#introversion
Loneliness, is the lemony tonic,
I take, to soothe
these frazzled nerves.
They stand, on end; stripped wires
cracking, into dead space,
talking to each other, in harsh snaps
like ice cubes, drifting
in a sea, of arctic cola.
I serve it, to myself.
Sometimes, it's a sour sipper,
with slouchy bitters; floating by,
in a moody brew.
Sometimes,
it's fizzy, and poppy.
Pink and gold, and bubbly.
As fruity, as a fairy cauldron.
I daydream, sweetly
into its vibrant depths,
as I spiral away,
from the wider world.
...But, when the glass, is placed,
right in front, of me...
I find it chilled,
charmless
and bland.
It burns, in the gut
like garlic salt, in a vampiric wound.
...It smells, of wild resentment
and it tastes,
of violent tears.
I like it, just fine,
in isolation
when I can stir, and drink,
at my leisure.
But when it's gifted to me, freely?
...Even politely?
...Take it away, at once,
this was not,
what I had ordered.
Apr 12
Apr 12, 2026 at 2:21 AM UTC
she had so much to say
so she opens her mouth
but then closes it again
because she heard them talk
their laughter and joy
which she so badly
wants to be a part of
but something inside her
dosen't want to pry
She's not rude, obnoxious
Neither is she shy
She loves when others come to her
to ask about her life
she could talk for hours
but wonders if anyone listens
Because she doesn't like what she sees in the mirror
And is convinced no one else does either
so she sits aside and keeps quiet
because it'd be embarrassing to pry
Nov 9, 2025
Nov 9, 2025 at 1:14 AM UTC
I march
Into the valley of Judges,
Every eye cast down like a shadow
Upon me walking by.
There's no
Sun. The end
Comes
Slowest. There's no
End
In sight. My prints
Leave negatives. The shadow.
Darkly saturating. I look up
In fear of these monsters
At their smiling, squinted
Friend-masked eyes -
What could I do for you?
And the imminence
Of this moment
Tears through
My defenses.
Th-thank you f, for reading- goodboy-I mean
Goodbye, sorry sorry.
Sep 22, 2025
Sep 22, 2025 at 3:47 AM UTC
I march
Into the valley of Judges,
Every eye cast down like a shadow
Upon me walking by.
There's no
Sun. The end
Comes
Slowest. There's no
End
In sight. My prints
Leave negatives. The shadow.
Darkly saturating. I look up
In fear of these monsters
At their smiling, squinted
Friend-masked eyes -
What could I do for you?
And the imminence
Of this moment
Tears through
My defenses.
Th-thank you f, for reading- goodboy-I mean
Goodbye, sorry sorry.
Sep 22, 2025
Sep 22, 2025 at 3:46 AM UTC
I am the king of a crumbling castle,
a hassle to hold but I'm old and I'm scared
of the bold young world that sits around me
surrounding my vision, emissions of life
like entities born in flame, that drift astray
from parents ensnared in the glare of a television screen.
Mar 17, 2025
Mar 17, 2025 at 7:40 AM UTC
The Dungeon Calls
The Dungeon sings
In wincing tones
of wicked things,
the entrance looms
The doorway's dead
The wailing wins
and claims your head.
You run away,
you don't look back.
You know what's peeking through the cracks.
Not one to bare the light of day.
It waits, beyond
while you decay.
The Dungeon howls.
The dungeon's sweet.
The dungeon send you off to sleep.
It's safe, this place
where you reside.
Out there you fear
sunlight collides
with ghastly skin
and telling eyes
so let them get on
with their lives.
Mar 17, 2025
Mar 17, 2025 at 7:21 AM UTC
The thought of a café or club
both make my heart rate rise.
Or going to cafés and stores;
even sometimes just outside.
I’m tired of sitting, so lonely,
so sick of staying inside.
So tired of choosing to stare at screens,
but I’m afraid to experience life.
While it seems a good solution,
it just makes me more upset.
I crave to be there, mind devoid of fear;
it seems impossible, nonetheless.
Inside is comfortable, I can’t deny,
but crushing; keeps me up each night.
I could stay inside my cave all day,
‘cause I’m afraid to experience life.
I sit frozen on my floor,
stomach sour and mind awhirl.
