#lossofafriend - Hello Poetry

I am sick of wasting my energy Convincing people that I am deserving of their affection That I am deserving of love from those who I want it most. All they've done is take and demand more. Slightest afflictions would send me profusely apologizing. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. When I owe nothing of the sorts. You say I betrayed you, but you stopped talking first. You say I left you behind but I don't recall your footprints by mine. You're life has changed and you hate that. I'm just a reminder of what your life used to be like. I am not responsible for your happiness, yet you mar mine. You didn't want to hurt alone, so you ensured I'd hurt too. I let the numbness wash over calluses form on my heart, roughly applied. The first time hurts, but eventually it hurts a little less. Blisters form until that thick patch of skin builds up and my patience wears down, and now my empathy can be short-lived. We swapped roses, unaware yours had thorns. I pricked my finger and now the yellow is stained with red and skin will need to be cleaned and bandaged and the heart continues to be broken despite increased fortification. I thought what doesn't **** you makes you stronger, that it creates perseverance. And it does, but it hardens the soft in spirit and my patience is no longer there for you. And leaving gets easier. Saying goodbye gets easier And it hurts a little less. I care a little less. And I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

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Mar 7, 2023

Mar 7, 2023 at 7:19 PM UTC

Shewantsthesun

Betrayed

I am sick of wasting my energy Convincing people that I am deserving of their affection That I am deserving of love from those who I want it most. All they've done is take and demand more. Slightest afflictions would send me profusely apologizing. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. When I owe nothing of the sorts. You say I betrayed you, but you stopped talking first. You say I left you behind but I don't recall your footprints by mine. You're life has changed and you hate that. I'm just a reminder of what your life used to be like. I am not responsible for your happiness, yet you mar mine. You didn't want to hurt alone, so you ensured I'd hurt too. I let the numbness wash over calluses form on my heart, roughly applied. The first time hurts, but eventually it hurts a little less. Blisters form until that thick patch of skin builds up and my patience wears down, and now my empathy can be short-lived. We swapped roses, unaware yours had thorns. I pricked my finger and now the yellow is stained with red and skin will need to be cleaned and bandaged and the heart continues to be broken despite increased fortification. I thought what doesn't **** you makes you stronger, that it creates perseverance. And it does, but it hardens the soft in spirit and my patience is no longer there for you. And leaving gets easier. Saying goodbye gets easier And it hurts a little less. I care a little less. And I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

38

Mark A. Williams SEPTEMBER 14, 1962 – JULY 23, 2018 ___________________________________________________________ Wow Mark, Was so, so saddened to hear this news. I haven't seen you in over ten years, but as kids, we had some amazing adventures, didn't we? Partying, camping and swimming at the Hudson lime pits. Mowing down on Pizza and pitchers of Pepsi (and as we grew up, BEER!) at Pizza Hut. (We knew the numbers to ALL the songs on that jukebox by heart!) Hanging out and looking at the stars through Budvido's telescope, listening to Doctor Demento. Laughing hysterically as we ran through Monty Python skits as everyone looked on in total puzzlement because THEY wouldn't discover them until YEARS later! Building underground forts in the North Woods. You, Budvido, Zeke and I playing pinball at 7-11 for hours and hours. Watching Bands, chasing girls and playing Foosball or Pool at the Touch of Class Teen Club. You gave me my first Imported beer . . . a Lowenbrau. I will always owe my passion for those German beers to you and it was fitting that Budvido bestowed you with that moniker. All through Jr. High, sharing a seat on the school bus. You, Matt, Tom, Buddy and I cruising around late night on our bikes for hours. Hanging around in the Jasmine Lakes sign with hijacked beer or getting free bags of Burgers from Burger Queen when they closed at night! Jousting with shopping carts on our bikes in the Winn-Dixie parking lot. Sitting up all night in Jimi's room after climbing in through the window or going on endless space cruises with him and Raymond in the Toyota. (RIP Jimi Carlsen) Sneaking into the nudest Colony and skinny dipping! Always cracking up at the school lunch table. Swimming in my pool and terrorizing my sister and her friends. (Allegedly) Trashing that crook Fast Eddie's produce stand after he refused to pay us for a full day of picking watermelons! Good times, indeed . . . Some of my most precious memories. I can only pray that you know that I wouldn't trade my youth or you in it for anything in the world and you will be sadly missed, Lowenbrau, my old friend. I hope that where you are, your beers are ice cold and that you and Jimi aren't having to glue the Hookah back together. Jeff Gaines July 28, 2018

