#maladaptivedaydreamer
A whole world at my fingertips
Mine to create and explore
To fill with people and cultures
To bloom from nothingness
Mine to take care of
Mine to destroy
Mine to avenge
Mine to protect
Mine to adore
I have sought love and found it a million times
Lived happily-ever-afters for millennium
I have crafted worlds where everything is perfect
And worlds where it doesn't matter that it's not
Boredom and loneliness are things of the past
For in this place I have all that I need:
A
Home
A dimension
A grand adventure
A sanctuary for my soul
A place where I can finally belong
I live two lives:
My life there
And my life here
Here, in reality
Dull, plain reality
Where I am Cursed
And love skillfully evades me
Where my happily-ever-after taunts me just out of reach
Where there is pain and danger
But without the promise of love and adventure
Sometimes I wish I could stay
Stay in my world
But I could never pick just one
One Para or character to become
Because I love them all
One world to inhabit
Because they are all so wonderful
And good things wait for me
On the other side of the Metamorphosis
One day, everything will be great
We will always Triumph
Alii Semper Vincemus!
And my worlds will always be there for me
I will always have my power: to go wherever I please outside the realm of reality
Someday, I'll share my power with the world
But for now it is my sanctuary
My one reprieve
Nothing
Can ever make me give it up
Feb 18, 2025
Feb 18, 2025 at 10:08 PM UTC
I've always searched the stars
Wondered if there could be something there
for me.
Maybe a home? Maybe an origin?
Maybe even love.
They say we are all made of
stardust.
Then why is it so hard to get along?
How can beings with stars inside of them feel
hate?
So every night, I search the stars,
wondering if, somewhere, maybe, just maybe,
someone is out there,
searching the stars
just like me.
Longing for love.
Family.
A home that is not just a place, though that sounds nice too, but a
feeling, a
person.
Who loves me as fiercely as the sun loves the moon,
so much that we will make an
eclipse
together.
Are these things really written
in the stars?
Jan 4, 2025
Jan 4, 2025 at 11:34 AM UTC
I used to wonder what it was like to be
human.
Used to believe I was a monster simply because of what
I was.
Now I understand.
I choose to be a monster because
they
deserve
it.
I choose to **** to rip lives apart because of
what they did to mine.
Nothing will ever
be
the
same.
I am not a monster because I am
not
human.
I am not evil because I am
different,
foreign,
unknown.
I am not feared because of my name or my skin, but because of my
rage.
I keep my promises, always.
They deserve what is
coming.
They deserve to see the same destruction they sent
me
and my people.
They deserve to weep, kneeling on the
burnt floor
as they mourn those who were
stolen
from them
cruelly.
And, if I die in the process, then I will
finally reunite
with my family in
Caelum.
My revenge will be as
cruel
as the
names
I was called.
Jan 4, 2025
Jan 4, 2025 at 12:00 AM UTC
I wonder what it feels like
to be
human.
Something I have never been and will
never
be.
I wonder what it is like to have a
soul.
Certainly everything must be better when you're human,
right?
Humans look out for each other,
right?
I have never felt like a
monster.
But I know I must be, because people always
told me
I was.
Maybe, if I was human, I would finally deserve
to live.
Maybe, if I was human, I would finally belong, and no one would
hate me
anymore.
My family says to keep it all
inside.
They say humans are the true
monsters.
But that can't be true.
Can it?
Jan 3, 2025
Jan 3, 2025 at 11:31 PM UTC
Existing in a haze
Daydreams crowd her brain
She surrendered and smiled
Said, "I think I'll stay a while"
As she stared into space
And her mind began to race
The belonging that she chased
No longer did it evade
When
Alice, Alice, bleeding soul
Fled into her rabbit hole
Dreaming of a better world
Broken, mad and all alone
Alice, Alice, don't let go
But Wonderland is her true home
She needs it so she can cope
Madder than a hatter, Alice
Broke
So now she sits alone
She's lost track of time
Gazing into the distance
She exists within her mind
Sometimes she comes back
But joy she cannot find
So in her mind she'll drown
Falling deeper down, down, down
Alice, Alice broken soul
Lives inside her rabbit hole
Seeking out a better world
One where she'll never be alone
And they cry, "Alice, don't let go!"
But Wonderland is all she knows!
Reality holds no more hope
Madder than a hatter, Alice...
Alice, Alice hopeless soul
Held captive by her rabbit hole
Her daydreams will not let her go
Lost her mind so long ago
Alice, Alice, now she knows
Her Wonderland was all a hoax
Now she's just a shadow
Madder than a hatter, Alice
Choked
Jan 2, 2025
Jan 2, 2025 at 8:20 PM UTC
All of this can't be for nothing
We've worked too hard
Fought too hard
For it to be over
I have lost too much
I no longer know
who
I
am
They can't win
I made an oath of blood
and
I
will
keep
it.
He will die tonight
but not by my hand
like I wanted
I will be your sacrifice
It's the only way
I'm sorry love, but I have to do this
I was always doomed to go
up
in
flames
anyway
The whole world is collapsing
These shards of truth I've clung to
love
pierce my soul
Bloodred wings and gilded mask
Will mark my
last
flight
I launch myself into the sky above
shining brighter than the sun
eclipse
and all you can see is my supernova
bright and brilliant
burning
burning
burning
behind the mask, my face is expressionless
but a single tear slides down my face
as I hear the love of my life
scream
I am burning
quickly
steadily
Pain blinding
excruciating
lovely
I wonder what will happen
when it's all
over
Was I a savior after all?
or just a foolish boy disguised as a
hero
My painted feathers burn like candlesticks
But I can still go higher!
Burning
up
crying out
But as I fall
like a meteor
into the sea
A part of me remembers
who
I
am
Fulfilled
Triumphant
Loved
I will transcend to Caelum
as a warrior
Feb 6, 2025
Feb 6, 2025 at 10:32 PM UTC
What do I do now? I don't even want to think about it, think about
How my life is splitting apart at the seams and all of my panicked
Outcries are doing nothing to stop it.
Amazing, I think, that I've lasted as long as I have.
Maybe this is for the better?
I tell myself, but it tastes like a lie in my mouth.
If I cease to be Caligula, what do I have left
For myself. I am nothing, nothing!
Nobody truly understands that I am losing everything and am
Out of my mind with pain and fury. I can't stop
Thinking, why me? Why is it always me?
Can't I have good luck just one time? I'm not
Asking for much. I'm scared, no, terrified that my
Life is ending quicker than I ever anticipated. I wanted to die
Grandly, in a wild blaze of glory. Not with my whole life
Upturned, sinking slowly, suffering wildly,
Losing what I worked so hard to achieve,
And wishing I could go back and be great one more time.
Jan 4, 2025
Jan 4, 2025 at 10:36 PM UTC