#mentally
People always talk about neglected children.
The empty houses.
The missed dinners.
The parents who were never there.
But they never talk about the other kind.
The ones who are always there.
The ones who blur the lines
until you can’t tell
where they end
and you begin.
You are them.
They are you.
There is no difference.
No space.
No quiet corner
where you get to exist alone.
You sit.
You smile.
You become
your parents’ best friend,
their reflection,
their proof that everything is fine.
They call it safety.
They call it trust.
They call it love.
But slowly,
quietly,
piece by piece,
they consume you.
And no one talks about that kind of breaking.
Because from the outside
it still looks like love.
So when you try to explain it,
people look at you
like the problem must be you.
Mar 9
Mar 9, 2026 at 3:14 PM UTC
Hearts break and break, mentally,
And they can heal,
But if a heart is broken physically,
They cant.
Apr 7, 2025
Apr 7, 2025 at 7:02 PM UTC
The morning was bright and the sun came out despite the snow still covering the grounds and fields outside the locked ward. I stood by the lounge window and peered out at it. I could see the traffic going past on the road beyond the fields. I was given a cigarette by Eastman the nurse on duty, a thin **** of a man with that look of a monk about him. Bridget got into a row with the Asian nurse about her medication and whether she had taken it or hidden it. I stuffed it up my bahookie, Bridget said, want tae hae a keek? The nurse walked off and Bridget smiled and lit herself a cigarette. After our crap dinner I had an appointment to see the quack. It was the foreign one, our usual was sunning himself some place so i assumed. The quack asked the usual questions and I sat there gazing at his black hair and brown eyes like **** holes, replying now and then, watching Vincent standing by the window moving his finger along the glass, drawing invisible marks. The nurse who sat beside me urged me to reply to the question. How are you feeling now on the new medication? he asked again. Vincent turned and made faces at the quack that made me smile. No different, I said, trying to contain the smile that watching Vincent brought on. The quack looked towards the widow, but couldn’t see Van Gogh standing there. The afternoon dragged like a man pulling a dead elephant through mud. Teatime we had cheese and ham sandwiches and that mud-like cocoa. Lucy sat beside me on the battered brown sofa in the lounge, gazing the the TV, and some boring programme about politics. Bridget said loudly that politicians were a crowd of ******
Feb 28, 2025
Feb 28, 2025 at 4:07 AM UTC
Orange leaves, all crusted.
Falling from trees bigger than i'll ever be.
My soul dances,
As they fly in circles all around me.
Autumn falls, be prepared.
Like nature will prepare the trees,
Turning empty.
I fall, be prepared.
Because my fall will be faster,
Than the fastest leaf,
That now falls from the tree.
Letting go of what i once was,
Now on my own,
Vulnerable laying on the cold ground.
Like the leaves let go of the tree,
Knowing they will never again be found.
Maybe we look a like.
Falling away when it gets dark,
And being pulled away into the air.
Floating around,
Not really going anywhere.
Just away, from here.
Where ever that may be.
And maybe you will never find me again,
But again, we will see.
Autumn falls, but i fall harder,
So please prepare me too.
Show me the light i can not see now,
And tell me again i'll make it through.
-anoeska
Sep 23, 2024
Sep 23, 2024 at 8:13 PM UTC
I felt it
When I spoke
To the judge,
For my son,
Years of shell work
Encasing fear and sanity, cracked with each glance, falling away. Everyone listening.
I was left lost
Like a snail losing it's shell
Mushy and vulnerable
A Pulpy mess.
Was it enough
That I said
Or too much.
So much was left out
The Russian Roulette admission
The thoughts of jumping 15 floors from his hotel
So many letters making up words and paragraphs upon paragraphs
of 15 years.
Throwing out a gun
Into the city trash.
How could I be anything more than a mother
Who let the saving flatten her out of existence. Incoherence and pulp.
Will it be discarded
All that effort
To keep him alive
At my expense.
Is that what mothers do?
I'll never get to return. Life doesn't
Let you.
Mar 5, 2024
Mar 5, 2024 at 12:21 PM UTC
Worn boots pound
the broken sidewalk.
The pavement rolls
beneath my feet
And I'm scared to
think of anything,
but the cracks in
the cold concrete.
Kicking rocks to
keep from looking up.
I'll never be the same.
You could take my clothes
and, before I froze,
I'd feel no less ashamed
Still I chase the winter breeze
on passed the candle lit
windows and tall Oak trees..
And at the tail end
of the wind, I roam
where nowhere
feels like home..
