#midlife
No more loading
The future
With yesterdays past.
As I carry my pain
From shoulder to shoulder
Hooked to an Unresolved past.
I am imprisoned
By my own balance and scales.
Some grand devine plan
As my wounded ego screams
IT'S NOT FAIR
A ruthless world
Full of coldness
That looks conteptious
In one single cutting moment
Shrugs its sholders
Without remorse
Is there no salvation
No judge
no jury
This silence
Can turn into despair
While i run out of time
I watch and cling
To Each desperate plan
As they crumble Whimper
I watch them fall
Down the drain
Tormentened by an invisible clock
Clicks like gunshots over head
Like enemies tanks
I feel thecrelentless
Rolling forward of time
My inflated ego broken
By my own hand
A projected past
With a muddled mind
I lose all hope of redemption
and replace it with my pain
Like the stripped king
Why like job
Did God abandone
And forsake me
There i go again
I am part of some
giant orchestrated plan
Better that than to admit
I can fall short and be human
Eat humble pie
My soul chokes
I cant get it down
This illuision too heavy
The oxygen too thin
As what goes up Must come down
This plane can no longer carry my pain
Hitting the runway of reality
A detented world
My Visions
Explode
Like gasaline
And the worst of all
Theres no going back
But finally
Maybe
There will be no more
loading the future
With yesterdays pain
Feb 14
Feb 14, 2026 at 12:18 AM UTC
Waiting for the crisis
like it hasn’t already happened.
Wading through the midpoint
like I haven’t already passed it.
Expecting
life’s latter
to double
—But this Today
could already Be
The Last.
Feb 13
Feb 13, 2026 at 9:29 AM UTC
She cashed in her retirement fund,
every penny-- though pennies are no longer minted--
and booked a cruise.
Her body can work but in the most simple sense
that it works; mobility is slowly running away
from her.
The medical system fails nurses, after all,
especially those who can't be nursed themselves.
She doesn't expect, I suspect, to have
many more chances for adventure.
I'd venture a guess that she
had accepted this.
If she has to worry about the frozen chest
clamping its jaws around her, why not
take every coin and toss it
in her bucket?
Jan 17
Jan 17, 2026 at 2:43 PM UTC
A flower does not seek why it bloomed
Nor does it ask why its petals are blue;
Time under the clear sky is alive,
Weathering storms can mean something
Though they're all likely nothing
To the aster who doesn't have a midlife.
Mar 22, 2025
Mar 22, 2025 at 12:43 PM UTC
Thirty and a few days
it's come this far
and feeling as if
already halfway there:
is this crisis?
forget all i'd loved
forget this i've cherished
c'est la vie
say less to me
and sail i might
like magellan,
erik, his son leif,
i'll leave soon
for that spice
cowper said
gives life all its flavor
oh, billy boy
you might've been onto something
but my heart's will
disagrees
with my penchant
for curious wild imagination
and dreams
and all that could have been
all swept by wind
as sand in a gale.
Oct 7, 2024
Oct 7, 2024 at 5:06 AM UTC
You found me churning,
Bouncing up and down
As I rolled dramatically downhill.
You knew what would be better
And calmly intervened
You took hold with confident hands
And bent my trajectory
Up into U shaped happiness
The highs and lows have softened
The swings got smaller
The direction now up and forward
I want you with me on this gentle arc
Our slopes equivalent
Our speeds matched
Ahead I can see
sunny days on lakes
crisp mornings in the mountains
Autumns on golden ponds.
I see popped corks and caps thrown,
New suits for social media internships,
Wedding toasts and father-daughter dances.
We will visit new houses with old friends,
Co-ed baby showers with pink predator t-shirts,
Bad poems at retirement parties.
Years from now, we will argue mildly
about who packed the sweaters
who brought the corkscrew,
who thought the baby should wear
that ridiculous t-shirt
The lake will sit there
pretending it has nothing to do with us.
Mar 31, 2022
Mar 31, 2022 at 1:04 PM UTC
I am lost!
I have crossed a divide,
where I collide with the unrevealed.
I am thrown into swirling life
spinning amidst defused light;
a kaleidoscopic landscape of streaked memories.
Is the end of this tunnel, my future or past?
Is there any evidence that I'm getting closer, at last?
An illusory distant point - a distraction
from action that needs to materialize
before I realize that I am not strong,
and am wrong about where I want to be.
I attempt to grip the whirl of wind;
hands outstretched to slow the spin.
My feet have yet to find land.
My body plans for impact
a stuntman's tumble back into mid-life,
eluding strife or contention,
but not to mention,
the final and ultimate cost;
alongside bittersweet acceptance,
of knowing that
I am no longer lost.
Jun 2, 2021
Jun 2, 2021 at 7:09 PM UTC
Fried chicken is fun.
Eat it! You won't. You are too
in love with sadness
Apr 20, 2019
Apr 20, 2019 at 10:42 AM UTC
I stumbled upon your linkedin yesterday,
and saw you frozen in time.
Read through an articulate and proud bio, and wished that that was still you embodied.
Before all the pieces crumbled apart.
I didn't realize that it would haunt me.
What a feeling it is, to know you're alive, while mourning as if you're gone.
I would give you all my hope if it had a chance of saving you.
