#madisonbeer - Hello Poetry

i don’t remember when it started only that it feels older than me like it was stitched into the lining of my childhood jacket something I carried before I had words for it they say “you get used to it” and I did I got used to the heaviness to the way mornings felt like swimming through glue to smiling in photographs with something hollow behind my ribs you get used to it but it never goes away it just changes shape when I was little I used to wish oh, how ignorance was bliss that one day, I’d be happier than this I thought happiness was a destination a city I’d grow into where the air would be lighter and my chest wouldn’t feel so tight I used to feel like all my fantasies were real like someday I’d wake up and everything would finally make sense but now my dreams have lost all their appeal they feel fragile like glass I’m too tired to keep polishing somewhere along the way the sadness stopped screaming and started whispering then it stopped whispering and became silence numb is quieter numb is easier numb doesn’t ask for much I’m comfortable I’m okay, I’m not that miserable I’m somewhere in the middle of it all not drowning not breathing easy either just floating face up staring at a sky I don’t fully trust as crazy as it is, I admit I’m afraid of getting better I’m afraid it gets too good ’cause it can’t last forever even though I wish it could because I’ve learned this rule too well the higher you rise, the further that you fall and soon, you’re left with nothin’ at all so I keep myself low manageable small I honestly just don’t wanna spend my energy fixin’ all these broken things what if I build something beautiful and it collapses again what if I let myself feel everything and it hurts worse than before if I, I get through this I’ll never be the same and maybe that’s what scares me most because this sadness as heavy as it is is familiar it has been with me since playground days since lying awake at eight years old wondering why I felt older than everyone else I don’t know who I am without it they say you get used to it and I have but sometimes late at night when the numbness cracks just a little I still wonder what it would be like to rise without bracing for the fall.

0

Feb 22

Feb 22, 2026 at 7:41 PM UTC

finia

Somewhere in the Middle of It All

i don’t remember when it started only that it feels older than me like it was stitched into the lining of my childhood jacket something I carried before I had words for it they say “you get used to it” and I did I got used to the heaviness to the way mornings felt like swimming through glue to smiling in photographs with something hollow behind my ribs you get used to it but it never goes away it just changes shape when I was little I used to wish oh, how ignorance was bliss that one day, I’d be happier than this I thought happiness was a destination a city I’d grow into where the air would be lighter and my chest wouldn’t feel so tight I used to feel like all my fantasies were real like someday I’d wake up and everything would finally make sense but now my dreams have lost all their appeal they feel fragile like glass I’m too tired to keep polishing somewhere along the way the sadness stopped screaming and started whispering then it stopped whispering and became silence numb is quieter numb is easier numb doesn’t ask for much I’m comfortable I’m okay, I’m not that miserable I’m somewhere in the middle of it all not drowning not breathing easy either just floating face up staring at a sky I don’t fully trust as crazy as it is, I admit I’m afraid of getting better I’m afraid it gets too good ’cause it can’t last forever even though I wish it could because I’ve learned this rule too well the higher you rise, the further that you fall and soon, you’re left with nothin’ at all so I keep myself low manageable small I honestly just don’t wanna spend my energy fixin’ all these broken things what if I build something beautiful and it collapses again what if I let myself feel everything and it hurts worse than before if I, I get through this I’ll never be the same and maybe that’s what scares me most because this sadness as heavy as it is is familiar it has been with me since playground days since lying awake at eight years old wondering why I felt older than everyone else I don’t know who I am without it they say you get used to it and I have but sometimes late at night when the numbness cracks just a little I still wonder what it would be like to rise without bracing for the fall.