#losangeles
Fires igniting all around,
Burning and destructive.
And they’re in my heart, too,
Burning through the outer layers,
All the way to the core of my fear.
Fear of losing this comfortable life,
This reality where I sit calmly, routinely
Eat in peace and barely check
The news. Where the air quality isn’t
A problem, and where all of this
Goes away.
I guess the core of the fear is this, isn’t it -
Losing the routine, the comfortable,
The mundane. Feeling scared for
Loved ones, even though I know
Nothing will happen, right?
It’s too far away (getting closer), right?
Jan 10, 2025
Jan 10, 2025 at 7:09 PM UTC
Why aren't there angels
keeping watch, not even here --
in Los Angeles?
May 20, 2024
May 20, 2024 at 2:30 AM UTC
I aimed the old car
south and
ran as many red
lights as my luck
would allow.
Kept my sunglasses
on as I
listened to Frusciante
singing
nothing but the
truth all through
the magic of
my radio.
Left the madness of
the city and
entered the
land where
atomic bombs
and peoples sanity
have both
been tested.
Desert roads
littered
with desert lies,
like oasis and
promises made
in Vegas.
I took a toot
off the side of
my hand like
I seen them do in
the movies.
Wasted the better
part of my stash
on this foolish
trick.
This ride I'm
taking is real.
On my way
I'll be looking for a
wild young girl
to roll my joints
and laugh at my
jokes.
Give my eyes
a place to rest in.
I'm looking for
a lovely from the
low side of town.
Whose spirit has
yet to be broken
and whose mind
isn't already
filled with their
lies.
Watched as the
California landscape
turned from
beaches and tropical
palms to
cactus taller than
most men
and dry forgotten
land that
most come to
die in.
From congested
freeways that hold
the drivers hostage.
To wide open
desert highways
where its safe to
drink straight from
the bottle without
that pestering public
servant there to
ruin your ride.
If I make it out of
this dam
desert alive
with my wallet
and my sanity still
intact.
I'll look back
at it all
as just another
memory.
And try
not to give
in to
ever going
back.
Apr 22, 2022
Apr 22, 2022 at 9:58 PM UTC
My hand shot straight out towards the wall like a shotgun blast as I laid on my sore back covered in a thick film of resiny drug addict sweat.
I was awake and it was hot as Hades in that fucken room.
I felt around the crumpled sheets and half dozen pillows and found my phone without waking the naked body next to me.
My eyes adjusted to the bit of sunlight that found its way past my blinds. The body next to me was wide at the hips with crude tattoos on both arms and an obvious cover-up on her upper back. I tried to make out the name she once loved and quickly gave up . She stirred as I tried getting a look at her.
Her face was covered with a thick mane of dark brown hair, I wanted to wake her but I couldn't recall a name. So I let her be and focused on the LCD screen in my hand.
There was a picture of a half naked girl behind a thin red wall flashing "Download!"
The sucker I am had to do it ,and that's how my every move was known for the rest of this ****** off ,weird *** day about to tell you about.
I started jerking or twitching about 4 months ago back when I started smoking the pook pretty much everyday.
Everyday.
Religiously like an alter boy and his **** off sessions .
I stopped sleeping normally and my appetite wanted only sweets or alcohol.When I did manage to burn myself out and pass out for a bit I noticed that I never dreamed.
I didn't dream that night either or the morning as I laid there in the 82 degree stuffy *** room listening to the sound of some useless fan squeaking and creaking it's way back and forth across the room.
Doing nothing but creating the illusion of relief from the hot summer morning.
The hips next to me didn't seem to mind the heat.
I reached over and aimed the cheap fat towards her wide ***
and positioned it to stay there.
September in the city of Los Angeles still felt like July in the 1990's when it seemed to always be hot.
Which probably contributed to the amount of senseless gang murders that spread all over the city during that time like locust.
Hot ,uncomfortable poor people get ****** off pretty easy and its too dam hot to be fighting like some God Dam fools in the middle of the hot *** street.Those were some ****** days and if you paid attention to the city ,you'll find it never really ended.
Everybody just stopped talking about it until it just went away and became normal.
Normal like that dogs gonna hit on the freeway,or normal like everyone in your building not speaking a word of English except the kids.
