#lymphoma
It’s begun to stick out
Becoming its own entity
Does not hurt
Except when I swallow
But don’t let me wallow
In self pity
This growth of mine
Is rather kind
As in it I know
Where my life does go
And that I am sooner there
Not scared
Or even worried
A friend does wait
No pearly gate
A path of wispy grasses
My dear friend there with shovel
Having chosen that spot
Where ***** will be sunk
Scooping from dirt no reasons
We shall then politely plunk
This growth
No longer will it choke
Memories of our lost seasons
Oct 7, 2018
Oct 7, 2018 at 9:38 AM UTC
It's a tough pill to swallow.
I want to ******* puke.
This feeling in my stomach,
like I swallowed a live nuke.
They just give me pills to swallow
and run a lot of useless tests.
I tried so hard to keep it away,
to fight it off but it infests.
I hate these pills I swallow.
I feel the cancer in my veins.
It's consuming my body
and ******* with my brain.
It's not your pill to swallow.
I wouldn't blame you to leave.
This isn't your battle to fight.
This battle belongs to me.
I don't want these pills to swallow.
I want to give up and let it win.
Poetic for my life to end,
just as I'm ready for our life to begin.
Jun 18, 2018
Jun 18, 2018 at 8:36 AM UTC
See you in the twilight,
every night that my eyes are closed.
Your skin glows,
hands as soft as I recall.
Hair is still the same garnet shade-
you look beautiful.
Please, don't go.
I know, it's selfish-
you give life to greenery,
and flowers grow from the ashes.
Sickness no longer ravages your body,
I want you to come back to me-
the stars don't shine the same way,
every cloud remains looking gray-
they took my sunshine away.
Breaths shouldn't run out so young,
my soul wants to speak with your’s.
Where we divide the vicinities of Heaven and Hell,
love of mother and child lasts an infinity.
Met with blue skies above our heads,
greenest grass under our feet.
there's no race in the sands of time,
your heart still beats
& you smile.
This moment ends
and the time spent together transcends
into the unknown,
when the sun glows through my blinds--
I'm left with just the ghost of you.
Mother, I want this sorrow to leave
if you can't come back, please stay in my dreams,
your spirit gleams among the horizon.
Jul 26, 2017
Jul 26, 2017 at 1:32 PM UTC
I used to long for death.
Now I'm pleading it to stop.
Never appreciated life.
Now I can't get enough.
No forever is never promised.
It can never be set in stone.
Lately my body has been deteriorating.
The only way to vent is here.
You see I have two lumps in my neck.
Nobody knows what it is yet.
Could be nothing could be something.
It varies from thyroid... lympth nodes swelling... all the way down to lymphoma, aka cancer.
They tell me not to worry.
It's best to prepare yourself for worse.
What if I am dying.
Atleast I'll be ready when my time comes.
After all we are all dying.
Life is inevitable.
Life is unovoidable.
But death is inevitable as well.
There is no going around it.
You and I.
One day we are both going to die.
Maybe tomorrow maybe 13 years from now.
Life is not promised.
I remember last night.
I told her I could potentially be dying.
I told her not to worry.
I told her it probably isn't anything bad.
She tried to fight the tears then the began to flow.
Steady like a stream.
She was breaking because of me.
I told her I need you to be strong.
She said if I died she wouldn't go on.
She said you are the one I wanted all along.
What if this sky wizard called god is out to ruin us.
I asked why he would do that.
She just replied don't go cursing Sky wizards.
If there's a god I couldn't imagine him doing a thing.
Killing a girl at 16.
Taking my life when I've only just begun.
I used to beg for my end.
Little did I know I had only just begun.
Feb 20, 2017
Feb 20, 2017 at 3:22 AM UTC
We thought he'd never see sunrise,
Now sunrise is all he sees.
Up in heaven with our other passed loved ones,
He's smiling cheek to cheek.
With the angels singing hymns,
And he glancing down,
I'm sure he wants to say:
"It's alright, I'm okay now."
May 31, 2015
May 31, 2015 at 10:35 PM UTC
From my bedroom window,
I can see a lime green ribbon
Constricting itself around a tree.
Lynching the last inch of life
From a being
That stood strong for a half of a century.
As each leaf wilts and falls it is a reminder that nothing is ever permanent.
Everything dies eventually.
In our family,
Green is worn proud
Above our hearts
The star of David guiding us on our way
But something to be ashamed of.
A color that condemns our family to endure your sympathetic stares
That follow us everywhere.
It is as if we are the main attraction of your circus:
Come see the dying, the crying, and the bald.
But to us, one ribbon wrapped around are hearts
Represents a million words wrapped into one.
Especially the ones never said.
The I love yous
The I need yous
The I’m sorrys
And the goodbyes
It is an endless cycle
Of CAT scans, and chemo, and radiation, and surgery, and blood tests, over and over.
If only to slow the process of
Cells detonating themselves
In a body that was never strong enough to fight it.
Strong arms cannot hold the weight of their daughter’s broken hearts
Or their sons missed football games,
Or their wives plan less anniversaries
When they carry their own mortality
We never knew that our man of steel,
Would become our man of sleepless nights,
No longer able to carry his children to bed at night.
The only person to guide through our disjointed lives
What ifs become your safe haven as well as your nightmare?
And your reality becomes mixed with fatality.
And eventually, you don’t know the difference.
Prayers become a lost hope,
Church becomes a last resort
And treatment becomes useless
Because it is a diagnosis that no one can escape.
I never understood “When someone is diagnosed with cancer, everyone around them is as well.”
And dad know that when I look into your lifeless eyes
Mine will mirror it.
Jun 24, 2014
Jun 24, 2014 at 10:25 AM UTC