Sep 5, 2020
Sep 5, 2020 at 9:20 AM UTC
Bucket list dog-eared
Worn on the edges
And my youth
A scribble
Dancing and twirling around
Wild loops bounding
Off the page
And I sat there
Reading each demand
I had laid out for my future
And now were only questions
Open ended and I had no answers
And this ignorance
Perplexed me
For I once could react
And now I knew I never had the answers
So with a new sheet of paper
I scribbled out my truth
And tried to find my journey
Between the lines
Jul 2, 2020
Jul 2, 2020 at 1:24 AM UTC
Time trickles from my upturned palms
In streams of oil and water
I’ve been trying so intently
To stop it
I haven’t had a moment to spend on anything else
I know that when we meet
A lifetime will pass in a second
But somehow I’ll revel in the light and the darkness
Like the flickering of rapidly turned pages
Apr 23, 2020
Apr 23, 2020 at 5:36 AM UTC
I love you,
despite the many failures
The true and perceived.
I want to hear about it all
be here through it all.
I wish you'd respond.
I hope you know you're worth more than you're giving yourself.
This doesn't have to be the final chapter.
Feb 18, 2020
Feb 18, 2020 at 8:01 PM UTC
Our hearts will not allow us to complete the Journey without
living &
loving
honestly and openly and truthfully.
Our heads will tell us to keep trying to anyway.
Don’t listen.
The Journey is long enough as it is.
Guilt &
Regret
Are heavy burdens to carry.
Sep 26, 2019
Sep 26, 2019 at 4:42 AM UTC
He thought he had a grip on life,
He thought he knew his place his Wife.
He thought he knew himself as well,
But when he met her all thoughts fell.
No longer did he know his Wife,
Too loose he’d held a grip on life.
And swept up by a younger spell,
That grip was broken by the swell.
Now swept away he looked around,
The younger spell could not be found.
He called he searched he tried in vain,
But hope and heart began to wane.
For she had gone this much he knew,
His head was fog his heart was blue.
He knew for him it wouldn’t be,
So he surrendered to the sea.
Sep 24, 2019
Sep 24, 2019 at 7:36 AM UTC
Pursuing ardent fervor
Lured toward peaceful obscurity
Beckoning.
Outstretched.
Vulnerable
Freedom's abandon
Enticingly treacherous
Elusive assurance
Aug 27, 2019
Aug 27, 2019 at 6:21 PM UTC
What stuff is this cotton wool behind my eyes?
A knit of foggy fibers holding fast my next thought.
Odd when my mind so flies;
at the age of fifty three I ought
to relish ripe wisdom & cognition,
yet here I am, forgetting where to turn
just to reach the kitchen.
Jun 20, 2019
Jun 20, 2019 at 9:14 PM UTC
I remember when things used to happen in the future
The dreams, the hopes and the worries
Suddenly things stared to happen in the past
The memories, the victories and the regrets
How did I miss the time when the they were all happening now?
Jan 1, 2019
Jan 1, 2019 at 9:45 PM UTC
“A supposedly Amusing ode”
I lay here staring can it be?
A midlife crisis come for me?
But no it’s not true oh it taunts me
After all I’m not yet fourty
But oh I’ve lived a life so carefree
No morgage payments await for me
No insurence upon my life
Not even a pension
I’m nobodies wife
I’ve born no child it’s not yet for me
It’s all lie ins takeaway and adult TV
I can go out when I please
I have savings never
Sometimes I drink to much but I don’t feel clever
But wait .... oh no maybe that’s not it .... maybe that’s not what’s the cause of this itch
Maybe now I’m realising I’ve had it all wrong
I bought the wrong book I’ve sung the wrong song
No rock and band sit upon this hand
I’m not sure why I don’t understand
Why have these ***** produced no fruit
Why does my maternal instinct feel so mute
I do not own these rocks and mortar
This cat here is my only daughter
My other half as bad as me
He just likes to snore and watch TV
Oh **** oh no it’s all to late
To fix my life get it straight
I must get married
I must produce life
Quick mark wake up and make me your wife
Hmmmm but that’s actually all quite expensive
And we are really not that tentive
To the young of age who make such a mess
The school run sounds like a lot f stress
And a morgage surely ties you down
What if I don’t like that side of town
Or county
Or country and want to live a life
Full of travel freedom and vice ?
Yes I’m sure it’s all ok
in our rut I think we’ll stay
With our own jokes and inside gags
Phew what a relief I can breath with no strife
And relax a little into mid life :)
(C) Ashley Kane
Mar 15, 2018
Mar 15, 2018 at 11:02 AM UTC
sitting down in the shower
cliché but appealing,
if i could feel a fraction
of the feelings that they're feeling,
the things i've been hearing since
the day i grew ears.
looking for reasons to love yourself
in someone else's clothes.
every year that passes
i've managed to convince myself
was just another mid life crisis,
because i'd be overwhelmed
with another fifteen, twenty years
or how long can a person last
convinced they'll find a romance
that distracts from how they hate themselves.
Jul 24, 2017
Jul 24, 2017 at 4:10 PM UTC
My mistake;
I told myself I just forgot to put my makeup on
and no one would really notice anyway,
but there it is large as life -
the part of me that doesn’t fit in.
Jan 18, 2016
Jan 18, 2016 at 9:55 PM UTC
You wouldn’t understand; no one does.
Who I am doesn’t fit who I’m supposed to be.
Cramped and crowded in leftover expectations,
like a cicada larvae in too-small skin.
What will I be if I ever emerge,
and how long will it take everyone to **** it?
Jan 18, 2016
Jan 18, 2016 at 9:53 PM UTC