#medicate
Lonely
Self-defeating
Don't try to write it
Or speak it
It's made up
Meaningless weak ****
You're deceiving
When I feel unproud like that I can zone out
In a cloud of "hazy self doubt"
I'll cut my phone out
Scowl
Frown
Stuff my self worth down my throat and fill my lungs to sever sound
Until I am soundless;
Sufficiently
Obscured
Using
Neural
Delusions
Lethargic
Encumbered
Self-soothing
Secluded
Held down firm by recluse leaning movements...
Useless
Jul 4, 2024
Jul 4, 2024 at 3:27 PM UTC
Selfishness only breeds jealousy
is a phrase I have repeated
hundreds,
perhaps,
thousands
of times.
It is like medicine.
In a bout of melancholy,
I simply must repeat this phrase
a few dozen times,
and I am okay,
in fact,
maybe I am better than okay.
When exactly shall I learn
that I do not need to be a part of
anything?
I can do an act purely for the sake of the act itself.
There is no need for self gratification.
Surely, there are others who have
lived selflessly before.
Then what is my excuse?
Under my breath,
I mutter once again,
Selfishness only breeds jealousy,
ahh...
It doesn't really help, does it?
Jun 6, 2021
Jun 6, 2021 at 9:02 PM UTC
Seven years ago,
that’s when the problems began.
I started self medicating,
with a Tennessee brand.
At the top I had it all,
married with two kids.
I was finally in six figures,
when the **** began to skid.
Love had grown cold,
and became an abyss.
A couple of drinks to ease the stress,
but I felt ice in every kiss.
It became a routine,
when you simply shut down.
The drinks helped me forget,
but they also helped me drown.
Then one day we were strangers,
who were sharing a life.
I didn’t recognize the woman,
who I had asked to be my wife.
Then came the eruption,
and the stones were cast.
The family tore apart,
and WE became past.
Fast forward a year,
and I’m being let go.
The company’s closing,
and I’ve nothing to show.
Then goes the house,
and the car that we owned.
Everything is stripped now,
and I’m down to the bone.
Self medication,
is what helps the pain.
You were cheating the whole time,
and now you’re with what’s his name.
Now the medication,
is what’s causing the pain.
I’m trying to stop,
but I’m stuck in this lane.
Self medication,
self destruction in disguise.
Hospital visits,
simply wanting to die.
Looking back now,
it was a nightmare it seems.
One I couldn’t wake from,
that still haunts my dreams.
I wasn’t an alcoholic,
I had a mental breakdown.
I used the alcohol,
so I could help myself drown.
It took a long time,
and I’m still healing slow.
But hell came to earth,
and I was part of the show.
So forgive yourself,
and try to move on.
Let go of that pain,
and realize that it’s gone.
If you’re trying to forget,
then you’re lying to yourself.
So do yourself a favor,
and put the bottle on the shelf.
Dec 29, 2020
Dec 29, 2020 at 3:08 AM UTC
For every kind of ailment I looked at you to cure my pain;
No matter how crazy or far, I let you take reign.
And right now I don't know what I've become or who I'm turning into;
And it's impossible to figure out how I'll ever make it from here without you.
But enough is enough and relief from a nightmare isn't a solution;
Being so dependant on you was a mere illusion.
And from here sobriety turns from vase to road;
As I once again try to stray off from the ones who strive to corrode.
Apr 14, 2020
Apr 14, 2020 at 2:28 AM UTC
Maybe we all self-medicate,
and all of this wine
and all of my words
are my best way of doing so.
Dec 10, 2019
Dec 10, 2019 at 10:01 PM UTC
i remember feeling the hard lump in my throat
you told me everything would okay
but i couldn’t bring myself to believe you.
For months, i was a different person
but with the same face, hair and name --
a name that quite frankly,
didn’t feel like mine.
That part of me was ripped away
and torn to shreds.
Because the me you used to know,
had to swallow and medicate to feel even a
little bit okay.
The medication made it even harder
to pull myself out of the dark and
rip off the covers.
It took a long two weeks to get
used to the feeling of being a living zombie,
only to have to strengthen the dose.
Afterall, you can’t medicate a broken heart
and no amounts of sertraline
can truly take away the thoughts in your head.
Thoughts of a better life,
with no more hurt and acceptance.
But then you come back
and rid me of any chance i had
of getting away.
i don’t remember the last time i truly
felt like myself.
i look in the mirror and see me,
but it’s not me.
it’s the idea of what i could’ve been,
the idea of who i could’ve become.
But that idea will never be me,
and i don’t want to medicate anymore.
Feb 8, 2019
Feb 8, 2019 at 8:04 AM UTC
I'm addicted to a life
of wondering
hoping
dreaming
guessing
...and missing.
I'm trying to quit
and get hooked on living.
Aug 14, 2018
Aug 14, 2018 at 2:53 PM UTC
Inhaling clouds of smoke each day
My head feeling ****** up
Wondering why I always see *****
When I look inside my half-empty cup
Want more than bottles and grams
Than band-aids, pills, and glue
I'm searching for peace; a permanent fix
That heals, not covers up, pain in me and you.
Jun 15, 2018
Jun 15, 2018 at 8:20 PM UTC
so i take another hit and lose my mind
my lungs filling with ashes this time
Apr 24, 2017
Apr 24, 2017 at 6:11 PM UTC
it's just another ordinary day,
another ***** up I have to erase
always weighed down with these mistakes
and tied to my toes, each a solid stone
and I'm sinking faster than flash
how I could know this was the last?
failing to breathe, yet doomed to hope
submerged, soaked down to the bones
and lost in the oceans
as forgotten as smoke
Apr 24, 2017
Apr 24, 2017 at 6:05 PM UTC
Self medicate, while we sleep we let the night chase evil things away,
Burst into flames,
Scream in the dark
I'm gonna light up this place
And die in beautiful stars
Tonight
Jun 10, 2016
Jun 10, 2016 at 6:54 PM UTC
Anxiety meds.
Meds for depression.
They make me feel numb,
make me lack expression
Sep 29, 2015
Sep 29, 2015 at 2:16 AM UTC
I try and paint my ugly *** feet,
with black nail polish,
but my medication,
isn't allowing me to feel my hands,
so they shake,
and the only reason I know,
is because of the darkness they've painted,
over my fat uglyer now blackened toes.
May 11, 2015
May 11, 2015 at 10:35 PM UTC
I wish I knew how to
Freeze myself
In a cryochamber
So I could wake up
In fifty years or so
When no one will
Remember me
Or what I've done
Jan 11, 2015
Jan 11, 2015 at 3:41 PM UTC
Society wasn't meant to handle us
be able to understand us;
and so we cannot understand ourselves.
They don't know what it is like to feel and see everything so deeply and vibrantly
that you begin to feel and see no more.
Instead they diagnose us and they “treat” us.
Say it with me:
“I AM THE MEDICATED YOUTH.”
But I will not be ashamed. I stand proud
Because while the drugs may dull and fix the pain on the surface,
I remain an anomaly, something so rare and unique ––
Something so misunderstood they're afraid and don't know what to do.
uncontrollable, unrestrainable,
free.
Nov 10, 2014
Nov 10, 2014 at 10:32 PM UTC
Slow minds,
And
Hungry times.
Fire ignites a
Luscious green
kind of
magic.
Euphoria inhaled,
And
Stoners prevails
For we have
The upper hand
Held to our mouths
With the other
Not too far.
Lighter in hand
You are the
Magic man
Jul 21, 2014
Jul 21, 2014 at 10:41 PM UTC