#mayah
Finally, I have found Where the Sidewalk Ends!
Well, less "Where" more "What" and "When".
The sidewalk is our timeline and each fixed point is an end!
Around our aura parts the currents of space and chaotic life.
Where we've both been trapt in its waters and we gained our years of fight.
Battling towards each individual branch, we see emanates of sounds and lights!
With laughs, cries, and hues galore we parade our guiding lanterns high!
For in the distance is curdled screams of wedding bells and flashing purple skies.
All this time bobbing in the waters, but it taken so long see
At each Sidewalks End, the darkness recedes and reveals pieces of you and me.
Where a lantern collects a moment in time, each dew drop holds our melody
Each star holds pieces of a fragile heart, and every End is only The Beginning.
Aug 17, 2021
Aug 17, 2021 at 11:10 AM UTC
*I hide behind the words on the page
Living the lives of characters from another's brain
Their adventures are my life
I feel their broken hearts
My hot, salty tears spill on the page with their words
Their pain is my pain
And their triumphs fill me with pride
I hide behind the words on the page
Because this bland world holds no interest to me
Because my life is sleep, school, work
And I want to live; not just survive
A conglomeration of twenty-three letters
Across hundreds and hundreds of pages
Is like love at first sight
I live behind the words on the page
Because I can see not just the world
But worlds beyond the farthest reach of my imagination
Worlds full of magic and love, glory and defeat, creatures of night
Where I can live an entire life in the span of two-thousand pages
Then do it all over again
The words on the page are the songs in my heart
And I cannot wait to see how the next one starts*
Mar 11, 2016
Mar 11, 2016 at 10:07 PM UTC
I don't want to 'chill'; I want to be courted.
I want to dance under the stars, not in a club.
Let's get lost and lay out, looking at the sky and sneaking side glimpse of each other when one of us isn't looking.
I don't need you to spend all your money on shiny things.
Just one that glistens on my finger when you get on one knee.
Let's spin around until we collapse in a fit of laughs.
Get me a bouquet of roses, with a fake one in the middle,
And say, "I'll love you until the last one dies."
Use every one of those cheesy pick up lines from every chick flick you've ever seen,
Because I guarantee you'll win me faster.
I know my heart is so young,
But my soul has some mileage.
What can I say, though?
There's nothing like a good, old-fashioned kind of love.
Oct 21, 2015
Oct 21, 2015 at 11:34 PM UTC
Surrounded by strangers who love me.
[Un]strangers made strange by pain.
Words the same as always, the same as nothing, when nothing is the same.
Lost and last to know; lost and last to love.
I am the last one lost.
For you cannot see even a bubble; once it is popped.
Falling not flying.
One lost, ****** word, like the lost worlds between you and me.
We love what we love and who.
We love who we love and why.
We love why we love and find a falling shoelace knotted & strung between the fingers of strangers.
Strangers made strange by love.
With arms around me: dancing and hurried.
I see your face: pale and worried.
Bargaining with a life that isn't mine to bargain with isn't a bargain at all.
But, misery doesn't come cheap.
Now, I've found the missing piece.
My breath; my heart; my memory.
Me.
The other half, the missing half.
Entombed by the laws of physics; the laws of love.
Of time and space and the [in]between place.
[In]between you and me and where we are.
Because, I'm lost and looking; looking & lost.
Feb 15, 2016
Feb 15, 2016 at 9:13 PM UTC
I am a bright girl with bright hair to hide the darkness in her heart.
I wonder, will my life will ever get easier than this?
I hear my laboured breathing every day.
I see the the ever-darkening shadows under my eyes every night.
I want to find the light at the end of this never-ending tunnel
For I am a bright girl with bright hair to hide the darkness in her heart.
I pretend that I am a normal, teenage girl.
I feel the weight of the world on my broad shoulders.
I touch the stars and escape to a whole other world.
I worry that I am nothing but an ever empty shell.
I cry when the barrier I worked so hard to build, begins to crack.