Dec 13, 2023
Dec 13, 2023 at 9:01 AM UTC
every time i cry i
cry with static
my vision is really erratic
when will this nightmare diminish
with every clear cinematic
i close my eyes to a broken tv
wake up to the same show on the screen
why won't the channel change?
it's so bleak
noise drives me insane
how can they say
im sane
when all i see
is all the same?
constant buzzing in your rear view
what deep lie
is rooted in your eye
is it mental? or critical?
its always the same tune
strung for a long time
i think I might just go blind
its always snowing
dust like ashes
it clashes
colours
and contrast
why can't I see the beauty
it adds more
over the years
im worried i won't be able to hear
or see the kiss by your ear
when i see clear of your eyes
when i die
will i still see light?
Dec 15, 2022
Dec 15, 2022 at 2:17 AM UTC
I like to think that when you left me, you went straight to church. you listened to the sermon, but you couldn't stand up when the congregation sang.
I like to think that someday you'll stop trying to wash my scriptures off your hands with holy water.
I like to think that I'm that old mattress you had when you were ten; you always said it held the same familiarity as falling in love with a stranger.
the mattress' holes from falling asleep with lit cigarettes match up perfectly with my alibi.
I'm not to be trusted. I'm an angry human.
I grew up with broken glass in my lungs and cracked ribs.
something inside me snaps even further when the sun shapes your body into a shadow on my bedroom wall.
I want to redefine the word 'fire' with your name, and light candles with you. I want to make my walls sweat. I want you to burn up my ****** clothes. I want you to set my books ablaze. I want you to realize the hardest part is never letting go, but forgetting you ever had a handle.
you can't be the flame and the wick.
you need to leave me to burn down, like the altar candles in the front of the sanctuary, for everyone to see.
sometimes I think god hates me; I'm just a pawn in his and satan's chess game.
small and insignificant in value - I almost want satan to win.
after all,
if you are fire,
hell will feel like home.
but then I remember that I'm tired of controlled burns and scrubbing your soot off of my hands.
so I like to think that when you left me, you went straight to church. you listened to the sermon, but you couldn't stand up when the congregation sang.
and I like to think that Saint Jude called me out of your blaze, and that I left you there with all of your confessions and your communions in your own personal hell.
either way, it's not my cross to bear anymore.
Mar 8, 2015
Mar 8, 2015 at 1:52 PM UTC
Hi, you have reached the voicemail box of Syreena Phelps. I am either working, sleeping, or too depressed to answer the phone. Leave your name, number, and a reason for me to live, and I'll get back to you as soon as I am mentally able. Thanks!
Jan 28, 2021
Jan 28, 2021 at 2:48 PM UTC
It’s the bitter cold that does the trick.
Feeling alone, afraid and mentally sick.
And it’s the bitter cold that does the trick.
Oh sun,
Bring me your warmth,
please come quick.
Dec 8, 2020
Dec 8, 2020 at 5:14 PM UTC
trying to hold a conversation with you
is mentally exhausting and i just
don’t have the time to defend every
sentence that comes out of my mouth
my words are not wrong
just because you don’t like them
Dec 1, 2020
Dec 1, 2020 at 2:04 AM UTC
The cold and metal sterility of
Aisles as if the cobweb is stretching its
Threads in every direction of Wind Rose
All coming from core of the building
Prewar being pretty but now such a pity
To behold such a sight devoid of all bright
-ness and joy and just silver alloy is
Covering walls that just barely hold
The hulk bulk of this place O ‘Tis better
Erase every one and a-last my remembrance
Of past of this place O no grace was in
This nor in taking a **** in a sink or a
Bathtub a hot tub of water so scald just
To peel you off skin yours in a moment
Like this click-clack your body wrap
Around your bones though y’all are gone
From this den of all vilest and direst of
Creatures this world ever descry and was
Witness O no ‘tis place now occupied
With all fears and a fright of being
Dragged ‘nto that mess where no room
Was for lest you’d be one of their kind
But you need to get rind off these wall
And to fill all the holes with the bodies
Of moles yes of all moles in the world
You piece of O never mind a was just
Taking the **** and a **** in the sink
Of a bathtub whence water from time
Ago had all gone like o hell like you know
Vaporized leaving no trace for a plate
With a bread to be fed to that ones
Wretched dwellers who were all
Rolling Hellers till one day this one
Fellow ain’t show up in this joint
With his strap and his oint and
O no I just can’t I just cause you’re my
Friend but I can’t o please stop o
Please no o stop I can’t take i orghs
This one is out; bring another
This pile of **** to the others outside
Burn them after we done here
Dec 10, 2019
Dec 10, 2019 at 12:31 PM UTC
I thought vulnerability was for the weak.
Even when I let you inside my thoughts
I've had both hands on your steering wheel.
I swerve hard left turns on the difficult memories,
dodging the on coming traffic of blatant truths.
My minds is a pile up on intestate 98
but I have you on the detour route
to Mr. Nice Guy lane on the road of "life is okay".