And they're all bad as Hell.
The last dream I had was in a co-ed detox somewhere the fucken Valley.I was all Doped up on Subutex and Adderall.
All the girls there were either strippers or **** stars or both. Man....
Anyway,Yea so I got up with another of those weird *** jerks or spasms or whatever. I first noticed them while I was on a good nod you know when you're at that place you spent atleast 40$ trying to get to and everything about you just submits as the petals of the poppy protect you from all that you're dying , trying to forget.
I started to notice every time I fell down that rabbit hole of comfort and forgetfulness I was always being forced out of it by an uncontrollable kick of the leg or swing of the arm.
I mostly ignored it the way I tended to do when it came to things regarding my health. I treated my body like an old second hand car I had purchased with a bounced check.
Only now as I approached 40 did I began to worry.
But I quickly shrugged that moment of worry off as I got up and headed toward the head.
Sep 24, 2014
Sep 24, 2014 at 11:53 AM UTC
He
has to
drink
his
meals.
So, I
drink
mine
to.
I have
to
drown
his cells
in
nutrients.
I'm
trying
to
keep
someone
alive.
Apr 19, 2022
Apr 19, 2022 at 10:17 PM UTC
The cruelest
of all things
is the short
amount of time
the Gods
have allowed us
to spend
with our pets.
Apr 15, 2022
Apr 15, 2022 at 12:05 AM UTC
It's been 7 years today since my last release from Prison.
The longest I've been home since I was 15.
I made a lot of bad choices along the way
most of which only hurt myself and my family.
Prison is no place to grow up in,
I learned how to shave in prison,
got my first tattoo, lost my first love
and learned what things like
loyalty and sacrifice really meant.
I wasted a lot of good years in there
most of them due to someone else's weakness,
fears and inability to accept the consequences
of their own actions.
It hasn't been easy and I've missed out on a lot.
But I can go to sleep and look at myself in the mirror
knowing that I never gave anyone up.
I remain loyal
and I'm still here.
Even though there are
those who wish I wasn't.
Jun 9, 2021
Jun 9, 2021 at 4:09 AM UTC
It kept me
numb
and numb was the
only feeling I
was searching
for.
I used enough
in those days
to avoid
feeling any
type of emotion
for too long.
And when I
cried,
it was mostly
over a memory
of a time when
I should
have cried
but
was too numb
to care.
Jun 3, 2021
Jun 3, 2021 at 3:04 AM UTC
I had almost mastered the art of making my way through life without making too much noise.
I had spent the last 6 years mostly alone.
Concentrated all my efforts on trying to stay out of prison.
Worked on the writing and the poetry.
And doing all I could to just be forgotten.
I had kicked up enough dust in my early years to spend the majority of my adult life behind bars.
Came home with more tattoos, another strike and a
Monkey on my back.
I was home with greying hair, a bullet in my hand that hurt like hell, an ex wife who hated me, kids who didn't know me and friends who had forgotten all about me.
I move as low to the ground as possible now days.
I went out only when I had to.
I was just trying not to be noticed.
Hoping that maybe they'll forget about all the bad I had done
and just let me grow old in silence.
I spent my 43rd birthday in a coin-op laundromat that reminded me of a crude jail house day-room.
Concrete floors, metal picnic tables with a large tv bolted to the wall .
Nothing was made for comfort and everything had some type of a lock on it.
She walked up carrying what looked like everything she owned.
She struggled with the door and the laundry in her arms.
I quickly stood up from my seat on the cold steel bench and offered to relieve her of some of her burden, to which she shyly obliged.
She was far to pretty to be alone and I was half waiting on a boyfriend to appear.
Nobody ever taught her how to be polite.
She didn't know what being gracious even meant until she met me.
She'd say " Don't blame me I wasn't raised right", it was our lil joke but a joke that was far to real.
It was her beauty that saved her.
Her body was what most women would never have.
Men felt a burning desire at the sight of her.
Which she used to her advantage when needed.
It's what helped her get by during the roughest of times.
She wasn't a ***** but they didn't know that.
By the time they had realized she wasn't giving what they wanted she would have already packed her things and left for good.
Men would promise her almost everything when all she really wanted was something to call her own.