I pretend that I am a normal, teenage girl.
I understand I am just a small piece of a big world.
I say I can do whatever I put my mind to.
I dream of my name going down in history and my face one everyone knows.
I try to be a good person, even though I’m bad at the best of times.
I hope to be more than a small town girl trapped in the shadow of this ever-changing world
Alas, I am a bright girl with bright hair to hide the darkness in her heart
Nov 3, 2015
Nov 3, 2015 at 9:25 PM UTC
Today is a silent day.
A "lost in thought" kind of day.
When reality is not my first choice because my mind focuses on all the sharp, pointy things
And Today is not the day to succumb to sharp, pointy things.
I'd be fine if it wasn't for this book I started today.
Today's book is about a girl who likes sharp, pointy things.
And they keep describing it in such vivid details,
I can almost feel my skin splitting and a river pouring out.
But, Today can't be the day I break.
I've traded the sharp, pointy things for paint brushes
And the only designs on my wrists are done in pen.
But, Today, the world is weighing on me
And I just can't escape.
148 days is such a hard number to obtain.
And zero so easily found
But, I will reach 149.
Today will be mad
But, Tomorrow will be proud.
Oct 15, 2015
Oct 15, 2015 at 2:15 PM UTC
Eyes always full of tears,
And I never know why.
Oct 13, 2015
Oct 13, 2015 at 12:36 AM UTC
My safe place.
My little place.
My little, safe place.
Your Ruby walls embrace me when the tears fall relentlessly.
Your music caresses me when my body seizes violently.
Your smells of frankincense swirl around me as my lungs fight to catch their next breath.
But, my little, safe place is always there for me.
When the cold sweats are sliding down my pale skin, your presence reminds me it will be over soon.
Oh, my little place.
My safe place.
I would be lost without you.
Sep 6, 2015
Sep 6, 2015 at 9:01 PM UTC
Have you ever had a feeling you can't explain?
Lost and alone
In love and in pain
When you want to cry and scream and punch things until your knuckles become a ****** bruised mess.
And, at the same time you want to to be wrapped in the arms of your lover with your ear pressed to their chest?
But, there's so many feelings, you get overwhelmed and shut down
And you find yourself staring blankly at a wall for hours with nothing but a frown.
That feeling that envelopes your mind so it's empty and whirring at the same time.
The one that won't go away no matter how hard you try.
Yes? No? Maybe it's just me.
But I've got that feeling and it makes me want to scream.
Aug 13, 2015
Aug 13, 2015 at 8:54 PM UTC
The light of the sky darkens
And clouds roll in thick
Lightening flashes in my eyes
Thunder cracks like a snapped twig
All the happiness is drained away
As the clouds swell in pride
I lay on the ground, cold and drained
I've lost all my fight
Suddenly the ground quivers
All the structures shake
Raindrops gush from the near-black sky
And I'm slowly washed away
Apr 14, 2015
Apr 14, 2015 at 11:10 AM UTC
Cheers to the girl with a mind bigger on the inside than it is on the outside
Tears to the mad woman who can never keep up with the up side and the down side
Yes to the silly girl, the happy girl, the fun girl searching for adventures
No to the mature girl, the scary girl, the dark girl making choices and suffering consequences
Fun for the mad woman that sees world after world
Done is the good girl that has gone to war
This girl and this mad woman, living side by side
One in the dark and one in the light
But under the skin, in their two hearts, where the truth really hides
You'll find nothing but fear, guilt, rejection, and lies
Mar 24, 2015
Mar 24, 2015 at 9:33 PM UTC
Society tells me my size 22 hips
Are disgusting
That the hole in my lip
Is atrocious
My pointed nails, my blue hair, my black clothes
Are products of the devil
I am given freedom of religion yet, I am condemned because my Goddess is not
your God
I am poked and prodded at because my sexuality goes beyond laying with a man
In my state, I cannot marry a women because society is so entrapped in their perfect religion
How is this a fair world if I cannot be me?
