#mcas
A mangled bird slumps in her gilded cage
Surrounded by opulence and feasts she cannot savor
Golden bars festooned with rolling joints and popping bones
A doll sewn by a child's hand
Pull her thread as she buckles like a berry
Blood
A viscous syrup in her legs
Sticky confluence
Heartbeat like a hummingbird
The nectar would likely cause an eruption of glowing pink hives
A rosy sanguine sea
Vision blurring
Rumination like hands on a clock
Round and round
Living days like
Copy, paste
Groundhog's Day
Oh, look, it's night again
Ice packs and Epsom baths
Erratic dreams
The clock resets
Oh, joy, it's day again
Mar 13, 2025
Mar 13, 2025 at 2:18 AM UTC
My body betrayed me in ways I never thought possible
I can’t eat, I can’t emote, I can’t exist
Not without itching, tingling, wheezing, gasping for air
I’m rapidly losing control over my life
My world was already so small—and now it’s getting smaller
The list of foods I can’t eat is growing as my will to keep going…shrinks
Why must struggles beget even more struggles?
Why can’t I be allowed to be happy?
Exist in a beautifully carefree manner?
My spirit screams to express but my body says no
You’re not allowed
All I can do is tearfully write my feelings on a page while I agonize at all I have lost and will lose
I am missing out on the human experience I crave
I just want to be well
I want to breathe easy
I want to be healed
Yet I am here, in my bubble, alone
Forever
Jan 8, 2024
Jan 8, 2024 at 5:11 PM UTC
I was on the ground
Airway closed
Can’t fight
Can’t flee
Put in recovery position
Blackness
Then I heard her
“I miss you,
Won’t you visit?”
She was dead
But she felt so close
My body felt warm
Before being pulled away
Second Epi
People above me
I wanted to go back
To pay her a visit
But EMS came
Before I could see her
2d ago
Jun 2, 2026 at 8:20 PM UTC
It never occurred to me
That one day
I’d wake up sick
And never get better
It never occurred to me
That I was born sick
And would never get better
It never occurred to me
That when I woke up
For my first day
Of middle school
That I was walking into
A place I would almost die in
It never occurred to me
That doctors know
Very little
Compared to what
We need them to know
I never dreamed
That nightmares would come true
And my dreams would drown
In pools of doctors notes
As I listen to insurance
Try to deny a prescription
That I needed to live
They said that dreams would
Always come true
But never occurred
That nightmares were dream too
It never occurred to me
That I’d wake up sick
And never get better
That I’d be scared
To go anywhere
And angry at everyone
For the answers they can’t give
2d ago
Jun 2, 2026 at 8:11 PM UTC