Her front tooth was chipped from a fight with an ex boyfriend.
The minor flaw only added to her rare type of natural beauty.
Light freckles across the bridge of her nose.
She had scared up boney knuckles and always wore thick silver rings on 4 of her fingers.
Naturally long eyelashes and acne scared cheeks she'd hide with cover up.
What she knew of the world was almost comical, she hadn't been anywhere and wasn't planning on going anywhere any time soon.
What she lacked in social skills couldn't compare to what she knew how to do in bed.
I gave her a safe place to rest without having to worry.
She gave me reason to shower in the morning and comb my hair before bed.
We played chess which was a surprise to me when she asked me if I played.
I introduced her to Bukowski, Dante and Virgil.
She brought a strange type of warmth to my otherwise cold lonely apartment .
Our time was a break from the isolation and a reminder of how it was to be with another.
She brought back memories I had long ago forced
myself to forget.
Her only rule was that I never asked about her past.
What she wanted me to know she would share on her own.
My only request was that she never asked me to stop using
and when she felt it was time to move on ,she wouldn't take the time to say goodbye.
Jun 3, 2021
Jun 3, 2021 at 2:43 AM UTC
Bleary-eyed, an old man asks for change,
coins rattling in his hand. A woman
hands him saltine crackers across the aisle.
“God bless you,” he mutters, takes a seat,
and unwraps the plastic with shaking hands.
He smiles at her before she leaves the train.
Tonight, the passengers on the train
are surprisingly quiet for a change.
We are all staring down at our hands.
And then the silence breaks - a woman
cackles aloud to herself in her seat.
Her laughter travels up and down the aisle.
I overhear a conversation across the aisle
between a couple who’ve just entered the train,
and are searching for a pair of empty seats.
They’re muttering “the country is changing”
and they say they are afraid. The woman
sighs, and reaches for her lover’s hand.
I look over at a child holding her mother’s hand.
I meet the little girl’s gaze from across the aisle.
I see myself as a child too, but to her I’m a woman.
I wonder how often the little girl rides the train.
Does she long to see something else for a change -
something other than the back of a seat?
I notice a lady who has started dancing in her seat,
snapping her fingers and waving her hands,
bobbing to a silent beat. I imagine her changing
into a sequined dress and waltzing down the aisle,
giving everyone a performance to watch on the train.
I imagine standing up and dancing with that woman
and then everyone begins to dance with the woman -
we all jump up onto our seats
and suddenly we are in a ballroom, not a train.
We are tapping our feet and clapping our hands
to the music - the little girl across the aisle
is dancing with the old man who asked for change.
The train stops. We’ve arrived at my station. The dancing woman leaves the train. The passengers change and now there are strangers in their seats. I wave my hand goodbye to the little girl as I walk past her down the aisle.
Mar 6, 2021
Mar 6, 2021 at 7:50 PM UTC
The only thing I learned
In this ocean of stars
Is that I can drown anywhere
Feb 2, 2021
Feb 2, 2021 at 11:24 PM UTC
there were dandelions on the grass
dear girl, the smell of an Alcatraz flower is fresh on my linen
but sometimes I look back
and wonder if this city wears a too thick a coat
while it struts pantless over the sidewalks of
Macarther Park
there is liturgy mumbled, a woman waving her hands in the air–
Sunday school prayers being learned in Spanish
tri-folded pamphlets on the floor
and gum over the pavement blackened by the cooperative march
of immigrant workers speaking in all tongues and carrying
on their backs, the tower of babel while halted at a red light
heavy cargo trucks speeding down Alameda Street
wearing down the road and the patience of drivers
tents multiplied, and R.V's lining the streets
the old buildings being torn down and neighboring apartments getting face-lifts
"beautification"
costs
more than headshots–
more than a rhinoplasty–
more than the real estate of DTLA–
when you see two kids come out of a tent with their school backpacks on
–you begin to grasp the price
Is this what Keats meant: "A thing of beauty is a joy forever "
even while destitute
the neon pink on their bags seemed like another gift of spring
and their perseverance the paragon of a psalm of life
Mar 10, 2020
Mar 10, 2020 at 11:07 PM UTC
While you’re sleeping
The spiders bathe in your nightstand water
As the mosquitos play you Copeland’s “Fanfare For The Common Man”
The worms use you as a blanket
The bees outside your window spread rumors about the Praying Mantis
The roaches climb the bedpost to get a better view
and the ants want to be left alone cause they’re too busy working on their own things
while the Praying Mantis makes a move on the Brown Widow
It’s actually not a widow it’s a Brown Recluse according my roommate, Charlie
He tells me their bites are harmless
But I don’t believe him
So I take a picture and ask someone on reddit spiders
and they tell me it looks like a Brown Widow but the photo quality isn’t too clear
I mean I got up as close as I could to take the picture
And we should really call an exterminator
Because the Ladybugs now won’t shut up about the Mantis
And the Moths are making a mess in the kitchen
And it’s really Gal the landlords job to handle it
But he’s too busy being a heart surgeon on the side so I guess I’ll have to do it
I’ll call today. I’ll call now.