As a woman, I am expected to keep my opinion to myself, bear children, and serve a husband
Yet, I am independent and creative
I thrive to make my own path
To be successful in myself and those closest to me
To be unique and to question everything I will not conform to a society in which I cannot think for myself
I believe in what cannot be seen
Therefore, I am crazy
I work better alone; think better on my own
I keep my words in my brain because they aren't the same as everyone's
So, I am depressed
My body composition is curvaceous and *****
So I starve myself to get the body society has entitled as perfection
But, what of my body?
Do I live how I see fit?
Hiding from mirrors and cameras, covered up by the baggy clothes boys wear on a day to day basis
Or do I entomb myself in a decaying corpse to live a short life of perfection
No.
I will walk with my head held high and my skirt blowing in the wind
Because I will not conform to society's definition of perfection
I crave affection in the physical form
Therefore, I am a ****
But you don't know my back story
You do not know how my entire life I was deprived of the emotions I so desperately craved
I don't know how to feel when a feeling is all that is offered to me
So, I remain alone
Because I am not beauty in society's eye
Therefore, I am not your first choice
Even though everyone says 'do not judge a book by it's cover'
I am cast away before you get to know me
Before you know my talents, my hobbies, my aspirations in life, my goals, my struggles, the reasons behind my words
Because society has been taught to love with the eyes and not the heart
What about the pigmentation of my skin complexion?
Society automatically disregards me as a troubled teen
That I will just become another statistic of the African-American populace
But I say I won't
Because my ancestors fought and died for their freedom, therefore I should fight for my say in my life
I will not be fat-shamed
I will not be slut-shamed
I will not be black-shamed
Because I cannot and will not conform to a society in which I cannot be me
Jan 12, 2015
Jan 12, 2015 at 3:57 PM UTC
When I am with you
My soul is alight
My body electrified
Tu es mon autre moitié
When I am alone
I crave the feel of your skin
I hunger for the lightness of your fingers through my hair
Je ne peux pas être sans votre lumière
So, as I lie next to you
Tucked in close to your side
There is only one thing in this world I am certain of
Mon cœur aime ton cœur
Jan 8, 2015
Jan 8, 2015 at 11:39 PM UTC
Remember
The summer
You abandoned me
For my best friend?
Jan 3, 2015
Jan 3, 2015 at 10:27 PM UTC
The taste of smoke on my lips
The way liquor cascades across my tongue
Your hands rough against my hips
As I try to feel in a body, so numb
A heart that beats for no one's love
Fighting a world so dark
Praying for help from someone above
And wishing on fallen stars
Surrounded by everyone, and no one, in turn
Using art to express why I hide
Inside, I bury the pain and the hurt
Whilst I struggle to live a trying life
Dec 31, 2014
Dec 31, 2014 at 2:02 AM UTC
Welcome to my haven
My prison
My heaven
My hell
Welcone to my life
Dec 19, 2014
Dec 19, 2014 at 9:56 PM UTC
The night is around me
Surrounds me
Encompasses me in its arms
It hides me
Guides me
Holds me close to its heart
The night so defiant
So infrangible
So thrilling
It holds my head up high
Supports me
Disciplines me
It's infatuated with this heart of mine
The night so dark outside
So atramentous
So incubating
It teaches me how to be
Alluring in my eye
Unquenchable in my desire
The night, so bright, is where I aspire
Dec 16, 2014
Dec 16, 2014 at 10:33 AM UTC
I cannot
Run
From this shadow
That's holding
Me
Hostage
Dec 16, 2014
Dec 16, 2014 at 10:09 AM UTC
Your hands on my waist
So tight that your presence is left behind
Your lips to mine
So hungry, you leave them swollen and wanting more
Your body pressed against me
Leaving me trapped between you and the door
I want you to climb into my window after I've said my goodnights
Lay in my bed and hold me tight
Your hot breath lingering on my neck
While into the clouds, we ride
Our clothes strewn across the room
