#loophole
There is a morning that refuses to end.
Something I’ve been trying to understand,
Something that doesn’t quite make sense until it does.
I was happy with you.
Not in a fleeting way,
Not something I could easily replace,
But something that settled into me quietly.
You felt like home.
And in that home, I found a version of myself that knew how to be happy.
Not loudly. Not temporarily.
You settled into me slowly,
like warmth returning to frozen hands,
like finding home after wandering too long
through rooms where the sound of your heart only matters
But then I saw you with them.
And I tried to deny it at first.
I tried to believe that what we had was enough.
But the truth was there, clear and undeniable.
You were happier.
Not just a little, not just in passing, but in a way that lit you up completely. The kind of happiness I had never been able to give you.
You looked lighter beside them.
Like laughter came easier.
Like the universe had finally placed you where you were always supposed to be.
And I understood something terrible,
Love does not always ask to be chosen.
Sometimes it only asks to witness.
And that was the moment everything changed.
Because in choosing your happiness, I had to let go of mine.
I didn’t just lose you.
I lost the only place where my happiness knew how to exist.
The days after felt unfamiliar.
Quiet in the wrong ways.
Heavy in places that used to feel full.
It was like learning how to live without something I had already built my world around.
Like carrying a life that no longer carried me back.
And yet, even in that emptiness, something remains.
A loophole.
Because as much as I have lost my own happiness,
As much as I am still trying to find where I belong without you,
I cannot separate myself from the way I love you.
And the way I love you has always meant this---
That your happiness matters more than mine ever did.
So when I see you now,
When I see you smiling the way you do with them,
When I see you living in the kind of joy I could never give,
Something in me still responds.
It hurts. It really does.
Like reopening a wound
that healed incorrectly.
But it is also the only proof
that some part of me remains alive.
And maybe that is the punishment.
Not that I lost you,
But that every new day forces me to survive you again,
While still loving you enough to be grateful
that you found the happiness
I could not become.
But at the same time, it gives me something to hold onto.
Because if I can no longer be happy for myself,
I can still be happy for you.
The quiet, unbearable comfort
of knowing that as long as you are happy,
a fragment of me is too.
And maybe that is the cruelest, most beautiful part of all.
That even after losing you, even after losing the happiness I once had, I am not left with nothing.
I am left with that loophole.
The quiet, aching truth that as long as you are happy,
a part of me still is too.
Not whole.
Not the way it used to be.
Not enough to escape this loop.
Not enough to call it healing.
But enough to wake up again.
Enough to keep going.
May 10
May 10, 2026 at 12:29 PM UTC
Rive! Split apart,
up and down
circle both ways.
Let the pearl be
down the sea
and the star
up on the high
find the sky.
Not a perfect circle
yet to scoop the last
decimal of Pi
it's fine.
Let a loophole be
only for an eye!
Jun 21, 2022
Jun 21, 2022 at 4:56 PM UTC
Straight lines
Some curves
Straight lines
get you there faster
Curved lines
show mistakes
show loopholes
show limbo
Every single one of
our lives
have always
will always
be curved.
We must learn to tread
with these mistakes
We must learn to find
these loopholes
We must be willing to be
in constant limbo
in constant darkness
in order to reach the greener side.
May 4, 2020
May 4, 2020 at 7:14 AM UTC
as we escaped reality
within boundless lands
where the golem lives!
where the golem lives!
as we tried to make it
finally finna don't fake it
and as we entered our land
secretly; always warm
where the golem lives!
where the golem lives!
an infinite loophole
children adults and groups
it had never been too late
we had never gone that far
where the golem lives!
where the golem lives!
where the golem lives!
where the golem lives!
Feb 26, 2020
Feb 26, 2020 at 7:43 PM UTC
Where
Weeds florish
Lotus thrives
And yet
We quietly believe
It's okay
Let it be
What is learned
Survial of fittest
Finding balance
Everywhere
Where weeds florish
Lotus thrives
Nov 25, 2019
Nov 25, 2019 at 4:29 AM UTC
Small print
What a way
To cheat another day
History has taught
How to respond
And Play
There's nothing to fear
But fear itself
Knowing this is wealth
Theres one word
A join of two
Reveals theres nothing had to do
Loophole
Loophole
A hole of loops
Infinite
Every loophole has a loophole
How significant
Thats why its called
Loop
Hole
Endless DNA
Theres just one name
That keeps it sane
The name lives to this day
John Hancock
Sign that sh*t
Big and bold
No fear
Showing that
No cowardice
Is within
Is clear
Let the loopholes
Noose the necks
Of those with bad intent
Now thats enough
Wasting thought on this
My mind is not for rent
Just remember
Boomerang
Three little birds that sang
Killed by the bell
Welcome to hell
Theres no one else to blame.
Sep 19, 2018
Sep 19, 2018 at 12:03 PM UTC
Why am I here?
Am I simply a placeholder
Sitting
In hopes of a way out
Maybe, no, yes, I'm just a placebo
Easing my way through a loophole
Accessing every cheat code
Now it seems I've run out of cheats
Taking them for granted to complete
Task after task after task.
Or, have I just run out of luck
Dreading this day
I guess it has struck
Even though I've been waiting for it.
Jun 14, 2013
Jun 14, 2013 at 1:22 AM UTC
Honestly,
people have been telling me my whole life about **** I'm going to have to do.
Exercise, eat right, good grades,
hard work.
And you may call it weak or cowardly, (though, I do prefer the term loophole), but I gave up a long time ago on doing any of it.
I gave up on life, and I've never felt more free.
Jun 6, 2014
Jun 6, 2014 at 11:05 AM UTC