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Aug 2, 2018

Aug 2, 2018 at 7:00 AM UTC

Jeff-Gaines

Message to a Friend

Mark A. Williams SEPTEMBER 14, 1962 – JULY 23, 2018 ___________________________________________________________ Wow Mark, Was so, so saddened to hear this news. I haven't seen you in over ten years, but as kids, we had some amazing adventures, didn't we? Partying, camping and swimming at the Hudson lime pits. Mowing down on Pizza and pitchers of Pepsi (and as we grew up, BEER!) at Pizza Hut. (We knew the numbers to ALL the songs on that jukebox by heart!) Hanging out and looking at the stars through Budvido's telescope, listening to Doctor Demento. Laughing hysterically as we ran through Monty Python skits as everyone looked on in total puzzlement because THEY wouldn't discover them until YEARS later! Building underground forts in the North Woods. You, Budvido, Zeke and I playing pinball at 7-11 for hours and hours. Watching Bands, chasing girls and playing Foosball or Pool at the Touch of Class Teen Club. You gave me my first Imported beer . . . a Lowenbrau. I will always owe my passion for those German beers to you and it was fitting that Budvido bestowed you with that moniker. All through Jr. High, sharing a seat on the school bus. You, Matt, Tom, Buddy and I cruising around late night on our bikes for hours. Hanging around in the Jasmine Lakes sign with hijacked beer or getting free bags of Burgers from Burger Queen when they closed at night! Jousting with shopping carts on our bikes in the Winn-Dixie parking lot. Sitting up all night in Jimi's room after climbing in through the window or going on endless space cruises with him and Raymond in the Toyota. (RIP Jimi Carlsen) Sneaking into the nudest Colony and skinny dipping! Always cracking up at the school lunch table. Swimming in my pool and terrorizing my sister and her friends. (Allegedly) Trashing that crook Fast Eddie's produce stand after he refused to pay us for a full day of picking watermelons! Good times, indeed . . . Some of my most precious memories. I can only pray that you know that I wouldn't trade my youth or you in it for anything in the world and you will be sadly missed, Lowenbrau, my old friend. I hope that where you are, your beers are ice cold and that you and Jimi aren't having to glue the Hookah back together. Jeff Gaines July 28, 2018

14

Hello everyone, I'm so very sorry … I feel horrible doing this, but I have no choice. You see, I have published my first book on Amazon/Kindle! This piece (and many others) had to be taken down because they do not allow published material to be available online for free. (Go figure) I wanted to leave the shell of the posts because I felt compelled to leave all your helpful and loving comments. (Silly sentimental, I know), but I also didn't want to just have the pieces disappear without an explanation. I feel bad enough as it is! I owe ALL of you so, SO much for all of your reads, love, and support. It was YOU that gave me the gumption to FINALLY get off my **** and publish! Thank you all for the warm comments, camaraderie, and encouragement! I will still be here, reading, uploading and just being the Rascal that I am. How could I EVER leave you guys? The book is called “The Way I See It – FictionPhilosophySoul Food” and it will be FREE for the first few days on Kindle Select, so watch for it, if you are interested. I hope that you go and grab it. If you do, I would also hope that you find it worthy, you would leave me a good review. That will help me get in the public eye! Soon afterward (2-3 days or so), it will be available in paperback. Find the book(s) here: www.amazon.com/author/jeff.gaines Or find the book(s), and all about me, here: www.JeffGaines.world Soon after, I also hope to have my first novel (a supernatural thriller), called “Wanderer” available as well! Wish me luck! Big, Biggest Love, Jeff Gaines

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Apr 1, 2018

Apr 1, 2018 at 6:03 AM UTC

Jeff-Gaines

“Wow”

