me.
But I am not a warrior, or am I?
What does my survival deign?
This municipal pool of bedraggled thoughts
It's really wearing thin.
If I lose depth, will I lose myself?
I just can't tell anymore.
All in all,
This is too obvious.
Too simple.
There's only one solution.
Oct 17, 2014
Oct 17, 2014 at 7:26 AM UTC
I think sometimes we just need to pause. To breathe. Breathe in, breathe out. Feel the air on your skin. To just take a moment and not focus on anything but that breath. Nothing else matters. Take in your surroundings. You are here, in this moment right now, so experience it. Don't waste it thinking about past or future moments. Now is all that matters.
Sep 2, 2014
Sep 2, 2014 at 6:58 PM UTC
Delicately, I drop onto the canvas
With the grip of a barbed cactus
The sand shifts amidst my toes
And the sweet quiver as the air arose
As the night fades into pitch black
I feel a sensation to unpack
The time has arrived to release
All that has come without great peace
Taking my first step
I enter full dept
Breathing in the warm breeze
Just for the taste of bittersweet ease.
"Open your eyes,
And look at the skies,
For the past makes you willingly wise.
There is no time to run around,
You have done enough,
It's time to be crowned.
Take this hour,
You have earned great power,
To overcome the one last growler."
This is what I have to say,
To make my world no longer gray.
I hope you too, will take the time
For their will be so much to climb.
Jul 19, 2014
Jul 19, 2014 at 2:45 AM UTC
The greatest skill I've attained
Is convincing people I'm okay.
It's a peculiar feeling
I surely sense I'm beginning to fray
Life is a disease
I self-medicate with drugs and alcohol
Taunted by the constant reminder that
We are not special
Just another reason to
Retreat further into one’s self
Making a more secure asylum
For what comes back from where I delve
I was confident in my sadness
Given it's my only talent
Others saw it as Melancholy Madness
With it I felt twisted and gallant
Living in the narcissistic megalomania state
From vitriol there's no solace
A fluid everlasting berate
Every utterance drenched in malice
This is my everyday
It's not pretty but it's home
Is it truely better to burn out or fade away?
Anyway I'm used to being alone
Jun 19, 2014
Jun 19, 2014 at 7:13 AM UTC