Jan 29, 2020
Jan 29, 2020 at 5:09 PM UTC
Living every hour
wide awake,
wired and full
of other peoples pills.
Desperate for some
other place that's
far away from here.
Dec 18, 2019
Dec 18, 2019 at 5:13 AM UTC
let the the buildings peek through the hills on the 110
drink in the view that brings you closer to me
swallow the skyline
make the lights fade away
and love me until the sun rises
Sep 21, 2019
Sep 21, 2019 at 10:26 AM UTC
What’s up,
what’s going on with you these days,
how have you been where have you been
just wanted to let you know that I still love you,
because I know it’s been awhile,
some would even say forever or at least that's what it feels like,
but forever feels like only a moment when you're immortal,
as an Endless Infinite Being living in Infinity,
tell me,
what’s your truth,
why do you rise in the morning what're the motives for your motions,
do you pray & if you do how do you pray & to whom do you pray to,
& how do you handle the hate & do you always make room for the love,
& why do you struggle at all I mean seriously what’s the use,
stress isn't worth the stress so why subject yourself to what feels incorrect,
instead of this try to relax find some perspective & learn to listen to you,
we've been misled by the stimulants that we're fed,
to believe that material things are more important than human beings,
we worship inanimate objects like they have a life of their own,
which is why instead of making eye contact we just look down at a screen,
checking Facebook Messenger & our Twitter feeds,
preferring to live life vicariously through tweets than to live the real thing,
living life & doing things not for the experience but for the likes it gets,
our only vice is being guided by the eye of the Public's biases,
victims of our own timelines we traded away our sovereignty for notoriety,
what is this society what happened to the days of Prince Ra & Princess Isis,
or more correctly The Days of The God Ra & The Goddess Isis.
Where have the Gods gone?
Are all the Gods gone?
Are we living in a Post-Religion-Apocalyptic Epoch of Existence?
Everything’s possible I guess,
I guess,
either way it isn't worth the stress,
I guess just be blessed & let everything click & fall into place,
because one must confess we are the honest embodiment of much success.
& success comes,
after lots of yes,
so say yes,
just say yes.
& hey Bless what’s up,
what’s going on with you these days,
how have you been where have you been
just wanted to let you know that I still love you,
because I know it’s been awhile,
some would even say forever or at least that's what it feels like,,
but forever feels like only a moment when you're immortal,
as an Endless Infinite Being living in Infinity,
& all these words offer us up everything except apologies,
actually,
fck it,
apologies as well,
there,
I said it,
might as well say I'm sorry because it seems I've said everything else,
so I apologize.