My palms and feet are getting sweaty,
fingers pulling at my curls.
So, I study how to take control
of a mind in fight-or-flight.
It will still spiral at outings mentioned,
but I’ll work toward experiencing life.
Jan 31, 2025
Jan 31, 2025 at 8:45 PM UTC
cold, blue skies
crisp air
and sun in my eyes
breathing deeply amongst the crowd
I feel like an installation
in a hotel lobby
or a decorative vase
with dry arrangements
empty yet amused eyes
peer beyond me
while I’m duct-taped to this pedestal
nailed into a wall
the frame of a painting
sitting in a display case.
Feb 12, 2020
Feb 12, 2020 at 3:21 PM UTC
One common misconception
about night owls is that it
isn't about staying up late,
not to party or to relax,
but the feeling the silence
and the darkness brings.
In this solitude we find peace of mind,
we find the atmosphere to create,
to work and to unwind.
The world is asleep and I
have never felt more alive.
Jul 6, 2024
Jul 6, 2024 at 8:13 AM UTC
7/16/2021
If I could speak to you
I’d tell you how special you are
I’d tell you that what makes you cool
Is that I can see the love of Jesus shining
If I could give you counsel
I’d tell you how valuable you are
I’d tell you how infinitely important it is
To wait patiently on God’s will for your life
If I could ask you a question
I’d want an answer from your heart
What is your pressing passion, I’d ask
What drives you, what things do you love?
If I could watch you
I’d want to see you smile
I’d want you to be safe and happy
I’d want to watch you live your dreams
If I weren’t so self-conscious
I’d be confident and encouraging
I’d want to be intentional and inviting
I’d want to be the person I’m meant to be
Mar 12, 2022
Mar 12, 2022 at 10:57 AM UTC
They say I’m disconnected
that I’m withdrawn
that I wander off a lot
Aloof—someone who doesn’t conform
but what’s wrong with that?
why should I act
as if I am the same with others
when I’m trying to be myself---
---myself, who likes to think a lot
myself who sometimes doesn’t want to talk a lot
myself, who I am still trying to find
myself, who I am trying to build
what’s wrong with that?
and I can feel what I want to feel
I can be happy
I can be miserable at a certain time i need to be
I can be confident
I can be assured
I can shut down
and get away
when I feel like everybody
is draining the hell out of me
I’m just human
A person of my own
I have my individuality
ain't even stepping on anyone’s boundary
if I am like this,
what is wrong with that?
- c.s. (120319)
Sep 3, 2020
Sep 3, 2020 at 2:48 PM UTC
without the burden of expectation,
i flourish the way i’ve always wanted.
i have planted a seed of loving myself
and doing it so ******* fiercely
that it can’t be denied, and it blooms.
regret, fear, and uncertainty have burned
away and their ashes nurture this new soil.
i will tend this garden in myself
and speak crystal clear and loudly proclaim
that i am worth loving and i do it boldly.
Jun 9, 2020
Jun 9, 2020 at 6:50 PM UTC
I seem to be at home on the margins
where I can be alone
with my folly
sweltering in my private bowl of stew
simmering in the sins
surrounding and piercing me
but you found me there
invited me into your heart
where you loved me
redeemed me
sewed my seams
pulled together my crazy quilt
made separate parts into a whole.
Jun 6, 2020
Jun 6, 2020 at 11:34 AM UTC
Caught up in the sweet talk
Sugar and lemons
Coated with walls
Beneath was a clamber
Tussle of heart and the mind
Could say it out loud
But save it in the void
Honeyed and spiced.
Would it be mellisonant enough to be poised?
Mar 17, 2020
Mar 17, 2020 at 4:32 PM UTC
Please, follow me
off The Grid.
I’ve had no lasting verity
since I came here.
I’m getting
so overwhelmed.
They don’t see me through
the smoke and mirrors.
Everything is
quick as a whip,
and I can’t look at you
properly here.
I want you in
tunnel vision.
I want to feel love
for the first time.