Because I know you'll have to leave all too soon
I need to feel your heart beating fast with mine
And hear your ragged breathing as we're lost in time
I want to remember the words we'll whisper into the night
With the gasps and scratches, never too light
And as our hearts begin to slow and our breathing calms
Wrapped in blankets, we'll intertwine our sweaty palms
Because I love all the things we say and do
That make me realize all I'll ever want is you
Nov 30, 2014
Nov 30, 2014 at 11:11 PM UTC
Choking on my breath
Drowning in the shockwaves of the difibulator pressed to my chest
At rest with no rest
My physical form of matter will sleep for eternity
While my spirit is trapped
Trapped choking on that last breath
Where I tried to say everything but nothing at all
"I'm sorry
I love you
Forgive me
Don't let me go"
I am now so still
My dark skin so ashy white
I can hear your heart breaking
And see the silent river flowing from your eyes
But I thank you for this experience
For showing me how it feels to be loved and be in love
For the time I ran when you broke me down
How you searched every corner of our little towne
Your love is one I'll never forget
Your smile one I will never lose
So, as I'm taken from your arms
I pray you will know
I can always find you
Because you've taught me where broken hearts go
Nov 30, 2014
Nov 30, 2014 at 5:17 PM UTC
I was always told to hold onto hope if nothing else
So, I hoped I would make it to hollywood
But I never got my callback
And I lost a little hope
I hoped to meet my idols
But I turned out to be another face in the crowd
And so, I lost a little hope
I hoped someone would stop and see behind my mask
But everyone kept walking
And I lost a little hope
Now, I just hope to make it through a day
But everything keeps falling apart
And I realize I've lost hope
Nov 22, 2014
Nov 22, 2014 at 8:00 PM UTC
The mirror shows me a face
But my mind questions it
Who are you?
She wears my hair
Has my sinking, glazed over eyes
My cracked lips
But this isn't me
I have words I want to say
Tears I want to cry
A smile I haven't seen since she came along
Trapped inside my own shell
I live a synthetic life
Always under the surface
But never strong enough to break through
So, inside I will remain
Trying to decipher this struggle
While she writes my story
Hides my tears
And lives her lies
Nov 15, 2014
Nov 15, 2014 at 2:08 PM UTC
You start off happy
Giddy
Fun
Then, you're silly
Laughing
Dumb
Next, your brain starts to fly
Rattles
Numbs
You want to go higher?
Sure, why not
It can't hurt to have some fun
One pill, three pills, five pills, nine
Now, you've lost control of your mind
You don't make descisions
Just go with the flow
Jump from person to person
Everyone's wasted; it's not like he'll know
But, pictures are taken
Posts are blowning up
Yet, this feeling is intoxicating
You can't get enough
Before you realize
A week has passed
Your running on empty
And skipped every class
Everyone is worried
But, you've lost the right way
Now, you're addicted to the feeling
Because you wanted to be free for just a day
Oct 18, 2014
Oct 18, 2014 at 10:36 PM UTC
In this world.
In my brain.
To the rules of this game.
I'm lost as to why I'm lost because I've been shown the way.
This road is in front of me.
Clear as a crystal.
A crystal that's been coloured, cracked, and thrown away.
But, a crystal all the same.
So, why do I want to take that left turn and not go straight?
Travel through tunnels and under bridges, rather than along the empty fields where I can see?
Because, being lost outside, started with being lost in me.
I'm a puzzle.
A ten thousand count puzzle.
Overwhelming and intimidating.
Exotic and different.
A challenge.
I create a plan to find my way.
A plan to not lose myself in all the pieces.
Finish the outer layer.
Work on the next.
Look! I'm lost again.
I work until my body is tired.
My eyes rimmed red.
Until I look like the walking dead.
I'll make my way home, only to be met with turns again.
Let me take a moment to find a way in this brain.
And when I think I've finally found my way,
I'll sleep and wake.
Only to be lost again, the very next day.
Sep 25, 2014
Sep 25, 2014 at 11:02 PM UTC