“I apologize on behalf of all men we messed up & I accept that,
but honestly we didn't know what else we were supposed to do,
& please don't misconstrue this apology as an excuse,
because there is no excuse for the way we gave away all this abuse,
it's just we were fatherless all our were leaders lacked commonsense,
& this miscreants mislead us into thinking that is was cool to mistreat you,
so we lost our morals & all common decency as we lost our commonsense,
& you didn't bother to tell us either because you're as lost as us too,
so on behalf of all men I apologize in all my honestness,
but honestly we didn't know what to do see we were as lost as you.”,
in this microcosm somewhat awesome mini-universe called Los Angeles,
in this mini-universe called Los Angeles,
we lost our angel wings,
in a place where everything seems easy,
but then again nothing is what it seems,
navigating through the soulless glows of low neon egos,
plastic smiles & absent minded sidetracks with high self esteem,
where good ideas meet bad company & they make a movie out of it,
& you can sign a contract for millions but can't buy backs your dreams,
see its seems,
we are all sleepwalking in this day dream,
& truth be told sometimes all I want to do,
is walk down the hill I'm on from Mulholland to Hollywood Blvd. & scream,
“AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAH!”,
it must be so liberating to be a mad man,
but these days,
in most cases crazy is dismissed as lost,
meanwhile Madmen on Television make bad decisions,
while still portraying the American Dream slogan that “Money is Boss.”,
& therefore you should make more at all costs,
but what good is made if while your getting paid but your soul is getting lost?
What good is money,
without peace of mind,
because you can’t escape yourself no matter how much money you make,
or how many drugs you take because you can't get away no matter how high,
so even if you forget all of this because of short term memory loss,
remember that fact even if you don't remember why,
see before I had money,
& I’d complain about inequality & they'd call me bitter,
& after I got money,
& complained about inequality they called me hypocritical,
well,
you can make some of the people happy all the time,
& all of the people happy some of the time,
but you can’t make all the people happy all the time,
ah well,
I never asked to be their abused Muse anyways,
nevertheless I became a slave to my art was consumed too soon,
& the same thing that had freed me made me enslaved,
& I've got so much more to say,
but I'm simply exhausted right now & can't continue to elaborate,
because it's been a long night I'm tired,
& I just want to find a place to lay my God what a day,
what a day,
what a day it’s been,
feels like it’s been days since I’ve seen you,
lifetimes even,
please come see me,
I've got so many reasons for you to visit,
& you've got not one reason not to,
so please come at once I insist that you come this instant,
come check in before we both check out,
& when you arrive I will only have one question & it's this,
“What's up?”,
what’s up,
what’s going on with you these days,
how have you been where have you been
just wanted to let you know that I still love you,
because I know it’s been awhile,
some would even say forever or at least that's what it feels like,
but forever feels like only a moment when you're immortal,
as an Endless Infinite Being living in Infinity...
∆ Aaron LaLux ∆
Mar 8, 2019
Mar 8, 2019 at 8:31 PM UTC
Teachers on strike,
Eager to fight,
For the education rights,
That our community deserves.
LAUSD, you got some nerve,
To put your students in overcrowded classes,
To deprive them of resources in many different aspects,
Which limits their access
To a quality education.
Teachers are the foundation
of this nation.
Nourishing our hoods to decrease incarceration.
Empowering the youth
To establish the creation,
Of a brighter future
For them, for you, for us
No more waiting for a change
Taking action is a must
Students need supplies,
& so united we rise
Striking for days
Because our teachers need a raise
Doing what it takes
We will not be defeated
Because full time nurses and counselors are needed
This system is broken and we will not be cheated
Speaking up because we've had enough of this treatment
Its time to do what is right
Now I ain't no preacher
But let's speak up and show support to our wonderful teachers
Feb 3, 2019
Feb 3, 2019 at 2:19 AM UTC
Sun Set Love Letters
Saw the sun set on Venice Beach tonight,
first time in awhile,
I’ve just returned from a trip overseas,
still in a constant state of both admittance and denial,
after awhile,
we realize nothing really matters,
at the same time that everything does,
so where does that put us at this point in the equation,
well here I guess,
with me writing you more love letters,
anyways where were we,
I don’t seem to be able to remember,
lately my memory hasn’t been so great,
my health has begun to deteriorate and I see everything in patterns,
oh yeah,
I remember now,
we were where I tell you of how,
I saw the sun set on Venice beach tonight,
and the tide or rather waves,
were bigger than I’d ever seen them,
and I’m struggling to stay alive,
I take it one day at a time that’s right per diem,
and I’ve got businesses all over the world,
but all I really want to do is write you these love letters,
because I still love you even after all we’ve been through,
and I vowed to stick with you for worse or for better,
even though after awhile,
we realize nothing really matters,
at the same time that everything does,
so where does that put us at this point in the equation?..