The next stop is "I am happy" street on the corner
of "you will be all right" avenue and "I don't care" lane.
But these fabricated roads are painted over signs
that trick you into believing that I am truly "fine".
But all the cars have crashed and burned
and now you know the truth.
Jul 16, 2019
Jul 16, 2019 at 3:32 AM UTC
Never whole
since in this hole
I fell
A bottomless well
and since time started here
(when all of time stopped)
this spell
I’m under
makes me not well
The company
I’m in
a grin
One who spins
A tale to weave
of make believe
These items to sell
Story he tells
My brain
set on fire
from his grinning
Cheshire
The maniacal laughter
and madness
inspired
I’m tired
I’m mired
Situation is dire
Without choice
he is hired
All thoughts are rewired
Has risen to “Sire”
This liar and thief
Plays *****
and cheats
I’m beat
can not win
Left to stare at that grin
Jun 11, 2019
Jun 11, 2019 at 5:29 AM UTC
Pain in my arm from reaching out
Third time's supposed to be the charm
But I've lost count & don't know when I'll max out
Mentally taxed & received an emotional drought
Heavily deceived despite knowing the pattern
Opening & showing your heart & now it's shattered
With each day I feel more battered; it's hard
Wishing for a future that's bright
Whilst relishing in the empty mind space of night
Mar 5, 2019
Mar 5, 2019 at 11:11 PM UTC
If I'm worth the fight,
then I can take a hit.
It isn't whether I win,
it's if I refuse to quit.
That's funny, because just wait,
for about 24 hours.
Where I'll gain the tremors,
but lose uncertain power.
An inner conflict is my battle,
but one I don't think ends.
Should I be authentically useless?
There's a home I could transcend.
I could ascend upon my limits,
I'm a king to every kind of thinking.
I control my darkness,
in the rapid form of blinking.
Open, close, open, close,
My fists could match the sides.
They're knocking on my skull,
of course I'm gonna abide.
I lost purpose when I dropped value,
when nothing stopped me from the pain.
if all I give to the world is anger,
why shouldn't I receive the same??
---------------------------------------------
Dec 23, 2018
Dec 23, 2018 at 9:45 PM UTC
my heads aching, because my minds racing , holes in ma socks because of the floor that am pacing worried about these Demonds I’m soon to be facing
up at night in a cold sweat , heads a mess ****** up mindset , clenching my fists whilst gripping that tight chest and i feel like it’s hard to grasp a ****** breath
how have I let
it get so bad was it because of how I acted , always naughty for mum and dad , horrible to my mrs and kids treating em bad, or was it because I was failed by the care system as a young lad ? is that why i feel like I’m going crazy , insane or mad uncontrollable thinking flash backs in ma brain making me sad , thoughts racing, changing fast just please go away , how long will they last I will never forget but I hope that they pass
I no I got to open up but I feel hopeless , I feel uncomfortably soulless , probably not 2 hard to notice , I no I need to be strong and get focused but right now I’m at my lowest point in my life literally feel like giving up this fight but I need to do what’s right I made this step forward so I hope everyone was telling the truth I hope that they are-right , saying we will all help you be there for you , telling me it’ll be alright
Kuz av bin like
awake with no food for more than 10 days in a row trying to escape my mind but I have no where to go , there used to be days when I felt amazing have a vibrant glow but snap straight back , to vexin , supper stressin , this is real life no messing struggling finding it hard to cope , hopelessly falling back down depressions slope
for my family , friends and loved ones I no it’s got to be hard the things iv done the things iv said , they never leave my head and it pains me so much feeling mentally scarred, so many times iv tried to change but I feel to weak to do it alone
so today I’m ganna try open up , I feel scared and it feels hard , but I’m begging for help to start focusing good , a new chapter in my life am closing the last ****** one up , a better partner a better dad a better all round happier man
the end seems so far but I hope there is light , amma hold onto that to get me thu this fight , I just don’t feel as tho I can do it without help , I feel mentally drained, emotionally strained help me please get these demons out , and get them tamed .
Nov 3, 2018
Nov 3, 2018 at 3:51 AM UTC
I want to disappear.
not physically, but mentally.
I don't want anyone to know me.
it would be so easy.
Nov 1, 2018
Nov 1, 2018 at 9:29 AM UTC
I rest but don't sleep.
I eat but don't taste.
I hear but not listen.
I linger but not dream.
I rise but don't wake.
I look but don't see.
I touch but don't feel.
May 19, 2018
May 19, 2018 at 3:09 AM UTC
i am just
so
**** tired
of being
mentally sick
P.A.P 4/25/18
Apr 25, 2018
Apr 25, 2018 at 9:33 AM UTC