Jan 23, 2020
Jan 23, 2020 at 10:04 AM UTC
You can clearly see out
you can speak, even raise your voice
you think you're being clear, emphatic,
maybe even a bit loud
but actually,
no one hears or sees you
No-ones’ even noticed
you're on the other side of the glass
Dec 16, 2019
Dec 16, 2019 at 11:16 AM UTC
The curtain,
the veil, the barrier, the obstruction
whatever you want to call it
that distance between you and the rest of the world
the no-mans land between borders
the space in time between receipt of input
and your output
where all the frantic calculations are made
where all the possibilities and ramifications are considered
before blurting out something misjudged
more thought doesn't always lead to a better outcome
you can overdo it
Dec 9, 2019
Dec 9, 2019 at 11:00 AM UTC
Silence
O' which seals from me
The torment of thy thoughts –
Thoughts not meant to enter me
But sensed in mists of spheres.
In solitude
I'm dwelling hence
For'a hermit doth not lure the cold –
The thrusting cold o'that which
Is plaguing the foresaken.
Solitude, then to me
Is to radiate that ease –
That ease swaning circular and gracefully
on the calms of the Hydriads' waters.
Dec 1, 2019
Dec 1, 2019 at 10:37 AM UTC
alone at last
a blessing it is
to remove my masks
in solitary bliss
no more acting
and trying to please
just me myself and
my mind at ease
Oct 7, 2019
Oct 7, 2019 at 3:36 PM UTC
I wish I could fling the door open
so you'll see the window
I told you about.
We could watch the street posts and tree sparrows on cable wires extending to the horizon of watercolor skyscapes
from there.
But I'm concerned of what
you would think when you'll
also see the vase and
a dead tuscan sunflower
I've plucked sometime
in a long-ago summer.
Don't worry I am not a creep.
I can even make you
some paper orchids
if you like.
I might put one on your ear
if it's fine. Just
give me some time.
Don't mind those
tattered jeans and floral socks
stenched of petrichor
and scattered like autumn leaves
all over the floor.
That's how I've been. Just
give me some time
to clean.
But then that is why
I'm all afraid
you might dislike me
for I've built up lies
and messy secrets
to hide a past
and all.
There wasn't even
a single window
on that wall.
You might not understand
I'm like a lichen-blotched tree
inside a lake of jade.
More like a
dead tuscan sunflower
inside a vase. If so
you don't have to
stay longer in my shades.
But don't just leave me
like a summer
in a while.
You might not understand
why I live
in a house of no windows.
But maybe you won't open the door.
Jul 9, 2019
Jul 9, 2019 at 10:22 PM UTC
6/22/19
I committed no crime,
So why then do I run?
Maybe I’ve run out of time,
And I can’t stand to be outdone.
As I run, I leave clues,
To divert anyone who stalks.
Random things like clews,
I’ve changed basic characteristics.
Maybe I’m bad at leaving ’em, unless
The detectives are bad at reading.
But they find me nonetheless,
As I try to explain this misunderstanding.
I argue my case – innocence,
They are not convinced.
I plead guilty – acquiescence,
They pick up on the nuanced.
Why is everything backwards?
No one understands me.
Headache and confusion afterwards,
With me no one seems to agree.
But then the detective joins me,
They don’t turn me in.
I can’t grasp it, should I flee?
My emotional reserve, dried like a raisin.
Jun 22, 2019
Jun 22, 2019 at 6:22 PM UTC
6/15/19
You are a most fragile thing,
Yes, and you’re rarely found pure,
Refreshing like a mountain spring,
He who lacks you is honestly poor.
People fear your genuine company,
Your attendance can be lonely.
So they take you into custody,
To destroy you, thinking of self only.
The collective chaos of your absence,
Somehow they thrive on it.
What they carelessly lack is balance,
We don’t get along in the least bit.
You are a most difficult thing to disturb,
You bring such a pensive atmosphere.
Distracted by other things perturbs,
But just like that, you disappear.
Jun 18, 2019
Jun 18, 2019 at 11:43 PM UTC
alone in my room
and a blessing it is
to put away my masks
in solitary comfort
peace and freedom
to be exactly who i am
in this moment
May 19, 2019
May 19, 2019 at 2:07 PM UTC
arms and legs bound
trapped in a pine box
gasping for air
a feeling that chokes my gut
when a moment of solitude
escapes me
May 11, 2019
May 11, 2019 at 5:17 PM UTC