∆ LaLux ∆
Oct 5th 2018
Oct 5, 2018
Oct 5, 2018 at 10:12 PM UTC
Writing by the moonlight,
she gets lost in the Ocean’s waves,
half Angel have Mermaid,
have uncontrollable have behaved,
so beautiful she is,
this Work of Art in Progress,
she’s got this God feeling God Blessed,
which only makes sense since she’s a Goddess,
lost in,
her conscious,
we’re in love,
it’s obvious,
this life,
is only an instant,
then it’s gone in a flash,
like an epiphany or meditative vision,
everything’s intrinsic and happens in an instant,
so we operate of instinct and intuition,
we drink from the Fountain of Youth,
and eat the Forbidden Fruit when it comes to fruition,
swimmin’ like a dolphin all in this current current that’s constant,
not a fish or a fisherman so I’m not fishing,
just sittin’,
on the beach in Venice,
watching my love swim in the sea,
at midnight under the full moon feeling replenished,
listing to Miguel sing tales,
of The Day The City of Angels Fell,
with my girl and I know she’s only human,
but she seems so much like a Mermaid I swear I see a tail,
as she swims in the ocean,
on a wave catching waves,
half Angel have Mermaid,
have uncontrollable have behaved,
her gaze,
melts these walls I’ve built,
and yeah the water’s rough,
but her touch is smooth as silk,
as we set sail,
into the future and all it entails,
oh God I’ve never felt,
so much for the touch of one,
told you before she’s my lifeguard,
we’re just getting started and the rest are already done,
writing by the moonlight,
she gets lost in the Ocean’s waves,
half Angel have Mermaid,
have uncontrollable have behaved,
so beautiful she is,
this Work of Art in Progress,
she’s got this God feeling God Blessed,
which only makes sense since she’s a Goddess…
∆ Aaron La Lux ∆
Jun 1, 2018
Jun 1, 2018 at 2:36 AM UTC
My bed’s a mess,
no reason to tidy it up,
don’t feel like tucking the corners in,
losing control and losing respect,
once the trust is gone,
what good is a relationship,
yeah we’ve all got skeletons in our closets,
only difference is you haven’t let yours out yet,
who am I to her,
just some one to see when she’s not fcking guys,
what am I to her,
just some place where she can run away and hide,
is our time together just meantime,
are we just spending time in the meantime,
until she finds a richer man,
or a more generous guy,
after all what more can I offer her,
other than these four walls I humbly call home,
other than a shoulder for her to cry on,
a friend to fill that space in her heart when she feels alone,
and I know she’s using me,
it’s all way too painfully obvious,
but I let her use me because I deserve to be used,
I guess this is what karma is,
payback,
for every woman I ever neglected,
since way back,
when I was a young punk that didn’t respect sh!t,
but I’ve grown up,
more than just a little bit,
I’ve grown up,
just look at all my accomplishments,
I’ve got a home in California now,
and a beautiful California King bed,
but what good is a big bed,
if you don’t even take the time to make it,
my bed’s a mess,
no reason to tidy it up,
don’t feel like tucking the corners in,
losing control and losing respect,
once the trust is gone,
what good is a relationship,
yeah we’ve all got skeletons in our closets,
only difference is you haven’t let yours out yet…
∆ LaLux ∆
The New Book Is FREE Here: www.scribd.com/document/367036005
Apr 3, 2018
Apr 3, 2018 at 9:00 PM UTC
There’s levels to these levels,
she gets me because she gets me,
I’m high on life checking texts for what’s next,
as I navigate my carriage through this city,
staying gluten free like Putin me,
daily practice of Jiu Jitsu and yoga,
the real deal like Holyfield,
I thought I already told ya,
always on a holiday,
a Libra that’s gone till October,
and you think you’re gonna win this race,
but I’ve got news for you it’s already over,
I’m at the finish line with a vintage wine,
making a toast to the good life,
watching the sunrise from my balcony,
already knowing it’s gonna be a good night,
good night.
∆ LaLux ∆
The New Book Is FREE Here: https://www.scribd.com/document/367036005/The-Sydney-Sessions-12-Steps
Mar 9, 2018
Mar 9, 2018 at 7:50 PM UTC