Hello everyone, I'm so very sorry … I feel horrible doing this, but I have no choice. You see, I have published my first book on Amazon/Kindle! This piece (and many others) had to be taken down because they do not allow published material to be available online for free. (Go figure) I wanted to leave the shell of the posts because I felt compelled to leave all your helpful and loving comments. (Silly sentimental, I know), but I also didn't want to just have the pieces disappear without an explanation. I feel bad enough as it is! I owe ALL of you so, SO much for all of your reads, love, and support. It was YOU that gave me the gumption to FINALLY get off my **** and publish! Thank you all for the warm comments, camaraderie, and encouragement! I will still be here, reading, uploading and just being the Rascal that I am. How could I EVER leave you guys? The book is called “The Way I See It – FictionPhilosophySoul Food” and it will be FREE for the first few days on Kindle Select, so watch for it, if you are interested. I hope that you go and grab it. If you do, I would also hope that you find it worthy, you would leave me a good review. That will help me get in the public eye! Soon afterward (2-3 days or so), it will be available in paperback. Find the book(s) here: www.amazon.com/author/jeff.gaines Or find the book(s), and all about me, here: www.JeffGaines.world Soon after, I also hope to have my first novel (a supernatural thriller), called “Wanderer” available as well! Wish me luck! Big, Biggest Love, Jeff Gaines

10

No kind of drug can help me escape this brutality That is now my horrifying reality There is no place I can hide or run When life becomes the nightmare I want to wake from My whole world has crumbled Now desperately lost within the rubble So thankful we always took the time to say "I love you" Because before that branded day was through The winds of change..... They blew I found you, but you where already gone Now I must learn how to say so long You sprouted your wings and flew away You left me here all alone to stay I'm still in this earthly hell This sorrowful anguish I can not quell For how will I NOW ever vanquish the sorrow For you are no longer in my tomorrows How will I ever disburse the pain That swells up my brain For you took with you my love, my heart Without those how do I even start These tears that gush down my face are not for you dear friend Nor are the wails of anguish that to the skys I send For I know you are in a better place I know your in a better space Be it with your loved ones, or in the veils darkness kept It is for me these tears are wept You took not only my reason to sing, *** you where my song Without you, how am I gonna stay strong When everyday is at lest a week long When I need you, there will be no loving arms My life is now my nightmare, it's so ******* WRONG

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Aug 19, 2016

Aug 19, 2016 at 10:15 PM UTC

Pauline_Morris

My Sweetest Friend

No kind of drug can help me escape this brutality That is now my horrifying reality There is no place I can hide or run When life becomes the nightmare I want to wake from My whole world has crumbled Now desperately lost within the rubble So thankful we always took the time to say "I love you" Because before that branded day was through The winds of change..... They blew I found you, but you where already gone Now I must learn how to say so long You sprouted your wings and flew away You left me here all alone to stay I'm still in this earthly hell This sorrowful anguish I can not quell For how will I NOW ever vanquish the sorrow For you are no longer in my tomorrows How will I ever disburse the pain That swells up my brain For you took with you my love, my heart Without those how do I even start These tears that gush down my face are not for you dear friend Nor are the wails of anguish that to the skys I send For I know you are in a better place I know your in a better space Be it with your loved ones, or in the veils darkness kept It is for me these tears are wept You took not only my reason to sing, *** you where my song Without you, how am I gonna stay strong When everyday is at lest a week long When I need you, there will be no loving arms My life is now my nightmare, it's so ******* WRONG

32

When today can only be yesterday Tomorrow must accept its lonely fate For the memories we will inside Will make the rising sun hide and wait There will be too many days and nights When expectation feels no earthly end For the dreams that walk by our side Are the longing past we wish to see again

0

Jun 2, 2015

Jun 2, 2015 at 9:15 AM UTC

mark-lecuona

A Memory

When today can only be yesterday Tomorrow must accept its lonely fate For the memories we will inside Will make the rising sun hide and wait There will be too many days and nights When expectation feels no earthly end For the dreams that walk by our side Are the longing past we wish to see again

8