#insta
Fifteen years on earth, about ten of them conscious, I’m beginning to think I lost it.
Seven year old self would think he would be with a girl with the looks of a dove, he thought he would be a fierce, stone cold player like a fox
but at fifteen it's a boy that he loves.
It really took acceptance, it really took thought, it really took every vein in my body that pumps to my heart to know that I’m me. Every fragment of my brain fought the truth for all these years, all the assumptions of being gay shooting through my ears, I was once soft, then became hard, but the balled up fists went to wiping tears. I was never angry at what they said, it became common since youth, I was angry that I would one day have to say it’s the truth.
I don’t even remember the time, I guess time is damning, all I know is that it hit me. “You’re a guy Bracyn, You’re a guy”, that night that stigma died when I told my best friend I was bi. It felt like summer in snow, a high when I was low. The words “I accept you” “I’m so proud” turned me into a dove instead of crow. In the present I can’t say I was because I am. I preached to my cousin, she was the same. The dominoes were stacking in the very right place. In your favorite little story they all get knocked down, my mom saw the boy and they all made sound. Rows and rows, made stacks and stacks, I will never forget how she’d react.
Three days post, she finally opened up her message, her words were like Harvard because she said “I was accepted”.
Wednesday, I could never downplay. I want to shed tears every time it crosses my mind. It was my first time seeing him in person. I felt every caterpillar in my chest crack the cocoon and the felt butterflies rest. I would swing on that swing every chance that I could. Stare at the bridge and smell the old man’s wood. I would walk to that park for years and years, and rest my hands in between your fingers. I would hug you over, and over again. In front of my mom, in front of my friends. I would lock eyes with you for the longest duration, I could stare forever, never impatient.
We were boundless, and lawless. No money involved, it was costless. The nights on the phone and my heart racing during texts. You telling me goodnight before we would rest.
I regret everything… I wish I never found love. Because without you, it’s an empty hug, an empty mug, a placebo drug. You made me happy plus happy, but you’re subtracted, so now I’m stuck.
I’ve been exiled from Verona not by Prince but by mother. But I can’t move to the next and find another. I would have to beg for a pardon, beg for forgiveness. It’s hard to put a puzzle piece in a place where it is rigid. My mistakes have been my downfall, that’s my cunning curse, was it a mistake talking to you because this love really burns. I can’t even write your name on paper. It'll burn into ashes, I want to put you in the future but it turned into past tense. The worst part is… I thought I could hide it, but to be honest… I can’t even mask it. Such a big feeling but I can’t even track it, it’s been living in the states, but I can’t even tax it.
The documents were never official…we never signed. But I never lied, glanced, or checked another party. I just needed to notarize this connection. Stamp our affection. But…no label is fine. I just wish I had the right to call you mine. The right to say “my first boyfriend”. The right to say he did me ***** and still go back to him. But I assume that ends… on a date of 2/26/26. Maybe if the 26’s were opposite maybe we’d attract. I just see your eyes close in my mind, the first experience really being bi, and within 4 weeks… it’s goodbi.
Mar 2
Mar 2, 2026 at 6:27 PM UTC
I wake up to blue light
I see it when I close my eyes
frustrated, weighted by comparison
I filter my intensity
condense my personality
I show tongue and teeth but no failures or flaws
I see you in your squares, in all your glow
I want to see the dirt under your fingernails
want you to see me cry, my pores up close, counting eyelashes
Our moments
cascading down a feed that never fulfills
shades changed and tweaked at exposure
I am exposed every day
am I known
I want to see the world by your side
not through your phone
hear the sunsets reflect in your tone
I don't want to lose a bet with myself that I don't stare I don't scroll
lose my evening to a screen
my life to anxiety of how people see me
but I want to be seen
I want to know you beyond your squares
and validation screams content for moments till I review my content
view myself in the eyes of another
a narcissistic shudder
I doubt and judge myself
wishing not to compare not to care
yet impulse is too lovable
addiction and algorithmic luring
habits savaged a daily instinct
to share
to show my life through squares
Jan 10, 2023
Jan 10, 2023 at 3:06 PM UTC
Her love for him
bright enough to
turn his darkest hour
into a sky full of stars
His love for her
fragrant enough to
make it's presence known
to the blindest eye !!
Nov 16, 2020
Nov 16, 2020 at 2:30 PM UTC
where's my mobile, i been missing you
if you were here, i would be kissing you
where's my mobile, i been missing you
if you were here, i would be kissing you
where's my mobile, without you, i'm not global
if i'm not global, i'm not really mobile
good heavens! it's twenty-four to eleven
i have to call shannon but i can't find my mobile
what can i do without my mobile? life is trite
don't know the difference between day and night
without my mobile! i freak out, suffrin' from a black out
i'm prayin' to god, lightin' up a candle, hopin' to find it
where's my mobile, i been missing you
if you were here, i would be kissing you
where's my mobile, i been missing you
if you were here, i would be kissing you
Sep 15, 2020
Sep 15, 2020 at 7:59 AM UTC
I don’t want to live with regrets
They’ll bury me before I’m dead
But sure, I’ll take some secrets
Where I’ll be finally laid to rest
Feb 15, 2020
Feb 15, 2020 at 11:45 AM UTC
No matter how many times
the voice in my head comes up
with reasons to leave
my heart whispers
“Stay. Don’t give up.”
Feb 4, 2020
Feb 4, 2020 at 8:46 AM UTC
i float in the air
and let loose my hair
every time you stare
like i'm the prettiest mare
you have in your lair
Jan 29, 2020
Jan 29, 2020 at 7:42 AM UTC
it's been such a long time,
since i've felt your skin on mine,
oh what a sad crime,
and i can't see the moon shine..
darling, please take my hand,
and dance with me through the night,
watch me make a land,
for me and you tonight.
i'll miss your silver-tamed eyes,
they've always shined so bright,
they make such marvelous skies.
thus, this is why i write.
i like to write about you and i,
and our antiquated love story.
i still remember, even time passed by,
how you kissed my lips so bluntly.
i still see our rendezvous,
right past 9th avenue,
stealing petty kisses,
making silly prances.
i like to sing about you and i,
those secret little notes,
but darling, i won't pry,
but i'll do sent you a note.
i think i should stop here,
but **** i'd miss you,
still i'll be right here,
writing about me and you.
Dec 2, 2017
Dec 2, 2017 at 1:08 AM UTC
It's two thousand and
sixteen -
isolation has never been so
difficult to achieve no
dropped
call no Unseen text certainly no
lost letter will do the
trick
nowadays
there is no excuse to give your motherbrotherfriend for
staying a resolute
island in the internetted
sea of archipelagos, so
overcrowded with
bridges and boats that I cannot see the water unless
unless
I make the
space
Sep 14, 2016
Sep 14, 2016 at 4:47 PM UTC